| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 8:12:10 AM | ok- wanted to respond to the `missed bus' analogy.
we are all different in lifestyle, have differing amounts of free time.
while there are a lot of busses we may be missing- isn't this necessarially the case???
we can only be on ONE ride at a time, we must pick which bus we are taking above the others.
who here can HONESTLY say, that given say three possible dates for a given evening, they would NOT choose the one who seems to be the most compatible????
what this whole thing seems to boil down to is that for some people, the numbers require that they approach this as a process of elimination.
i would like to take time to really get to know everyone who writes me, even if i don't have an immediate physical attraction. but i can't. that would preclude me from doing anything else.
btw- guys (or women)- would you really want to be dating someone who was not attracted to you?
peace
R | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 8:15:48 AM | | I agree with bumble and reynado completely. I know if I'm attracted to someone or not. Period. How could someone else possibly know what i think or feel better than myself. I have had the experience one too many times of someone trying to "convince" me otherwise. It's annoying and sometimes downright rude. If someone says no or no thanks take them at their word and thank them for their honesty and walk away. Trying to persuade them otherwise is a waste of time and puts you even further down in your unattractiveness. Now you're not only unattractive, but pushy, arrogant and many other things. In other words, worse off than before. | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 8:25:15 AM | "MOST of the replies i have gotten on the internet completely ignore the `what i am looking for' part of my profile.
"
You know what, I have been to blame for just blatantly emailing women in the past without seeing the what she's looking for in her ad, and recently I have stopped doing that.
I pass up the "I'm looking for a guy who likes harleys and tattoos." LOL So obviously not a good match there.
I do have, however, scan an ad, that's typically somewhat long, and read it....at times, I think (wow, from what I am reading, I'm just what she's looking for!) I won't get into details, but something about the love of "Monty Python" and "Airplane" movies and some other things involving how our personalities were similar, that really caught my attention, a rather descript ad by this woman too.
I would email her, and say, "Hello, you know, you're ad really caught my attention, there seems to be alot we have in common, and I'd touch base on what we have in common, maybe share a few other movies, and such things that I do in my life that "match" of what is stated in her ad"
And after all that, she responds with "Sorry, but we are definately not a good match!"
And I'm like "Wait a minute (though I'm not trying to convince her), I think we ARE a match!"
But that's just it, I read her ad, thought, "Hey, now this woman is a good match"
I would see her picture, and she's no model or anything, rather ordinary looking.
But I am like "what gives, I thought this woman was a good match, and I actually wonder if she
1. Had someone else write the ad for her
2. Forgot what she had written in her ad
3. She found me unattractive, so all bets were off, and the content of her 5 paragraph ad is irrelevant to what I am looking for in a woman.
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 8:26:05 AM | the problem with life is that we are all car buyers and when we walk through that used car lot even though we see a for saie sign we may still move on because we know what we want to drive. Hey that little blue car might drive real nice but it didn't catch our eye so we don't even want to take it for a test drive. Its not about that lonely little car its about what we want and not too much can be done by that little car to change that.
Alot of people don't want to admit the reality of life. We are physical beings, everything about our life is viewed from physical input, so we make alot of judgements from those physical inputs (although probably not very well). I'm sure alot of great relationships are being missed because we put too much value in our first impressions or examination of a photo. Unfortunetely we are being taught by society to judge a book by its cover, thats the way marketing works. Its not fair but thats the way it is.
So what do we do, we play the game, we change our photos, we change our ad, we learn what works with these car buyers and present it to them. Shine up our paint job, add a little flash to our personality, and maybe if were lucky that cute little car buyer might take us for a test drive and like it or they may come back a few times and find little interesting things about the little car and maybe take out an extended loan on it. lol
So do something different and standout from the rest of the cars, this is a big car lot so be creative...
Good luck
another little used car.  | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 8:28:07 AM | First of all, I would much rather have an "unread deleted" than a reply saying "not interested". I've had several of both and the "not interested" stings a bit more and they both mean the same thing.
The car salesman is pushy and it works. Unfortunately, I don't have that personality, but someone who is a 7 and has that "close the deal" personality will win every time over a 9 that doesn't want to seem pushy. | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 8:41:58 AM | lusty .... I debated whether or not to answer your question, and I've obviously decided to respond.
I acknowledge that Sundown apologized a couple of times, and that's great.
However, nobody speaks to me that way in my personal life and expects me to kiss and make up with them.
I suppose that, in the interest of coming across as a nice, sweet, forgiving person, I should kiss and make up for the sake of peace in the forums. I don't claim to be those things though, and impressions last with me.
It's not ok with me to be treated with disrespect, whether it's based on a difference of opinion or on something else, regardless of the location or how well I know someone.
I realize that everybody has bad days. I am a firm believer that we teach others how to treat us though, and if I kiss and make up it (in my opinion) excuses the action.
I won't pretend that I'm going to forget .... I'd be lying if I said I would.
Therefore, I'll simply choose to ignore posts made by Sundown in the event that he addresses me in the future, as it simply won't be worth it to me to do anything other than that.
I expect flack ... and more ... for posting this decision. I also expect that there will be references to times when I've had a bad day. I understand and acknowledge that I've had bad days as well. However, I don't feel that anyone would owe me acceptance of an apology if I were to blatantly and ignorantly disrespect them on a personal level.
OT: Once an impression is made, there is little hope of changing that impression. Particularily on the internet where you don't have the opportunity to interact with someone unless they continue to interact with you. In person there might be a chance that a person could 'grow on' us, but here there's little that can be done to change an impression and opinion that has been formed.
Edit: Hambone .... as unfortunate as it might be, I'd go with #3 as the most likely of the options presented.
Just curious ...... Why is it that you feel you'd be a match with someone you consider "ordinary looking"? | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 8:50:59 AM | LOL...Bumblebee....I kinda made that list, where 3 is always the correct answer. 
But it then makes me think, why can't they just make the typical generic ad if that's the case? You know,
"I like long walks on the beach, I love to laugh, and I can wear a gown for an evening out at a banquet, or just a pair of jeans....and dont' forget, "Curl up with a good book" | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 8:54:05 AM | | I believe in honesty. If a man wants to know why I am not open to going out with him, I tell him. I also explain that everyone has a different taste - what I am looking for is not what others seek. That's what makes life interesting. My grandma used to say that there is someone for everyone; the trick is to find them | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 8:54:18 AM | But it then makes me think, why can't they just make the typical generic ad if that's the case? You know,
"I like long walks on the beach, I love to laugh, and I can wear a gown for an evening out at a banquet, or just a pair of jeans....and dont' forget, "Curl up with a good book"
Perhaps those things aren't interests of theirs.
Just because someone lists some interests that you share doesn't mean there'll be an attraction.
My guess is that she wants someone who shares / supports her interests, and someone she's attracted to .... all rolled into one. | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 9:07:48 AM | Explain this to me:
Fellow POFer sends mail.... I'm not interested so I don't respond..... same POFer sends 3 more emails (this has happened waaaay more than once) so I respond with "Sorry, I'm not interested"....aforementioned POFer gets pissed off and either calls me a b*tch or says that I have an attitude!?!?!? If I had said what I really wanted to say or what came to mind then he'd really think I'm a b*tch but I was polite but straight forward and tried not to waste any more of his time. So if I'm going to get the same reaction whether I gently reject someone or tell them to f*ck off..... shouldn't I just say what I want???? | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 1:58:56 PM | | OT: It's a natural reaction to want to lash out when something about you has been rejected. Not doing so, and not pushing the issue, is a higher stance. There's no way to make yourself look better by insulting someone else. | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/30/2005 2:18:44 PM | Never argue for the sake of aregueing, that makes you unatractive too !!
OT: Sometines it can help a person to find out why they were found so unatractive in the first place. | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 7/31/2005 7:15:18 AM |
Explain this to me:
Fellow POFer sends mail.... I'm not interested so I don't respond..... same POFer sends 3 more emails (this has happened waaaay more than once)
Boston',
Hmmm I just don't understand why so many guys (and some girls) are such glutons for punishment. Maybe they have latent masochistic tendencies? Regardless of which sex is doing it it reeks of despair and low self esteem, obviously making them even less attractive.
Show some class (a rare commodity these days) accept a polite "no thanks" or "I'm not interested"- gracefully bow out and move on.
-and on a final note, Just how much effort are you guys putting into reading the woman's profile, checking a few of her forum posts (if applicable) and then HONESTLY sizing up your potential for compatibility BEFORE you make that initial contact? You OWN the problem, not her......................... | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/1/2005 6:47:29 AM | | Good point passinthru. Yes, initial attraction comes because of a picture catching your eye (unless you do a search of similiar interests) but then my next step would be to read what this person has to say, even the long winded ones. I didn't take the time to type those statements into my profile cause I have hours upon hours of free time to use up. As much as I dislike sounding picky and arrogant, I had to list some "unattractive" qualities in my profile in hopes of weeding out some of the emails. Somehow, I have managed to keep my cool and continue to respond politely to these negligible guys, but I gotta tell you it's grating on my last nerve! | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/1/2005 6:56:26 AM | Off topic but along the same lines: another scenario which happens ALL THE TIME.
I ask for a pic (at the risk of sounding shallow, but just to be sure I'm not dealing with Charles Manson here). The guy sends a pic but with a warning that it's a really bad one. A) I understand not everyone has a scanner or a digital camera but come on people, this a picture you are using for the specific purpose of either getting a date or at least in some way trying to attract others. B) This immediately follows the bad pic warning: SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? what do I think??? I think it's a bad pic and you were right on! What am I supposed to say to that? Why even ask if you know the response is going to be bad because you, yourself know it's a bad pic?? I have never in my life asked what a person thought of my pic because I don't care. If they like it, they'll say so. If not, they will not push the issue of having further conversations and it's just that simple.
Anyone? anyone? Bueller?? | |
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r324
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Joined: 7/13/2005
Msg: 68 | |
| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/1/2005 7:17:10 AM | | From my experience, women don't take rejection as good as men do. So if you are rejecting a lady, run for the hills or go into hiding because you are in for some trouble. It is no wonder guys pull off the 'disappearing act'. | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/1/2005 8:35:18 AM | | I don't see any purpose or point in trying to convince someone to give you a chance when they've decided you aren't their type. Although it may sting a little and put a dent in your ego, hold your head high, and move on. Why waste time on someone who doesn't feel attracted to you. As one POFer said one may find you unattractive, but another may find you hot. | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/1/2005 12:26:35 PM | Let's just face it. You're not going to please everybody in the world, no matter what you look like. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There's no point to argue with them either. Just block them from your list, move on, and keep your chin up high... Don't give up...
Jody | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/1/2005 9:06:03 PM | Carissima,
Beautifully said...i couldn't agree more...it says more about US when we reply rudely or insensitively and do not try to spare a person hurt feelings. It's a lame excuse to call it "being honest" .
Michael | |
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a_vamp
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Joined: 4/24/2004
Msg: 74 | |
| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/2/2005 12:42:39 AM | What's the point of arguing? 
If someone thinks I'm ugly, so be it. Ya ok... What they say is not exactly gonna cheer me up but so? I know someone else will find me attractive...  | |
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| Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/2/2005 7:56:00 AM | | I'll tell guys that I'm not interested in them as a bf and they argue or try to convince me that I'm wrong. This after I've talked to them for a while. I talk to anybody that doesn't give me a reason not to. Friends are always good to have but sometimes I think that maybe I should stop talking to them. Some of them just don't leave it alone. If someone wasn't attracted to me, I'd leave it alone (hypothetically speaking that I'd put myself in that situation). | |
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