| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/23/2005 8:17:59 AM | | Absolutely it is important!! I would never date a guy who didn't have good manners, and who didn't act chivalrously. The little things are what count! I know how to treat my man properly too. | |
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| An Answer
Posted: 8/23/2005 11:48:16 AM | I just want to thank AZ Tinkerbelle and Gouldengirl for your responses. I feel better. Still a bit timid, but better. Thanks for being examples of confidence and consideration combined. I hope i can become more like you both that way.  | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/23/2005 5:09:56 PM | ABSOLUTELY!~ I sure do wish more men would continue this type of behavior.
I love it when a man can open doors, kiss my cheek or hand, escort me and or other sweet things as long as its genuine and not because they want something in return. sometimes it is hard to tell the difference. Not many men nowadays are willing to do that.
I never get tired of it, that is when I have someone in my life that does that. it makes me feel special and beautiful and respected.
Anyhow dont give up you will definately find someone that will be appreciative of your actions... and who knows maybe someday you can teach someone else how to be a gentleman and pass on your chilvary! we sure do need more of it around! | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/24/2005 1:40:16 PM | Just popping back with some more on this subject, as sometimes it helps to understand WHY you do something "Gentlemanly' these days when the reasons have all but disappeared over the course of time.
The explanations I give here, were what I was told by Father, although some may not be correct, they made sense to me as a lad..so if anyone wishes to correct me, by all means do so.
The general practice of opening doors, helping seat her in a chair, helping to put a coat on are quite easily understood if one looks back to the voluminous attire women sported way back when. Trying to even reach a door knob would have required her to lean forward in a very unlady-like manner..as for opening it wide enough and keep it that way to allow all the skirt,,bustle and such to make it through without damage would be impossible..and considering a Lady was using one hand to demurely lift her skirt enough not to tread on it with one hand, and the other was probably carrying a parasol. fan , or small purse she didn't really have a hand free anyway.
The chair and coat assistance become clear when you have that vision in mind...even if nowadays she is wearing a great deal less than those days.
Escorting a Lady on her left hand side, began when men wore swords, more than anything else..it was worn on the left of the man, to allow him to draw it from the scabbard with his right ( and no-one would admit to being a 'lefty' then, as it was considered a 'Mark of the Devil to be left-handed)
The lady was safer on his right hand side as she wouldn't become entangled with it..and if he had to draw it suddenly for protection..she wasn't about to get sliced herself, if he wasn't watching what he was doing. It also allowed her to have HER right hand free to use her fan..something that had a use and language all it's own when fashionable
In Uk, of course..being on her left hand side, put you on the outside, facing the oncoming traffic..which were Horse and cart, Handsome cabs etc. This way a Man offered protection from the Lady being splashed by a wheel hitting the 'pollution' on the roads..of which there was a lot! Be prepared to get her out of harm's way if he saw a horse go out of control,or some uncouth lout tried to accost her, and also watch out for the wheel hubs for himself..people today don't realize the accidents those caused if they contacted you...they broke many arms, legs, and stoved in rib cages in large numbers, which is WHY you always attempted to walk towards the traffic flow.
Of course, the Americans just had to make things awkward..*grins* so now walking on the outside means being on the right to walk towards traffic..or you can walk on the left and 'go with the flow'..but basically the reason is the same, considering the idiots that will drive through puddles at a speed designed to drown everything within a fifty foot radius. At least they don't 'bolt' and mount the kerb that often now.
As for standing when a lady, an older person, or someone of Rank enters a room or leaves, that has pretty well fallen by the wayside now, similarly with raising a hat, or removing it when indoors. Some how a baseball cap looks daft being raised anyway...and seems to be a permanent attachment to those who don't appear to know which way round it goes on anyway.
Sure I wear one gardening and in the bush with the peak to cover my neck..damned deer flies here are wicked, and the sound of one pinging off is satisfying, denying it a part of me! But I NEVER wear one anywhere else..and it comes off at the door anyway.
Offering to carry anything for a lady when shopping?...or course! Astounds me no end to see a lass staggering across a parking lot. pushing a basket of bags, carrying a kid on one hip, see her load the trunk of the car..whilst her 'significant other' complete with beer belly..wanders over, opens his door and sits and waits with the engine running, blowing fumes in her face, until she's finished.! 'KILL BILL:" comes to mind!
Even shopping with my daughters who can bench press more than I can ever imagine lifting, at least has me OFFERING to do so...they usually take pity when they hand me something weighing a ton..just for the laugh I think...I stagger a few paces and they take it back.LOL!
As for stairway etiquette..I was taught that where it permits one to walk alongside the Lady. to offer a supporting arm, one does so..stairways in older stores they were wide enough for this..and if the Lass is a little shorter than I was..to walk a suitable step behind to make it easiest for her to rest her arm on mine.
If stairs are too narrow for this..one walked behind, as the man could deal with any hitches the dress might encounter on the way up..and walked in fron on the way down, to provide a barrier for her should she stumble.
At the bottom of the stairs, a man stood to one side to help her down that last step..as it was the one the carpenters made all adjustments to for the irregularity of the staircase..hence the popular saying 'Mind the last step..it's the bottom one..!"
However..etiquette has changed I gather...in some countries it is considered polite for the man to ascend first..and the lady to descend first
Not hard to understand..considering one would have one's eyes below her hemline these days, and peeking up isn't something a gentleman is supposed to do...
However..why should I be denied the pleasure, for some stranger to enjoy..similarly coming down..I would still descend ahead of her to block some lechers view .LOL!
As for the almost endless list remaining..most of which is politeness and common sense, it can be summed up as 'The Art of being a Gentleman is that of Pleasing a Lady'
and it doesn't mean to just do it to please her alone..she will notice more if you do it to treat all others equally . | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 56 | |
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:05:53 PM | If gentlemanly behavior and chilvary isn't important than I've lost my noggin. It may seem to have faded off into the sunset, but it is still around. There are men of good character, good hearts, that love women who will put their best foot forward with the woman that they love and care for.
It could be something as simple as opening a car door; saying "please, thank you, and I'm sorry". Sending flowers to her office "just because". Holding her hand when she's uncomfortable or stressed out. Most of all listening to her with honorable intentions and asking her what she wants. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:12:34 PM | it,s not important not wanted not needed.
manners are one thing holding a door is common courtesy everywhere you are.
being a gentleman chivalry. any girl who says she wants it and it,s important is lying to you and herself | |
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| a question for ladies
Posted: 8/25/2005 8:32:13 AM | | important? don't know about that, but always appreciated nonetheless. always nice when a guy puts you first...once in a while at least! | |
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dr1665
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Joined: 5/25/2005
Msg: 67 | |
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/25/2005 9:13:25 PM |
We have a growing culture of men growing up without good male role models. Respect is something missing from many young men these days.
Sadly, our entire culture in general is getting that way. Too many people out there who fel they need to be like the corporate-styled characters they see on the WB or network prime time television. Bugs me.
Is chivalry dead? No, and I doubt it will ever truly die. At least I would hope not.
Just beause I open the door and otherwise like to treat a lady as such does not mean that I do not feel she is capable of doing so herself. It is merely my way of showing some manners. Not to downplay the chivalry bit, but guys even get doors for other guys. How many times in a day do you say "thank you" to another guy who made sure that door didn't hit you in the face since he knew you were walking in behind him? :P That sort of behavior is simply showing another human being common courtesy and should be engaged in at all times. People notice a smile and manners. If they don't, you needent concern yourself with them anyways. | |
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dr1665
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Joined: 5/25/2005
Msg: 68 | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/26/2005 10:55:35 AM | I'm gonna sorta side with POSHRAT on this one but not totally.
If it's the little things that make her happy then yes, it's important. They should be common sense things though. Most guys have that instinctive "protect her" thing going on in their heads and I know few exceptions. If it's cold she can have my jacket and that sort of thing.
Remember though, not every woman is a lady. Alot think they are but we'll happily tell you it ain't the case. A woman gets the benefit of the doubt if I don't know her. If she's a lady she gets treated like one. If she isn't a lady she isn't treated like one. Simple. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/27/2005 5:59:56 PM | | Chivalry is not dead but it sure has change. Chivalry in the old days had many rules including holding doors for ladies, standing up whenever a lady came in the room, and making sure a lady was home early from a date. Times have change and so have the chivalry rules. Holding a door is still expected but standing up whenever a lady comes in the room is no longer practical. Paying for dinner was an old chivalrous idea but the idea was based on courting a lady. This meant that you would go out on several dates in order to better know each other. Chivalry was not prepared for a woman having dinner with a different guy every night or a man courting multiple ladies. While the major rules have changed the simple use of the phrase "thank you" should definitely stay. I tip my hat to you for helping keep chivalry alive. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 9/11/2005 9:10:11 AM | But I guess what I'm concened about is that if such things as opening doors and holding a lady's hand when going up the stairs (so she won't fall) and other exaples of good behavior/chivilry are important then why don't we see them more often? Maybe it's just me but I just don't see it a lot anymore and sometimes that bothers me. Maybe I'm just trying to keep and old, and very important to me, behavior from completely dying out. OT you do have a point, Poshrat too, and I think it is important that both sexes portray good manners. That is nice as well. But let me add to all reading this that civilry is fun and it just plain makes both parties feel good. THAT is the major reason I try to keep the old tradition going.
Have a great day all! | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 9/11/2005 9:33:49 AM | What a great question DS.
And some great, insightful answers.
I sure hope it's not dead...for me that's the little things that make a huge difference. I enjoy being on the receiving end. Not always does it have to be so formal, it can also be fun. | |
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