| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 3/9/2008 10:39:37 PM | Am i glad i found this thread or post whatever you call it. I will still remain somewhat confused but not necessarily feel quite so alone.
I have always held doors for anyone either coming or going. Helped with large objects, held chairs and coats. Used what i deemed proper manners etc. I found in most cases it was well recieved but there were a few instances when these gestures were not so well recieved. In these cases i would endure a curt dressing down then quietly continue on my way.
I have been somewhat taken aback by some attitudes of people of all ages and sexes. I have tried to instill common decency into my children and have on occasion mentioned to others they may want to do things differently. ( one example of this is my older brother and i were visiting our parents gravesite with his grandson and i had to instruct them to remove their hats on hallowed ground) There are so many people who refuse to follow basic rules of courtesy that it is nearly impossible to have a child learn these things.
They are little things but they are what makes life worth living because they enhance your interactions as well as your feeling of self worth. This makes for a happier more contented and i believe healthier life.
I am however becoming more vocal and more adamant about peoples choices to be what i call inconsiderate. I don't know how many times i tell people to take off their sun glasses if they want to talk to me. Or to look at waitresses or anyone when they are talking to them. I work with and for very Christian people but get amazed when some don't remove their hats for grace. I take mine off before entering the building and if i forget then i will certainly remove it before seating. All these are just little things but if they are taken care of the major pitfalls are easily overcome.
As for what confuses me. I have always just thought of these things as proper etiquette and comon courtesy. I have never considered myself a gentleman (i am a proud redneck) and certainly not chivalrous. Nor have i deemed this a measure of respect as i feel respect is to be earned. So what is it really? Am i misleading myself or seperating concepts that are actually the same? I just don't know. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 3/29/2008 5:53:42 PM | | Oh yes! However, simply telling me that he is a gentleman doesn't cut it. Actions speak louder than words and he has to consistently show me that he's a gentleman before I'll believe him. | |
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| a question for ladies
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:21:48 PM | | Well, magic, I'm one of those very independent types and I still like chivalry. I think it reflects good manners and decent values - as does any polite behavior, irrespective of gender. At any rate, I'm certainly more attracted to polite, thoughtful types than other types. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 4/6/2008 8:32:04 PM | | Sometimes gentlemanly, chivalrous behavior is superficial and skin-deep - just a show for the ladies. I'd rather have the true respect of a man...if the two go hand-in-hand then it's fine. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/17/2008 6:45:16 PM | Yea but women don't reciprocate chivalry.
I mean doing thing such as laying his clothes out for him, giving him the bigger piece of cake, opening his car door from the inside, hugging him or holding him after he has given you his jacket so he doesn't freeze, occasionally feeding him (i mean actually feeding). | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/17/2008 7:01:11 PM | . . . is gentlmany [sic] behavior and chivilry [sic] still important? - Desert serenade
You ask if gentlemanly behaviour and chivalry are still important. Well, I have just returned from a cosy little country cafe I use not far from here, where I read my books.
Here is what I noticed while I was there.
Four couples, a man and a woman, came into the cafe during the hour I was there. Those four couples differed in age, from 'young' - around their late teens - to older, like myself, in their early fifties.
Every one of the men in those couples entered the cafe first, leaving their womenfolk to trundle in behind and close the door for them.
Every one of the men in those couples left the cafe first, again leaving their partners to follow behind and close the door and toddle behind.
What astonished me was not the lack of manners, but rather the 'acceptance' on the part of the women. It was considered normal.
I don't know, but in my day - when I was a boy - a gentleman doffed his hat to a woman; he gave up his seat on buses; he walked on the outside (the road side) of the pavements (sidewalks) while the woman walked on the inside, and he certainly opened the door for the woman and allowed her to enter first.
I am astonished at the sudden worldwide decrease in manners and how quickly etiquette, and even basic manners, are fading into memory.
Can you imagine what it will be like in, say, 50 years from now?
- Peter
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/18/2008 4:47:25 AM | Like I said this is a double standard.
A man should help a woman with her jacket but her laying his clothes is chauvinistic of him right?
Maybe men aren't gentlemen because women aren't ladies. Ladies reciprocate that courtesy in the other ways that I said before (laying clothes out, giving him the bigger piece of cake, opening car door from the inside etc).
How many women honestly do those things? None. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:34:35 AM | Stop living in a hollywood movie...
Chivalry was the moral code of medieval knights as far the rules for war and conduct....
There is a good BBC documentary on myths of the medieval age with some interesting codes from chivalry...things like how many gold pieces you owed the woman's father if you raped her.
I really don't think women want to go back to the "golden age" of chivalry. I don't think women want to go back even 50 years when it was hardly a crime to beat the shit out of your woman.
If you think women had it better in the past your delusional. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:46:18 AM |
Maybe men aren't gentlemen because women aren't ladies. Ladies reciprocate that courtesy in the other ways that I said before (laying clothes out, giving him the bigger piece of cake, opening car door from the inside etc). How many women honestly do those things? None.
These are exactly the types of things I did for my ex (before the abuse started) because I loved him. They were second nature for me. I even went so far as to warm a bath towel in the dryer for him while he was in the shower. I made sure his clothes were in the most convenient location in closets and drawers. It's just the way I am. When I love a man, I see nothing wrong with treating him like a king, as long as I am treated as nicely. When his efforts to treat me well cease and my efforts to treat him well are taken for granted, things change quickly. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/18/2008 2:53:06 PM | | ^^^ Yea but the norm is for women to be treated better than they treat men in relationshps. Look at who always pays, and who is usually the giver of emotional support. The man always gives more and is emotionally stronger. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/18/2008 3:16:42 PM | | John - I guess I'm not really qualified to respond since I didn't have a normal relationship with my ex. During our 23-year marriage, he survived 5 brain injuries. He developed serious mental and emotional problems. I basically gave up my life to be his support system. I loved him unconditionally and was the only form of support he had. I had to be a combination of Wonder Woman and Mary Poppins because if I showed any type of "normal" emotions (being upset, crying, etc.), his world fell apart because he no longer had the capacity of rational thought and couldn't deal with it. I gave up anything remotely resembling a life and became a recluse because of his problems. For a lot of years I supported him and he was basically my 4th child. As a result of my experiences, I am emotionally stronger than most people (men or women), and it is NOT a blessing. | |
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| a question for ladies
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:01:30 PM |
I have one other question too: when you get an email from someone you don't think would be a good match with you, do you return that email ad respectfully tell them so or do you just delete the message and not respond? And why? Thank you.
Out of respect for people, if someone makes a gesture to speak with you, whether it's in public or online (there isn't any diffence as far as I'm concerned), you should have the common decency of responding.
I always respond to people who email me on POF, that doesn't mean I expect to have them all as girlfriends, but if I can make a few friends or contacts during my journey then why not. I do the same to agents that contact me for employment or other non-spam related email. Communicating, via the internet is the same as communicating in person, except it's not F2F. Besides, as I said to someone earlier, if you don't speak to people who reach out to you, you will never know if that person could have a profound impact on your life. It doesn't mean you are going to marry, or be a match with everyone that tries to contact you, but still keep in mind that dating is a social activity. If more people understood this, the dating scene would be much better. | |
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| a question for ladies
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:05:35 PM | Funny not that long ago it was called common courtesy to hold a door open, open the car door, etc.. for someone (not necessarily just for women). What ever happened to those days. Nowadays, you hold the door open for someone and they don't even have manners. What's up with that?
I was taught to have manners, and to be courteous to people. So, yes it is important not only for treatment of women but people in general should be doing these things for everyone. | |
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:43:10 PM | I mean no disrespect to the OP when I say this (and I haven't looked at his profile to see his age) but I see this thread a lot and I'm sorry, but I think we are just so fixated on this frekin question still after many years....
What I mean is, forget the term chivalry unless you’re over 50 or 60 (because a lot of that is generational to me) but I just see ‘chivalry’ as common sense respect on both sides. And don’t get me wrong; I see it as very kind when a man opens a door for me etc, but I still don’t understand why or how that custom got started or the whole thing about taking off your hat. Possibly doors used to be very heavy and hard to open? And hats were for cowboys to protect from rain and such and were dirty, so it was polite to remove them? I dunno know…
To me, it very kind for someone to do those things and I absolutely appreciate a man for it, but the fact that so many women expect and demand it, well that part I just don’t get….There are women who won’t date a man again if he doesn’t rush to open her doors on the first date…and my point would be, when does that end? On the 10th date? Never? I mean men are supposed to follow us around like servants because we can never open a door in their presence? I just fill full of myself to expect a man to constantly do that…just my opinion…
And then I just read this post that to me proves my objection to insisting on this:
"Yea but women don't reciprocate chivalry.
I mean doing thing such as laying his clothes out for him, giving him the bigger piece of cake, opening his car door from the inside, hugging him or holding him after he has given you his jacket so he doesn't freeze, occasionally feeding him (i mean actually feeding)."...
Are you kidding me? Because you hold open the door and take off your hat you get the bigger peice of food, and we should lay your clothes out for you? OMG!!!!!! How about two people with common sense split the cake, share doing the laundry and you lay your own frekin clothes out on the bed or hire a maid!
True respect as a couple means you do things for your partner that are important to them to show you care and vise versa. (That varies for every couple) My whole problem with 'expected chivlry' is all the rules and regulations are needed because two people in love/dating can't figure out how to respect one another unless someone spells it all out for them...what I'm sure started out as manners, has run completely amuck...
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| is gentlemanly behavior and chivalry still important?
Posted: 8/19/2008 6:21:33 PM | | OMG YES it is so important. Especially if she has never exspirenced it. She will value it so much more. I say ruin it for all the guys out there and retrain the girls to exspect it. I know how much I loved it and how much I miss it. Only one man ever did that for me, and I will love him till the day I die. | |
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| a question for ladies
Posted: 8/20/2008 10:23:48 AM | | Hi , hey I went awayin a caravan with nice lady,. But, boy, did she get the s,.,,ts when I tried to do things for her,"" Let me empty the toilet for you to save you doing it, "" bloody hell she went through the roof, and accused me of trying to show off, so apparently Ishouldn't have, given Her flowers ,bought her dinner, Drinks , done any washing up ,helped with the washing ,brought her coffee in the morning,or helped in hooking the van, up or offered to do my share of driving,serviceing the vehicle, and every thing else,She said nice love making wasn't all that held things together?? Oh well,. She's now in Cairns,",,helloChristine" and i am back at Bribie Island, Thanks. Frank | |
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...dunno about the kissing the hand thing though..that always makes me uncomfortable.
