| | The more people I datePage 3 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | | If I get to the point where we are going to meet I am pretty excited to meet them BUT it never goes past that. | |
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pfif
| | Joined: 7/21/2012
Msg: 52 | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 12:56:39 PM | Unrealistic expectations are the main reason many people don't get anywhere on this site. It's all very well bleating about not settling for second best but life is about compromise. What if you're in a great job but get made redundant, are you never going to work for the rest of your life because no other job will come close.
Comparing a current date with a former partner is self defeating.
And if you finally meet this dream man who fulfills all your unrealistic demands and expectations, why should he date you ? | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 1:33:21 PM | | That's very true about compromise. No one is perfect, naturally, but if you meet someone who's wonderful, then you have to accept them the way they are because they're not going to change. There's usually going to be something about the relationship that isn't what you ideally want, but that's life and you have to be able to roll with it. Either that or move on | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 1:53:09 PM | Keep your option open, Be flexible, accept mistakes, and simplify yourself....you will see a lot of beauty.When people have too many choices, they can not decide....narrow it down and make thing easier....
Dating too many man or looking for a solid relationship are two different thing | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 2:16:44 PM | | My perspective on dating is finding someone with whom I click rather than someone who exceeds those whom I've previously dated in some or all characteristics. To do otherwise would leave me forever unhappy with whomever I have, no matter how great we might be together. Each lady is an individual and is spectacular in her own way. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 5:18:13 PM |
The more men I date, the more my expectations change. I am now capable of enjoying a man's company simply for the entertainment without looking for a "relationship" in every single guy who happens to want to share an evening.
I'm having much more fun and I'm going out a whole lot more.
Probably making yourself look alot more appealing and respectable while you're at it too. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/26/2012 9:47:16 PM | Unrealistic expectations are the main reason many people don't get anywhere on this site. It's all very well bleating about not settling for second best but life is about compromise. What if you're in a great job but get made redundant, are you never going to work for the rest of your life because no other job will come close.
Comparing a current date with a former partner is self defeating.
Apples and oranges. I will work like a dog at a job I hate while applying and interviewing for the job I do want. Should we look at dating like that???
Scottish, you are obviously unfamiliar with the joke being referred to. Please go here and read, and then you will understand
come on let's get real. Most men think his having employment and some of his hair makes him a great catch. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:57:47 AM |
Apples and oranges. I will work like a dog at a job I hate while applying and interviewing for the job I do want. Should we look at dating like that???
No we shouldn't. But I know a lot of married folk who do! 
come on let's get real. Most men think his having employment and some of his hair makes him a great catch.
Heehee. And if he doesn't live with his Mum, then he is on a par with George Clooney. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:55:38 AM |
come on let's get real. Most men think his having employment and some of his hair makes him a great catch.
In the same way that some women think possession of a vagina makes them God's gift to men. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:42:02 AM | Awesome MrMatt! HaHaHa
I earn a decent living so I can be a good provider and take care of take care of others.
So yeah, that does contribute to me being a great catch. I'm generous too. Love doesn't pay the bills. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 11:12:06 AM | Ever notice sometimes you meet someone who has almost none of the qualities you're looking for yet you're crazy about them? Same goes for someone who has most of the qualities you're looking for yet you have no interest.
Be open to possibilities with someone who initially doesn't appear to be a match. Don't let yourself become so picky that you end up alone. Not one of us is perfect yet lots manage to be happy in relationships. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 11:58:38 AM | "Ever notice sometimes you meet someone who has almost none of the qualities you're looking for yet you're crazy about them"
I like that a lot!!
I am always amazed that people walk around this place(figuratively speaking) with a clipboard checking things off on a list, like shopping in a grocery store, expecting lightning to strike, when someone has all the required fields they check off! LOL
IMO, and it is just that my opinion. The idea of trying to find that perfect mate, who is the right age, right height, the required BMI, an IQ that is __, and the slew of other things, makes me ill. Men or women are not a suit of clothes, or a pair of shoes, or a laptop...they are messy, individualistic, baggage carrying, flawed folks who are the result of their education, family life and experiences...no matter what age they are.
It's great to draw on your experience in life, and say I don't want that, because of something that happened to you in the past. The problem is, IT'S NOT THE SAME PERSON!! Because someone exhibits similar traits to someone you were in a relationship with, doesn't mean they are the same..make sure before you assume they are.
"Don't let yourself become so picky that you end up alone"
I'm not so sure about that! Again IMO, some people would be better off alone, until they can come to terms with reality. Then again, some people frankly would be better off alone for the rest of their lives..based on some very real and impossible expectations! You know them, many of you have met them..how quickly resentment will build when you fail to meet their expectations, or worse meet them and give all and receive nothing in return.
My own requirements are not simple..I require a female who is breathing! Hahahaha!! Unfortunately, I hold some beliefs and opinions, that I recognize MAY be a major problem for others to consider. So I put them out there in my profile, so they know what I am like, what I consider important. If they read that and say "hey I'll give that a shot"...great! If not, I'm ok with who I am, and would rather not be in a relationship where I have to consider everything I say, because they may not agree.
some thoughts... | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:21:04 PM |
Scottish, you are obviously unfamiliar with the joke being referred to. Please go here and read, and then you will understand
ScottishHouston
come on let's get real. Most men think his having employment and some of his hair makes him a great catch.
This is unclear. Does that mean that you read the joke and disagree with the basic premise, or you didn’t read the joke because you can’t be bothered and will continue to make comments without even a clue what the subject is?
And let’s break down your actual sentence here. Are you trying to say that “most men” (the majority of all men) think that they themselves are a great catch simply because they have a job and some hair? Or were you referring to some nebulous “he”, someone who had posted earlier in this thread?
I cannot claim to speak for all men, or even the majority of men, but the majority of men that I know personally do not think of themselves as a “great catch”. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:29:50 PM | This is the natural progression of dating if you are learning from it IMO.
I got to a point where I clearly recognized a good man and one who was more and more compatible- it's simply the learning experience that dating (if looking for a ltr) is designed to be. Good for you.
Now you will recognize quality men who are more compatible- they won't come along as readily as the men in your past. Be patient, it will happen. Just apply what you have learned to recognize and be aware of him when he comes along. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/27/2012 2:51:13 PM |
The more people I date, the more indifferent I am to falling in love. I end up thinking "well, he's not as intelligent, or he's not as witty, or he's not financially secure enough, or he's not good-looking enough, etc."
It's human nature. If you're frequently out in the dating/singles scene, that can happen. Conversely, if you've been out of the dating/singles scene for a long time but single the whole time due to uncommon circumstances, you'll be a lot less "picky".
And I really don't want to settle.
It's not so much that -- you just don't want to "settle down" with someone for the sake of settling down with someone. Which is a good thing, I think. But it can get to the point where you're more than comfortable being single, and your sights are on the downsides of being "caught up" in a relationship... and things are seen in a skewed lens, and it's an illusion of "higher standards", when really it's just your tastes deflating. That's not to say there won't be guys you shouldn't start seeing -- but being red-flag happy and seeing things thru a negative lens will make almost all of them seem that way vs a more satisfying view in the past. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/29/2012 11:59:57 AM | | OP, who sets those unattainable standards? YOU do! Therefore since you set those standards don't complain that you can't find someone. Google Lori Gottlieb. She has a book out on the topic of women and dating and how they've become too picky and are killing the dating scene. While there are some things you need to be picky about,(chemistry, job, what type of person they are), many of things are just down right absurd. I do agree that y ou shouldn't settle, but somewhere you have to compromise. Falling in love is not always about you but what you can do for that other person as well | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/29/2012 1:11:13 PM | The men that had these excellent qualities didn't have something lasting with you, so why are you allowing your thoughts to linger on these individual attributes and take up valuable real estate in your mind, especially now that they are out of the picture?
It's impossible to recreate something that has gone before; and to me seems pointless. To cobble together some sort of 'Frankensteinian' model of high-value attributes as 'must have' is set yourself up to never be satisfied or to completely move on. Our imperfect selves are what's on offer here and in that crazy mix of who we each are, some see us as "10's" while we might only be "6's" truthfully; and hey, that's okay...that's part of the mystery of being enamored with someone.
When I think back...a great relationship or a great guy was rarely about an individual quality or about individual parts. It was about the sum of those parts together interacting with me that made things great. The other part of this...people vary and change how they are from one relationship to another, because of how they individually relate to other people.
Much better to accept the 'trail mix' of capabilities, personalities, strengths and weaknesses that we each represent/bring out when we are with others and not to obsessively trip yourself up on individual details when the 'win' here is about finding the guy/gal with whom we have the greatest degree of comfort, compatibility and fit. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/29/2012 5:07:12 PM | | If the OP was male, this would be a blame-the-victim fest. Just saying. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/31/2012 6:58:52 AM | You're going to have to settle.
There's no such thing as Mr. Perfect.
All you need is someone you enjoy spending your time with, and you are attracted to. Love will follow.
Stop waiting for something that doesn't exist unless you want to die alone. | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/31/2012 1:09:15 PM | what hundereds of emails?
it's tough enough meeting men, let alone one to have a connection with, since most are looking for 'nothing serious' | |
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| The more people I date
Posted: 7/31/2012 5:01:54 PM | lloks like most of the work has been done here,,very little for me to add,,,just this small annoyance...
"or he's not financially secure enough," once you are financially secure,,,,,,,,,,,,isn't that a wrap? your done,,,you are now secure...how do you become "more" secure
so please ladies,,in the future,,could you please stop using these thinly veiled,,,transparent as polished glass,,,able to be seen from the moon with one eye shut......references to a guy who makes a very good living and just say what you mean!!
"or he's not wealthy enough" is the phrase you are looking for,,sure,,it makes you seem like a money grubbing gold digger or at the very least a hooker who only has sex with men with money,,instead of for money,,,,
but we all know exactly what you really mean,,so,,just be honest!!! your always asking us to be and claiming you want an honest guy,,,,,,try being honest with yourself first and maybe things will become more,,,,,,clear
course,,i could be wrong:) | |
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Posted: 8/1/2012 6:09:35 PM | | NewEnglander..are you for real? A man's income is independant of mine. As long as he has one and can support himself that's all that matters. What type of women are you dating? | |
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