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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/4/2005 11:29:30 PM | In a sense I agree w/u that the parent w/o the child is more fit to bring the financials, but I disagree with the whole context of the law to begin with. I'm divorced, the children r with my wife, i'm spending more then 80% of my income for child support and I only get to see them once a week, while my wife that hardly works gets custody and to be with them all the time. My ex also got the house, since of course she's with the kids and all that. You know everything makes sense, the house, custody, child support. Put them all together though, and I can't help feeling like I got the shitty end of the deal! If we vote for equality that women should be equal to men (as they always want to be, and strive for male dominant jobs, like in law enforcements, and similar jobs) they should also be equal in family matters. Lets divide the children, share the expenses and have a fair settlement. Why is all the courts always femenists!?!
Life's not fair! | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/5/2005 1:28:08 AM | Here are a few options for you:
1. If you are not listed as the second child's biological father (this will be on his birth record) then you can contest to paying support on his behalf - It's a little on the cruel side and may cause some animosity between you and your ex-wife, which in turn will hurt the boy.
2. See about making better custody arrangements with your wife involving the children.
I would like to mention to you however, there is a reason why you are paying so much child support - with a divorce, I'd make sure none of it is alimony for your ex-wife - raising a child is not cheap...
For the men here who believe that they should be able to claim their child support on their taxes or get some kind of a tax break - the government used to allow it, however, if you get to claim it as a tax write-off, your ex has to claim it as income. So sure, you're doing great and getting a break, but the woman who does 60% or more of the upbringing of your spawn is suffering and in debt with the government, how is that fair? My son's father and I came to an agreement regarding taxes - since I'm the main custodial parent, I am claiming him as my dependant; however, part of the child support payments are going into an RESP for our son, and he will be claiming that for his taxes.
Most parents want the best for their children, my son's father is paying more than what our laws state he has to, and he's not doing it to help me out while I'm in school - He's doing it because it will assure him that his son will have everything he needs. I can understand being in a difficult living situation, but don't we typically want better for our children than we had for ourselves?
Women aren't always monsters, if you talk to them and explain to them your situation it just might get some kind of resolution in your favour. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:44:59 PM | | i know in my situation i pay 800.00 a month for my two kids. i work two jobs and go to school at night . she sits at home with the kids and collects welfare and 600 dollars of the support money. the state keeps 200 as there share. men should not have to work more than one job. stuff for children is spendy but you also got to remember men have to live to! | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/17/2005 10:18:38 AM | Simple as this It`s not fair period. Unless you have experienced it personally , you have no clue!
they will take the maximum earning capacity, if you cant afford it, you will be tiold to get another job or go to jail, even if mom abandoned the relationship, she in turn has all the rights, your falling behind on your payments because you need to survive, your now becoming a deadbeat dad! Even if you love your children and spend lots of time with them, Custody and support matters are completely seperate issues,now your a deadbeat living with your parents or in some efficency because she decided to leave, your credit rating gets brusied, your drivers license can be taken ect...you will need to play a stupid game or start your own business to survive.
she will never be told "pay or go to jail" she can adjust her living expenses , your paying at a fixed rate Period.
you dont matter, she does!
and the only thing we can do is fight back in large groups. talk to legislators, write to congress,half your ex support is probably going towards her habits.
good luck.
try this site it may help-www.dadsdivorce.com | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/17/2005 10:26:59 AM | i say this , elimnate child support, split custody down the middle!
for parents that want to be involved.
how do we know the money is being spent on the children?
and who the he** made it so dad pays or goes to jail, what about her? what about us guys that stayed and were fathful? she left had an affair why should i pay?
the system should work for dad too, child support enforcement works for her, why doesnt custody enforcement work for me?
i have to file the claims when she doesnt give my children up, on the other hand she does nothing, the state will come after Dad?
unless your a man involved in a bias system you truley have no clue. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/17/2005 1:14:18 PM | | I pay $1,100 a month and pay each and every month, irregardless of how long I have them. I feel your pain. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/17/2005 8:18:15 PM | | I don't understand why men have a problem paying child support? 90% of men seem to always complain about the money they have to pay. Do you not understand how expensive it is to rear a child? All men seem to see is the dent it makes in their paycheck. Child support partially pays for the food, clothing, and shelter that your child needs to survive. It is expensive! I have no sympathy for men who leave their families and then expect the mother to just figure out everything. My ex decided that he didn't want anymore responsibilities, so he left to have his fun life with the girlfriend. Do any of you think it is easy to suddenly have to pay the same amount of bills with $40,000 less a year? Go ahead and try it sometime. It is really fun. Anyway, I don't mean to bash all men, and I'm really not bitter because although I have to bite the bullet and suck up a lot of things, I know that my sons benefit in the long run. Just one question though.......don't you people realize that a child is an 18 year committment? Step up to the plate! | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/17/2005 11:26:18 PM | | Same reason we bitch about the price of gas... Sure, we use it but yet we still complain. All I said was that I feel his pain. Sucks to pay so much and not even have your children with you. Sucks that I'm paying the California rate while she lives in a much cheaper state. Sucks that she's working two jobs and hiding significant income so I have to pay her more. But it's all for the good of the kids. Just allow us to vent a little. Thanks. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/18/2005 10:24:45 AM | I'm beginning to think the laws on child support are more equalized in Canada than the U.S.
I always try to take a neutral perspective on everything, and really, I can understand why a man would be pissed about missing chunks of his paycheques - I'd be pissed too if the money was coming off my cheques...
However, being a single mom and having sucked up a $1200 back payment on child support, I am slightly jaded on the topic, I bit the loss in the hopes that it will avoid even more reason for the 'mommy-bashing' when he's with his dad - I know I'm not the only woman on earth who's done this...
Everyone is entitled by complain, but this is a sensitive topic with single moms, so backlash is to be expected...
Cheers
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/18/2005 12:48:45 PM | Single moms have dominated this topic for decades, and frankly it's time men started talking about thier side. I refuse to be shamed into acting in any particular way to please anyone.
The simple fact is that IF child support was fair, and IF the law was reciprocal, what we would have is a true division of expenses. In other words, rather than "keeping the children as they are accustomed to living" which is the goal set out in nearly every guideline I have read, we should be adding up BOTH household incomes, adding up the expenses of BOTH households in roughly the same standard of living (including the cost of extra rooms for when your kids are with you), and splitting all expenses down the middle.
There seems to be this feeling that men have an obligation to pay and pay and pay...get two jobs - well, now your income is higher...so you pay more. Get remarried? Well, now your wife's income is added to yours for calculation purposes. Note that NOWHERE in Canada is the custodial parent's income included in the calculation, and while the CS is pre tax dollars, the NCP has to pay the taxes on it. the point of the deduction is to reduce the FINANCIAL strain of having kids, and there is no rational reason to deny the write off. If fairness were the concern, at the very least both parents would be able to claim half of the deduction. Also, there's nothing saying the Gov't can't allow a deduction on the CS paid.
As to it costing more than 900/month for a kid...let's see. I have 2 daughters that I have every second week. So we'll call that the equivalent of one child full time. The only expenses I can directly track to having them is the difference between a one bedroom and a three bedroom apt.....that's about 160/month here in Regina. Add to that another 150 /month for food...another 60 or so /month for clothes...my sitter (full time BTW...for 2 kids) costs me 200/month (50/week, per kid...half time).
So far that's 570 /month.
Let's round that up for incidentals to 800 /month.
Half of that would be 400/month.
So where is the need for 900 /month in child support to "meet obligations"? Please keep in mind that I have no interest in helping my ex live a better life...that's her job. Single parenthood means you don't have the resources at hand that you would if you were still together...and that's EXACTLY how it should be. Don't like it, find a partner or a roommate...life's tough.
As to what you can do about being broke because of CS payments....well, precious little. You can try for a reduction, but VERY few men get that (even men that have suffered industrial accidents and can't work anymore - don't believe me? Look at the "deadbeat Dad" lists a little closer...the vast majority are low wage earners that have lost thier jobs). The only other options are to earn money under the table (illegal), or hope to God your ex doesn't find out if you get a better job. I suppose you might be able to get her to agree to less money if it's that hard...but then, if the state finds out about it you'll be assessed arrearages...whether she wants the money or not, you pay.
I suppose you could always ask her for a kickback..... | |
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Buvlug
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Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 36 | |
| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/26/2005 4:30:19 AM | This one here is a bit odd...
I am a 25 year old female, divorced, and have had three kids. I got married very young and was married for 7 years. My oldest son was born with a chromosome abnormality they have never seen before. Keeping him alive took a lot out of my husband and I's relationship. A year and a half after my oldest was born, I had my second son. Though he is a blessing in our life, at the time it complicated things much more. Now we had a new born on top of a special needs child. Eventually through it all my husband and I lost each other. He filed for a divorce eight months after our second son was born. During our divorce I ended up getting pregnant with our third son. He had already met his current wife and denied all paternity. Trying to make her believe that we were not still sleeping together. I ended up giving my baby up for adoption. He wanted nothing to do with him and was telling my other two kids that this new baby was not their new brother while I on the other hand was telling them different. I saw the confusion in my son and realized that keeping this new bundle of joy would be hell for all three kids. Things were hard enough.
The point of my story is this... I supported my husband through his schooling for his career. I worked at home taking care of 2 babies one very sick while he worked. I loved those babies like no one ever could. When we went to court for our divorce we got split custody. Unfortunately for me and my kids my husband was awarded primary custody which means that they reside with him the majority of the time. So my eight month old baby I was still breast feeding at the time, was ripped away from me, and could only see me on certain days of the week. I think all of this has affected him the worst. I was ordered to pay child support for my two boys simply because their father had them 4 days a week. 1 day more than me.
I certainly have a new perspective on fathers who love their children but can only see them so often yet they pay so much and still try to survive. Every child support case is unique in it's own way. Don't judge those around you so easily, it's very possible you may one day walk in their shoes. The pain I have felt through this whole thing has been so excruciating there are days I wonder how one being can survive such pain. But there is one thing I do know, if I can survive this kind of pain, then I can survive ANY kind of pain! I wish you all the best of luck, from single mom's receiving child support, to dad's who love their kids and try surviving this world while paying child support.
Here's missing my world,
Lauralee | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/26/2005 5:33:51 AM | eat more toast and learn to cook beans and rice
I totally know what you mean, brother. I had to make a lifestyle change. Now I date at home | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/26/2005 7:36:14 AM | question to you, If she commits adultery becomes pregnant by another man, decides to leave
and take the children, does she have the right to abtain the maximum earning capacity even if im unemployed(laid off) YES! what message is this sending the world,Seems Like Women Have the right at any time to abandon a marriage take the children and make dad pay , even if dad was the perfect dad during the marriage, now us men we stay or pay!Period.
see your hubby was screwed either way he would of had to pay weather you left or he left,
he doesnt have that choice, im not being specific about your situation, just using your circunstances as an example, the system is Bias! im Involved i know this to be 100% true.
sure it can swing both ways, but the man is more likley to be hit by the door on the way out. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/26/2005 7:55:19 AM | | My daughters father and I may not be together but he has always taken responsibility for his daughter. His Check is always there and on time> I commend the men that are doing what it takes | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/26/2005 7:57:35 AM | | I never even see the money so I dont miss it. It is garnered from my wage and direct deposited in her account. All $1000 dollars of it | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/26/2005 8:24:38 AM | I can't say that I have a lot of sympathy. I'm a single mom of 2, my ex moved out Dec 24, 2000 with his girlfriend.. makes 50K a year, I make 18.2k, and I'm putting myself through school. He takes them once every 4 months, and lives about 2 hours away. He is supposed to pay 1340 a month, that's 66% of the expenses for both of our children.. he pays nothing at the moment, which I'm fighting. When he takes them during the summer time, which is usually only a month because with him not paying I can't afford daycare for them while they are not in school. But because he has them, he does not believe he has to pay. Well unfortunatly, I can't move out of my 3 bedroom mobile home for a month, to pay cheaper rent.
I spend approx, 600-800 a year on medical bills.. and there is nothing wrong with them. Thats dental cleanings/fillings, regular check-ups, new glasses for my daughter, and anything dealing with colds/ear infections/allergies and prescriptions.
I spend 400 a month on food when they are with me. That goes for healthy snacks, dinners and 3 meals a day on the weekends. We don't eat out, because we can't afford any luxeries.
I spend 400 a month on daycare, for after school care for them while I'm at work.
Hygene products - I spend easily about 150 a month.
I don't collect welfare, I don't have foodstamps, and my kids are too old for WIC.
If it wasn't for finacial aid, I wouldn't be surviving.
There is no money for extra fun, my daughter can not even be in girlscouts because we can not afford it, which is why I'm putting myself through school.
My income monthly, without financial aid is $1120.00 bring home. That's 18,240 a year.
Between rent/insurance/electric/basic phone service/water - that comes to about $1000 a month.
Do you see what I'm getting at? I did a finacial affidavit recently, and the different between my bringhome, and my monthly bills, is 1100.00 in the hole. There isn't much money for new clothes/shoes/school supplies. There isn't extra money if the car decided to have a bad day. Birthdays and holidays we make the best of it by a homemade cake and a present for each of them. My kids appreciate the fact that I do the best that I can, but they are not always understanding in the fact of why daddy doesn't pay. I don't bash my ex to them at all, but I'm tired of making excuses for him when it comes to the kids.
Regardless of the situation, and who left who, the children need to be taken care of. I'm not bitter against my ex-husband because he left.. I'm actually happy about that, and better off without him, emotional wise. I just wish he would step up to the plate and pay what he is supposed to be paying.
Men think that it's easy for us women to deal with all this. It's not, raising kids by yourself is a tremendous responsibility. Always hoping to teach them both sides and both views of moms/dads. There isn't a lot of free time, and with both of my parents passed away, and his parents living so far away, it isn't often that I get a break from them. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids dearly, and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.. but all parents need a break sometime.
I will continue to attempt to float until the courts work their magic, and I understand that all situations are different. Having to work a little harder for your kids to have a good life is not something to be complaining about though.
Just my 5c worth.
Meik | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/26/2005 9:43:49 AM | Answer! Keep the courts out of family matters.
Mom and dad made a consiuos chioce to have children knowing the responsibilties & expenses associated with bearing children, think hard before having children.
stop blaming the other person.
if he or she leaves, to persue another relationship, and he or she wants nothing to do with the children, then so be it, except responsibilty for having sex, its not the states fault or your partners fault anymore than yours, admit you married or had children with an ***hole except it and move on, never hold the children from people that they love, keep the lawyers and courts out of family matters,it`s kinda funny, the one that leaves "usually"
not always! gets slammed as if to say i know your miserable and being verbally abused, but if you leave you will pay, be grown-ups stop depending on this dam Govt to fix your bad decisions. we have all made them including myself, im sooooo sick of this domestic relations Bullshit that empowers abusers.  | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/26/2005 1:16:54 PM | | I hope you are able to resolve your issues with your payments. My hats off to you for helping with the second child. I read responses from both men and women who are pi**ed about the payment issues, whether its a lack of payment or paying too much. Child support is to help support the child... not the ex. I can only dream of getting the amount of money some of these women are getting ($1100 a month!!!). To the women who are not getting payments... keep at it until you get it. To the guys who are paying too much... so sorry you're ex thinks you owe her as well as the kids. I get $230 a month for 2 kids, but I'm not going to complain under the circumstances. My ex will probably never have a good paying job. I went back to school knowing he will never be able to help himself, let alone, the kids. I barely make ends meet and have had 3 eviction notices this year due to late payments (I'm still here though, phew). I pay $550 on top of child care subsidies to work P/T and look for more work. One day I will have that better paying job and when I do, I plan on telling the ex to keep his $$. He will still be able to see the kids whenever he wants... that's not too often. Am i crazy? No, he is. Literally. His costs are very different from mine and the children's. I beleive that if I were to go after him for any more money he would pay it but at great cost to his mental health (medications - $300/m) and inevitably to his ability to be able to keep his job. I know my circumstances are so very different from most and they are not a typical situation... but I wanted to put this in to say to those who complain... what's the real problem here? circumstance... bitterness... unfairness... or the welfare of the child(ren)? - BTW - I'm not targeting any one remark made... just a general question about priorities. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/26/2005 1:18:04 PM | | Good for you! I avoid going through CSED here in Alaska, they are so screwed up big time and u would have to go through a lawyer in order for them to listen to you. Thankfully my daughter's dad is a step up guy who lives in NY, he and I worked it out to where he is able to afford it and it's enough for me. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: Keep all your stubs of any payment you've made to CSED. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/27/2005 1:54:39 AM | Get more custody time of the children. The more time you have them the less support you pay...plus it is better for the kids to have you in their life as much as possible. I have 50% custody of my two children. I make about $40K a year more than my ex, but because of the 50% split, my support is only like $250 per month. The ex is not happy at all about the support amount, but oh well. But the most important thing is that the children have you as a vital part of their life.
Ozzie | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/27/2005 7:32:06 PM | Asking for more time with your kid so you can get a child support reduction... I don't know I think that sounds kind of crappy, if you ask for more time withy you kid it should be because it is in the childs best interest not to relieve your financial stress. Don't get me wrong I feel for your lack of expendable $$$ but I have a problem with the sugested remedy.
Heck I have my son 40% of the time (3 nights every week) and I still pay $550 a month and my ex works and gets $44k a year, raising a kid is expensive, food, daycare, clothes, insurance, medicine, sports & misc exp... it adds up real quick!!!! | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/27/2005 11:39:04 PM | | That is not what I said jdparis. I clearly said that having their father as a vital part of their life was of most important. Having both parents taking an interest and being involved is what the kids needs most during a divorce or after. I was only pointing out that the higher percent custody a father has, the less the support amount will be. No one suggested to have the kids more for the sole purpose of bringing down support. That would just be dumb. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/28/2005 10:09:21 AM | This is a tough one.
Thing that kills me about child support is knowing full well that the money isn't being spent on the kids but rather on "her well being". i.e. smokes, booze, car so she car drive to her boyfriends, gas money to drive out there yet when she needs to take one of the kids to a therapy session she's broke and I HAVE to fill her tank or I DON'T love my children.
I pay my ex $1200 a month in support plus whatever else she manages to convince me I'm responsible for. i.e school supplies, activities, cloths, hell atleast once a month I get a call that she's headed to the food bank unless I give her some more money.
Like many of the responses I just don't get it. She lied and cheated, she decided she wanted out. YET at every turn I'm somehow responsible for her well being (mentally, spiritually, physically oh and the biggie FINACIALLY. She tells me this often. If I don't support her and make sure her well being is taken care of then she'll be a shitty mom and it will be my fault for not being there.
The hardest part for me to accept is the fact that if I was raising my kids, not paying support I could survive VERY comfortably and provide most if not everything my kids need. Yet the system has decided that it's in the best interest of the kids to be with mom at this age so I struggle, mom struggles, and the kids suffer. Somehow that doesn't seem like it's in there best interests. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/28/2005 11:37:58 AM | | Yea, one of the problems with nice guys (or ladies) that try to be responsible and do what is right is that they often find a partner that will take advantage of that trait. And what is even more sad is that the (ex)partner will exploit any means possible to tap into your sense to do what is right to benefit themselves. This includes using the children as your ex is doing. Very very sad for the children. The only way to keep her from doing this is to put your foot down and refuse to participate in her dance to keep you responsible for her. If you see that she is taking it out on the kids, then it is time to go back to court and try to get more custody for the betterment of the children. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/28/2005 11:49:32 AM | | I have raised my kids on 700 dollars a month for almost 2 years, and that was without help from their dad who makes near 45 grand a year.. he is a trucker and quits his job alot.. he has finally started paying..but is paying only 400 a month when it should be more like 750. I have three children and god knows the 400 a month he cashes over to me barely if even covers groceries.. but i do feel for those fathers who do pay and who want to help out and i do feel bad when i see even my ex struggle with money... all i can say is i know if you are in ontario canada, the court is free of charge if you are fighting for custody or support propblems.. just a thought and best of luck to the dads who get screwed over in the process because of deadbeats.. maybe someday we can figure out how to fix it. | |
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