| | controlling husband! please help need outPage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | If you boys don’t like the thread, why not quit posting on it?
OP, you’ll find someone with a caring heart once you’ve divorced your husband. Don’t drag somebody else into your mess.
Call your family and tell them you need help getting out. If you can reactivate your profile (which I’m assuming you did since it’s two years old) without your husband knowing, you can make a phone call or send an email to family members. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 1:27:35 AM | | Maybe you haven't cheated but the intention is there. Why else would you lie in your profile and say you're single? You've been here 4 months...Not talking to any guys? I think he's the dirt you walk on too. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:12:25 AM | OP, if you are real, and your situation is true, get out, fast!!
Otherwise, you will be soon contacting women support groups to see how to deal with the punches, threats and intimidation.
No woman deserves that.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It will happen. Get out. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 3:06:18 AM | | It seems like you are lacking in self respect. I was in a relationship with someone like that, and it took me a lot of time before I realized I stayed with him, out of fear of change, and being alone...sometimes people feel it's better to be with the devil you know than the angel you don't. Perhaps you feel you don't deserve better, maybe you feel that your love with eventually change him,.maybe he manipulates you and makes you beleive nobody else will want you by using something called gaslighting...google it, I have a feeling if you google what gaslighting means, you may be able to relate...love isn't enough reason to be with someone, and besides, someone who loves you, doesn't treat you this way, and how can you love anybody that would walk all over you. It's all twisted, but it's so common. I've been there, so I know, and it took my a lot of courage to leave, but it was the best thing I ever did. I won't tell you it will be easy, so make sure you plan how you're going to leave...go to counselling to find out why you have little self respect for yourself and set up a plan of escape...consult a lawyer and make sure you have a job, or some form of income so that you can support yourself...it's very hard, and scary, but beleive me, once you realize you are worthy of better, it will get easier and it will alllow you to open another door to allow someone who will love you in your life. Staying for the sake of the children is the worst thing you can ever do. My kids are older now and told me in their later years that they wished their dad and I got divorced because they couldn't stand the way their dad treated me. Kids know...let your kids see you as a strong person with self confidence. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 3:18:02 AM |
Ive resulted to coming on here just looking for a way out and hoping to find someone who knows how to be a decent person
Thinking that you need a man in your life to give you a sense of self worth is probably what got you into the situation you're in
Perhaps looking for another man isn't always the answer. If you're looking to end your marriage, then concentrate on that and your child. Escaping by sneaking around doesn't seem like the best way to go about getting your life back | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 3:34:39 AM | Get out. Don't look for a rescuer, rescue yourself. It doesn't change.
You will eventually feel completely invisible. You might think that things will get better if you try harder but it won't. | |
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ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 32 | |
| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 4:21:56 AM | Huh??? did you say you were married on your forum post?????
Hmmmmm I somehow think this is a TROLL POST as your profile says single...............
Soooo which is it????
Somehow I think coming on here is not the place to find answers......you need to seek professional help and pronto. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 4:26:21 AM | This can't be a real person/situation that clueless but anyhoo................
You have been on here 2 years looking for what???
Support you and your kids?
NOT happening.
Humble yourself and call momma if those bridges aren't burnt to help you sort out agencies to assist you.
Call your priest or your guru..
Get training and a job..any job.
Wal mart greeter whatever.
DO NOT WAIT until "financing and time is right" to get into school as
it will never happen and me thinks your" timing" is finding a man to support you.
As long as you have a child under 18 its not YOUR life anymore..kapeesh?
Good lord.Don't make any more babies you can't afford to feed on YOUR OWN.
Get off online dating sites and dont have strange men around your kid.
You could be making phone calls NOW..Get OFF LINE | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 4:30:24 AM | All I will add about this is, that the reason why "No matter what I do its never enough and I get in trouble for everything," is that all controlling people base that control, on refusing to accept anything that the subject offers.
The moment they do accept that you are capable of successful independent action,they lose the control they live for.
Hence by definition, there IS no way to "deal with them." | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 4:30:52 AM | I don't think there's enough information in what you posted to offer much of a detailed solution.
You say you don't want to cheat, but you joined here in 2010. You've been searching for 2+ years for an out? Or were you married more recently and just never deleted your old profile and decided to dust it off and start looking again? Controlling how? "Get in trouble" how? How exactly is he preventing you from seeing your family? How long has this been going on? Are you in any danger? Have you tried to get help and why didn't it work? Do you want to stay and work things out with him via counseling or cut all ties and leave? What kind of assistance do you need?
Too many questions, not enough facts, sorry.
The only help I can offer is look within for the caring heart you seek. Care enough to take steps toward bettering your situation - whether through counseling, intervention, two tickets the hell out of there, or what have you. You can dangle your hair out the tower all you want, but the only one who can save you at this point is you. Make some phone calls and get some help. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 6:59:13 AM | singlemom8722 is actively seeking a relationship. profile headline... "HONESTY, LOYALTY AND TRUST"
married woman advertising herself as single to alllll the available men out there.
comes to the forum to ask about her "controlling husband", boo hoo where is a caring heart.
too bad you can't hide that kid, or you'd probably lie about that too.
you seem to be fully in control of your situation if you see what i'm sayin'.
how selfish and self-serving, though. by the looks of it, he should be divorcing you for infidelity.
i have no pity for people who create their own bizarro world situations via such brazen and willful dishonesty. if you REALLY wanted the kind of help you're asking for, you wouldn't be looking for it on a dating site while claiming to be single, you'd be dialing for a family counseling referral in your neighborhood.
oh and what was the comment about being fearless? somebody is pulling our leg. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 7:12:08 AM | So your daughter is three years old and you have been on POF acting like your single for 2+ years? How long have you been married? Just over 3 years? Did you have to get married because you got pregnant?
Maybe your husband is upset that you don't give him attention anymore, maybe he knows you are on dating sites and is frustrated so he passively/aggressively takes it out on you by trying to control what you do because he does not trust you.
I would certainly like to hear his side of the story.
You want out, then get out. simple. or you could just tell him you have been looking for someone new for over 2 years... | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 7:46:47 AM | Again and again, I just want to tell whoever saying that she/he is controlled by a spouse or partner that Ann Landers (she passed away) had helped me to open my eyes and my mind.
Once I read one of her articles about this woman telling her about how her husband was controlling and lazy. She did everything for him, but he was never happy and complaining all the times. She even set the alarm for him to get up in the morning to go to work. But every morning, he slept more and woke up later and was late for work and blamed her for not waking him up. She was fed up but did not know what to do. So she asked Ann Landers what she should do. Ann Landers said: "No one can have anyone else to control her life unless she lets him to." I remember that forever.
I used to try my best to do everything to make my ex happy. I always kept the house clean, did laundry for him and ironed his clothes, and always wanted to try to make different kinds of food and wanted to improve myself, but he was never happy and always complained too. After I read that article, I changed a lot. I told him to iron his own clothes and to take turn to cook and wash dishes too. I learned to enjoy myself for me, not just for him.
One of my co-workers once in the staff room told us that her husband was very difficult and picky. She worked full time and on her days off, she vacuumed the floor, and her husband was watching tv and complained "it's too noisy, can you leave it till when I'm not here?" I thought "omg". If I were in that situation, I would push the vacuum cleaner in to his hands and made him to stand up to do the cleaning.
When I was 20 something, I was very meek, shy, quiet and would like to do everything to make others happy. But eventually, I learned that there are some people who are very mean and want to take advantage of others, I was tired of that. I would not put up with that anymore.
Stand up for yourself and speak up directly to the person who is controlling you for whatever you think is right. Don't let others bully you. | |
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wth7
| | Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 39 | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 7:55:05 AM | I am confused by your post. Are you single or actually married to this man? Is he the father of your child or just a azzhat of a BF?
If you are not married then talk to your family. Tell them exactly how you feel, how threatened you are by him and ask for their help in relocating. If you are married still talk to the family and ask for assistance in finding a good attorney.
Do not worry about how a 3 year old will react being removed from a dysfunctional environment. The separation at first will be tough but being in a healthy home will have the best outcome. But stop trolling the Internet looking for a new BF until you settle things with your husband/BF. No one can save you, but you. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 9:32:31 AM | | first off he got the problem not you(insecure). you need too get out as fast as poss, NO MATTER WHAT you do never please him.its caustic effect on your self esteem and on your childs future.trouble with controlling knuckledraggers is they can never change, appear charming to everyone else,work by cutting you off from family/friends.that way your easier to control (no support network/isolated).it only get worse has to keep you scared /under control he have to up the ante(3 women wk killed by abusive/ex partners). you need to leave stay in secure accomidation, family/friends.dont go backever no matter what he promises(with child go through courts ect house).inform police if he gets violent.i know you dont know what do /.scared future but one step at time get away from him daunting i know.i for one rooting for you.your vunerable at mo, (im guessing he dont know your on here?) but you may attract wrong one in present state mind,need time just you and child sort head out, concentrate on child.grass is not always greener, in your frame mind might grasp at straws(out frying pan into the fire). hopew it works out | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 10:10:40 AM | Ive resulted to coming on here just looking for a way out
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Enough said. Line forms here (after me of course). Repeat, I'm not in line. Mounts horse, rides off into sunset. Your way out is within yourself, not someone else. Try the front door. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 10:16:08 AM | | I seriously reccomend contacting a focus group as soon as possible. I've seen this go way wrong, way too often. I'm not afraid to admit that there are underlying psychological damages here that I'm hardly qualified to advise on. God bless. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 10:38:18 AM | | Like a lot of people are saying on here, you need to help yourself and get out of the situation. Not even your controlling husband can control that accept you. Help yourself by getting out of it. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 10:44:26 AM | geez woman you WONT FIND YOUR ANSWER on here hun
sort it between the pair of you... there is someone else out there for everyone when your ready.
GET RID GET SORTED THEN LOOK BE HONESTLY SINGLE AND HAVE FUN!!! | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 10:50:26 AM |
Not even your controlling husband can control that accept you. Help yourself by getting out of it.
That is precisely what I meant by my comment...baseline logic isn't enough in this situation. If it were as simple as baseline logic, it wouldve been easy. That is how I know that there are underlying psychological damages. Those transcend logic, which (history lesson alert) is the premise of basic psychological study. Such a hard topic to surmount, and (unfortunately), beyond the scope of my skillset. | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 11:03:29 AM | Oh my husband is so controlling! He's always like, "you shouldn't be on these dating sites, we are married, remember?" Or he will be like, "hey hunny, can you stop at the store to pick up bread?" And then that controlling son of a **** will have the audacity to ask ME to move MY car so he can mow the entire god damn yard and edge around the house! Just can't stand controlling ass husbands like mine! Uuugghhhh POF saaaaave me!
Sorry, I was just typing what I was imagining when I read your post and profile...I'm out of vodka.
G | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 11:27:27 AM |
How do you deal with a controlling husband?
^^^^^^^^^^^
I DOn't....................
^^^^^^^LOL
ditto
Last one that tried got a surprise in his coffee that lasted about 8 hours while I packed my Bose 901s in my BOSS 302 ..SEE YAAAAA | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 2:33:49 PM | I am shocked by how many men are saying it is all her, how do you know there is abuse, it is not abuse, she is cheater, etc. Walk a mile in the shoes of someone who has been emotionally abused before you start spouting off about what abuse is or isn't. Being told that you never do anything right etc, is abuse. Always wanting to be the one in control is a pretty strong signal that the person is an abuser.
OP, yes you made a bad judgment call by being on this site, but this does not change your situation. If you can, discuss your concerns with your husband, if you are afraid to do that, pack up the kids and leave. At this point in time, you should not be looking for another relationship, you need to deal with what has happened first. As long as you do not deal with this, you will continue to make the same bad choices.
Good Luck | |
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| controlling husband! please help need out
Posted: 8/7/2012 3:04:46 PM | Back in 1990 there was a couple that lived above me (when I rented). She had one of those radio/receiver's for baby listening from a distance. She'd be outside all day chit-chating with the other women-folk with her receiver close by. Then, when her husband came home, it was his turn to take care of the kids as she was worn out. After sleeping all day, the kids were up all night. I'd see him lugging both kids, and laundry downstairs to be taken to the complex laundromatte. Most of their fights was about how his salaried job equated to about $9.00 an hour, after considering all the hours he spent at work. What a life. They divorced, she moved back home to mom/dad in New York. My then wife and I bumped into him at a Wal-mart and he was saying how she wanted this, and this, and this, and that. He had a beard, and his teeth were going bad (probably from the stress). I said to my then wife, I hope this doesn't happen to us. Of course, she said it wouldn't. Little did I know what she was already working it and it was coming my way soon, although I suspected it. Little did she know what was coming her way, since I wasn't controlling or violent. Control works both ways. Power comes in many forms. They're not all violent.
Leave. | |
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