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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Nice women finish last too?      Home login  
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 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 51
Nice women finish last too?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

Get used to it. Anytime a woman makes a post , if her profile describes a certain type of guy she's looking for, the ones who don't fit the description will come out and attack full force.

As for why you're only perceived as sweet and nice, perhaps it's because they haven't seen you in other situations that might expose other facets of your personality.


Nah, some guys just have the balls to say what needs to be said. Do you honestly think this stuff is looked at as "ok" offline?

The first step is to understand that we're NOT the socially normal people of the world. We're the rejects. We're the ones turning to a dating site.

When you're hitting these issues where you can't seem to meet someone, a good starting point is to look at what the people not on these sites are doing. What is that random guy that effortlessly meets women offline doing that I'm not? Most times, it's because we close ourselves away from so many other people. We only date certain types of people, yet we bring nothing to the table ourselves. The short 29 year old that mainly just interested in taller and older men is no different than the 300lb guy that only dates women with a fit body. They block off so much of the world, that they actually ARE capable of meeting a great person, they're just not letting themselves.

How many more posts do we need on the same exact topic until we start finally agreeing on "maybe you should look at yourself" as the universal answer for these things. Those few of you are quick to jump on guys because they say something... There's nobody in here who cares whether or not the OP would have any interest in her, but after so many of these threads, it eventually has to be said.

We all have preferences, the more successful of us though, know how to use moderation when it comes to them. The more you limit your choices, the less choices you have. I don't agree with calling her shallow or anything, but a lot of what he said DID have a point. Your success with dating starts with you, if you can't seem to find a decent person, well, maybe you should look at yourself before you blame the rest of the world.
 GangnamStyle1969
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 52
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 1:19:18 PM
It's because you lack confidence. I used to the same as you until I got into my 30's. Being shy is really lacking confidence. You might be truly a nice woman on maybe you're not being you are just being self proclaimed nice person. I am not saying this to attack you but the reality is that nobody really wants a person with little self confidence. It's something you need to work on that's for sure.
As for looking for older men don't worry. My sister married to a guy 14 years older and they are doing great. I knew of a lady married to a man more than 20 years difference. they are doing fine.
 rme23
Joined: 12/29/2012
Msg: 53
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Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 1:37:35 PM
well I have had the experience of being taken advatage of because I'm so nice and sweet. Yea I'm pretty upset about it because it feels like I have to change in order to be treated right.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 54
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 1:42:37 PM
Get used to it. Anytime a woman makes a post , if her profile describes a certain type of guy she's looking for, the ones who don't fit the description will come out and attack full force.


I agree with this.


Nah, some guys just have the balls to say what needs to be said. Do you honestly think this stuff is looked at as "ok" offline?


You have the balls to say what? Nag? Complaint that she has her own choices? That those choices do not include you?


The first step is to understand that we're NOT the socially normal people of the world. We're the rejects. We're the ones turning to a dating site.


That is what you believe about yourself, consequently you make it true. Also, there are a lot of people using dating sites quite successfully. They do not consider themselves to be the drags for the world, but the successful ones.


Those few of you are quick to jump on guys because they say something...


You're nagging and complaining that the world owes you something. The OP does not owe you d ick. Nobody does.


Your success with dating starts with you, if you can't seem to find a decent person, well, maybe you should look at yourself before you blame the rest of the world.


Finally something that I can agree with. Read that to yourself. Success in life in general starts with you. If you can't find what you want, then improve yourself. Do a reality check. What type of women has paid attention to you? Then ask, what type of women do you want? Is it a realistic expectation. Why or why not. What can you do to change the outcome? And do it.

Notice that what is fundamental is the attitude.

Your attitude defines your latitude.
 mosena87
Joined: 11/19/2012
Msg: 55
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 1:45:57 PM

We all have preferences, the more successful of us though, know how to use moderation when it comes to them.


I agree, but there's no reason to assume that the OP doesn't use moderation, like BrianFromUSA does in his first post.




I wonder how many guys who are "nice and sweet" themselves and totally would dig your personality and rejected them because they didn't meet your standards of "rugged and tall" or some other standard or perhaps you yourself thought of them as a "doormat"--BrianFromUSA.



Don't you think it's ridiculous to make such an assumption about a complete stranger? He's obviously a bitter and cynical person who tries to make himself feel better by lashing out at random women.
 rockstar_nj1182
Joined: 12/5/2012
Msg: 56
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 2:12:02 PM
I agree, but there's no reason to assume that the OP doesn't use moderation, like BrianFromUSA does in his first post.


Right, she made sure to list exactly what she prefers because she wants someone that fits my description to be the one to message her, right? Nah, you guys are crazy... Everyone knows the only reason people list preferences on their profile is for conversation...

A 5'3, 29 year old who is saying that she's looking for mid 30s-40s, is NOT using moderation. She's fishing for the perfect man. She didn't list that bcause she wants a 30 year old to message her, the point was so that a 40 year old would.

And go for it, keep telling yourself that we're not the rejects of the world. Cuz we're doing so great at getting dates and everything offline, right? No, WE'RE the normal ones, the people who never make any attempt with sites like this, they're the ones who don't know what they're doing.

It's fact, if you only date one type of person, that's your only choice of people to date. Nobody is whining because she only wants to date a type of guy that isn't them, they're just telling her that maybe her high restrictions are the reason that she can't seem to find someone. My preference is a 110lb blonde, yet I'll date outside of that preference... Which one between me and the OP is he one complaining about not being able to meet someone? And still, what does she bring to the relationship with the 40 year old? That's a big one when things like age matters... Besides being someone young for the guy to bang, what reason does he have to want to date her? Great, she's into that kind of guy, now how about convincing that type of guy that he wants to message her.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 57
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Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 2:26:33 PM
Op, I am a nice person...and over the years I have had the experience of people taking kindness for stupidity. It used to bother me, however in my 30's it occurred to me...it doesnt matter! The people who will end up mattering to me, wont be people who take kindness for stupidity/weakness. They will cherish kindness. The rest can rott elsewhere. LOL

On the comments about your profile? Just ignore them. You are a pretty woman, and the best relationships are USUALLY between people who are equal in attracttiveness, education and morals etc. The ones who ASSUME you would not find them unattractive and verbally blast you? They are insecure and it shows...they dont warrant your response.

I suggest you try being the picker instead of being the one selected once in awhile. Being here is a good start, it takes no skin off your nose to send out an e-mail...the rejection online is far easier to take than in person!
 sweetness-one
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 58
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Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 2:32:41 PM

Nah, some guys just have the balls to say what needs to be said. Do you honestly think this stuff is looked at as "ok" offline?


Whether it is or not, for online purpose (at least on this site's forums) the rule is to address the post, not the poster. So reading an OP's profile and attacking based on profile content is a no-no. Not to mention, your post should always address the main post/discussion topic, and be able to stand as post #2 in any thread, with consideration for if the OP has supplied additional information that may lead to new discussion directions. But NOT through one's profile.

OP, I've experienced something similar, but I have to admit, that was more so when I was younger (I didn't check your age, but I'm 41 now). I was always shy as well, so many often assumed I was stuck up, bytchy, whatever. And most still assume at first meet that I'm sweet or nice etc. Why? I have no idea, but really, it's not the worst first impression to give, is it, when you get right down to it?

But yep, I've been dumped or passed over, more so in early stages of dating and in my youth, and usually the 'reason' was something like "you're too nice" or "you're such a good person", which always made me wonder wtheck as well.

As I grew older, I knew I could be a bytch at times, but still never saw any reason to go advertising that with blazing guns; if situations arose where my bytchy side came out, then certainly, but I saw no reason to go ball-busting just to prove a point or anything.

Why change who you are? As I've aged, I've found I have less patience, which I'm thinking really ought to be the other way around, but really, in the grand scheme of things over half a lifetime of ups and downs, I've never really felt that if I was labelled a 'nice woman' that I was going to finish last, by any means.

I can think of worse things to be labelled, yanno? ;)
 _WinterGoddess_
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 59
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 2:35:37 PM
mosena87 nailed it. That's exactly what it is, bitter& cynical guys lashing out at women due to rejection. It's sad when guys dream up any and every reason why women just aren't that into them. I guess it makes them feel better rather than face the real reasons, ha. People have every right to go for what they're attracted to& their preferences, it's ridiculous not to mention unfair to assume they're "entitled princesses" because of it, lol.

These types of guys are only hurting themselves as women are going to date whomever they choose, and whining& being angry about it isn't going to change that.


Cheers =)
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 60
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Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 5:20:27 PM
Nice men and women always finish last.

Strive to be kind, gentle, but still strong sun_and_cinammon. The word nice in the English speaking world is always associated with doormat with the exception with the older generations where the word had different context.

So, anytime a woman/man that is under the age of 60 throws the word nice around it is hard to not take it as a backhanded compliment.

As for your profile I recommend breaking that big paragraph into two paragraphs and your profile looks reasonable to me. It seems to me a lot of people are making a big fuss over the original posters age preference. That is each person's own call if they are limiting themselves or they feel comfortable.

For example, I often wonder am I limiting myself if I put my cut off at age 23 up to age 34? Does a woman drastically change from 34 years old to 35 or a 21 year sold to 23? But you have to put some limit, but I am still open minded.
 GangnamStyle1969
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 61
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 5:30:35 PM

Which one between me and the OP is he one complaining about not being able to meet someone? And still, what does she bring to the relationship with the 40 year old? That's a big one when things like age matters... Besides being someone young for the guy to bang, what reason does he have to want to date her? Great, she's into that kind of guy, now how about convincing that type of guy that he wants to message her.


It amazes that you think you know her so well. Maybe she does have a lot to offer. Men in their 40's have to deal with a lot of baggage and more drama with women their age, than some one much younger. It's funny because I rarely feel a connection with a woman around my age its usually much younger or older. It is what it is yet you are making it something that done on purpose. A lot of people are controlled by what society thinks is proper and normal.
If you are smart you wouldn't have to come on here to get dates. Before calling others dumb go look and the mirror because what you doing is crazy. How can you make such a statement with someone you don't know and she hasn't give out that much information. Maybe it's guys like you who think they know it all makes her stay away guys your age.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 62
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 5:41:24 PM

Why do most assume tho, that just because you are "nice" and "sweet", all of a sudden you're a doormat?

No, nice women don't finish last as much as guys. It takes a heavier dose of that to happen to women. It's not that you're "nice" and "sweet" where a guy will think of you as a doormat. It's your attitude/persona that makes one a doormat. Many times they don't know -- just as YOU don't actually know that about a guy. But guess what we All do? Make assumptions. We feed of key indicators, and unfortunately, a decent probability becomes Fact in our minds.

So if you give the impression that you are a doormat, they're going to think of you as one, whether you are or not. As a woman, you shouldn't run into this too much, because again, you have to have a heavy dose of it compared to how a guy can give that signal off. OR you may be too attracted to rough-n-tumble guys in which you wouldn't be their type anyway and they want a gal who's a little bouty-bouty.

So in the end -- it's about an impression you're giving. Few get the chance to demonstrate whether they are or are not a doormat. People just make assumptions.... that's why first impressions are good.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 63
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/11/2013 6:25:14 PM

Women have to understand that this is the kind of stuff us guys notice very quickly. Preferences are fine, in moderation... Something too many of you don't understand. The more you limit your choices, the less choices you have. And when you describe what you're looking for, you're going to tend to not get messaged by people who don't fit that description.


Um. Yeah…..that’s the POINT.

I’m looking for a tall, sexy, handsome man…..

“well, then don’t expect the short fat ugly ones to message you, Miss Entitled Princess on a Pedestal!!!”

Promise?!


First off, I never said women have to do anything.



Women have to understand that this is the kind of stuff us guys notice very quickly.



You say what you're attracted to: Now pretend I'm a taller, rugged guy, I'm about 39... Tell me, why should I date you?


Good gawd…you’ve got it ass backward. Women don’t have to convince men to date them. Maybe that’s where you’re going wrong. Well that and your whiney crap attitude.

OP:
I have also gotten the opposite too, if you're quiet and "shy" then all of a sudden you must be a ****. Yeah it's true sometimes I can be quiet, and like to sit back and listen.


I can relate to this. I’ve been accused of being a stuck up b itch when I’ve simply been quietly listening and paying attention…..then I open my mouth and they realize what a b itch I can be. ;)


So in the end -- it's about an impression you're giving.


I do agree with this…. ^^^^

….not so much this:
As a woman, you shouldn't run into this too much, because again, you have to have a heavy dose of it compared to how a guy can give that signal off.


What does that even mean? A heavy dose of what? Do you think women turn on and off doormat signals, or are only treated badly sometimes?
 Xray86
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 64
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Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/12/2013 10:10:12 AM

When the hell did this turn into critiquing my profile and what apparently I am looking for?? I am a "spoiled" princess because I am attracted to "tall and rugged" men? Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome...your words, not mine. Presumptuous much? Didn't your mother teach you what assuming things does? No tall and rugged are NOT my only 'standards' or 'preferences'. Who the hell in this thread gives a crap what I am looking for anyway? It was not about that. Yes, that is what I find attractive. Tho there are loads of other things, other than the physical however. Does that mean I should say the same to all the men that prefer blondes, or the profiles of men I have come across "Do not contact me unless you are very fit and athletic"? Shoot, I don't fall into any of those and I am not gonna go cry a shit storm because that is what they chose to put in their profile. If you want something subsantial it has got to be more than looks.


Pretty and got some fire! I like that. Anyways, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being nice. After all, Jesus was nice. If people don't want that quality, then they're not worth the effort to even associate with. Though I will admit that it's pretty frustrating to be considered undateable due to being good. But their loss. And there's nothing wrong with having preferences. I think everyone's entitled to someone attractive. For the OP, since she's so short, every man 5'4" and taller would be tall for her. That's a non-issue unless she's crazy and wants only guys 6'3" and taller. Though I have to raise my eyebrow at her age range and that's the only issue I have with her. But at least she isn't like a bunch of other people on this site who limit based on skin-color. If she did that, then she gets into exclusion instead of preference.
 bibliophile1
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 65
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/12/2013 10:28:40 AM
It's really a scarcity thing. People want you to be a nice person, but they want you to reserve that niceness just for them. Then it has more value. Hm I used to be too nice then I mixed it up with a bit of sketchiness and I'm actually respect more. How weird.
 mosena87
Joined: 11/19/2012
Msg: 66
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/12/2013 1:11:01 PM

People want you to be a nice person, but they want you to reserve that niceness just for them. Then it has more value.


Not all people. I like girls who are nice to everyone around them, not just me. If she's only nice to me, then she's not a genuinely nice person. Nice, caring, and sweet= relationship material.


Hm I used to be too nice then I mixed it up with a bit of sketchiness and I'm actually respect more


If you're in a situation where you're consciously being sketchy (playing games) to get respect from a guy, he's probably not right for you.
 bibliophile1
Joined: 12/11/2012
Msg: 67
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/12/2013 1:13:29 PM
I'm nice to everyone. But I've had to learn boundaries and be more opinionated. That's all I meant by sketchy. I have never, and wouldn't ever play games.
 grantfl80
Joined: 7/21/2011
Msg: 68
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/13/2013 12:33:41 PM
Sounds like their loss. Don't be something you're not. One day somebody special will take notice, and they will have hit the jackpot with you.

G
 awesomecatch2
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 69
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/13/2013 5:53:35 PM
SUN, I soooooo understand EXACTLY where your coming from!!!!

Ive had the same.miserable experiences. I almost feel that guys expect cuter girls to be ****ier or a challenge of sorts, and
when your actually nice, its no fun for them....Im so glad u posted this!
 The12showU
Joined: 4/2/2009
Msg: 70
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/13/2013 8:43:33 PM
Wow I'm surprised at how many people are reading this sweet girls profile and taking it the wrong way and not seeing the bigger picture. First of all to everybody that is slamming her for "preferring" tall and rugged men need to stop. She clearly states that she prefers tall and rugged men. When someone prefers something doesn't mean that she won't settle for second best or the alternative if the other qulaities of the man are what she is looking for. Prefer doesn't mean or exact. All it means is first choice. In my personal opinion sun and cinnamon seems like a nice sweet girl. Also I can understand why she likes older men. Most girls I know date a little bit older because they are tired of dealing with the immaturity of younger or same age guys that just refuse to grow up. I myself don't have this problem but it is a reality. The door swings both ways. There are a lot of women that have the same issue. Some people just refuse to grow up and act their age. If you are 25 or older and you are still partying and going out to the bars every weekend it is time to grow up. Put yourself in the same situation. If you always dated a man/woman the same age as you give or take a few years and you always had a bad experience you would probably explore other options such as dating people older than what you are normally used to because you certainly wouldn't date younger just to have more problems. It just seems like common sense to me.

To sun and cinnamon - Keep being nice and sweet. If that's who you are there is no need to change and become what somebody else wants. You will find someone that will accept you for who you are and appreciate your sweet kindness. Just to prove a point I want you to answer this question honestly. If a guy came along that was the same age as you give or take a few years and had the qualities you were looking for would you be happy? Would you be satisfied in a relationship with that person?
 The12showU
Joined: 4/2/2009
Msg: 71
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/13/2013 8:48:31 PM
awesomecatch2 that's not completely true. I prefer the nice women. I don't see any fun in being with a mean or **tchy person.
 mosena87
Joined: 11/19/2012
Msg: 72
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/14/2013 3:52:03 AM
^^^^ I prefer nice women too, they're the only ones I consider relationship material. I'm glad mean b*tches exist though. I can screw them over without feeling guilty about it :)
 helpmeahhh
Joined: 10/25/2011
Msg: 73
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Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/14/2013 10:35:46 AM
Lots of men say that women pass over them because they are "nice guys" and while in some cases it may be true it isn't the whole truth.

If you find, over and over again, that the type of people you are attracted to, or want to have a relationship with, don't want the same relationship with you...you need to step back and do a little bit of self-analysis.
 _WinterGoddess_
Joined: 12/26/2012
Msg: 74
Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/14/2013 11:13:56 AM
Most people ARE able to find someone that they're attracted to/want a relationship with that also wants one with them.
Even if it takes a lot of weeding through, most people will find someone without having to settle =) Never mind those who try and manipulate women into thinking differently, lol.
 3Karen3
Joined: 1/6/2013
Msg: 75
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Nice women finish last too?
Posted: 1/14/2013 4:46:12 PM
Men love nice and sweet, but it's not fun. Men love to play. They love banter and wars of wit. Also, you can be nice and sweet, but make sure you're being real. If you're upset, say so. Most 'nice" people are holding in who they really are. It's hard to be around people who seem fake. No one is happy all the time.
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