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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > "Sorry, I just don't find you attractive"      Home login  
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 reynado
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 76
Sorry, I just don't find you attractivePage 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
hey hambone!

sorry for delay here, i travel a lot and its hard to respond from the road.

anyway- i want to tell you that over the time i have been here i have seen that you are actually interested in open and honest discussion about the issues you post about.

i must confess that my experience with internet dating has left me a bit `suspicious' of motives since most `why do women...' posts seem to be little more than shallow excuses to blast an entire gender. at first your posts felt a little like that to me too, but after actually following them for awhile, i believe you deserve a lot of credit for sincerity wrt trying to figure all this out, vs. bashing people cuz they aren't who you want them to be.

thanks hambone- your posts have inspired a lot of thought and reflection on my part and i really value that.

Back to the post:

after reading the response to my post here, i realized that it may be the case that at least some emails that strike me as disrespectful or not `serious', may be sincere misunderstandings more often than i thought.

i have really been confused by the number of replies i get that ignore `deal breakers' i mentioned in my (probably at least 5 para. LOL) profile.

there is no question that some people are rude jerks, and some others are stuck up. but- MAYBE we just are not hearing each other as men and women.

i believe you (now, ha ha) when you say that you have begun to make an effort to note and conform to the qualities listed in a woman's profile.

i am struck by the difference in perception about the `criteria' though. you have started taking it more seriously (way to go ham), but for me i have always been shocked when men do not heed every word of the `deal breakers'.

it seems that maybe men and women are acting from totally different sets of basic premises, leading to the type of confusion you mention- you thought you two were a match, she says no way.

recalling the post here saying the `pushy' guy will be more successful, i guess men may still be getting the message (from women, or each other?) that no might mean maybe, if you nag me enough.

i did not start with long ads that made me sound so stuck up. i went that direction as a reaction to the feedback i received. i have pretty much decided to give it up, because if i have to sound like a total snot to get any of my limits respected, what is the use?

one of the pitfalls of being human beings with imperfect communication is that we tend to project our understandings onto others.

i THOUGHT men who were telling me they were my perfect match (very bad strategy btw- ask, don't tell) understood what i do- i mean what i say and say what i mean. i will not read profiles w/o pics. i will not date men who shave their heads or are conservative, blah blah...

the very fact that a man in his initial response will ignore my efforts not to waste his time or mine, `red flags' him in my mind. of course this is proportionate to the degree of perceived incompatibility on my part, if he is a close match in MOST ways, i don't get so scared or offended.

but i do get a lot of replies that assert lots of compatibility when i think there is absolutely zero from my perspective.

so- long winded way of asking you (or others) a question ham:

assuming NOW that wildly differing opinions of compatibility are the result of misunderstandings more often than disrespect- do you have any clue WHY this gult exists????

my only guess is the lingering belief that women mean something other than no when that is what they say. but that strikes me as a very incomplete explaination.

peace
R
 HarleyKat~
Joined: 8/5/2005
Msg: 77
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:40:57 AM
Unfortunately, people DO judge on physical attraction and not on just personality and intellect. I do it myself...though for me personally, the physical is not the MOST important.

BUT...have any of you ever connected with someone that enjoyed spending time with...he or she was almost everything else you wanted...and then the physical spark was just not there?? You can force it all you want...if it is not there, it is not there! A lot of pain and agony is saved with this being pointed out upfront, versus after you have emotions invested.

On the flip side of the coin...I think you CAN fall in love with someone without the physical attraction...you sort of "grow to think they are attractive." Love is blind, right? *lol*

Hambone...I say cut your losses as HER loss! ;)
 blondiebabeo
Joined: 2/7/2005
Msg: 78
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:01:10 AM
I think it explains everything.. They are just not into U... Why bother?? I would add; "Dont take it personally.." :)
 Mrslucci
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 79
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:10:58 AM
There has to be a physical attraction at first glance .We look,we like, we seek.Then we allow the personality part to take over.Some that we find attractive unfortunately do not always think the same.Some we do once we get to know are asses.

It's the circle.I do believe one day we will all find our Homer or Marge.If not there is always Moe's.
 Coastergal
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 80
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Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 8:56:07 AM
Why argue? You don't want to try to force yourself on someone. It's unfortunate that they are judging a photo and not going deeper! So you know what Hambone...... It's their loss!
:-)~
 squirrly
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 81
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 9:02:57 AM
actually I had a guy argue with me and guess what? I am going to the movies with him tonight. LOL I will let you know how it works out.
 SassyCassie
Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 82
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 10:18:56 AM
Ok I'm not all about looks but I gotta be honest. A relationship does not work if there isnt at least some attraction. If its an old pic, then get a new one! If someone isn't attracted to you don't take it personally, everyone finds different things attractive, just gotta find the person for you.
 Coastergal
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 83
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Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 10:49:36 AM
Squirrly~~ I'll be anxious to hear how it works!
I've gone out with men that have great personalities but wouldn't didn't really jump out at me in my attraction scale. My ex and i went out on 3 dates before I became really attracted to him. He was a wonderful man, friend, lover. I'm so glad that I didn't judge his book by his cover! :-)~
 Hambone352
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 84
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 10:55:38 AM
"actually I had a guy argue with me and guess what? I am going to the movies with him tonight. LOL I will let you know how it works out. "

Wow...see, persistance does pay off! LOL. But, in most cases, you just wind up irritating the girl...also....seeing that your an older woman..(not taking a shot at your age, you're an attractive woman)....younger women would probably would've reported him or if in real life, filed a restraining order on his persistance. lol

Back in the old days, a guy would do rather "odd and weird" things to win a woman's attention....what was done back then, would be considered illegal today...ie following her around.
 squirrly
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 85
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 10:59:01 AM
^^^ well hambone, he's a similar age to myself and he wasn't annoying about it. Had a sense of humour about it.
 Hambone352
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 86
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 11:05:04 AM
True squirrly, its not what you say, but how you say it.
 ottawarugbygirl
Joined: 12/18/2004
Msg: 87
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 11:08:26 AM
It's unfortunate...but it's human nature....but everyone has their preference as to what they want physically, mentally, and emotionally....it's how it happens!!! It's the way you tell someone you aren't attracted to them...where it is the key, it's hard but honesty is soo much more appreciated...then just stop talking to them...or blocking them...or ignoring them...or just being mean....TACT people!!!!

Figure it out...it's not hard!
~ORG
 Coastergal
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 88
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Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 2:32:46 PM
Ottawarugbygirl
You're right.. It is how you tell someone. I do't block people unless they are RUDE, I also don't ignore them. I try respond to everyone. If I'm not interested I just say:
Thanks for the E-mail. I viewed your profile and don't see us as a match.
I went on a date with someone and I was not interested. He sent me an E-mail letting me know he wanted to go out again and I have to say it was VERY hard. But I let him know I enjoyed meeting him and didn't see us as having a romantic connection only a friend connection. I didn't want to ignore him... or be rude...
 UlaLume
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 89
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 4:42:14 PM

nope..don't argue...just say.....well, i do not find you very smart either!


So.. if someone's not attracted to you, they're stupid?
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 90
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 9:49:34 PM
I've been told that I'm a plain jane. Did it bother me? Hmm, maybe for 3 seconds, but so what? He thought he was being honest, it wasn't worth my oxygen to argue with him. There is some man out there who believes I am his crown jewel, and that is the man who will capture my heart.
If someone puts you down because of the way you look or because you are "different", do you really want that person in your life?
 squirrly
Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 91
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/6/2005 9:56:18 PM
Hambone & coastegal, you will be happy to know that the movie date went very well tonight and I am sure I will be seeing him again. 3D is quite different from just a pic and someone's personality can make them shine.
 Hambone352
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 92
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/7/2005 4:12:25 AM
Cool deal squirrly...props for "Giving it a chance" , you set a fine example for single women online. Now if they could just FOLLOW that example!


Hm..perhaps I should be "persistant" more often if it worked for you're date, it might work for me? lol
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 93
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/7/2005 11:01:46 PM
Attraction is a very complex phenomena..............

It can be any number of things for different persons........


but there are plenty of fish with various fins...so I guess it evens out..........
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 94
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/8/2005 10:00:05 AM
I would caution any man with using persistence in online dating. It's better to take no for an answer and then leave her ALONE!!! If someone is trying to politely turn you down it's not the best time to try to engage them in some sort of exchange. There are EXCEPTIONS but they are by far exceptios not the rule. Persistence can work in finding a job or other things, but in online dating.....RARELY!
 Hambone352
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 95
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/8/2005 2:26:04 PM
"Persistence can work in finding a job or other things, but in online dating.....RARELY! "

Dammit....guess it's a completely different animal then.
 Manumised
Joined: 1/5/2005
Msg: 96
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History
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/8/2005 3:18:27 PM
I say take all of your clothes off and picket in front of their workplace...works every time!
 Skylar1Again
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 97
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/8/2005 3:27:08 PM
Not a problem. I don't find you attractive either.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 98
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/8/2005 3:30:36 PM
ham Personally the guys that are persistent just end up getting more "no thanks" or getting blocked. It's rare that a dialog develops when someone doesn't have an initial interest, logic would tell you that. Think about it, if someone wrote YOU and you brought up the profile and thought, well no there's really nothing that interests me, wrote a polite no thanks and she kept on, would her keep on insisiting attract you? Being persistent after a time can appear to be stalking, so I don't recommend it at all.
 carribeanking7
Joined: 4/10/2005
Msg: 99
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/8/2005 7:29:45 PM
@Bucsgirl-- sniff sniff....but but I'll cook ya meals,give ya backrubs,wont cheat on you,and take you for moonlight walks on the beach.......I'll grow on you you'll see...please please

Skylar...I find you disturbingly..and alarmingly attractive....could ya tone it down
 bucsgirl
Joined: 3/2/2005
Msg: 100
Sorry, I just don't find you attractive
Posted: 8/8/2005 7:32:39 PM
Darn king, YOU don't have to beg, but I'll let ya do all stuff anyway, okay?
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