| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/17/2006 9:35:38 PM | | The pain you feel is deep and I kinda felt the same way when I had someone leave me after 10 years of marriage.. I get to see them move on with their lives while I suffer in the back ground. Its like a slow painfull process.. I'm pretty much over it though.. but evey once in a while I'm haunted by certain memories that remind me of the trememdous pain and then my heart skips a beat.. | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/18/2006 6:23:03 AM | | I'm with the it's better to have loved and lost.... I'm 61 so I've been there more than once. I trust love as a concept or as a "pure emotion" that doesn't always lead you where you want to go but does lead you where you need to be. I know some of you are going to throw something at me for that one, but it's just what I learned in my life. The most painful "breakup" taught me more about myself and allowed me to make changes that perhaps Iwould have never seen. In my life, break-ups have never been totally about the other person even if he was the one to leave. | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/18/2006 6:30:39 AM | 
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa . . . To never have loved is a terrible terrible thing! Would you honestly prefer that person had never been in your life? Would you be willing to give up the memories?
And, if you have never experienced the loss of having your love for someone systematically destroyed by their behavior . . .
then you can't appreciate enough that being able to love is the biggest gift of all.
It is far more important than being loved. | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/18/2006 6:38:47 AM | | the love you had between each other will live beyond the grave he lives in the people who loved him you wouldnt take that away for the world,love is the one thing that will over come any pain,the greif you feel just shows how nuch you loved him and yes it is cruel but nature is,its the great circle of life the only thing we can be sure of is death its self it will come to us all and we will leave people behind yet we will live on in there memory which is more amaixing than life itself xxx | |
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DI53
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Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 56 | |
| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/20/2006 11:10:57 AM | The ongoing fears of repeat deceit and the mind consuming questions r/t "trust again???and risk that downward spiral of actual physical heartache, the grieving mental fog, the broken
inner spirit, and worse of all the "fire" in the soul.
Tho healing and time unique to all, i would like to direct my views and request opinions from family oriented, women over 50 yrs of age, as i feel wisdom, life experiences and perhaps less accustomed to multiple and or shorterm relationships, that are part of younger peoples normal lifestyle as they r potentially much more socially active, just being in that stage of their normal growth and development.
Hope no one be offended...please.
Thanx and bless all!
DI | |
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DI53
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Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 58 | |
| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/20/2006 12:29:38 PM | Normally i would agree and do the same....this is a soulful connection, unlike any formerly perceived relationship feelings of just being in luv, followed by deceit, broken trust and a slow healing broen moi! Have been independent for some time and not quick to so easily to ever fall "just in luv" again.....been there done that....cant wanna be just there ever again scenario, if thats coherent at all.
di  | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:06:44 PM | The other side of the coin is, you made his last days some of the happiest of his life. If you'd never met him he'd never have known that happiness. It's a bittersweet paradox, but there is more than yourself to think about in a metaphysical sense.
I had a lot of pain in my relationship with my ex, but my children resulted from it. If I could go back and erase it so I never met my ex, I would never do it, even though I know their memory would be erased as well and I'd never even know they existed. I still wouldn't do it, because they're alive. They're breathing. They have joy. They have light in their eyes when they laugh. To change it because of my pain would be a tragedy.
I think the problem you may be having is that you're focused too much on the pain and not enough on the good times. There's all this horrible, heart-shredding agony that makes you want to curse God as a cruel sadist, but at the same time there's the million beautiful little memories that are so beautiful in and of themselves that they could have only come from a Being who understands true love -- they're so beautiful, and that's why it's so painful. You cherish the memories, as you cherished him. If it weren't for all the pain you'd be the happiest woman on earth, even just holding those memories, never mind the one who made them with you.
Hate the tragedy, but love the memories that made it such a tragedy to begin with. Love them so much that the pain pales in comparison to the joy, and then you'll find peace. Those memories are part of who you are today, and who you will one day become as you get through it. They're part of the beauty of your soul now, and the pain is the knife edge that's carving you slowly into a masterpiece.
It's a cruel game we play in this world, but in the end all we have is who we've become, and who we've touched by becoming that person.
Have a cup of tea and a hot bath and listen to Love of My Life, by Queen, and The Dance, by Garth Brooks. You'll cry, but the more you let it out, the clearer everything will become.
Take care.
-Kevin  | |
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DI53
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Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 61 | |
| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:45:27 PM | Thanx Kev.....absolutely in agreement...100%
NO regrets r/t past, with self and family[3 now adult children], so appreciative of the luv and evolment we've shared, as result[that is post grieving 30yr relationship, family farm its lifestyle/memories, & traditional expectations etc].
The only issue that remains, is the uneraseable memory and fear of the heart, mind, body and soul pain......as in the old addage "one can forgive but cannot forget'...psychologicaly & physically impossible without medical interventent.
Blessed now with an unexpected, heart,mind,body soulful connection, much more than luv,
as that is where that greatest "memory scar' was inflicted thru human frailty.
Is it possible, that even tho, for many reasons, it was better to luv than never luv at all, but
that these unerasable memory scars, will also adversely affect the trust required, to fullfill
shared aspiration, of an endearing, shared life with a "deeper than just luv" soulful connection.
Obviously difficult to describe pour moi....enigmatic at best....hope to be blessed to let the "loved b4 hauntings" go!
DI  | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/21/2006 3:47:33 PM | | Yes, you can wait a lifetime for the perfect love, but what fun is that? What a waste of time? NEXT! That's what I say. If it hurts, it's because you're remembering all the good times you have and you should never regret what you have done, only what you haven't. Few things are forever, in my experience. I used to believe it and perhaps I will again someday (for a while, at least - LOL) We'll all be dead in a hundred years so why worry about something that may never happen? | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/21/2006 3:53:03 PM |
I think the problem you may be having is that you're focused too much on the pain and not enough on the good times. There's all this horrible, heart-shredding agony that makes you want to curse God as a cruel sadist, but at the same time there's the million beautiful little memories that are so beautiful in and of themselves that they could have only come from a Being who understands true love -- they're so beautiful, and that's why it's so painful. You cherish the memories, as you cherished him.
Very well put, Kevin. I had this conversation with one of my ex-GF's a while back actually, and we both have a lot of wonderful memories together. Regardless of that it didnt work between us, both of us know that those are memories that we will *always* have. Some people unfortunately get caught up in the negative crap, and get so focused on it that they 'forget' (do we ever) about all the wonderful times.
And after all, life is a journey. The pieces of it, good and bad, make up the person that we are today. Were it not for those experiences, damn, the wonderful experiences I might have missed out on in my life. Not so sure I'd change a thing. | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/21/2006 4:02:40 PM | The memories of time spent with someone I truely loved and who loved me I would never give up no matter if it hurted cos they would be priceless. If someone came to me and said I will turn back time and u will even meet this person I couldn't accept it cos the thought of that person having a life and me not being in it would be worst.
I hope that things get easier to bear and that u can find something or someone to bring u some comfort xjx  | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/21/2006 4:57:50 PM | Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Yes, its better. And its even better when you know deep inside that you can love again. And you can love a man like you loved the one who's gone now, but he will never be loved again like you loved him.
"I was told there's a miracle
for each day that I try
I was told there's a new love that's born
for each one that has died"
(From Metropolis, by Dream Theater) | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:05:31 PM | Yes, it is definetly better.
I have been through it, its been 5 years now and i can honestly say that i would never have given up a single moment i spent with him. I would also do anything in my power to see him again if i had the chance.
I know that he made my life better, as i know that i made his better. I know what love means and that it should never be taken for granted.
Live every minute of every day like it were you last.... you never know when it might be.
Even though it is hard to go though, just think ... he loved you as much as you loved him, he would not want you giving up on the thought of beng happily in love again. | |
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canali
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Joined: 4/11/2006
Msg: 67 | |
| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:12:31 PM | of course it's better to have loved: loving means having courage, means taking a risk that your investment will end or not go on forever (yada yada)...I used to diss that saying...when I was in a cynical mood...not anymore...as we get closer to the abyss (LOL), I want to pack in as much of life as I can...and if it means getting your heart broken so be it (sure easier said than done when you're not hurting, I realize that), and that's life, isn't it?
As Buddha once said, 'Life is difficult'...best deal with pain as graciously as we can, should we continue to try to evolve into our best selves.
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 6/21/2006 6:42:54 PM | | I concur with you 100%. I meet the love of my life in '92. She had my religion, my beliefs and my politics. She was fantastic, drop dead gorgeous, the ideal woman(she was a redhead with a temper) . I even got along with her daughter. She had to relocate to the Northwest and I stayed where I was. We had planned to reunite after I sold my place. She came down with cancer and while I was off in the Pacific she lost her battle. After I got the facts from her daughter I was completely devestated. I'm still trying to get over it. I concur with you, 'the pain has not faded'. I'll always cherish the memories, I really think that it was worth the pain. But it's a pain that morphine sulfate can't salve. | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 7/27/2009 1:34:35 PM | Im truly sorry for your loss,
Know that perhaps at this moment in time, you may not understand why the love is gone.
However, in time you will see that things work out for a reason. Perhaps another will take that loves place that can fulfill you more so than you ever imagined.
Gods plan is not revealed till the final hour. | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 7/27/2009 1:45:42 PM | | I know what you are going through.I myself when through it,we were madly in love with each other,but I lost her through cancer.It was the worst pain I've felt,but I don't regret in meeting her and I'll never will.I mean we had some really great times together,I know it still hurts today but I'm glad to have had her in my life and to have that happiness and love too.I think it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved.To have experience that love and happiness was wonderful.................. | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 7/27/2009 1:49:24 PM | | It depends on the individual but I think a lot of those who never loved at all would be willing to give just about anything for it, even if only for a day. Which ever side of that coin you are on though, I think what's important is that you just never take love for granted. | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 7/27/2009 2:31:08 PM |
Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all....who ever came up with this concept was out of their mind!! To love someone and be truely loved in return and then have that person's life snatched away from you is one of the hardest and cruelest things I have gone thru and I couldn't help but to think maybe I should never have met them because though some years have passed the pain has not faded.
my condolences. | |
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| Its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:16:52 PM | When I look back at all the different situations that I've been through in my life, I like to believe that they've all had some hand in making me grow and evolve. Even the things that seemed like a disaster, when standing in front. I can look back now and recognize the good things that came out of it - the path that I would have never taken - the doorway I would have never noticed, if the other door hadn't closed before - the relationship that was full of arguments, that led both of us to take a closer look at ourselves and be more mindful of our flaws.
While I'm not saying for anybody to be grateful for having lost a love, through whatever, I do believe that having had that person in our life for a time taught us something in a way that will be beneficial in a future relationship. Maybe helping us work on our temper, which allows next relationship to flourish, which it otherwise wouldn't have. Maybe......
In my opinion a relationship is more than the sum of it's parts. It's not just , take it away and we wouldn't have gone through the pain, but: Take it away and we will lose parts of our growth again. Take it away and we wouldn't have known the joy possible. Take it away and
shorten future relationships due to the reduced knowledge.
Life and relationships are about the journey and not just the destination (which would be death, wouldn't it?).
What exactly is grief? I'm not trying to trivialize the pain involved. But what is grief about? If we're grieving a relationship that ended, don't we still have the memories?
Nobody can take those away. Are we upset about a future potential not happening? Do we fear the change/the unknown? The dread of having to start over with dating?
What exactly is grief based on, since we did have the relationship with the person and since nobody can take the memories away? | |
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