| | Instant chemistry vs slow burnPage 3 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) |
I believe the answer to that would be biased by the other party. Some men might want you to go out with them six more times before you kick'um to the curb. Me? I think, why pimp me for dinner six more times? After the first meeting, a proper,"it not you, it's me." will work just fine. If not,hopefully, I would have understood by the end of date number five. LOL | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/28/2012 4:45:16 PM |
I believe the answer to that would be biased by the other party. Some men might want you to go out with them six more times before you kick'um to the curb. Me? I think, why pimp me for dinner six more times? After the first meeting, a proper,"it not you, it's me." will work just fine. If not,hopefully, I would have understood by the end of date number five. LOL
I swear those dinners are NOT free. Going out with a man who you are not attractive too is HARD damn work. AND it aint worth the dinner. | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/28/2012 4:56:47 PM | bicyclingGal
I agree with you and the spelling and grammer is very important. I loathe swear words and poor speech so it would not matter how hot he was, if he was not educated and intelligent and could hold a conversation and showed interest in me as a person I would be gone. Of course would he be on a dating site if he had all that?? Probably not.
I would also not allow a man to buy me dinner on a first meet. It would be just drinks and thirty minutes and then see. They get resentful if they spend money and get nothing back very often, so they are foolish to offer. As for doing that more than once with a girl not offering her share I would be speaking up. | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/28/2012 8:30:47 PM | ""I swear those dinners are NOT free. Going out with a man who you are not attractive too is HARD damn work. AND it aint worth the dinner.""
How do you think a man feels, he goes out for dinner with a woman that is not attractive to him and he still gets to pay for dinner.
Dating is a two way street and there are just as many losers in each gender. | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:54:33 PM | So, oh wise forumites, what do you do when there's "instant chemistry" with someone who you KNOW will not be good for you? Someone who's sexy as hell and rings all your bells but who you know is a train wreck that will suck you in and wreck you too? Pursue the relationship anyway because, hey, you've got "instant chemistry" and that's all that matters? Or say, the heck with the chemistry and let your head rule your heart (or other body parts)?
Just wondering. | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/28/2012 10:46:07 PM | ^^^Instant chemistry is where it begins. Obviously if the person isn't right for you, you pass the person up and move on. Is that a trick question?
If they aren't good for you, you don't pursue it. If they are, you do. Not rocket science.
I will agree with ScottishHouston in that women don't enjoy a meal with a man she's not into, and him paying for it doesn't make it any different. Some of us would prefer not eating altogether over a man we don't have interest in picking up the check. I always wonder how long a woman has had to go without food if she's sitting with a man she doesn't really like to get a dinner out of it.
I'd rather pick up my end of it so I can keep eating and dismiss the guy if he's not my cup of tea. | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/29/2012 5:11:51 AM | Well, Welsh, that dinner happened last night.
As soon as I saw her it was "no"; the first impression was not wrong, her way of talking and thinking much different than mine. I was hungry, the food was good, dinner was not all in vain.
Now I have to find a way to tell her the walk on the beach will be a lonely one.
A Text may? | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:05:38 AM | Hey Alfredo, I had one of those dinners Friday night too. He let me choose the meeting place so I picked a resturant closer to home where I knew the steak sandwiches were excellent :)
And btw...I paid my share and it was worth it....I mean the meal...lol
...mae | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:44:48 AM | | And I had a chai/lunch yesterday with Mr. Instant Chemistry. Although he comes from a family of lawyers (good!), he has a checkered past (bad). Hence my question above. | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:46:14 AM | | Alfredo, hope you are teasing about telling her via text. You have way more class than that! | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/29/2012 10:02:33 AM |
And I had a chai/lunch yesterday with Mr. Instant Chemistry. Although he comes from a family of lawyers (good!), he has a checkered past (bad). Hence my question above.
Ooooooh, I love chai.......ooooops!!!.........see how easy it is to get distracted by something 'tasty?'
So, family of lawyers but a 'checkered' past leads me to conclude he's not a lawyer, or, at least not anymore.........How checkered is 'checkered?'
C'mon, counselor, you're not 12 anymore....no more 'sexy as hell' school girl crushes......lol
Common sense dictates he rings your bells but, one day, he may leave a crack in it. You've already made the decision, your brain just needs to tell your feet to start walking.
It's not 'chemistry,' it's lust. No? | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/29/2012 11:06:37 AM | | "back in the day" I would totally jump on it and ride it till it crashed and burned, and get up, dust myself off and yell "Yee-HAW" and move on... Now, not so much, not by a mile, here later on in life. Super conservative and very stingy with my favors... only for the very best of the best, and it takes some time to know which one is that kind... I'd say I've evolved from "instant chemistry" to completely "slow burn" after 40. | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/29/2012 3:30:31 PM | Dreamfire, "checkered" here is very, very "checkered." I don't want to provide details because he's on this site and while he likely will never come on the forums, if he does I don't want him to feel badly that I'm spilling his beans. KWIM? No, he's not and never was a lawyer, although his dad was and brother is an appellate judge.
It's lust (he's good looking) AND chemistry (he's smart and a good talker, and we have a lot in common). I'm helpless with the really smart ones, dang it; that's my Achilles heel. But I think he'd leave a crack in my life pretty much right away, so he's not a candidate for anything except activity partner or perhaps friend, and even those would be me taking a risk of getting sucked in.
I have this hilarious vision in my mind of the Robot from "Lost in Space" careening about and waving his arms wildly, shouting, "Danger, danger, Will Robinson!" LOL | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/29/2012 4:22:06 PM | @ BicyclingGal-
Yes, I understand completely, of course, in this case, 'smart and a good talker' could also reflect manipulative behavior. My father was incredibly charming but not in a good way.
I have this hilarious vision in my mind of the Robot from "Lost in Space" careening about and waving his arms wildly, shouting, "Danger, danger, Will Robinson!" LOL
Oh, you're not alone. I believe I have used that very line....LOL | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/29/2012 4:35:05 PM | Now I have to find a way to tell her the walk on the beach will be a lonely one.
------------
You heartbreaker you... | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:43:02 PM | Used the phone.
BicyclingGal, sometime, silence is the best approach.
Mae, how I wish we could share a meal and some humor! | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/30/2012 10:57:27 PM | I have this hilarious vision in my mind of the Robot from "Lost in Space" careening about and waving his arms wildly, shouting, "Danger, danger, Will Robinson!" LOL
Oh I can so relate. I've dated men like that where I heard "danger, danger" as well, but still...... sooo tempted to let my lust filled body take over...*evil grin*
Mae, how I wish we could share a meal and some humor!
Nice thought :)
...mae | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/30/2012 11:17:12 PM | Bicycling Gal...you have it right...the instant chemistry can be explosive if mixed improperly. Dangerous, handle with extreme caution that one.
An initial attraction is okay but like you said, a pretty apple can have a wormy rotten core. No one can hide their true selves forever which is why if the person is receptive, not totally unforunate looking and seems to be a reasonably decent sort, I will reserve making a decision yes or no until I know him better. It also gives him the same opportunity to say yes or no to me. So far this approach has worked wonderfully well. Dating is a process that requires some patience...and I like VT's analogy on that. | |
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Fifi47
| | Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 69 | |
| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/31/2012 2:04:41 AM | | Why do people have to send a text or email or phone someone if they are not interested after a first meet? If I meet someone and he does not contact me again after meeting I get the hint. I always send communication after meeting saying thanks for meeting, dinner etc., but do not do anything else, as I put the ball in his court then so to speak. If I were to receive coorespondence from him after meeting telling me what is "wrong" with me and why he does not see "lust" in our future (last time I thought about it it takes two to tango and many times there has been no "lust" on my part after meeting either, but silence was golden). Sometimes instant chemistry leads to a bad explosion, slow burns have a lasting effect. | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/31/2012 9:36:53 AM | | I truly believe that meeting a person after minor chit chat works for me.. I have had men who chat and chat and chat,,then its they are shy,,you only see them on here later in the night,Hmm I think they are bored, or something..lol... I have even had them say that there is no one who interests them except me..But if you mention a meeting or coffee or anything,,big excuses,,So meeting someone decifers true intent versus time killers.. When you meet after a few conversations you get a better feel for the person. I feel you will know if this person is what the profile reads or bull crap..its easy to write alot about yourself that isnt true,,but face to face you can read a person alot better..Maybe its my youthfully challenged age but like the old fashion way of holding a conversation, eye contact says alot. If they are speaking to you and looking everywhere else except you thats a huge message. I know pretty much if the person I just met is for me or not,,and worth the time to get to know them better. | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 7/31/2012 9:59:51 AM |
Sometimes instant chemistry leads to a bad explosion, slow burns have a lasting effect.
Never had instant chemistry lead to a bad explosion, however have seen it die on the vine after getting to know more about them. So someone who I might have been initially attracted to can become non attractive. However have not developed the opposite meaning if no initial chemistry was there it never developed. So now I go on instant chemistry and hope it grows to a raging fire after getting to know more about them.. so far it has not. | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 8/3/2012 9:48:55 PM | | Instant chemistry 1st you need a spark to start a fire. When I'm cold I want instant heat, I don't want to gather wood for two months and then try to start a fire and find we don't have any matches...lol | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 8/7/2012 4:19:52 PM | Oh, I'll talk one slow burn, please.
Three reasons:
1. Psychologists will tell you that the greater the chemistry at the start, the bigger the "challenges" later on (gotta love that tactful word).
2. I was married for 15 years to a man who was a slow burn. Funny thing is that either/both sexual and emotional contact make the person "grow" on us. The guy who starts out looking really goofy-looking turns into a handsome prince after a couple of years together.
3. What makes a relationship work is how our mind and heart relates to the other person. This has little to do with chemistry, and everything to do with getting to know and appreciate who that other person is. | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 8/8/2012 9:33:35 AM | | Sigh....I think I am tending to agree with Miss Rose! At my ripe old age, am learning that instant turn on fades after a time. You then get to deal with the aftermath. Instant turn on puts blinders on you at the moment in time. All too late, you suffer the consequences. I am thinking sure, a general attraction. Then, after you get to see how the man is on the inside, he automatically becomes more handsome on the outside if he treats your mind right...Am rambling here I think but hope it makes sense? | |
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| Instant chemistry vs slow burn
Posted: 8/8/2012 10:14:00 AM | Instant turn-on, slow burn....haven't felt anything in a long, long time, not even a little smoke.....Maybe my there's something wrong with my "sensors"...lol
...mae | |
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