| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/7/2008 3:02:08 PM | I was raised by my parents (particularly my mother) to be a gentleman. However that meant that, when I was in high school, I was every girl's "best friend" - the guy she would complain to me about her lousy boyfriend, but would turn me down when I asked her out.
I was lucky - I met a wonderful woman and we had a great nine years ago before I lost her to breast cancer. After mourning and moping around, I started dating again - and found that, if I acted the way my parents trained me, I became an older version of the guy I was in high school - every woman's "best friend" who they would never consider going out on a date with.
I have a cartoon I found once on the wall over my desk. It shows a man and a woman sitting on the sofa, and the woman is saying, "Yes, Frank, you're a very nice man and a gentleman - and that's why I and every other woman in the world won't ever sleep with you." 
I'm still a gentleman - but now I believe I understand why I'm celibate and alone, and not by my own choice. | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/7/2008 3:02:09 PM | | Yes, extremely. Even when already in the relationships, if we omit the small courtesies and niceties, and then we wonder why romance and passion is nowhere to be found.. It's the small things that keep it going(on both sides, I might add!). | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/7/2008 7:30:58 PM | Boy! I can see the guys flocking into this one!! What is hard about showing courtesy. It's all about respect. *Both Sides Yes*
When I was young I worked as a bus boy at a really nice lounge. 2 shows a night and 3 on weekend evenings. All I did was handle glasses and ashtrays. I learned to keep a book of matches in my pocket with one match ready to strike at all times. Anyone that I spotted that put a cigarette up to their lips, I was usually there. Then, I would pull the dead match off the book and lay the rest of the book by them on the table. No Less than a buck came my way in the end. Every time!
The simple things in life will get you a lot further in this world than most seem to think. I can see point in being a pest about it on a date. Think of a waitress that butts in too many times and you are trying to hold a conversation with a date. Charisma comes into play. Be gallant without being a pain in the butt. The thing of it is, that being nice makes you feel nice and shows that you pay attention. Showing manners cost nothing!! | |
|
| |
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/8/2008 7:24:40 AM | | I think politeness for both genders is still very important. It doesn't have to take the form of specific things, but one should look to put the other's comfort ahead of their own. In this way, you are taking care of each other, rather than just looking out for yourself. It can be intoxicating and romantic. | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:45:07 PM | While I firmly believe in being a gentleman and the concept of chivalry, it has been my experience that these qualities get a guy nowhere. I've generally had bad luck with women despite my doing everything to make them feel like a princess. At the same time, I have acquaintances, that in my opinion, treat their girlfriends like crap; and women still flock to these guys. It completely baffles me, but the facts don't lie.
So I'd like to pose a question to the women viewing this thread: Please explain to me why, to quote an oft-used cliche, the nice guys still finish last? | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/10/2008 9:49:04 PM | To Kalimera.
I would like to answer your question. Actually, the nice guys dont finish last.. if you look at it as quality over quantity. Would you, as an intelligent, polite, 'nice' man really want one of those women who fall for the 'bad boy' ? they are'nt very bright, you know,.. and have quite a lot of issues. Could you feel comfortable lowering your standards just to have a flock of the bottom of the barrel type girls? Again, its quality over quantity. and the same applies for ladies. There are a lot of women here who are saying that manners and chivalry can be a heady and very romantic combination.. you can be sure that they are very sensible, intelligent. and good natured women. The only thing is, like honest people, they are rare.. like chivalrous men, they are rare,.. its simply numbers.. the best are always few.. Right here on this thread are women who would appreciate a nice guy. Dont tell me that there are'nt women around who appreciate a nice, polite man. Theyre right here. Unfortunately, in the bigger world, they are few.. just like the nice guys are few and far between.. I'd look right under your nose Kalimera. | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:04:24 PM |
My question is this ( and if it is a dumb question I'm very sorry) is gentlmany behavior and chivilry still important?
It's important to be a gentleman in the presence of a lady, but you need to be perceptive enough to see whether a given woman is a lady or not. Not all women are ladylike, and it is a major clusterfùck trying to show chivalry to someone who (for whatever reason) is not prepared to receive it.
Be a gentleman towards a lady; but just be a man (albeit an honorable one) towards a regular woman. | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:00:12 PM | I appreciate the reply and agree that quality over quantity makes sense. I'm not trying to justify quantity, I'm just trying to understand the logic, or lack there of, that exists in women that put themselves through the pain of being with some as**ole.
Anyway, enough with my rant.
Kalispera | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:11:38 PM | I love men with good manners and yes I think it does make a man more sexy and attractive. After all good manners cost nothing. I like to return the compliment too and will open doors etc. I think it should cut both ways.
One day a young boy of about 8 years old saw me struggling with bags of shopping, approaching a taxi, he ran to the car and opened up the door for me!!! How wonderful is that at his tender years. Was totally taken aback and proud that good breeding still exists! | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:21:12 PM | | I have to say ......if gentlemanly behavoir is not important...then why should us women behave womanly......respect deserves respect...if not then whay are we here? I have enough challenges in life without one of them being a lady! Womens lib aside ...men deserve to be treated like men, ( I am not talking about boys or wannabe men), and women (not girls disgised as women, let alone ladies.....who has been teaching the young women of today?? And I even have one of them....dont ask me I have done my best!) deserve to be treated as women!!! | |
|
| Showing manners cost nothing!!
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:31:53 PM | | The way I was raised is that manners .....while they may not be everything....they still count for a lot......I still get annoyed at my three kids if they dont show manners in my home.......and they then tighten thier belts......as a progressive mother and consider myself a liberal.....I am proud that perhaps the younger generation is not completely lost to our mistakes. | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:36:05 PM | Good manners ...... and being a gentleman is always important ..... but if you make it appear to be special or appear to be trying too hard .... not natural .... it becomes mundane ......And not appreciated as a natural way of being yourself. Nothing .... whether it be holding hand ...... a gentle kiss or hug upon parting should just be something you want to do because you know it would be accepted in the kindest way. I resent someone who I meet for a coffee who expects a kiss ...... simply because we met ...... not going to happen!
Furthermore ...... if being a gentleman is simply ..... opening doors ..... there is far more to being a gentleman then that ...... and my dears ...... that is just another thread .......... ummmmmmm | |
|
| a question for ladies
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:41:07 PM | It was most definately just him! I send alot of mail fishing for people to chat with, and i get back mabey 2% replys, I would love it if they took the time to say "Thanxs, but Im not interested" Or something! o yes keep replying if you can because there are alot of us "Good Guys" out there that do appreciate it. I also think, that being gentlemanly and chivalry are something to hold onto and maintain.
Cheers
Jay | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/10/2008 11:43:47 PM | Man, that story rings so true for me! I have had the same problem over many years, and I almost said screw it and changed my morals and values, because I thought if I turned into a bad apple I might get the good girl finally, Im glad I didnt change, I still hold to my values, and Im still looking for the right woman that wants a "Nice Guy"
Cheers
Wish ya luck
Jay | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/11/2008 1:25:38 AM | yeah, they say it is important.
Experience says they are wrong. It gets you nowhere, fast.
Held a door for a lady today, her nose was stuck up high and she didn't even bother to breath a thank you, Sc**** you or even look my direction.
So, do it if you want to but I've yet to see any benefit from it other than getting kicked to the curb pretty fast. On the up side of that.....it helps to free up your free time faster so you can lick your wounds sooner. | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/11/2008 7:40:38 AM | Sauders post is important, I think. It outlines the difference between 'being' a gentleman, and 'acting' like a gentleman, to get what you would consider as the 'reward'. in this case.. it would 'get' you the girl.
Sauder made a decision, that even if no one appreciated his manners, or that it didnt get him the girl,.. he was going to do it anyway.. he would carry on having manners and standards of behaviour for himself, wether they were beneficial or not. That is 'being' a gentleman.
Women are very good at knowing who is really a gentleman, and who is acting the gentleman to get their reward. It's an act that slips. After all, being a gentleman is no more than having kindness, and respect for someone else. Its just being a good honourable human being. Women, the sensible ones,.. know that if a man shows kindness, consideration,.. and respect to others, then he's most likely going to treat her that way too. Thats what we want.. but there are too many so called 'nice' guys who arent reallly that nice at all, they're just acting nice,.. and it soon starts to show if they're putting on an act.
Being a gentleman should'nt be for the perceived reward,.. it should be its own reward. You'll be growing and evolving as a man and a human being.. you'll be a mensch. its something every man should aspire to. Miss Eyre. | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:28:12 AM | Important ?? . . YES! . .
Often Used . . Rarely !!!
When I can . . I'll hold a door for a Lady, or group of Ladies . .
and Usually get a *Shocked* look .. along with a 'Thank-you'. . !!!
I've found that Most guys couldn't Spell 'Gentleman' with a Dictionary . .
and a Seeing-Eye-Dog . . !!
. .  .. .. . . | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:35:23 AM | | Its all in the up bringing, if you were taught or observed chivalry, then you may have a clue...there is a differance between a man that does it because he wants to and the man that does it because he thinks the woman likes it | |
|
| |
| |
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/11/2008 8:54:43 AM | | Chivalry may be mortally wounded, but it is not dead. It remains as important now, perhaps even more so then before. On the other hand there are far to few who see and respect it as they should. | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:00:08 AM |
Held a door for a lady today, her nose was stuck up high and she didn't even bother to breath a thank you, Sc**** you or even look my direction.
I personally "insist" on opening doors. And, yes, there are some gals that feel sooo equal that they may take offense.
Case in point; I was walking into a grocery store, and a woman dressed in the 'business suit" was following me. I opened the door and stood aside for her to pass in front of me.
She shot me a cool look and said "I hope you didn't open that door because I'm a woman?"
I replied, "No m'aam, I opened that door because "I" am a gentleman" | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:05:45 AM | | In the last twenty or so years, we have become a permissive society, we have let the kids be "themselves"..The thoughts on this post depends on the age group writing, we were all raised in differat eras..and as far as teaching the kids chivalry..I guess you reap what you soe | |
|
| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 1/11/2008 9:32:19 AM |
She shot me a cool look and said "I hope you didn't open that door because I'm a woman?"
I replied, "No m'aam, I opened that door because "I" am a gentleman"
This is a very good case-in-point of why chivalry must be situational. There are contexts in which some women are not predisposed to receive a gentleman's chivalry. Colleagues and co-workers may be put off by it. Some women whom you don't know may think it's a come-on. You look flat-out ridiculous doing it if a woman turns her nose up (unladylike) and puts your gesture in a whole different light.
The key is to realize that times HAVE changed (although I'm not sure that this type of chivalry was ever universal). Some women deserve to receive this kind of courteousness, and some don't. Be shrewd enough to make the distinction. | |
|
Home
login 
