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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30'      Home login  
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 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 76
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Dave you are being glib for no reason, you and i disagree on the value of having children, thats fine but dont get condescending with me. If you are so high and mighty about kids, go adopt 5 more and raise them to be wonderful little white knights, until then you have no room to criticize.
you made your choice, but dont act like you have the moral high ground because you really don't.
 coollindasmith
Joined: 9/3/2012
Msg: 77
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/27/2013 10:46:59 PM
It's not wrong to not want to date a woman with kids. It is however wrong to mislead a woman into believing that you are interested in her long term if you are not. Sometimes men become so enamored with a woman that they feel that those negative feelings about the woman being a single mom are going to dissappear and they don't. Just avoid the whole situation and don't even get involved.... I never knew this was such an issue to some men until recently...this is all new to me. More people stay divorced then they do married so logically a vast majority are single parents. The problem for me is I don't know where these single dads are. I have one child so I prefer to date single dads and I have no clue where they are hiding.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 78
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 6:22:08 AM
In your age range I don't think it is a major issue with most men. But if you are a single man or woman under the age of 25 with children your dating life will suck lol.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 79
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 6:26:23 AM
Spot on, penscando. And not only for the reasons you pointed out, but also he's not in a position to be that picky. Speaking from a physical attractiveness standpoint.


I find it interesting that this poster is talking about the OP's looks and him being picky when she has a long list of requirements.

Personally I still a prefer a woman without kids. ( Although having kids is not an automatic dealbreaker for me. ) Many women in their mid/late 20s and early 30s tend to date older men that are around my age. These women are less likely to have kids.
 groovygirlio
Joined: 10/20/2011
Msg: 80
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 12:18:16 PM
agreed. hypersensitive. It's a dating site for a reason, to be able to screen through people that match your wants/needs easily. I assume these single parents that are complaining have preferences as to what they want in a partner...I would hope.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 81
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 1:02:58 PM

I find it interesting that this poster is talking about the OP's looks and him being picky when she has a long list of requirements.

Its like i said she was personally offended that being a single parent was a detriment at all, so being the logical intelligent person that she is, she instead chose to deflect and make personal attacks.
 bottleguy
Joined: 3/22/2011
Msg: 82
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 1:39:31 PM
MOST of the posts on here are personal attacks. As for me, I prefer women with no children cause I can't afford them, and sometimes other people children ARE monsters. My sister doesn't believe in discipline of any kind for her children and they are terrible.
 olive_oyl
Joined: 2/2/2013
Msg: 83
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 2:06:36 PM
Like I said in the other thread, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. If there's one thing that should never happen, it's dating someone with kids if you don't like kids! I absolutely can't stand it when parents so desperately want to date, they would date someone who isn't compatible with their kids just to avoid being lonely. Guess who suffers?? The children.
The problem I have is making it sound like single parents are used up trash, and good for nobody. They might not be good for you, but there are plenty of people who don't have a problem dating someone with children.
 JenSnider
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 84
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 3:32:45 PM
^Or, vice versa, the person who stays with the single parent because they've formed an attachment to their children, when they don't have a healthy relationship with the parent.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 85
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 4:59:26 PM

The problem I have is making it sound like single parents are used up trash, and good for nobody. They might not be good for you, but there are plenty of people who don't have a problem dating someone with children.

I dont think anyone is even implying that, but i STAND by my comment that kids ARE a financial and time drain. This is true and applies to the BEST parents in the world. I have a hard time justifying their resource drain of other peoples kids in MY relationship.


THIS in no way is a judgment on the parents. There are lots of major lifestyle issues that people have no problem saying they arent interested in, but for some reason people use PLEASE OF EMOTION when talking about kids to make their counter point.
Whether people like the comparison or not, Id have a hard time dating someone with 10 siberian huskies, a crippling disease or some sort of psychosis too, but no one faults me for not wanting to have those people as mates.
 buterfly41978
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 86
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 6:31:13 PM
No, I don't think they are monsters for not wanting to date people with kids.

As a single mother I don't think I know how I feel about wanting to date someone that does not have kids.
 CouldBWow
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 87
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 7:56:05 PM
I am a single parent, and I dont think its wrong for someone to not be interested in people with kids. We all have the right to determine what we do or dont want in a partner. Although by the 30's one is limiting their dating pool quite a bit with that decision, but its their choice to make!
 lynguistik
Joined: 5/10/2011
Msg: 88
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 2/28/2013 8:38:49 PM
It's not so terrible to want someone without kids, especially if you don't have any yourself. BUT, let's face it, you're asking a lot to expect to find someone in her 30s who hasn't been in a relationship that produced a child. Personally, NOT having a child at such an advanced age may be just as much of a red flag as having one or two. You may want to lighten up on this criterion. Keep it under your hat for your own personal reflections when considering a possible match, but don't put it out there like it's no big deal. I mean, come on bro, we're in our 30s! Now is not the time to be picky, especially if the girl is amazing in so many other respects.
 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 89
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/1/2013 5:56:31 AM
Please Bro, for one thing we live to 80 these days, 30 is pretty young. And why is 30 some magical number that now I am supposed to enter into a situation I dont want?

There are a lot of gorgeous intelligent women aged 25-35 who don't have kids yet. The say I should instead drop a major requirement of mine merely because that pool is smaller is ridiculous.
 SunshineAngel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 90
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/1/2013 6:55:35 AM
The average age that men and women marry or even have kids is increasing sharply on a yearly basis So, I am not sure the old wives tale that the pool of available singles with no kids is shrinking by the 30's holds true anymore. Most single parents under the age of 25 these days are single because a lot of kids are born due to poor or no use of birth control methods and out of wedlock. It is rare for a women in her 20's these days to have kids and be married.

 mainelythere
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 91
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/1/2013 7:19:39 AM
Very true, myself for instance ive had ample opportunity to have kids but the time wasnt financially right, ironically my caution is why i dont have kids
 JimInJax
Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 92
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/1/2013 8:12:57 AM
I made a decision long ago that I didn't want to have children. I was so sure in fact, I had a vasectomy a few years ago. I had the opportunity, and just decided for personal reasons that it wasn't a life I wanted for myself.

I've dated women with kids, and without. While personally I wouldn't rule out a woman with older kids (16 and up or so), I do agree it changes the dynamic in a relationship for me. EX: I love to travel and I like to go when it's off-season. Can't really do that when someone has kids. All activities have to accommodate the child first - are they with their dad? Are they in school? Do they have soccer that night?. So for a single guy like me, it is limiting. But for the right woman, I would change my lifestyle for a few years until the child was out of the house on their own.

Most people with kids that I have known (at least the good parents) put their children first, AS THEY SHOULD. That means I would always be a secondary consideration. One has to accept that when they date someone with children. If you can't, or don't want to, then by dating someone with kids, you do both of you a disservice. I have proven this time and time again and men, if that's not something you can handle, then don't date her.

I think that people that are dating in their 30's (or 40's in my case) have to really evaluate what it is that they want if they are looking for something more than just casual dating and be honest with people about it.

Just my $.02.

Jim
 Amcmmgz
Joined: 11/8/2012
Msg: 93
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/1/2013 9:53:35 AM
No monsters here. It's great you know what you want and don't want. I have an independent 21 year old. But when he was younger I would've much rather a guy pass on me than just barely tolerate my child. There are no monsters here. I'm not wanting to date someone with kids either or at least have kids that are grown and on their own. It's just a lifestyle choice. And yes, it is hard to take on someone children. It is a lot of responsibility. I love my (former) two step children as much as my own but not wanting to do it again. Lifestyle choices.
 MR~DON
Joined: 6/19/2009
Msg: 94
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/1/2013 10:01:19 AM
It's stupid for a person to think that there going to date someone of becoming age and expect thattey never, or don't have kids..That's like dating a firefighter and expect that when he goes to work he isn't risking his life..This argument is stupid and this question is reall an inmature stance on a subject that should be like in a 20's year old forum..just my opinion..point blank, if you don't wantto date a person with children- perhaps 25 and below would be the range....I'm just saying...
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 95
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/1/2013 12:50:19 PM
It's more of a stupid thing to think just cause someone is over 30 then they must have kids. While many do, There are many who don't have kids.
There is nothing wrong not wanting to date a single parent. But then there are some that don't care if the other person has kids or not and then there are some who are looking for a single parent. I'm 46 and I would not date a single parent and I don't care how old or young the kids are. I know what that mean for my dating life and I don't care. Same time if you run the search for women in there 40s and as picky as my search is there are still over 600 profiles show up. So there are lots of single women with no kids out there. All within 10 miles of my location. So what I'm saying is that just cause you get older don't mean you don't have choices ( that don't mean all the choices are great).
 rgvmale
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 96
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/1/2013 4:44:26 PM
really mr.don O.o really?
 TallGlass30
Joined: 8/17/2011
Msg: 97
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/1/2013 7:42:46 PM
Here I go with my point of view, let's see if it sails.

Children are not going to read this, your children I mean.. of course random children have access to all kinds of crap online. It's a tragic failure for parents not to protect their children. And so this online meet-n-greet style site is like a pub, with people-please-me attitudes.

Why expect a mom not to have a sexual drive? That is something guys we need to wrap our brains around: She still likes sex. We all like it, mm boy :) Well, where do single parents find that kind of attention? They usually find it from guys who are ***holes, and this is because it requires too much of an investment of time and energy to really search out genuine people. And perhaps you'd be more interested in a girl anyway? Attractive hot girls these days are "Also Bi" and this leads to even more confusion when really it's kinda like just for attention. I'm curious about how a parent would go about finding the attention they would like from an attractive and potential mate.. I think there's a bit of keeping people at arm's length going on,

cheers, overthinking broody hairsplitters :) Peace God Sex Love and Rock'n'Roll
 Cgirl1025
Joined: 2/26/2013
Msg: 98
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Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/2/2013 9:20:44 AM
I don't see anything wrong with not wanting to date someone with kids. There are a lot of factors. Especially in the beginning of a relationship. Dating a single parent there are a lot of restrictions. Not to mention a lot of single parents carry drama. I personally don't mind dating someone with kids as long as you have enough time to really get to know who your dating.
 slydave
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 99
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/2/2013 10:00:31 AM
Amen! Out of all the post under this category, yours, by far, hits the nail directly on the head. The truth of the matter is that there are more guys in our country that are less willing to date single moms. There are also more women that are less likely to date men whom does not want the responsibility of raising another man's kids. Therefore, there must be a mutual concensus on the situation. I believe we, as Americans, have grown far too opinionated thus having very specific "preferences." Honestly, some of our "preferences" really are quite far fetched. Basically, we are replacing "looking for love" with "looking for preferences." This says to me that we are no longer thinking for ourselves, but rather allowing outside interferences to influence our decisions. The way I am is that I think for my self disregarding any outside influence. With that being said, if I find a woman attractive and interesting on here, with or without kids, I'm going to talk to her! Men, that's where our focus should be directed. To everyone, free your self from being politically correct and give life and love a chance again.
 slydave
Joined: 2/1/2008
Msg: 100
Why is it so wrong to not want to date a person with kids in your 30's?
Posted: 3/2/2013 10:06:00 AM
@vestaceres Amen! Out of all the post under this category, yours, by far, hits the nail directly on the head. The truth of the matter is that there are more guys in our country that are less willing to date single moms. There are also more women that are less likely to date men whom does not want the responsibility of raising another man's kids. Therefore, there must be a mutual concensus on the situation. I believe we, as Americans, have grown far too opinionated thus having very specific "preferences." Honestly, some of our "preferences" really are quite far fetched. Basically, we are replacing "looking for love" with "looking for preferences." This says to me that we are no longer thinking for ourselves, but rather allowing outside interferences to influence our decisions. The way I am is that I think for my self disregarding any outside influence. With that being said, if I find a woman attractive and interesting on here, with or without kids, I'm going to talk to her! Men, that's where our focus should be directed. To everyone, free your self from being politically correct and give life and love a chance again.
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