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 lost wee fish
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 26
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Sorry, I just don't find you attractivePage 2 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
sorry B - some men don't get it even when you spell it out or so i'm told.

have to agree with Slim - it's something more than a delete/unread.
 nembatha
Joined: 5/5/2005
Msg: 27
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/29/2005 4:36:40 PM
i'd rather have someone say that than to just delete a message from me with no response at all it would show the person has integrety and honesty, and is not just rude and superficial
 Passinthru
Joined: 2/3/2005
Msg: 28
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/29/2005 7:17:14 PM
You heard something you didn't want to hear. It happens. There's no changing their mind and attempts to do so show profound weakness on your part. Let your 'nads hang down, suck it up and move on.






-and Sundown- very uncool move, very
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 29
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/29/2005 8:54:36 PM
Ham,

I wouldn't get your knickers twisted up over that comment. I do think it is a little tacky, a better way of saying "I don't see a match here", would be more tactful. Unfortunately, there are those who don't comprehend tact. There are plenty of fish out there!
 Gotapulse
Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 30
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/29/2005 9:02:04 PM
Well, "why can't they be more tactful though ?" is what the OP is really getting at I think.

Okay, like I already said, it tells you everything you need to know. Now look at it from the recipient's point of view. The average person is only going to really read that one way "You're ugly". Oh well I suppose. I'm able to shrug that off but that doesn't really mean I enjoy hearing it and I doubt most people do either. If you think it's the best way then okay, that's fine but there are other, just as concise and even curt ways of saying it without making somebody spend the next little while lamenting their misfortune of the face. [note to self...remember that line. "Misfortune of the face" lmao!]
 *BumbleBee*
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 31
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/29/2005 9:06:28 PM
I believe that nobody should ask a question they aren't prepared to hear the answer to. If someone asks me why I'm not interested in them, they'll get an honest answer if I answer at all. If someone asks why I'm not attracted to them, the same applies. The truth is that some people can't handle the truth .... even when they ask for it.


If you don't like hearing that people don't find you attractive, don't push it once you know that they aren't interested ..... or they might tell you why.
 Carissima
Joined: 1/16/2005
Msg: 32
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/29/2005 9:40:10 PM
^^^ Bumblebee if I may kindly interject here. Perhaps what is wrong with the world is individulals who simply don't care enough about the world nor the people in it to use some tact in their manner of words or choice of words spoken to one another.
Yes there is truth and we should all try to be honest as much as humanly possible BUT when it comes to sparing someone's feelings I think that a little class is needed no?

I mean remember we are not everyone else's cup of tea at any given moment. It is not fair for others to place their judgement on you nor is it for you to do onto others. I know that sometimes men can be pushy in wanting to know why you dont respond or find them interesting but please ....for the love of God be tactful about it. Don't just go out to destroy someones night because you see fit to do so ok????

People ask questions they really don't want the answers to everyday. I am sure you have been in this situation once or twice in your life before. I am most certain that someone along the way has shown you some kindness in this way too.

So use some diplomacy ....

Carissima
 *BumbleBee*
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 33
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/29/2005 9:52:53 PM
Here's an example, and maybe you ppl can tell me how you would respond....

Him: Long, boring email ... his life story, no subject line, no pic in profile (but includes a half dozen in the email), no questions asked, should've been obvious from my profile at the time that I wouldn't be interested, and no attraction to his pics. A compliment and no questions.

Me: Thank you for the email and the compliment. I'm not interested, but I wish you the best of luck in your search. Happy

Him: Why aren't you interested?

Me: I don't feel that we'd be compatible. Again, best of luck.

Him: Why don't you think we would be compatible? What can I do?

Me: According to your profile you don't like single moms or smokers, and I'm both. I'm also not attracted to you, so I'm sorry, but there isn't anything that can be done. Good luck.

Him: I think you should give me a chance. What can I do to change your mind?


Should I have told the guy that he needs to gain weight, be a few years older, start smoking, grow a few inches, have plastic surgery and learn to appreciate single moms before he writes me back? I didn't .... I just replied that he wasn't my type, nothing was going to change my mind and I didn't want to discuss it any further. ..... and then I blocked him. I simply don't see a need to waste my time debating whether or not I should be attracted to someone or give them a chance.

I think I was more tactful than the situation called for, to be honest.

Exactly how many times should I spare someone's feelings?

I understand that I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and I'm perfectly ok with that. I don't need to know their reasons why. However, in answer to the OP's question, I think it's a fair statement to say that if he wants to debate the issue he should be prepared for whatever answers he's given..... tactful or not.
 Gotapulse
Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 34
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/29/2005 10:00:44 PM
@Bumblebee

lmao! No no, I know you aren't referring to me. As near as I can tell you have more integrity than that.
The truth is that I find "unread/deleted" to be the best. What more does one need to know?
 Carissima
Joined: 1/16/2005
Msg: 35
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/29/2005 10:06:59 PM
Sweetheart,
As I stated in my thread piece above, regarding your situation, i totally agree that some men AND women for that matter can be totally pushy at times.
I think your first two responses were very amicable.
If it were me [and trust me i get my fair share of redundant emails cuz of my pic posted] I would have stopped replying to him after the first two comebacks.

You don't have to explain yourself any further than you already did. If he persists...well soon enough he will go away once he realizes you aren't writing back and playing the game anymore.

If it still continues well....we don't have a block person button for nothing right???

It's hard but hey...we gotta do what we gotta do

Unfortunetaly we must reserve our feelings in situations like these and be kind!!!

But your answers were respectful

So don't fret and get your knickers in a twist honey...it's FRIDAY after all the weekend's here so chin up and smile!!!!

 Sundown33
Joined: 7/23/2005
Msg: 36
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/29/2005 11:47:27 PM
Its not like that, I am very sorry. I know I may be alot of things, but the one thing I am not is a liar. You have a right to your opinion. As well as anybody. I guess I just have a soft spot for the little guy. Thats who I fight for, and sometimes in my passion I trample the innocent too. I feel in our society that what is defined as attractive is wrong. I believe that everyone deserves a chance. and no one should be left behind, or sidelined because
they just dont measure up to what is defined attractive.

But also Ive always held true to the fact that everyone is equil but individuals. What one person likes. someone else may not like. not everyones opinion is the same.

With that. I am truly sorry. Attacking you was wrong. You are a dear person. And you are a person of value, with good insight. and I have always held you in high reguard here in the forums.
Isaac .
 portuguese Mommie
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 37
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 1:31:18 AM
no use waste of ur air space men r like buses come every 10 mins LMAO
 Gotapulse
Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 38
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 1:50:55 AM
That's alot of buses to miss.
 portuguese Mommie
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 39
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 1:55:42 AM
 Gotapulse
Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 40
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 2:02:00 AM
Why, I like you already. I was expecting the automatic violent retort. A good sense of homour always jacks people up a few notches in my book. So is the ability to see humour when it was intended.

Congratulations. Your gold star is in the mail Portuguese Mommy.
 portuguese Mommie
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 41
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 2:05:50 AM
yea i won a gold star lmao y would i get all crazy over that comment lmao i don't take cyber land to serious hun i'm here for laughs
 Gotapulse
Joined: 3/21/2005
Msg: 42
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 3:28:33 AM
That's it ! You're hired and I'll expect you here Sunday morning by ten. Be here!
 danial829
Joined: 6/14/2005
Msg: 43
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 4:25:14 AM
Pics can be misleading. I hear all the time, that i look different than in any of my pictures, ....if a person makes thier decission by a quick look at a picture, they aren't worth the time and effort, they are looking for prince charming/or a super model, or they are plain stuck up. sorry but thats how I feel about that........ And for those that may be asking why........? well, I sent my pic to this one gal, she turned me down, np i got over it. I went into another dating service, with no pic this time, a few months into that service, I met her again by chance. she had no clue it was me. We talked for a while and then dated a few times (still keep in touch with each other to this day), and then I showed her the pic I had posted in the other dating site. She couldn't believe it. I was the same guy she turned down becasue of a pic, but yet we still date on and off to this day. If we lived closer to each other we'd probably be a couple. go figure eh?
 belle99
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 44
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 6:45:20 AM
Argue?????? Huh????!!!!

It's like you are trying to tell them how to think, trying to tell them what kind of person they should be attracted to????????

"Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder"

We are all entitled to our own personal opinions as to what what we find physically attractive in others...noone has the right to debate that with us, or tell us to think otherwise..nor we them.

A single person/type of person isn't going to be attractive to everyone.... what a boring world it would be if that was the case!

Physical attraction isn't the fundamental glue to a relationship, but it certainly plays some part in the initial "chemistry" of wanting to be with someone.

Just accept their opinion graciously, and move on....what's the point of forcing the issue-or trying to change their mind/arguing the point with them? Would you like it if it was done to you? (ie-someone you weren't attracted to?)

Save your energy for when you find the one, with which a mutual attraction exists.... it'll be worth it! ;-)
 Hambone352
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 45
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 6:51:30 AM
I bet car salesmen have better luck selling cars than getting women LOL
 *BumbleBee*
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 46
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 7:09:25 AM
I bet car salesmen have better luck selling cars than getting women


I know a car salesman who does very well with women.

His profession has nothing to do with it.
 Hambone352
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 47
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 7:44:42 AM
Bumblebee, I was just drawing a parallel, I'm just saying that you can't make anyone like you, not even a carsalesman, though they may be good at selling cars, I'm sure they can bomb with women.

If you attempt to "Sell yourself" to a single woman, you'll be seen as pushy, if you try to convince them otherwise.
 *BumbleBee*
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 48
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 7:52:23 AM

If you attempt to "Sell yourself" to a single woman, you'll be seen as pushy, if you try to convince them otherwise.


I'm glad to hear that you've reached that conclusion.
 reynado
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 49
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 8:04:43 AM
hey-

7times is right on! so is bumblebee- this is really what happens. MOST of the replies i have gotten on the internet completely ignore the `what i am looking for' part of my profile.

i do not wish to mislead anyone or waste anyones time, including my own. thus, i am pretty straight forward.

physical attraction is a highly subjective thing. we all have our preferences. doesn't mean someone is a jerk.

however, i must say that for each experience i have had along the lines of bumblebee's or get called names, etc. i gain tremendous appreciation for those men who have HEARD us

this is all real scary to me in a way because healthy relationships involve boundaries. when someone tries to pressure me into behaving as they want, even when it is contradictory to my own interests- this should be a HUGE red flag.

if a woman does allow a guy to nag her into dating him, and lets say they end up involved (a stretch, but what the hey) will she EVER have her decisions respected? i do not think a situation where you are pressured
to meet needs or desires that aren't mutual will ever get better over time, they get worse.

for those men who haven't heard it yet: NO really means NO!

peace
R
 reynado
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 50
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 8:12:10 AM
ok- wanted to respond to the `missed bus' analogy.

we are all different in lifestyle, have differing amounts of free time.

while there are a lot of busses we may be missing- isn't this necessarially the case???

we can only be on ONE ride at a time, we must pick which bus we are taking above the others.


who here can HONESTLY say, that given say three possible dates for a given evening, they would NOT choose the one who seems to be the most compatible????

what this whole thing seems to boil down to is that for some people, the numbers require that they approach this as a process of elimination.

i would like to take time to really get to know everyone who writes me, even if i don't have an immediate physical attraction. but i can't. that would preclude me from doing anything else.

btw- guys (or women)- would you really want to be dating someone who was not attracted to you?

peace
R
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