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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 7/4/2006 3:37:15 AM | -----------Yo i was just wondering.. i'm divorced and have 2 boys 1 mine the other doesent know he's not mine but i claim him i've been his dad since he was born. anywho is there any help for us guys who pay child support cuz it really eats up my check and doesnt leave enough for a person to live on..------------------
The easiest way to reduce your financial burden is to get back custody of your children. Making an appeal to the Family Court sytem after you've already divided assets originally in a divorce will fall on deaf ears.
If you have custody, the tables flip, now your ex wife has to pay you to support the kids instead of you supporting her, especially if shes someone who is taking advantage of your child support to fund her own personal kicks instead of using it for the kids. Also since you retain most of your income, you can choose how you spend it and would probably spend it better.
How do you get custody back?
You show the mother is unfit.
How do you show the mother is unfit?
Let me give you a hypothetical. Lets say your ex wife is going to buy drugs from a drugdealer. And that you know this deal is going to happen beforehand. NOW I'M NOT SUGGESTING YOU SET YOUR WIFE UP HERE, SURELY I WOULD NOT SUGGEST THAT IN A PUBLIC FORUM FOR YOU TO BREAK THE LAW. I SURE AM NOT SUGGESTING THAT AT ALL. YEP, NOT SUGGESTING YOU SET YOUR WIFE UP IN ANY CONTEXT. YEP....YEP...
Then you call the cops and tip them off. Your wife is caught with enough drugs to charge her with possession with the intent to distribute, she gets a felony record, and you can take her to Family Court to challenge her right to custody of your children.
Heres the secret to Family Court - they hate people who make children suffer and they are terrified of bad press. How would it look if your ex wife was arrested for being a drugdealer and still got to keep her kids if that hit the papers? And while the Family Court system universally hates men, it hates people who hurt children even more. A drugdealing mother is someone the courts would not have mercy on as long as there is good old dad waiting in the wings to get his kids back.
Like I said, that all was merely a hypothetical, not legal advice and certainly not a suggestion for you to break the law.
Heres the kicker, if your ex wife loses custody and she has to pay you and doesn't, she goes to jail. Thats right, Family Courts will send non child support paying parents to jail.
The key is not earning more money man, that will only increase your ex wifes claim to more child support. The key is not appealing the Family Court, they dont care about you dude, they get a percentage of how much they force you to pay in child support and alimony, they have no incentive to reduce your payments. The key is not appealing to the kind heart and understanding of your ex wife. If she gave you that, you wouldn't be divorced now.
The key is getting back custody by any means neccessary. And you get to tuck your kids in every night too. That part, that part is priceless man.
Good luck to you. | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 7/4/2006 10:33:52 AM | I am fortunate then... my ex pays his support, started paying before the amount was determined. I have full custody of our two kids. He rarely sees them due to his living in a different province. He *could* get transferred here, but chooses to remain where he is for his *career*. Whatever. I have no sympathy for him as far as visitation goes 'cause he has complete control over this and chooses to do nothing about changing it. He was doing direct deposit into the boys' account, where I could access it whenever I wanted. Now I have post-dated cheques, a year's worth. If he were to ever bounce a cheque or fail to produce his payments on time I have the ability to take him to court and cause all kinds of problems for him since he is an employee of the Federal government, and they don't take kindly to non-payment of support.
He does have issues paying support for me tho as he feels he shouldn't have to do that anymore.
I am lucky that I qualify for full subsidy for daycare. If I didn't it would cost me $1400 a month for both boys to be in care. What the ex pays in support for the month (spousal and child combined) would barely cover that amount, which leaves me on the hook for everything else.. rent, bills, groceries, etc. Right now the agreement we have is that he is responsible for up to 75% of all extra costs like daycare (a non-issue really for us right now) or activites. I haven't ever asked him for any extra 'cause I know he's tapped. I think the lawyer told me I am receiving essentially 53% of his income in the form of support. I just signed the two boys up for karate, will be looking into another session of swimming lessons for August, and in September they will start skating lessons again... none of which the ex has ever paid for. He's never offered, and I've never asked.
I have a lot of respect for all single parents... still haven't figured out how to do it all for the boys and still have some (money, energy, time) leftover for me. Single dads who have custody or ARE paying support... good for you! If the positions were reversed and he had custody and I was paying support, I'd make damn sure I was paying and would make every effort to see them on as regular a basis as possible. | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 7/4/2006 10:46:34 AM |
I am lucky that I qualify for full subsidy for daycare. If I didn't it would cost me $1400 a month for both boys to be in care. What the ex pays in support for the month (spousal and child combined) would barely cover that amount, which leaves me on the hook for everything else.. rent, bills, groceries, etc.
Don't read this wrong, I'm not trying to attack you in any way, just trying to understand...
You say you don't have to pay that $1400 for childcare.. So, that basically leaves you with an extra $1400 a month to live on... correct?
What do you do with that amount now? Pay rent, bills, groceries, etc.?
So, that leave you paying for, karate lessons and swimming lessons and the occasional school related expense? | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 7/4/2006 4:01:47 PM | | @carol27 It's women like you that you piss me off. My mom and Dad raised seven of us. This whole bullsh*t of always bringing up the cost of daycare is really pathetic. My mom worked afternoons and and my dad worked dayshift for many years to avoid having to pay for daycare. It is this whole crappy idea that suddenly my life is going to be better if i leave my husband bullsh*t. There are way too many people just giving up on marraige, abusive ones being the exception, nobody is working on their relationships anymore. It has gotten SO EASY to just give up than make it work. My wife left me because I wasn't making enough and she wanted better. And with all my efforts to find work and barely get by what incentive do I have to better myself if only to have a higher percentage of that income go to her? I would have no problem if the money was put into an account that she could not touch but it doesn't work that way does it. And just like the other poster I don't get the daily hugs, or see him first thing in the morning or right after school and so many other things to many too mention. And Every one knows it is cheaper to live as a family than single. Two addresses, two phone bills etc. God it is this continuous complaining about how tough it is that maybe a lot of people should never have had kids in the first place. | |
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| guys who pay their child support
Posted: 7/6/2006 10:20:57 AM | Raestlin....sorry I missed the question before...
Actually that percentage thing is a pretty good idea. If my ex was paying his support without having to garnish his wages simply because he won't pay it himself...I wouldn't have a bit of problem with sharing on the income tax return....
Of course there are circumstances that cause problems....but it is all good in theory.
Great idea! | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 7/6/2006 10:26:57 AM | YEWMOYD....I suggest you not bash me because you don't know a damn thing about my situation...
I said the child support doesn't cover the cost of child care MUCH LESS ANYTHING ELSE. And as far as WHY I left my marriage....it was abusive...verbally, mentally, emotionally, economically abusive. We lived in a freakin' motel for a month before i left and we came pretty damn close to being homeless due to my ex. Not to mention the constant yelling and cussing me out because he had a bad day bullshit....in front of our daughter...and while I was pregnant with our second child. Yep, I left because I knew it wasn't ever going to change. And I didn't want my children growing up to see their father treat me that way.
Yep, it is cheaper to live as a family IFFFFFFF one or the other spouse doesn't blow money that is suppose to go toward bills on bullshit like horses. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 7/6/2006 10:33:36 AM | | high five for all men out there who pay your child support. There is a place you can go and get help with your questions to be fair for both ends. Hope all goes well with your issues. | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 7/13/2006 12:53:39 PM | | personaly as a father that does work hard, pays support for three children, my outlook on the situation is this; the state usually does favor the mother, if you are low income, like I am, you have to watch the state because they will completely leave deductions out in favor of the state, especially if the mother is on welfare, In washington a single male, paying his own living expenses, living by himself, is supposed to have $1036 of net income left to use for living expenses, most of the time, the state will simply leave this out of the calculations, I caught it, and made a legal objection in the time alloted to have it readjusted, I'm still lucky if I net $900 a month after support, which makes it really tight, but if I had not caught this, I would be in serious hurt! As for the state, they take no consideration of support paid out if you are trying to get help like food stamps or medical, which I don't understand at all, I mean, I work, pay support, pay taxes, do you consider my paying child support to be frivilous spending, or a cable bill, why is it not calculated out of my gross to adjust my net?? And get a second job, why? I work 40 plus hours a week, drive 50 miles round trip, twice a week, AFTER work to spend time with them, and have them every other weekend, and know my limitation as to what I can handle physically, Am I supposed to take a second job, cut down on the quantity and quality of time I spend with the kids, not have a life of my own, still bring home the same amount, yes the kids, ahem, the state welfare system WOULD get more money, but my kids would miss me, my health would run down hill, I'd probably lose one or both jobs, back support would start piling up, the state would posses my car, suspend my licence, threaten to throw me in jail, should I continue?? | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 7/13/2006 1:17:34 PM | holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
800 bucks a month???????????????/ on what income is that based?????????
i get a whopping 400 from my ex rat...it was a spoken agreement and even he thinks thats too much...like i said in another thread...any extras like sitters or anything his mom bought the creep deducts it from that total...
heheeheh i wish i could afford a lawyer to get the ball rolling and get the papers finalized.I just cant wait for the day when the judge just looks at him and calls him an idiot lol...
you know what my exs mother said last night?? if I try to go after my ex for more money they will say i hardly ever see the kids....um ****head i work 10 hours a day DUH!!!!! if i didnt we would live in a shithole somewhere and my kids would be eating mr noodle and drinking tang ewwwww!!!!!!
I SMELL A WAR BREWING.............  | |
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| guys who pay there childsupport
Posted: 7/15/2006 8:31:47 AM | well chris unfortunatly its not the "fair" way things are done. seems so many dads get away with doing nothing (like my ex) and yet others they take em to the cleaners. I myself dont understand how that works. I have been raising my kids alone since they were infants without support and im sure will never see a dime. I am glad to be able to raise my children and it proudly. Carma will catch up with you one day and you will be rewarded for your efforts with your children.
Missy | |
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