| | What constitutes cheating?Page 2 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | | If you are doing something you can't do in front of your partner, then it's something you should not be doing it at all! It's as simple as that. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 8:19:37 AM | Cheating? I think any off putting behavior that you feel the need to hide from your partner that involves members of the opposite sex.
My BF has female friends from his college and even HS days that he talks to frequently. He is a very warm and supportive friend to all, and I have no issue with him meeting them for lunch or chatting on the phone. He is trustworthy and I want him to be free to enjoy the people he has in his life. He has never hid any part of his life from me. I am always welcome to join him at any time.
Of course if he was chatting up new ladies or still surfing the web looking to get some elsewhere I would leave him in a heartbeat. If you feel someone's behavior is disrespectful then talk to them. But do not assume the worst. The imagination can lead to all kinds of misconceptions. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 8:31:08 AM | The vast majority of the replies are correct. I didn't read all of them but I got the general feeling that most were right on the money.
Basically, my take on the cheating thing is that if a person is still getting phone numbers with the intent of contacting that person and then engaging in questionable behavior, like sexting or even flirting, talking dirty etc... then that would constitute cheating.
I used to work as a bartender. I had lots of girls give me their phone numbers and stuff. At first I would tell them that I had a girlfriend and politely refuse to take their phone numbers. But that just made things worse. They became insistent. They would not let it go. It was like a challenge to see if they could make me cheat on my girlfriend. I found that the easiest way to handle the situation was to simply take the number, be polite and when I got home throw them all away.
That isn't cheating in any way. Because the intent was never to follow through with anything. Of course the girlfriend didn't see it that way, which was baffling to me. She confronted me with all these phone numbers one time. Asking me what the deal was. My response was, "where did you find them" In hindsight I probably should have not asked the question, but rather simply skipped to the answer which was "the garbage". I said to her, "Since you found them all in the garbage, then doesn't that prove that I obviously had no use for them? If I wanted them I would have kept them in my wallet." Which I then showed her my wallet to show that there were no numbers in there. I went on to say, "Also, if I was up to no good do you think I would have been dumb enough to simply throw them on top of the open top trash can where you could easily find them?"
The point is that both people in a relationship need to address the issue and think it through to make an assessment on whether it is constituting infidelity or not. The OPs concerns are definitely valid since He was taking these numbers and then putting them to use... He was planning to cheat if he hadn't done so already.
Bottom line is that you need to have trust in a relationship and if one of the people in the relationship is doing something they shouldn't be then is erodes that trust. Both partners need to understand also that respect for your partner should also be paramount in a relationship. If you do not wish to be with them or you are not ready to commit, then don't. Simply walk away and avoid the feelings of betrayal and all the rest that comes with cheating. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 8:46:05 AM |
it seems every guy I meet is always texting and chatting on the net. Is is supposed to be a given that most people just do that now?
I can't post on your thread and reply to your question.
It might be considered cheating. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 8:53:43 AM | Warwynd, Just a guess, but maybe she was wondering why all these phone numbers made it out of the bar at all? I mean if what you say is true and you simply couldn't do your job without accepting phone numbers from women...why bring those numbers home? Why even put it in your pocket? I would have put a glass on the bar right beside the tip jar...lol
In the future maybe you will realize that no woman wants to find a fistful of numbers for drunk, slutty bimbos in her garbage can...well, I'm sure some do but you know what I mean. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 8:56:01 AM | | if you dont know hes e mailing,texting other women thats cheating/decieving you im with you , | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 9:58:10 AM | | If you can't or won't do it (what ever it is) with your partner having full knowledge then it's cheating. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 7:09:02 PM |
The reason I'm asking is because I was married for 15 years and now I have been single for the last few and it seems every guy I meet is always texting and chatting on the net. Is is supposed to be a given that most people just do that now? After finding numerous texts to other women before with a boyfriend, I ended it. But it seems everyone does it....so I'm kinda lost here. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
*shrug* Depends on the conversation my boyfriend was having with the other woman. Hell last night my boyfriend was chatting with a woman through facebook. She lives in Texas and they used to play poker online together. I was in the room and the conversation was about what was going on in their lives. He was talking about me... and other stuff going on. I wasn't jealous in the least bit. Went about my business.. I knew I was the one who was going to sleep in his bed Now if he was sexting then I would have a problem.
I have male friends there is nothing sexual going on between them and I. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 7:52:10 PM | Advice?
1. Stop dating until you resolve your trust issues and no longer feel the need to snoop through your boyfriends' phones. None of your business. If you have reason (repeat: reason) to believe a guy is cheating, break up with him.
2. Don't call a woman with whom you think your boyfriend is cheating. Nothing good can come of it. And again, If you have reason (repeat: reason) to believe a guy is cheating, break up with him. All that aside, doing something like that just makes you look like you're Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
3. If "every" guy you date exhibits suspicious behavior, maybe you need to fix your picker and take a good long look at how you get mixed up with these guys. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 8:00:00 PM | | who cares what a bunch of strangers constitute as cheating. If it feels wrong and it is hurting you and it goes against your gut then it is wrong for you and if somebody doesnt respect that then they are damaging to you and you guys are not compatible. Dont let anyone talk you into accepting something that you really dont agree with and that hurts you. If you wouldnt do it to them, dont let them do it to you. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 9:32:05 PM |
2. Don't call a woman with whom you think your boyfriend is cheating. Nothing good can come of it. And again, If you have reason (repeat: reason) to believe a guy is cheating, break up with him. All that aside, doing something like that just makes you look like you're Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Wrong, wrong and wrong. Obviously something good did come of it...she learned that her boyfriend was a total sleaze who's been hitting on waitresses and who knows who else. I've known women who met under the same circumstances and worked together to exact justice on the lying, cheating loser the were both being manipulated by.
She may sound "Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" to you but you kind of sound like a guy who feels threatened by the idea of women talking behind your back. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 9:52:17 PM | Years ago I got into a conversation with a now ex to what our definitions of cheating were...I told him "even just spending time with someone you have feelings for I see as cheating." His response "I'll stop hanging out with...." Needles to say we were pretty much done at that point. But with technology now my definition has changed.
It is a bit of all in how you see it, but too many like to play with the lines drawn in the sand. Some see masturbation as cheating, that's just silly. Phone sex, or even sexting is pushing it too far to me. I see it if they need to seek intimacy elsewhere there's a problem not being addressed and a real lack of communication. Intimacy ( not just sex ) can be the glue that keeps it together. Letting other's get in the middle of that is just asking for trouble.
Simply, don't let society decide what your suppose to be comfortable with. Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean it will work for you or you should have to put up with it if it's something that bothers you. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 10:09:16 PM | If you wouldn't do it in there face...don't do it behind their backs. Simple as it seems, it works for me.
penis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No need to shout dear, my hearing is just fine. :-P | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 10:15:24 PM | "lovefun99" writes:
"If you have no trust, get out of the relationship." Very good advice--to which I add:
Old Russian saying: Trust, but verify. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/7/2012 10:29:03 PM |
Old Russian saying: Trust, but verify
And all this time I thought it was Reagan. Damn American, public school, Texas made text books! | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/8/2012 12:38:36 AM | how do people get to be so insecure? Seriously, if i was forced to no longer chat to or greet or farewell my oldest friends with a hug, or catch up over texts or the net or go out for a coffee with.........well it'd never get as far as being forced to give it all I would and have walked away from someone who had an issue with all those things.
Associating with the other sex is NOT cheating, being on an intimate level, whether it be conversation or actions is. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/8/2012 8:18:33 AM | I don't think any sensible person has a problem with people having friends outside of their relationship. In fact, I'd say most people get that this is actually pretty important. The problem is that lying, cheating losers generally try to hide their true nature behind the disguise of "friendship". There isn't anything wrong with friendship, it's the people who are desperate to swap bodily fluids behind their partner's back that give friendship a tarnished hue.
I've been on both sides of this equation, the lonely friend who secretly hopes for more and the guy left sitting at home wondering what my girlfriend is up to at 2am. I know how it works. I also have many longtime friends, some of whom were once lovers. One of the ways which I deal with this is having a policy of never going back to an ex. It's never happened and I hope it never does. Say what you mean and mean what you say, if I'm not happy I walk out.
One of the first conversations I'll have with a woman I am interested in is about how they end relationships. I only get involved with women who understand that it's important to end a relationship before starting a new one. There are so many broken, shattered people walking around who are so desperately afraid of being alone that they have to have a plan B simmering on the back-burner "just in case". The first long term relationship I ever had was with a woman who had never been on her own since the age of fourteen. Fool me once and all that.
If your "friend" wants to get into your pants, they aren't your friend.
If you make "friends" that you don't want your partner to know about or if you find yourself becoming attracted to a "friend" and you just let it happen, then you are a lousy person.
There was a post written by a woman recently who described the healthy and sociable lifestyle she and her man lead. Their friends know each of them and they often hang out together and do stuff. When I read her comment I remembered that it really is important to have genuine friendships. Going into the other room to send slutty sext messages is sleazy and wrong and I suspect these people know it full well.
My take on it is that cheating is the opposite of commitment. Either you are on board and committed to the relationship or you aren't. If you are out looking for a little sumpin' on the side then you are scum. A weak, frightened child who is taking advantage of another's trust. I don't tolerate liars and cheats in any aspect of my life.
I wish you wouldn't either. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/8/2012 8:25:54 AM | I think in my last PM, i said "Lurid txt"
I dont mind if my GF has convo`s with who ever, but emotional sexual chat, i draw the line at.
I think a set of standards are very much part of being togther. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/8/2012 1:47:19 PM | What constitutes cheating really depends on several things, mainly the type of relationship and then the personal views of the individuals concerned.
When just dating, it depends on what dating entails for the individual, for some it's exclusive for others not. There are numerous threads around about that issue, so best thing is to talk about it. In any event, txting and going out with others for dinner/dancing can hardly qualify as cheating IMHO, much less while dating.
In a relationship, depends on whatever the individuals involved agree upon. Anything that breaches the agreement would constitute cheating. E.g. if it was agreed upon to be exclusive, any intimate encounter would be cheating.
General rule of thumb: Anything you can't/wouldn't do in front of your partner and/or with your partners knowledge can usually be called cheating. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/8/2012 2:05:56 PM | Cheating: if you are involved with someone physically and intimately as in boyfriend/girlfriend or dating unless otherwise discussed that "open relationships is alright" it's cheating! That includes (with another) sex, kissing, 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th base lol and now we can add sexting, cyber sex, FWB, intimate encounter, other relationship (another way of saying another relationship is needed) married person/s or any involvement with him or her. Today's world has changed so much that one on one is almost nonexistent, and everything else is eye candy. There are men out there that are looking for a relationship with one woman and only one woman. They are just far and few between. The same can be said for the women out there..they have their reasons and excuses as to why they want/need more.
Note: talking to another woman or man if the relationship is kept "flirtatious free" is not cheating. You have to have some trust in him that he knows the boundaries of the relationship and has the same intentions FOR the relationship as you do. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/8/2012 2:53:28 PM | My best friend is female and we talk and text back and forth, but none of it is ever even bordering on flirtatious. I would say that anything that YOU feel is a violation of the relationship is "cheating" if you've made it clear that you consider it so. The specifics are up to each of us to define.
And as been said, if you distrust someone enough that you feel like you need to go through his phone then it might be time to call it off. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/8/2012 3:51:17 PM | | There is no one answer. What constitutes cheating in any relationship is defined by the terms of the relationship that the two people have agreed upon. If two people havenèt had any kind of frank discussion about what would constitute cheating then the simplest test would be for a person to consider if the other party would be upset or hurt by what they are doing. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/8/2012 6:01:21 PM | IF you two are a couple anything he won't do in front of you towards a women is probably wrong.
So take your example, if you were together would he of asked this girl for her number?
If you were sitting next to him when he called her would he have been flirting?
With VERY limited exceptions, I should be exactly the same with every women whether you are standing next to me or not. | |
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| What constitutes cheating?
Posted: 8/8/2012 8:19:51 PM | Personally, I think cheating in a relationship begins with emotional or secret relationship with another. People like to draw a line in the sand, but most of the time, by the time that line is crossed the relationship is completely lost. Trust is forever destroyed, a liar is discovered for what he or she really is. By the time a person actually has physical intimacy with someone outside their marriage or relationship, then the real loss of trust and love has already gone to the four winds.
Well, that's what I think anyway. | |
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