| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 8/28/2005 12:24:41 PM | | Neither men nor women can claim child support on taxes. It is not deductible. Neither does the receiving party have to claim child support as income. It is pretty much a wash where neither party gains an advantage or disadvantage from support payment on their taxes. However, spousal support can be deducted by the paying party and is income for the receiving party. | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/29/2005 3:02:16 AM | | Ya but then if he does have more earning power then she will take him back to court and demand more then he is back to were he started from so were does it end? There has to be some balance somewere.Just because a marriage did not work does that mean a man has to live in poverty? I think not. | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/29/2005 8:19:25 AM | | That is true. She can take him back to court and ask for more money. But that usually doesnt happen unless there is a substantial gain to be made. To do so means that she will likely have to hire a lawyer. She is not going to spend $2000 for the lawyer to gain an extra $50 per month. | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/29/2005 12:52:50 PM |
Posted By: Ozzieman on 8/29/2005 11  25 AM Subject: guys who pay their child support Message: That is true. She can take him back to court and ask for more money. But that usually doesnt happen unless there is a substantial gain to be made. To do so means that she will likely have to hire a lawyer. She is not going to spend $2000 for the lawyer to gain an extra $50 per month.
Actually it's supposed to be automatic. The latest thing I think I read was that Revenue Canada is supposed to monitor your income and notify the other partner with any changes and the new child support rate. Sure don't dislose your raise or pay the extra because it's a small increase each month.
BUT wait around and the ex decides to check your income or the courts request an updated finacials and you could be nailed with arrears that will drown you. Besides if you get the extra money why wouldn't you want to give more. Assuming it's going to the children of course.
And as far as the lawyer that depends also. Legal Aid can be had for people who can't afford a lawyer and are in court for anything related to "support" or "custody". Trust me on this one, my ex's lawyer salvitates at the mouth every time she thinks she can get me back into court for more money. And my ex isn't paying her bill - legal aid is.
To be clear, I totally believe people should be paying child support. I personally think however that ALL the child support should be used for the children, I understand a portion is rent/bills etc. BUT when my ex collects my child support, and baby bonus and that's all the income she has that means it's not being used as it should. i.e. again cigarettes, gas to boyfriends and other crap that isn't related to the kids.
To the gentlemen that said he'd rather live in poverty than have his children. Sorry, I'd rather live with my children and raise them than have them living in poverty because thier mother is comfortable living off my child support and waiting for her next victim.
The one thing I don't get is WHY should men live in poverty so that thier ex wives and children can live comfortably. Speaking personally, I didn't fight my way out of poverty, work my ass of learning something that everyone else was afraid off (by myself), work insane hours bettering myself, get married, have children, have my ex wife cheat and lie to me so that I can live in POVERTY the rest of my life or till they are gone from home.
NO SIR.
If anything, I should be allowed to raise my children and provide them with the morals and values that say lying and cheating is WRONG. I should be allowed to continue on with whatever parts of my "dream" are still available to me.
INSTEAD
I loose everything. My children, the smiles on thier faces, some first words, homework, crying, cuddling, kissing, wrestling and so many more activties that I won't be doing with them when I get home from work. My home, everything was taken or is gone. So I'm left feeling ROBBED. Why robbed you ask. Because even though I'm a man yada yada, I had dreams and goals. I had wishes that I wanted to fufill. Yes I may achieve some if not most anyhow, but the ones that involved my children will forever be taken.
Oh well. | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/29/2005 1:19:11 PM | Sorry! Not a gentlemen. Women here.
I can understand if the women is not working and is using your child support to live off of. Then yes that is not fair But.....
Like I said in page one of this thread.... | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/29/2005 1:32:12 PM | Sorry my bad :)
I do agree whatever amount of support usually doesn't put a dent in what actual costs of raising a child or children are. I also don't see many situations were it's a win/win for either parent and in most cases BOTH struggle to make ends met and provide a decent living for thier children. My case is the extreme but it happens enough. | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/29/2005 2:22:12 PM | My Ex complained about his child support once. So I wrote up a bill. Every time our kids so much as put a quarter in a gumball machine I billed him for half. I added up every little thing I could and then sent him the bill with the kids on his once a month visits.
He never said a thing about it again.
For the most part my ex and I get along. However his complaint was based on the fact that I make almost double what he does and he felt that he should not have to pay as much as he does when I make more than enough to take care of us without his support. I let him know that it is not about finances it is about responsibility to his children. He is right I don't need his money to pay my bills. His support money goes into savings accounts for our childrens education. If I took him to court I could get MUCH more then I asked for. I feel I was more then reasonable when we mutually decided on a monthly amount. It is not hurting him financially to pay what he has to pay and if it was I would lower the amount, despite popular belief I am not a b**ch!
I agree that it isn't fair for a man not to be able to survive himself after paying his support but it is also unfair for the children to lack for anything because their parents were not financially stable enough to be having children in the first place! | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/29/2005 3:37:42 PM | | I pay suppport, have been for 4 years now. I have no problem paying it, they are my kids too.. I also try and help out with back to school clothes, sports and other things that may come up. Kids should not suffer, you brought them into the world, they didnt ask to be here, so take care of them. I give up alot of money per month, works out to just over one weeks pay, but I would pay more because I love my children and would hate to think that they went without......... | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/29/2005 7:07:19 PM | Not all women are b*tches when it comes to the child support. My ex used to pay me $200/wk but now pays me $150/wk for both of our kids. Some weeks I only get $100 because he needs to pay some of his bills. When he started talkin about having to give up his place because with all his bills & child support he didn't have enough to live on. So I decided to let him cut back on it. I also don't hound him for the $50 that I lose on the weeks he only give me $100. I realize he has the right to live in a nice place and only work 1 job, I'm NOT about to let the father of my children live poorly.
I have to say that I am one of those women that live off child support....BUT we both agree that I should be going back to school and takin care of the kids, and not worry about finding another job. Thankfully my rent is dirt cheap for a 2 bedroom apt... | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/30/2005 2:39:02 PM | Hey there Ms. Kitty. I dont think women are b****es because they need child support to raise the children. I think, as a father, I would be happy to pay any support necessary, even above and beyond court ordered, to make sure the kids were well cared for. I think I take bigger issues with fathers who dont make time to spend with their children, and think paying child support is a substitute for having to be a father (I am not saying there have been any such father in this string). If a father is not taking emotional responsibility for their children and their upbringing, then I say gutt the sucker financially.
Ozzie | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/31/2005 3:57:50 AM | Why not be a real father, and just do you half. Have the kids 50 percent of he time, divide things up so that it you paying for half. Then ask why you should be paying child support.
I have my kids 50 percent of the time, and I dont pay a dime, other than what I spend on the kids. I dont like the fact that I would be giving her money, and even tho there are women out there that put the money in savings. I would rather spend the money on the kids, or put it in a savings for them myself.
Fellas look at it in the long run, you and your kids become closer, and it isnt mom who is the hero when she dips into their savings account or college fund for the kids to get a car, or pay for school. The bigget thing, being that you and the kids become closer. | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/31/2005 12:30:45 PM | Ozzieman
Gutting them financially doesn't really solve the problem unless some of that extra money is directed at the therapy sessions for the child when they are dealing with the abondoment issues.
Quack
Totally agree with that position  I would be a very very happy dad if I could have them 50% of the time. For now I'm happy with an open door policy that lets me see my kids whenever I want as long as I call before hand. To date this has worked out and has been to everyone's advantage as I see my kids frequently and have the luxury of going and getting a hug on those particularily hard days  Think that's what I missed most when the ex and I weren't communicating, my hugs from the kids. I miss walking into the front door to "daddy daddy" and getting mugged as I called it by my 3 little ones. Oh well have to settle for it when I go visit :) | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/31/2005 3:20:27 PM | Abandonment issues do not come from holding the father financially responsible for the little people he puts on this earth. Abandonment arises when the father leaves and is not an emotional support for his children. Two seperate issues there. If the father is living up to his responsibilities as a father, then he is not going to go broke having to pay child support. The more time a father spends with his children, the less he pays in support. It is a win-win for everyone involved if the father is an active role model and emotional support for his children. If he brings children into this world and abandons them to move on with his life after divorce, then he deserves to pay the consequences for his decision to leave, which is normal a huge financial hit. Sound fair to me. I say this as a divorced father.
Oz | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 8/31/2005 7:17:52 PM | I agree on the abandonment was my attempt at humor to your previous comment. And I don't think the two are related.
I also agree with everything you have to say about the father taking responsibility. But I don't think that in all cases your support will be dropped. Or the judge will just rename it spousal support as a means of allowing her to live at the same level as you so the kids maintain consistency between residencies. Had a lawyer tell me this one :(
What you are talking about is what should be the default scenario in ALL separations and divorces. Unfortunately and this is my opinion at least 1 party in the separation will find an adversarial lawyer and since most separations are “surprises” to 1 party things become quickly counter productive. Not all cases, don’t know the percentages be interesting to find out.
I was in court the other day. I walked out in complete disbelief. To see so many couples sitting on opposites sides of the rooms with their lawyers walking back and forth and bargaining about private matters in the open. Daggers across open spaces, raw emotions displayed, anger, some pleading. Is amazing to think that all those people once loved the person that sits on the opposite side of the room and they share children but the animosity is open and visible.
Gave me a totally new prospective on what my children see. Pay your support, be there for your children and love them as much as you can. That was what I’ve believed and tried to live up to but I think I’m going to be working on the open animosity. It’s ugly and leaving court the other day I was just sad seeing what I’d seen (oh and getting my divorce  | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 10/9/2005 11:32:14 AM | Well said country, I was wondering if my ex was the only one who believed in taking care of his own. We drive each other crazy but when it comes to our daughter we come together for her.
He doesn't live in proverty and I will not force that on him - he pays $250 a month, sometimes more if I need it. He came through for me when I was stuck in a rut a couple of times, literally, even had to borrow money from friends to help us out. He has her visit him in New York and family overseas every other year and he pays for all of that. Although we live far apart, both of us are raising her in a sense that she knows she can't play us against each other. He's not an angel but I'm very glad he's a good father and I usually thank him for taking care of her from over there. | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 10/9/2005 1:27:09 PM | I have a lot of things to say about some of the post on this thread
Children are a lifelong commitment, not an 18 year commitment.
Paying child support (little over 7k a year, about 1/4 my pre-tax income), has not made me so poor I cannot pay my mortgage, it has killed my ability to go out. I have little extra money, but that's oka', I have a wonderful daughter, and if I had her all the time, I still wouldn't have any money, I'd just have something to do around the house while being too poor to go anywhere.
Quack, I love your plan, you find a judge that will give me my daughter half (or more) of the time... I believe gender bias has been mentioned here before.
As for taxes, many single moms, expecially the many of you on here who are students, can get the earnet income credit (in the states) and pay next to nothing in taxes, I make way too much money to get that. The courts are going to let me claim Abigail until her mother makes enough money to not get the EIC, then we will alternate.
Claiming a child on taxes in no way refunds all the money you paid in support.
And I will once again place my ideal situation concerning support. The parent that gets the kids should pay damages. I truly believe this is the case. I think I, as the one financially capable of raising a child, should have my daughter... and I should pay her mother for the lost time. Money not being the issue, I don't get to see my daughter every day... I have been injured and believe compensation is not out of order. As I said already in this post, if Abiail was here all the time, I'd still be poor from paying her bills, but I'd have her with me... things would be a lot better. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 10/10/2005 8:52:52 AM | still not right it should be every year why do you need to alternate??? its really not fair for men at all...
I am sorry coconut, but this statement really pisses me off! If you want to get right down to the nitty gritty about child support, USUALLY what the person (male or female) receives in child support doesn't even cover half of what it REALLY costs to raise a child! I am suppose to get $466 a month for two children...even if I did get that it won't even cover the cost of childcare! So are you telling me if he was up on child support he should be able to claim my children on his taxes???? Just cause he would be paying a fraction of what child care is! That doesn't cover food, shelter, clothing, toys, medications, medical care, diapers, etc. etc. etc!  | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 10/10/2005 9:13:06 PM |
If you had the kids, theoretically, you'd be in the same bind anyway...because that money you're spending on child support would be spent on the children anyway
But when you live in two different houses you spend far more on rent or mortgages than if you lived under the same roof. Also the quality of living is diminished for both households. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:22:53 PM | To me I would be really happy to recieve child support for my youngest son his father promises to pay half for his eye glasses and hmmmmm I am still waiting since son was 3 (now 8). One pair of glasses was 300 dollars, next was 250 and now the newer ones were only 63 dollars but I have yet to see a dime. Then his father decides to move out of town and now complains about travelling to see his own. I used to pay for him to take his son on his weekends with groceries or cash just so son wouldn't miss out.
This is a very very tough and emotional topic for alot of people but alot of you make sense.
My oldest son I get 50 a month but his grandparents take him regularly and help with clothing and such so I don't really mind the small amount. I have been searchin for work for quite awhile but haven't found anything (the joy of being a stay home mom for a long time). So yes alittle more support sometimes would help out with bills and such but not gonna ruin the talkable relationship I do have with this one.
About the 50/50 split of time though. I think that would be tough if one parent lives outta town cause the child will not be able to make friendship connections that last or even be in the same school, have same teacher and so on. If you both live close to each other than the 50/50 might be the solution.
Anyways I could go on and on about this issue but will refrain | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 10/10/2005 10:58:16 PM |
Most guys do not pay....
Comments like that are huge generalizations and totally unfounded. You talk about not judging women and yet you make a huge judgement on men. Sounds a little like revenge rather than justice.
I pay child support and I pay spousal support and I have my girls exactly half of the time in a shared custody arrangement. With two girls we each get to claim one on our taxes and its all fair. Because of the agreement that I have with my ex my girls can live the same at my house as they do at my ex's and that is what really matters in the long run.
And the funny thing is that I'm not an exception ... I find most people live up to their obligations. The exceptions do make it look bad for everyone. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 10/11/2005 8:37:11 AM | Just a note on childsupport. It is supposed to be based on % of income. I received 800 month in child support for 2 children. I also assumed all of the debt with a house payment of 893.00 a month. I worked full-time and it was still difficult. He never helped with any extras, lets see school supplies, lunch money, doctor payments, prescriptions, class trips, clothes, and high school was a nightmare ------- he quit paying when oldest was a freshman. I bought 2 vehicles, paid for all the senior stuff and he never had time to see them. When I wanted to try to deveop a life for myself, i still had ALL of the responsibility of the parents.
I wish things could be more equitable, but in retrospect, find a good attorney and work it all out in the divorcee decree and get it in writing.
For those of you who do pay your support take faith in knowing your children surely will know the sacrafices you made. SMILE | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 1/20/2006 2:48:04 PM | | I AGREE WITH YOU..I THINK THAT THE CHILD SUPPORT ARRANGEMENTS ARE RIDDICULOUS THEY WANT US TO PAY FOR THE CHILD LIVING WITH THIER OTHER PARENT AND THEN WE ALSO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM WHILE THEY ARE WITH US WE HAVE TO FEED THEM CLOTHE THEM BUY THIER TOYS WAH THIER CLOTHES BATHE THEM AND TAKE THEM OUT TO DO THINGS WITH THEM AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON CHRISTMAS AND B-DAYS..NOW I KNOW THEIR ARE ALOT OF PARENTS OUT THERE THAT DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIER CHILDREN BUT WHY SHOULD THEY BE SO HARD ON THE ONES THAT DO?I HAVE MY CHILD TWICE A WEEK AND EVERY OTHER WEEKEND AND MY EX WIFE DOESNT EVEN WORK.NOW TELL ME WHY I SHOULD HAVE TO PAY IT WHEN SHE CAN GET A JOB AND BE ABLE TO SUPPORT OUR CHILD AT HER HOME AND I SUPPORT HER AT MINE?TO ME I JUST THINK THE GOVERMENT HAS LOST ITS MIND BECAUSE WE NEED TO LIVE TOO DONT WE? | |
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