| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:42:46 AM | I believe that there is a distinction in Canada on this...and that 'single' only refers to never marrieds.
That said, I list myself as divorced to provide clarity about my situation. If I come across a man around my age and he doesn't have kids and he's listed as 'single'...I'm wondering....so I choose 'divorced' because it answers that question...
I prefer to look for men that have been divorced and widowed that have had their kids...or who have kids, since I tend to find that there is a difference in a guy that has been single with ltrs but no children...versus guys that have had kids and have gone the whole route. That kind of reciprocal understanding of family life and demands brings a particular level of empathy and tolerance with it in most men; which I find to be an important quality that I'm looking for. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:00:51 AM | It's just for government records. For whatever the reason is, and I recently ran across one. If you've never been married you can possibly draw more money on your social security, but once you get married that option no longer applies to you.
You're no longer single, even though my lawyer told me I was once again a single man as soon as my divorce was final. I never had kids. I wanted them, but never had them.
I choose divorced, even though my marriage was over after two months, and went on for 2 1/2 more years even though I was unofficially divorced. Also single people don't know the hurt of divorce. The emotional roller coaster that comes in getting over the person is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I watched my dad go through it when I was 17. And at 26 I went through it.
the status on dating sites is preference. I'd rather actually know if somebody had been divorced. Because you learn so much about yourself, and moments of clarity come from being divorced.
Baggage doesn't necessarily come with being divorce. Single people can have baggage after a relationship goes south & ends.
Also I've got to mention children shouldn't be the main reason for getting married. Children come out of love. Love should be the reason for getting married, and the sole promise of working it out, and finding more reasons why you love the person you're with.
But I'm getting off topic, and didn't mean to. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:24:34 AM | I guess I could put "single" on my profile but I'm only recently divorced so that is what I decided to put down.
The word "single" to me conjures up an image of someone who's never been married or had kids. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/7/2009 8:18:09 AM | The rule used to be this:
If you have never been married, you are single.
Once you have been married, you are never single again. You are still married, separated, widowed, or divorced.
20 years ago, it would be whispered, that Bobby is dating a divorcee. However, since divorce has become so common, you rarely hear the word "divorcee" and it seems like most people are divorced and calling themselves single. The only time you have to worry is when the married/separated people are calling themselves single because that's just false advertising!
It seems that single has been adapted from one who has never been married to someone who is currently without a partner. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:03:56 AM | To be honest with you, someone who is divorced and puts single is false advertising too. If someone is looking for a potential partner and want to meet someone that has never been married, they are going to limit their search on POF or any other dating site to Single (which generally implies never married). If you are divorced, why don't you just tell the truth? What have you got to hide? If a woman contacted me that set her status as divorced, I would respect that more than the divorced woman that implies that she is single and never married. I hate being lied to. In my opinion, putting in a profile that you are single if you are divorced is a lie. The only time that putting single in your status when you are divorced would be acceptable to me is when their is no option for divorced. Otherwise, it is certainly misleading and I would consider it an outright lie.
If it was OK for divorced individuals to put Single, why would the Divorced option even exist. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:46:33 AM | | So, if you've never been married but have lived with someone or many someones over a course of a lifetime to this point, but aren't living with anyone at the moment, what do you put as your status? Ex-common-law? Or how about if you've never been married but have kids, whether you're male or female, and still never lived married or common-law? Gotta love labels and all they really don't mean or convey. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:16:26 AM | Or how about if you've never been married but have kids ...
You are still single if you have kids, but have never been married. There is a question on your profile for this purpose: Do you have children?
Yes, some people are going to 'weed' you out because you have kids just like some people are not going to be interested if you are divorced, but isn't it better to be honest. By being honest, you have saved yourself and the other person from further problems 'down the road.' As I stated in my previous posting, I hate being lied to and I am sure there are many others that feel the same way. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:25:00 AM | ^^^^^
I'm not just talking about here, as the OP was talking about government documents, etc. I'm just saying there are many variables with respect to the single/divorced status and it's never as cut and dried as what labels state.
vvvvvv snickers @ single and never married as "learning and room to grow" but divorced as "failed with the likelihood of an ex still lurking out there". Single people have been in failed relationships too and have just as much likelihood of someone "lurking out there" - they just don't have the paperwork trail. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:28:53 AM | God , more "if a tree falls, and theres no one to hear it" psycho-babble
Divorced = Once married, FAILED, and EXPERIANCED(with a high likelyhood of an ex , still lurking out there)
Single = Never married, (room to "Learn and grow")
Widow = Obvious
Widower = see above
Single with children=Possible commitment issues ?
Just think of it as an application, or a car-fax .
When i see "Divorced 3 times" I run for the hill's, Why it's almost as if there's a pattern involved ! | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:51:41 AM | I've always referred to myself as "single" when between relationships. Given some of the responses on this thread, I'm amazed that none of the guys I've ever dated, when I told them I had been married 10, 15, 20 or 25 years ago, accused me of being a nasty liar and held up a cross to ward off my evilness. 
Single people have been in failed relationships too [ ] - they just don't have the paperwork trail.
Exactly!
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 11:09:51 AM |
I think you are only single, if you've never been married. Then it is widowed or divorced. Only true way to say the real status with one word. I agree.  | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 9/29/2009 11:26:11 AM | I believe on Gov't doc. they use single-divorce-widow for statistics..
then throw education/financials into the equation. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/1/2009 10:34:58 AM | ... personally think that it's discriminatory. Divorced people are just as 'single' as those who have never been married and are unattached.
Kinda like the Mrs. and Ms. issue from years back. It's a preference.
Mrs. and Ms. is not used on a dating site to mislead or confuse people about one's martial status. It is used in business to level the playing field, essentially. Because there is no similar distinction between non-married Mr. and a married Mr. Totally different issue and your analogy is falacious.
Babylonia....
That it is and should not be a part of who you are.....and with saying that.....if you have children......single does not quite fit either.....or does it????
I agree with cdeacon. I do not discriminate against divorced men. I just think there is no reason to say you are something you are not. Single, on this dating site, given the profile choices we have, means never married. If it didn't, if it meant people who are divorced, there would not be a 'divorced' category to check. So it is confusing. And, as cdeacon says, saying you are single when you are, in fact, divorced, is not saying who or what you really are....having been married and divorced is part of you. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:39:24 PM | six of one half a dozen of the other
same okay just spelt different | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:50:22 PM | | I don't know, nor do I care what divorced people do. Of course living the single life does have lots of advantages. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:55:41 PM | | I think the government needs to keep track because some pensions are still split when you retire.This way they can do a search to see whether some of your pension should go to your ex.Scary. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:56:49 PM | | For me single means you have never been married and divorced means that you have been married. With that a divorced persons baggage may be a little deeper than a single person's because of the union. And if there are children involved it tends to be a bit more complicated for the new male/female entering into a broken home. Not saying the single people with kids have it easier, but usually both parents are not under the same roof. All I really care about either way is that the person I am seeing has everything finalized and that the ex-wive/girlfriend is out of the picture (meaning she has no leaverage on my man). | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 11:04:16 PM |
For me single means you have never been married and divorced means that you have been married. Agree. It's pretty simple. I don't get why people want to deny something as major as having been married unless they are trying to hide something or be something they are not. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 11:09:06 PM | The reason for the distinction is a legal one. Remember, marriages are legal contracts. As such, they deal with the disposition of property, the guardianship of children, rights of inhereitance, etc.
Example:
If a person dies intestate (without a will), their property reverts to their heirs. Heirs need to be identified and located, so keeping a paper trail of marriages and divorces is important.
Some states are community property states--i.e., assets aquired by a couple during the course of their marriage are divided equally. Without a record of who a person has married or divorced, this division cannot be made.
There's thousands of possible examples, but you get the idea. "Single" and "divorced" are different statuses from a legal point of view. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 11:12:08 PM | ^^^Sorry, but the reason here is not about legalities, it's about simple, basic information about someone. I am single. Never married. But with the logic some people are using, that it doesn't matter, I can just as easily list myself as divorced or widowed....it apparently makes no difference. What nonsense. It isn't a legal issue, it's being honest and upfront about your status and your life experiences.
msg 96: okay...sorry... | |
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| Single vs. Divorced
Posted: 10/16/2009 11:19:54 PM | | ismene2, the OP mentioned government documents. That was what i was referring to. | |
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