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| | Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?Page 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Long story short, why would she be upset? He is not the one for her. She is ( or should be) glad he let her know.
I see no problem.
Be friends? hmmm, that means no sex and just friendship I would have been open based upon them having so many hobbies and things in common, but stictly platonic... of course you know he doesn;t mean it... so I'd say sure but the reality is nothing would happen and we would never see each other again.
no loss either.
no negotiation for FWB I hope, because that would just make her dumb.. lol | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:01:52 AM | Brookfield, I know what you mean totally...sometimes people grow on you..initially you may not feel much interest and then something turns..its hard to describe..and it is without them forcing it to..it just does...you start to become more interested and intrigued. I know..its happened to me!!!
My last BF of 9 years I was not really physically attracted to, but we had a ton of fun...man, he was hilarious..smart, on the ball, super super talented artist at a major animation studio. We didnt work out in the end, but we are still friends even tho he has since married and will always be friends.
My interest in him came from his insanely brilliant sense of humor, fast thinking, compassion and talents...and a genuine sense of decency. Yes, these are all very sexy. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:06:33 AM | Over the years I have been turned down by several men in the same nice, polite fashion. Only difference is I chose to remain friends with them. They are some of the best friends a girl could ask for! All of my female friends are married so it's nice to have someone to go hang out with for dinner or a show.
Sometimes that romantic spark just isn't there but we get along great and who could ask for more? | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:34:06 AM |
"Well, at least he was nice about being a completely shallow****ead who could only feel "the grand spark" for somebody who looks like a Laker Girl. "
Actually, your friend is possibly right on the mark. Granted, I don't know the guy, and I don't know you, and etc etc. But if I was that guy, didn't want to have you as a serious girlfriend, yet still wanted the chance to f*ck you when I feel like it if I'm not getting any in the near future...then that is EXACTLY what I would write to you. And you know why? Look at the thread; MOST people think it's nice and sweet and your friend needs and attitude adjustement.
While there's a chance that most people on the thread are right, there's also a chance all of them are WRONG and that your friend is right. Which is something you might want to consider. I would suggest your friend knows you better, and how you act with men, yourgeneral level of "sensing" the opposite sex and how well your relationships work out, then us. I'd suggest maybe talking with a different friend to see if you get the same opinion.
But as an ex-player, I'm telling you, letter like that; I got you RIGHT where I want you. You didn't take him up on the friendship thing, andhe probably left it dead. But I wouldnt be surprised if he gets in contact again with you in the near future.
Take care dudette  | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:47:27 AM | | My interpretation? A classy way of saying let's have a casual dating relationship that includes friendship as payment for sex. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:49:59 AM | | He senses you are into him more than vice versa. He's taking advantage of this and hoping to have a 'classy' booty call. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 11:24:34 AM | Capn...ha! Interesting take..well, either way, who knows. I didnt take him up on it. I am not interested in the casual booty call thing, or the eager puppy dog waiting forever in the "friendzone" for a guy to miraculously change his mind about me.
My absolute golden rule is do NOT act desperate ...or..maybe to rephrase that..do not FEEL desperate...that's more accurate. Just leave if you arent getting what you want. Leave. Good bye. End of story.
The main thing with dating is to protect yourself..emotionally..you have to play the defense a bit...just, be aware, take everything into consideration..watch for hints..watch someone's patterns..people usually "show you themselves" pretty early on..either by revealing something they've done they think is funny but is actually really jerky, how they interact with others..etc..stuff like that. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 11:32:46 AM |
The main thing with dating is to protect yourself..emotionally..you have to play the defense a bit...just, be aware, take everything into consideration..watch for hints..watch someone's patterns..people usually "show you themselves" pretty early on..either by revealing something they've done they think is funny but is actually really jerky, how they interact with others..etc..stuff like that.
...and that's sadly something too many people forget. It's a good thing you acted that way, for your own sake. I dunno, I'd tend to stick with my own hypothesis, not because it's mine, but in light of re-reading your post again, I feel its the one that makes the most sense and is most consistent with many attitudes of people on this website. Which doesnt mean I couldnt be entirely wrong, you know?
But another lifetime ago, I swear, I couldhit ANYTHING lol. Married women, girls with boyfriends, sad, happy, lonely, desperate, whatever, you name it. Anything goes, as long as you get that cookie, you know? Not saying this in a proud way, just saying it as what it was (was part of the healing process LOL). But manipulators are usually so good, that even inteligent people will fall prey to them. I realised how I was the day I met a girl better at it than I was, you know? She took me on a boat, and I ended up sinking to the bottom. Lesson learned.
But your doing good, keeping your eyes openned is the best thing you could do. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 11:39:44 AM |
Which doesnt mean I couldnt be entirely wrong,
Yes you could. He might have actually been totally genuine.
I feel its the one that makes the most sense
On what basis ?
But another lifetime ago, I swear, I couldhit ANYTHING lol. Married women, girls with boyfriends, sad, happy, lonely, desperate, whatever, you name it. Anything goes, as long as you get that cookie
Not everyone is as desperate, disrespectful or morally elastic as you were. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 11:46:12 AM |
Not everyone is as desperate, disrespectful or morally elastic as you were.
Hey brother, like I said, it was another LIFETIME ago. I'm very different now, I've actually grown respectfull towards women. On the other hand, free attacks on my own character instead of the actual subject of the post kind of piss me off against men and turn me into a desperate, disrespectfull and morally elastic b*stard. So lay back will ya?
On what basis ?
On gut feeling and the position of the sun in the sky at midnight.
I still have a right to an opinion without justifying myself, right? This a free country STILL, right?
Yes you could. He might have actually been totally genuine.
Wow. A real Sherlock Holmes. I mean, it's not like I admitted I could be totally wrong, you had to point out I was probably RIGHT to say I might be completely wrong.
You know, it's very true, we don'treally take the time anymore to tell ourselves stuff that really isnt worth telling ourselves. We should do it more often.
Here I got one;"The more it snows, the more there' snow."
......
...
... | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:00:15 PM | I think that guy sounds like a REAL good guy... that kind of honesty is something I'd really appreciate. And your friend is way off base and too reactionary for her own good.
*And when I say that he's being a REAL good guy, I mean he's not one of the whiny babies who brandish the title as if the world owes them something just for not being total sh*ts. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:13:47 PM | Actually, your friend is possibly right on the mark. Granted, I don't know the guy, and I don't know you, and etc etc. But if I was that guy, didn't want to have you as a serious girlfriend, yet still wanted the chance to f*ck you when I feel like it if I'm not getting any in the near future...then that is EXACTLY what I would write to you. And you know why? Look at the thread; MOST people think it's nice and sweet and your friend needs and attitude adjustement.
While there's a chance that most people on the thread are right, there's also a chance all of them are WRONG and that your friend is right. Which is something you might want to consider. I would suggest your friend knows you better, and how you act with men, yourgeneral level of "sensing" the opposite sex and how well your relationships work out, then us. I'd suggest maybe talking with a different friend to see if you get the same opinion.
But as an ex-player, I'm telling you, letter like that; I got you RIGHT where I want you. You didn't take him up on the friendship thing, andhe probably left it dead. But I wouldnt be surprised if he gets in contact again with you in the near future.
If we were to assume the friend was right, then the guy was clearly a shallow jerk. Something not nice about
someone that looks at someone else and decides they don't really like them and can't take them seriously, but
would still like to fuk them. So they write a nice note to let them down easy, but deep down they're thinking
you don't look like a "laker girl". So talking to different friends would confirm you actually don't look like a
laker girl and the guy was right to not be interested. But he's got her where he wants her. (ahahahahahahaha)
Your point would be interesting if we were talking high school. I can't access the OP's profile, but I'm guessing
she's not in high school and she is actually talking about adults.
In which case, I still believe the guy was attempting to be nice and the girl friend was just thinking she was
saying what her friend wanted to hear. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:23:13 PM | Browneyes, you should be able to see my profile, its up. Anyway, yes, we are adults, I am 45. And I do agree he was decent and my friend was trying to make me feel better by trying to paint him like he was a piece of sh*t. I've met someof REAL pieces of sh*ts online, so I know the difference! He was not one.
And I just had no desire to strike up another "hang out buddy" from the deal..I have plenty of guys I can hang out with that have nothing to do with my dating life, or that I have sexual feelings for or secretly wish we could date, etc...
Maybe that could have happened with this guy too. But I just made up my mind that I wasnt dating to look for more guy friends. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:34:24 PM | ^^^^^ I don't know...I keep getting an error 500 with the profiles...
and what happened to all our smiley pods?
And I understand...I'm not looking for more guy friends either via dating. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:38:52 PM | Your point would be interesting if we were talking high school. I can't access the OP's profile, but I'm guessing
she's not in high school and she is actually talking about adults.
LOL Seriously?
And I suppose the 50% of married men pretending they are not (look itup, its public knowledge) of men on this site....are all high school students?
I'm not talking real world life here, which is usually very different. I'm talking about Internet Dating Website here. Land of the Free for all and the Meatmarket. People don't give a damn. People don't act with courtesy, and people don't, often enough (as was proved in many threads about "I met him/her and she was nothing like her pics") tell the truth. If you meet someone from work and date him/her, obviously you had the time to know them. Someone from a website is a stranger, who can basically be ANYTHING. From Little Miss Crumpet to Hannibal Lecter...
And there are VERY screwed up people in the world, who can do anything. Recent events these days point this out more sadly than I can, which means you have to be very extra special carefull on a website.
And all of a website population needs to be 18 and over. So no, adults can be VERY shallow and selfish as well, ESPECIALLY on the internet, whereas in their every day lives, they might not be.
They just hide it.
In which case, I still believe the guy was attempting to be nice and the girl friend was just thinking she was
saying what her friend wanted to hear.
Like I said, very possible. But the point is moot, as we'll never find out, like OP stated, she wont follow the friendship route.
Too bad,I would have bet 10 on me nailing it right 
Crap, I got fast-posted by OP. Oh well. I still write cool, don't I? Huh, huh? ;-) | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 12:51:12 PM |
Your point would be interesting if we were talking high school. I can't access the OP's profile, but I'm guessing
she's not in high school and she is actually talking about adults.
My point is your point would be interesting if we were in high school and talking about teenagers.
Since we're not, my point is, the tactics you describe would make the guy a shallow jerk, which was
the original OP (Shallow jerk or honest and decent?)
He wrote her a nice letter, you interpreted it as a nefarious plot.
So who's the shallow jerk? | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 1:01:52 PM | Your point would be interesting if we were talking high school. I can't access the OP's profile, but I'm guessing
she's not in high school and she is actually talking about adults.
Um, dudette, you just quoted yourself and commented on something you yourself wrote. That little bit up there was something YOU wrote, not me LOL. Your the one who said that.
I'm telling you that grow people in their 50, 60s or even older act like teenagers all the time.
You obviously never seen a grown up old lady with a handbag full of stuff she just stole in front of my face at the pharmacy yelling at me that she never took anything.
When I wroked there, that used to happen once a week.
or a guy I used to know, 56, who used to try and pick up women whenever he could...with his wedding band on.
He wrote her a nice letter, you interpreted it as a nefarious plot.
So who's the shallow jerk?
AND I didn't interpret it any way. I said it was POSSIBLE. I never said it WAS the case. I said I THINK I would be right. But that doesnt mean I AM. I said it was POSSIBLE.
POSSIBLE.
Should I write it again? I'm looking for the big flashing lights emoticon, because I don't think you noticed it. OP obviously has, she answered me just fine in a much more respectfull way.
And by the way, calling me a shallow jerk is acting like a teenager.
Which proves my point  | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 1:12:46 PM | Although your friend was a bit overboard, it actually reflects how a lot of people feel when it comes to rejection. Most people called jerks & b!tches in the dating scene aren't really jerks & b!tches. Most commonly, it's because they lack interest (attraction).
I think the guy's email was a bit too winded, making it seem like a huge deal. I mean you only went out on one date, right? I could see if you hit 3 dates, but he shouldn't have to go into explanatory mode if it's a one-date-not-attracted-enough scenario.
I don't think he's shallow. Sure, 90% of the time it's really just lacking enough raw attraction being the factor. And it seems to be the case here. If you're fun to hang out with, then obviously your personalities mesh -- so after just one date or even two -- what's in reference to the "spark" if all's been going well? Sexual attraction. Is that shallow? No. We all require that. He could be too picky/sensitive as far as his tastes of attraction are concerned, or even a bit off course, but the word "shallow" wouldn't fit. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 1:17:22 PM | Yah, I know I quoted myself...I didn't think you saw it the first time.
And I asked a question.
Who's the shallow jerk? The one who writes the nice letter or the one
who sees nefarious plots?
Ohh...you answered...you see yourself as the shallow jerk.
Which also proves my point.
The OP answered me just fine as well.
Not sure why you're going on and on. The question was pretty simple to me. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 1:21:46 PM | Yah, I know I quoted myself...I didn't think you saw it the first time.
And I asked a question.
Who's the shallow jerk? The one who writes the nice letter or the one
who sees nefarious plots?
Ohh...you answered...you see yourself as the shallow jerk.
Which also proves my point.
The OP answered me just fine as well.
Not sure why you're going on and on. The question was pretty simple to me.
Your right. I give up. Your right and I'm wrong, and I'm a shallow jerk who interprets nice letters as conspiracies. All is well in the world. Hope you feel good.
Have a nice weekend. | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 1:26:00 PM | Honest and decent %100
I try to make an effort in handling situations such as this, to be very upfront and mature when this happens | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 6:35:31 PM | Honesty hurts.
I am sorry to be blunt: you are not a nice lady for posting someone E-mail on the internet.
I wonder how he would feel...if he knew. Did you discuss it with him before hand? | |
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| Shallow Jerk or Honest and Decent?
Posted: 7/27/2012 8:55:22 PM | Alfredo, I already apologized and said I would never do it again. Considering there was nothing confidential in it, and it was over ONE date, and the guy is anonymous, who is going to know? Either way, I said i would never ever do it again and I never will.
Yes, I am a bad woman for doing this, and I hope I can be forgiven and improve myself...not repeating this is a good start, I think. | |
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