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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking      Home login  
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 strawberryrippleicecream
Joined: 10/29/2012
Msg: 76
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm lookingPage 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Please Don't weave a further tangled, sordid web , of deception, Divorce '' keep it honest.
 iCHOC
Joined: 11/17/2012
Msg: 77
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My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/3/2012 9:01:11 PM
the meaning of marriage means nothing now a days.

who cares if you look for other women ?
who cares if you get divorced or not ?
who cares if you find another woman and you "cheat" on your current wife ?

what matters is if YOU are willing to continue your relationship with your current wife.

if the answer is yes, then stop looking for other women.

if the answer is no, then look for other women regardless if you stay married or not.
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 78
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/3/2012 9:01:16 PM
ladyC: you say that i failed in my intent to instruct others, but you have no way of knowing this. honestly, if even one woman would read my post and at least think about what it said, then im happy. most people are too self absorbed to really care about any opinions that conflict with their own, but not all are.

yeah, pof is mostly a hookup site. just because one guy isnt having any luck doesnt take away from that little bit of truth. in fact, very few guys are having much luck on here, and those guys are having all the luck.
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 79
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My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/3/2012 9:43:30 PM
you know there are many, many online hook-up sites that will cater for your "booty-call" needs.
i'm surprised that in the four years you have been trying here on pof you haven't tried these sites...or maybe you have bottomed out there as well?

also, if you are soooooooooooooo busy with your marital and family duties as you say...when are you going to have time to indulge in an extra marital affair?...
 interisti1982
Joined: 7/3/2012
Msg: 80
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My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/4/2012 12:09:44 AM
reading these post from some people it s like he did something wrong. i f was him i would look for paternity test to find out if h=kids are mine. i bet he thinks well she is not trying to assure me that i am not a cheater anymore then he probably want the same thing i can't blame him. his wife is probably ok i cheated get over it, now wife probably told him you need to get our relationship and family to work again. but he doesn't trust her and she doesn't even try to show or prove that she can be trusted. and if he gets divorse he has to pay her and work for her because here women always get a children which is sexist against man
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 81
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/4/2012 8:30:50 AM
Maybe i could have been a bit more descriptive about fing with hatred, because with all that emotion, youve twisted my meaning.
What i mean is f her like the whore she wants to be, complete her fantasies. Clearly i cant be wrong in this when you look at the results.

Have you ever tasted good medicine that works? No
Medicine is nasty but it works. Im just giving the op medicine. And what im saying doesnt go only for him, it goes for ALL men, necause the second you stop fing with this "hatred" and start with love. Its over. Love is the end for guys. Its like superman 2 when superman loses his powers to be with lois lane. Then he ends up getting beat up at diners and she stops respecting him for the beast he was. Why? Because she didnt feel like he was superman anymore. Op is a superman that has lost his powers.

Cindy, your what? I your early 50's? Maybe thats me even being generous. At 50, even 40. "Dating" aint about YOU anymore, unless your looking for a 70 year old. Pokey is like cars. It aint like wine. The value of a womans stock at those ages begibs to depreciate. The good thing however is that she begins finally to build value in her skills in her personality.. and im sure you got a lovely one with the way you speak your mind. I like it.

When you talk about war and enemy, essentially thats what it has become. A war of relationships. Stealing each others energy for selfish purposes. And im positive women have become more and more abusive. Men want peace with women peaceful relationships, and it has become harder and harder to get it. Now we got guys like op swindled out of their minds into givig up their manness for a woman only for her to find it in another. What im talking is about uplifting guys spirits and being real with them.
Because to be honest guys like me will always respect and love women, and hate what they are becoming. Dudes.
You ever notice that most women when they talk about succwss, its a lot like being a guy??? This what needs to be defeated. This mentality. Because guys like feminine women.
And you are objects of desire. When men look at beautiful women, they want to conquer, thats why its said that he is TAKING whether that be ****, because thats the object, we desire; a horrible monster has what we want, ans puts us through hoops to get it. I bet more men would look at you better if. Women stopped placing such value on their ****. It aint more or less valuable than the**** Because it would force guys to look at you as a perso instead of a **** to take. But the question begs.. DO YOU WANNA BE BIGGER THAN YOUR POKEY?? And most, and i do mean most women dont!!! And thats why they get fu ked up!. Get some skills. Have a different point of view! Ive heard the same shit from 50+ women so i know what im saying is real. Guys will lie to you cuz we filter what we really want to say so we dont hurt tour feelings. Im just a guy done with filtering. Women get to talk with no filter like parrrots. Id like to enjoy the same.

Call me twisted. Im waiting for some guy to defend yall, lying just to protect the vague promise of pokey.

Women with sense, thats what im fiending for. Id love to see more of it. But yall are just goofy, your emotions block the logic.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 82
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My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/4/2012 11:57:08 AM
Mrwrong-I think that women also are getting to where marriage is not the be-all to end-all, so therefore a statement to the effect that men are beginning to question the idea of marriage,is hardly news and I can't help but wonder about your motivation for making it. These days smart women of ALL ages are looking carefully at the risk vs. reward ratio when it comes to marriage. When 2 peole of any age do marry, it is because they want to make that official committment-not because they need someone to "take care of",or "look after" them.



you know there are many, many online hook-up sites that will cater for your "booty-call" needs.
i'm surprised that in the four years you have been trying here on pof you haven't tried these sites...or maybe you have bottomed out there as well?

that's an interesting observation!



also, if you are soooooooooooooo busy with your marital and family duties as you say...when are you going to have time to indulge in an extra marital affair?...


I don't think he wants an "affair"-he wants a woman that will be available when HE has time to come get a little nooky.
I knw he mentioned "emotional" involvement but I ain't buying it.



necause the second you stop fing with this "hatred" and start with love. Its over.

Sorry-but I gotta call this as I see it-BULLSHIT.
I don't know what kind of screwed up "whores" you have been fantasizing about-but real women with self esteem want sex to be a mutual pleasure, not an exercise in "f*cking with hate".
I tell you what-when I hear stuff like this coming from men, it simply makes me more dubious about dating from the internet anymore. In all my life,had I encountered a guy who thought "f*cking with hate" was the way to go, he'd have been sent away with his head under his arm and his nuts in a brown paper sack. I'm not saying that sex has to be "sappy" or "mushy", but I have not and will not ever put up with "f*cking with hate.


Men want peace with women peaceful relationships, and it has become harder and harder to get it.

well, if they are treating women like whores and f*cking them with hate, NO WONDER!



Because guys like feminine women.

You mean unsucessful, helpless, unable to manage her own life, so that she has to kowtow to a man who "f*cks her with hate "in order to survive? Let me apprise you of something-its' that type of woman who will,when she gets FED UP-will take her feminine wiles to divorce court-and will femininely take the house and a good chunk of the man's paycheck.
But if that's what you see as "feminine" hey, more power to you. Just don't come back to online dating sites with your d*ck in your hand looking for someone to feel sorry for you.



it would force guys to look at you as a perso instead of a **** to take.
any man who didn't/doesn't see me-and respect me-as a PERSON, gets invited to get out of my life. (There have been very few that were that stupid.)



Women with sense, thats what im fiending for. Id love to see more of it. But yall are just goofy, your emotions block the logic.

I am a woman with sense, and as I mentioned before, disrespectful, patronizing, and abusive men get rejected.
I don't care if I remain single the rest of my life. I knew real love, I still see examples of it in friends and family every day. I aint' buying this "treat her like a whore, f*ck her with hate" song and dance.


Im waiting for some guy to defend yall, lying just to protect the vague promise of pokey.

I think we are quite capable of defending ourselves. I give "pokey" because I WANT TO. I want a man to walk by my side because he WANTS to be there-not because I'm leading him by his d*ck.

Returning to the OT-I think the OP is being a FOOL to keep investing energy in looking for some woman who will come running when he wants to play Hide the Salami.
And I agree with the poster who says that there ISN'T "a lot of love" in this family,rather there is a "lot of fakeness and pretension".
And this


Your commitment to your family is admirable and shows that you are a prince among men

Panties must be hitting the floor everywhere!

(Lets see how many take this as a straightforward statement-and see panties getting in knots everywhere!)
Cindy O
 interisti1982
Joined: 7/3/2012
Msg: 83
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My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/4/2012 2:44:43 PM
women in america today needs a tough love. women in this country talk about man being wimps and all that but if he stands up he is women hater if he gives in he is awimp and push over. i have no problem being labeled a woman hater because if this biach would do this to me like she did to him i would beat crap out of her and him and they would eat through a straw for month. problem with american man is they are afraid of everything i would rather root in jail then let a **** take away my manhood and try to humiliate me and disrespect me. when american man start to take label like woman hater like badge of honor an couldn't care less what people think of him and start to defend them selfs women will treat a man in this country like noting. labes are used so people who are being abused not to do anything and just turn the other cheek.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 84
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My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:11:28 PM

because if this biach would do this to me like she did to him i would beat crap out of her and him and they would eat through a straw for month.

And you would be in jail. For a lot more than a month. Hope you are man enough to avoid ending up as some other inmates' "girlfriend". The law takes a dim view of people who try to resolve their marital issues with violence.

Seriously I do get what you are saying- that PEOPLE should stand up for themselves, but what that would actually be in the case under discussion-the OP would either make a very serious effort to recover and rebuild his marriage, or he would leave-and deal with the ramifications.
The OPs' WIFE, if she felt taken for granted or was being treated like the furniture( except when the OP wanted to tear off a piece!), she should have got up on her hind legs and said she wasn't going to put up with that, not go sneaking around to do the mattress mambo with some other guy. I'm not giving either of these people a PASS, nor am I saying either one is or was ever justified in their behavior.

But I am inclined to think that the OP and his wife are experiencing a change in the focus of their love-its' no longer a hooneymoon...but the OP wants to dredge up something that happened FOUR FREAKIN'YEARS AGO-as an excuse to add some "excitement " to his life by finding a sidepiece. He needs to understand that if his wife finds out, she may not buy into the "I did it because you did it first, you have no grounds to complain" excuse. These days, either partner can end a marriage by filing for dissolution(commonly known as divorce) and all either party has to say is that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. There's no countering it. Even in the few states that still have adultery laws on the books, I think 4 years would be past a statute of limitation.

Finally, above all, I think the OP is probably a good( albeit currently MISGUIDED) man and I really think he will not like the man he becomes if he embarks on a course of having a woman on the side.

OP, I have to agree, either take what is GOOD about your marriage and your life and fix the broken parts, or end it, openly and directly, accept the courts' decisions and orders about custody, child support,etc-and look for a new partner that he can be with openly.
But at the end of the day, it is possible for people of both genders to stand up for themselves without being called haters. However, when someone uses phrases like "beat the crap out of" when discussing the opposite gender, then I think that "hater" is a logical conclusion.
Yeah- I know, I myslf have made reference to sending a guy out the door on the toe of my boot,carrying his head under his arm and his nuts in a brown paper bag-but I think most people realize thats' an exaggeration for humorous effect. An unvarnished "beat the crap out of" tends to lean toward "rage-aholic" or "hater" territory.
Cindy O
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 85
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/5/2012 1:37:44 AM
blusmama: i love how you automatically assume that the OP was obviously somehow at fault for his wife cheating. for some reason i doubt youd be singing that tune if a woman were to say her husband cheated on her. no matter what its the mans fault, right?

you say the OP needs to end the relationship before looking. good idea. too bad his wife didnt give him that kind of respect.

you also mention that the OP needs to find a way to show his wife that he loves her. peachy. so, in your mind, even though she was the one to cheat on him, HE has to somehow prove his love for HER? i say that if she cheated on him it should be up to HER to prove something.

cindy: my reasons for saying what i said earlier are this: i was a married guy whose wife one day decided she was no longer happy with our life and left me for some other guy she met online. of course she regretted it about a month later, but the damage was done. too many stories like mine out there these days and many men are wondering "whats in it for us" when it comes to marriage.
 the_biggavell
Joined: 7/9/2012
Msg: 86
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/5/2012 5:47:23 AM
Cindy, men dont look at a woman, and think to themselves.. "i wanna marry her". They look at you, and say "i wanna poke her". Women talk about marriage. They bring up marriage.. and at the end of the day, they have to be marriable if thats even a word... because women today are becomming less and less marriable for lack of a better word because they are so involved with becoming like dudes. I understand where your xoming from on what marriage actually should be. Most times however, the reality is that most people are indoctrinated into thinking its a part of the abc's of life, and wind up getting married too fast or too early not knowing how to be in relationships. Im not saying men dont initiate marriage or even think about it. We just dont think about it FIRST.its probably the last thing. Unless hes young and dumb. When look for marriage.

Again. Your being emotional about sex and hatred. I dont know what mma fighting rig you entered where sex was involved, i meant exactly what i said. Fuk her like the whore she wants to be.. your adding your emotions to my words. ---but your being a girl, so its ok i guess.

Treating women like whores... whats your fantasy or one of them whether in the past or present? Is it not being a whore slut or loooover for the man of your dreams?

Feminine? If thats what you equate feminine to be. You being a woman, youd know best right? To me, it is just a lady who knows how to play her position, who works with rather than hinders the progression of the family shes a part of. However, this may be a difference of opinion. Im not a female, you are. Id only be on the outside looking in right? My definition of feminine came from feminine women.

Annnd the rest was taken out of context.

Come now.. i am still waiting for some ***hole to join your "side". You knew real love right? Question begs why did it leave? Unless it was by natural means such as death.

As long as your giving up that pokey, and not holding it hostage, i dont think any guy would not want to walk with you.
If you dont want to, expect him not to be there. Cuz at the end of the day.. how could you get a many without the pokey??
Ive asked this before.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 87
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My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/5/2012 8:00:27 AM
Mrwrong-I'm sorry that you had that experience in your life.
I'd also like to add that While I have not noticed so many YOUNG men questioning marriage-I definitely am noticing that the older guys are. Which is fine with me, because I'm not all that interested in marrying again. Oddly enough, that seems to work against me sometimes-it's like men can't figure out how the hell to deal with a woman who can't be steered where they want her to go by dangling marriage in front of her. Trust me, there are women who are asking the same "what's in it for me"-or "is the reward worth the risk" questions. Largely this seems to also be among older women or women who worked really hard to develop a career and or/practical&financial self-reliance.
Really, although I myself cannot philosophically support the idea of an "open" marriage or relationship, it's my opinion that if the OP and his wife find itimpossible to either redeem their marriage or dissolve it,they should agree to have an open marriage. Even then there is some risk-because we are talking about imperfect human beings!-that any extramarital involvements could end up becoming a NEGATIVE distraction. That different vag or penis that non-monogamous relationships get involved with happen to be attached to another living, breathing human being with feelings, emotions, and (hopefully) a healthy concern with his or her own "best" interest.
yes, I realize that if the OP gets with a woman who also feels she can't disturb the status quo of her "loveless" marriage, they might be able to pull it off. But I don't think that this fairy-tale solution occurs all that often. IMO,setting aside all religious/ moral/legal tenets, in a marriage that has children in the home, having extramarital affairs just adds a layer of complication to the proceedings.

I would really like to see what would happen if the genders were reversed in the situation under discussion-would men be saying that the wife (whose husband cheated on her in the past) was entitled to serve her own best interests by setting up an extramarital affair?


men dont look at a woman, and think to themselves.. "i wanna marry her".

Oh, Good Lord, I hope not! I think marriage should be a decision that develops as a particular man and woman get to know one another. And I certainly don't mean to discount relationships that do not have marriage as a goal. I'm perfectly fine with the concepts of social dating for companionship, with FwBs, with non-cohabitng LTRS-as long as they are between 2 people who are "on the same page". I cannot personally give my support to promiscuous sex and pure f*ckbuddy arrangements, and I actually have MIXED feelings about prostitution. The pragmatist in me says that hey, if that is a womans' only resource, or her BEST one, or her PREFERENCE as a way of earning a living, then who am I to attack her?


Your being emotional about sex and hatred.

NO, I think the emotion is on your side of the debate. I just feel that "f*cking with hatred" comes DAMN CLOSE to saying that rape is OK.


Is it not being a whore slut or loooover for the man of your dreams?

My wish/goal/dream is to be a loving partner with a man-sex would be an important part of the equation but the "lover" part would extend beyond the bedroom for both he and I.


To me, it is just a lady who knows how to play her position, who works with rather than hinders the progression of the family shes a part of.

I've known plenty of strong,straightforward and honest/honorable women who worked with their spouses and families, without "playing a position" that used sex as a means of control or leverage.


You knew real love right? Question begs why did it leave? Unless it was by natural means such as death.

that is exactly what happened in my case.
But I also recognize that sometimes a marriage or LTR becomes untenable because one of the partners falls into an addiction or a dangerous mental illness. I can see how a marriage could become untenable if one of the partners either has an epiphany about or gets tired of hiding their true sexual orientation.

But the marriage under discussion here doesn't seem to fall into any of those scenarios, IMO the OP is trying the age-old and never-effective strategy of taking 2 wrongs and making a right.

Lets' call a spade a spade...the OPs' wife DESERVES to be divorced. SHE broke the marriage covenant by having sex with another man. Either the OP looks at the situation, decides to refrain from his right to divorce her, and maintains HIS end of the deal ( forsaking all others)-or he hits the wife with the punishment she deserves. If he feels that punishment is too costly, that is a decision he's entitled to make. But it doesn't give him the right to go out and also break the marriage vow.

Come now.. i am still waiting for some ***hole to join your "side".

LOL-most of the men who are "forumites", know that I don't NEED any assistance in defending my position(s) in a debate or discussion. I think they are being SMART to stay out of it-why should they support your claim that men will kiss ass to women in order for a chance at pokey. Most of the guys who frequent the forums-whether I agree with their position(s) or not, have more integrity than to kiss anybody's ass to get anything.

You may find yourself twisting in the breeze on this, biggavell.
Cindy O
 MacInOC
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 88
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/5/2012 11:35:58 AM

If you think about it, it's in OP's best interests to just cheat like his wife did. She's not entitled to anything in that respect and from his standpoint, he can get whatever benefit he gets out of being married while taking his time to get divorced at his convenience.

Good.

And to ad, the worst thing that can result if you cheat and get caught, is divorce anyway. #1 advice - whether it will happen or not, prepare for divorce now!
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 89
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/5/2012 1:13:03 PM

4 years ago I cought my wife cheating on me…I could not understand her not thinking about loosing our family. Although I don't ever want to leave my family….here I am on this site looking for someone…


Hm. You couldn't understand HER not thinking about losing your family...I guess YOU not thinking about it is cool though.

No details about the cheating, who she cheated with, for how long, how you “caught” her or what happened subsequently…..I think you’re full of shit and just looking for cheap hook ups who are stupid and skanky enough to fall for it.
 secondchancemike
Joined: 10/29/2010
Msg: 90
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/5/2012 2:31:39 PM
My husband cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking

Do people on this thread think this would make a difference in your view?
 FIND-LOVE37
Joined: 11/20/2012
Msg: 91
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/9/2012 11:23:43 AM
Not Too Many People Are Totally Honest About How Many People They Have. There's Not Too Many Honest People Left In This World
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 92
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/9/2012 11:54:30 AM
women in america today needs a tough love

God help us all if you ever procreate~
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 93
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My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/9/2012 1:22:59 PM
If you think the marriage is worth staying in you should try to get professional help so that you can get beyond the hurt of her cheating and start participating in your marriage again.

No one condones her behavior but he's here contemplating doing the same thing that she did, and my father's very good advice was not to ever allow yourself to stoop to another's level. Your post was sparse on details about what she did to make amends and if you trust her not to cheat again. Kind of back to the professional help thing because at this point the discord is on him because it's been four years, how long is she supposed to make amends assuming that she has tried?

She sucks, what she did sucks, in or out, make a decision.

If you can't do that then you need to get divorced. You aren't doing your kids any favors if you become roommates, they notice when there is no affection with their parents.

Maybe you should try to see her as you might if you were just meeting her. I'm sure the woman she is is very different from the girl you married. If you really clean the slate maybe you'd fall in love with her again. Easier said than done but it would be worth it, no?
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 94
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My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/11/2012 7:31:57 PM
^^^^^^^^after reading this convoluted garbage and denigrating missive about women?

all i can say is i'm sooooooooooooooo glad my gorgeous grand daughter doesn't live anywhere near ontario.

cheater? cheated upon?
there will always be losers on the prowl for their next victim...no matter how they try to excuse themselves!...
 GeekyCrazyButCool
Joined: 11/21/2012
Msg: 95
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/12/2012 5:54:51 AM
Once you decided to stay in the marriage you pretty much forgave her. I would have dumped her right there that was the time to leave her...but not now with all with 4 kids...even if I was falling out of love I'd continue to stay in and be faithful and keep the marriage going to till the kids are grown.
 Asarat11
Joined: 7/31/2012
Msg: 96
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/12/2012 9:52:48 AM
The OP is a total p*ssy who has been married for 28 years, starting at age 18. He's probably still too immature to know how to live on his own and take care of himself. His wife got bored, and now he's bored... they're two co-dependents who got married too young and want to experiment. Each should grow up and learn how to be adults - separately. Or stay together and continue to be miserable.
 boppits
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 97
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/12/2012 9:58:17 AM
it always feels good to go out and get some new ****.
Im a young man and I have been in 2 longterm relationship's that have been life lessons for me
Marriage is a thing of old, no one takes it serious anymore because of temptations.
Media is a big reason why people cheat, attraction never dulls in human nature, and pretty much everybody wants **** eachother. Go get some **** and see if it makes you feel better. because if your wife isnt acting right, you dont have to. That will ultimately decide the path of your relationship with your woman, if you can't work out irreconciable differences, it is best just to face life and separate. Life is too short to be un happy. **** makes everyhting better.
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 98
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My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/12/2012 1:30:55 PM
This was in the past talk to her about what is eating you, i would recommend a good marriage counsler at your church , to me family and commitment is gold , when you get married you say your vows : in wealth and in poor, in health and sickness in good and in BAD, hello welcome to bad, we are all human . We make mistakes except for me hahaha, if we want to forgive fix it make it work, have her pay for her bad deed by help fixing the problem and making her into your sex slave as punishment hehehehe.

If you are a good guy help fix it make a happy family, if you are an average joe, get a divorce, give up move on pay alimony and child support while paying rent and paying for other women, and if you are a terrible man cheat on her be worse than her by doing this as revenge, you will just be screwing things up worse.

Try to fix it, if you cannot fix it at least be her friend and f buddy if you cannaot stand eachother because of lower qualities in both are dominant then break it up, if both of you are good quality people you will want to fix it and can fix it if not, too bad ... another family down the toilet or at least floating in it.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 99
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/12/2012 7:00:04 PM
Oh well by all means just go and make the whole a thing an even bigger drama-induced mess...by all means...go ahead and cheat on her now, too...sure, makes perfect sense...yeah, keep that family together...don't want to rock the boat or anything because of the kids...no...right...sure...your logic is about as twisted as one of those giant mall pretzels...this all makes perfect sense...
 jamem
Joined: 9/24/2012
Msg: 100
My wife cheated on me,I'm still married to her but now I'm looking
Posted: 12/12/2012 7:06:36 PM
Put up or shut up is my advice if I can be blunt.

She did what you are considering doing now, putting your marriage at risk, the children you clearly love will be affected by you equaling the score. She could then take you to court for adultery. Have you thought about that ? I know she had committed it first but you have by staying there in the eyes of the law, now reconciled your differences. It is never about fault or blame though, it is about working together. IT sounds to me as though you enjoy your marriage in part. So it sounds to me like you need to work at the parts you don't enjoy. Mend it or break it honestly before you hurt yourself and your children.

Accept the mistake she made or move on. Staying in a marriage where understandably you have been hurt is not good for either of you. Having children is making your choices more difficult. If you see someone else you will only end up hurting yourself or them if you fall in love.

You need to have a good think about the consequences of your actions. Also have you talked about why she had the affair? Was she happy in your relationship to have been unfaithful, which does not excuse it, but if you stay can you not find a way through that episode in your life. If you cannot in all honest see yourself falling back in love with her, then decide what to do and do it. If you want casual sex that is one thing, but if you want to fall in love again, how will that work in your current scenario. I would suggest it will not work that well. You sound a real home bird to me, who loves being around his children.
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