| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 12:42:36 AM | hey, its my 1st time posting. I just thought that its nice to know that im not the only one dealin with the whole nice guys finish last thing. I constantly find new situations that bring that meaning up. For example I always find my self watching some random show like elimidate and seeing the nice guy/girl as the 1st one to go. More then enough times its only because the one doing the eliminating only wants one thing and the nice guy/girl doesnt portray what he/she wants to see especially when the next person is practically begging for some thing to happen later that night. Now i know its most likely rigged but that seems all to close to reality. I dunno, maybe its me or maybe Its just our society is engulfed with that kinda thing.
oh and wraith made a really good point about the picture thing. Pictures are a perfect way to remind u'er self of lessons learned in past relationships. I find my self looking at pictures of an ex of mine who i must say was the worst relationship i've ever had but it reminds me of what i dont want in my next one. | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 1:11:37 AM | I thank you for your compliments all... I just try to share my outlook on life..And, no offense Eckooo, but you may have taken my words out of context.
The point of saving or tossing pictures is to save or toss memories. Each and every lady I have had in my life, be it friend, girlfriend, a date, and even my ex-wife.... I appreciate for the smiles that they brought me...if only for a few years, months, hours, or moments.
I feel that we all are searching for a void to be filled... AND, I do believe that no matter how cold the heart of a person... Their heart will melt when they find "The One"....
I do believe that it would be nice if a person's significant interest would just be honest and tell the person when they feel that the spark has faded or that there is no spark at all. Then, perhaps, that would give one a chance to prove theirself or atleast know they had a chance to try to correct the situation...
We all have someone out there...and they yearn just as much to fill the void in their heart. Don't blame your ex (or a date that went sour) for things that went wrong... perhaps it was to save your feelings that they did not speak up or even that they felt that they were not worthy to have you in their life... All I can say is, there is alot to be said for honest communication. Perhaps, there would be many more happy marriages, relationships and dates... All one can do is hope and try...But never hate the one that walked away because they may want to come back some day.... | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 1:28:21 AM | Tanfastyic....
In my honest opinion, one can only put up with so much. "Hang in there" seems like "Stick around while I break your heart and steal from you" .
If it is not reciprocal, tell her that you have hung in there til the cliff eroded. I know this may sound like a copout, but....Sex isn't the only reason to hang on...There has to be some kind of emotional void filled as well. If, that emotional void is filled with grief, then you should walk for your own sanity... | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 1:33:36 AM | @ StoneChild and Indigo Rose....
I thank you both for the kudos...all one can do is "call em as they see em".... I have seen the two of you in other forums and I thank you two for being kindred souls...But, no offense to you SC, Indigo has nicer eyes...LOL...Take care my friends.... Wraith... | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 1:56:57 AM | | I fully agree with honest communication. I try and use that as a base of any friendship or relationship. Honesty can be translated into trust very easily so with out honesty u cant really have trust. That was kinda the reason for my ex. But I guess every one has there faults. Any way I try not to blame her for things that went wrong. I will admit I've never gotten over the bitter feeling but its more towards the fact that some ppl can get hurt when it can be easily avoided. I gotta say u'er a smart guys through. i wish i could be as positive as u are about past girl friends. So when u talk about tossing or saving pictures are u saying that u try and think of the better memories of a relationship? Like tossing pictures/memories that hurt and trying to replace them with ones that mad u happy? | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 3:27:46 AM | | Don't feel bad i was in the same boat kinda i was living with someone and he was colecting gov money for the apartment and then he was getting the rents downstairs allthe while we were boyfriend and girlfriend and foe over 9 yrs then i find out hes messing around online with other girls meeting them and having sex hes no good he colected themoney so he can be financially okay and the rents did not help me lived in the house with me and used me, yes it was my fault but when ur in love u think well maybe we will live together for a long time in which we was till i saw the dirty side its a shame helped him got him a job hes doing well and now look , like u said nice guys finish last but im a women | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 4:28:46 AM | | i did not get to finish and the bad thing is hes telling me i have to move, after hes gotten everything he wants, he has it made and i was the fool | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 4:44:12 AM | hey guys im sorry for your pain there are some f***d up chicks out the but trust me most guys arent the shining example of sainity either spose u gotta take the good with the bad learn from your mistakes but never shut others out just because that door shuts doesnt mean a slap in the face its just a chance to see the window thats open waiting for you  | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 5:29:13 AM | | hi babybutterfly does that mean its gonna open new doors for me | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 6:47:39 AM | | Yep, nice guys sure do finish last. In fact Einstein proved this way back in 1902. Next topic! | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 7:25:43 AM | Wraith - I agree completely - I will move on - I did enjoy the time that he and I had together - I was sad to see it end - but like I said he just wasn't "the one" - I will learn from my experience - im not bitter about it at all just miss him - and that fades a little with each passing day - of course in a moment of drunken stupor I did screw up and call him last nite - he did answer but couldnt tell ya what the hell was said LOL - I know there is someone out there looking for me and when we find each other - it will be awesome!!!! | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/3/2005 3:14:39 PM | | I love how positive u guys are about it. i guess my friend put it best. He said that big things happen to people that can be seen as bad like a break up for example but insted of letting it drag u down more u can take it and use it to u'er advantage. u can take u'er experiences with u and become a better wiser person insted of a drunken depressed wreak. Some of the stuff u guys had to say really made me think about alot of stuff, in a GOOD WAY! so thx. | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/5/2005 2:00:03 PM | I know how you feel man! So, I going to give you some advice...read on!
When you asked her the question of a possibility of a relationship sometime down the road and she said, “She didn’t feel a spark” that was your answer right there. When a girl put you on the friends list, you’re pretty much done! Something tells me you are very open about your feelings when talk to girls. I think woman have finely brainwash men into believing they need to get in touch with their feminine side. This is a big mistake, because men who believe those ideas find themselves being a woman’s best friend. However, I do believe there is a time when a man needs to be more open about his feelings. That time is when she has earned your trust and you are truly in love with her. This one was a big mistake your part, you should never ask a girl if there might be the possibility of a relationship sometime down the road. This is so unromantic to a girl. Just take the chance and ask her out and you will know your answer. I noticed you keep telling us how very special she was and I believe you even told her so. My instincts tell me you must have complimented her on many occasions...am I right? I think the worse thing men do is compliment women too much. What I am trying to say to you is be more of a mystery, don’t compliment them so much, and holds back you’re feelings until she has proven herself. One more thing, do not put so much effort into one girl…talk to a whole bunch of girls! Now think about this...wouldn’t it be much easier to move on when you have six other girlfriends to choose from...course I am! I am not saying that to be a jerk or anything like that, but it is much easier when you know you have options available...is it not what dating is all about finding the one.
Good luck to you finding the girl of your dreams! | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/5/2005 2:16:27 PM | | Well that just pisses me off! I would like a nice guy and ****es like that ruin it for us all!! GRRRRRRRRRR | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/5/2005 2:33:42 PM | The short and sweet of it is this.
Women like ( and need) confidence in a man. If a man simply trails around behind, and does not take a stand - it's over. No woman I have ever met will accept a man that is not her equal - at the minimum.
You have to be ready to make it very clear that you are not going to be walked on - even if that means walking.
That doesn't mean to be an S.O.B., or hold back your feelings, or to not be a nice guy. A woman has to know you are sexually interested in her. That is where "nice guys" tend to get their wheels stuck.
If you don't make that clear, and it's done in a very subtle way btw, you are going to be labelled "Mr.Friend " , and not " Mr. Lover". | |
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| I keep hearing this same story on the internet over and over.
Posted: 8/5/2005 3:33:14 PM | Look, you have to have enough insight to realize what was REALLY going on with this woman. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too. You were fufilling the role of intellectual ho. This means that any emotional or intellectual shorcoming in what ever relationship she was in, she was coming to you for.
So you have to put up with her BS, while a plethora of dirtbag "bad boys" only have to worry about satisfying themselves and acting cool.
The solution was real simple. As soon as you started hearing the ambivilance about a true, rather than psuedo romantic connection you should have put it on the line. Told her that you had so-and-so virtues and that you were willing to make a commitment to a serious relationship, AND that anything short of that would not be fair to you.
Then she would have to make a choice (a thing women have an aversion to). Most likely it would be the wrong choice and you would not be the selection, but that is the CHOICE SHE WOULD HAVE MADE anyway. If there was even a remote chance she was ever really going to consider you, this would improve the chances of that. But based on your description of this woman she isn't emotionally a very mature person. It would simply save you time and allow you to move on and put her in a situation where she would have to deal with how much of a jerk the guy she is with really is.
You can have the satisfaction of knowing that she will soon realize what she lost.
The whole thing about nice guys finishing last is a cop out. Weaklings finish last. People who aren't honest with themselves, who can't or won't stand up for themselves. A nice guy, by my definition isn't a weakling. A nice guy is someone who has a solid and rational hierarchy of moral values. Who knows where he stands in the world. A nice guy values himself. He knows his virtues and his limitations. He struggles for advantage in life, but when he gets knocked down, he gets right back up. The nice guy lends a helping hand but if you try to take his wallet, pounds you into the pavement. Nice guys kick ass.
Nice guys don't wear a "KICK ME" sign or let women take advantage of them. Weaklings do that. Get your terms straight and pick the right team. | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:28:29 PM | it's not just guys you know.......girls too! i was kinda like in your place......but i guess.....i just bounced back faster.......it took me awhile to trust men again........i felt so used and abused.......NICE PEOPLE FINISHES LAST!!! and what sucked......i forgave the a**hole! but then again..........that's all we can really do! ........ and it is easier to forgive than forget!  but forgiving her would give you a positive result just don't get suckered into going back or taking her back............ i just try not to make the same mistake twice! OK?
i say......hold off on the dating scene........... until you're heart is a little bit stronger. | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:04:10 PM | Not all women are like the one you were talking to. In fact, most women want a decent guy.I
am very sorry for the pain you are experiencing. I know how hard it is to find out that someone you trust and care for is not the person you thought they were. But, slowly, day by
day the pain will lessen. Don't change who you are. There is a woman out there who is mature and smart enough to value you and all your good qualities. Remember, the best re-
venge is living well. | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:29:09 PM | | i know women can be weird sometimes. dont try to take it personal its just that women cant choose to feel attraction it just happens. if she doesnt want to go out with u shes not worth your time anyways. if she doesnt act intrested in you dont give her the satisfaction of letting her know you are intrested in her. pretending your not intrested in a woman can often drive them wild. they always want what they cant have. anywayz man good luck in the future | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:39:58 PM | I just recently got burned pretty good.... makes me feel like just saying the hell with it, and focus on some ME time.... away from the internet! You know work on my health, get my part-time business off the ground and up and running, play my guitar more.
I can't help feeling a twinged of weakness... and I hate it. I know I am not a weak person!
Should I feel weak because I am a nice guy who continually gets burned??? | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:42:22 PM | | Yes sir. I do agree one hundred percent with you. I think that women are so used to getting hurt all the time, that when an awesome guy like you or I come along that we get stomped on. I was dating a girl and she is going through a divorce. Well I got put on the back burner while she is going through this. I told her that I want to help her and give her support while she does this. But she said that she was not going to drag me through this. I told her that she never asked what I wanted. To this day I still very much so care about her. You just cant help how you feel about someone. I told her that she was making it clear to me that nice guys finish last. She said it wasnt that way. But I guess I dont know. But I agree with you, the very few guys that dont burn a woman always seem to finish last. If you dont agree with me then let me know otherwise. | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:42:28 PM | No. Channel it into making yourself better.
Grab that axe. Like Jimi once said " Still got my guitar...." | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:56:18 PM | she was not good enough for you -
I look at it this way, it helps weed out the ones that don't deserve you and what you have to offer
it is and will contiune to be true - nice guys finsih last - | |
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| Nice guys finish last.
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:06:15 PM | thanks guys.....
Just everytime it happens... it gets harder to pick up the pieces! | |
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