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Show ALL Forums  > Plentyoffish Site/Suggestions/Help  > New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restric      Home login  
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 brian_70
Joined: 2/24/2013
Msg: 476
Message RestrictionsPage 20 of 29    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29)
Few days ago i started chatting to female who is 14 years younger than me, however today being my birthday im now 15 years older and we cant communicate now with the message that i'm not accepting any messages because of my age and gender ?
As an upgraded member this was introduced after i subscribed and will be cancelling and leaving when it expires.
 vikiblue
Joined: 5/21/2013
Msg: 477
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Posted: 5/25/2013 4:42:42 AM
I wonder why BigFish hasn't posted in here again? I'd just like to know if these age restrictions are going to stay please?
 Paul is Me
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 478
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Posted: 5/25/2013 5:42:24 AM
She is 37 and I am 53. We live in the thinly populated upper peninsula of Michigan. Neither of us are looking for intimate encounters. Her profile clearly states that she wants to correspond with men between 38 and 53. We've written to each other, but now are prevented further communication. How is this a good thing??
 shaggy458
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 479
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 8:58:24 AM
I'm 38 years old. I date women between the ages of 25 and 45. I'm not looking for an "intimate encounter". I don't discuss sex in the first email.

These new restrictions are ridiculous. I don't need someone to hold my hand and make sure I don't date the wrong person. If an 18 year old woman is bothered because she was contacted by a 50 year old man, she can change her settings to filter out age ranges. And who the hell is Markus to say there is no reason for a 50 year old man to be contacting an 18 year old woman? Can't she make that decision for herself?

It's your site and you can run it any way you want to. This is why I'm cancelling my account and not recommending anyone. 0kcup1d is a hundred times better, as far as I'm concerned!
 QuantumWhatever
Joined: 3/21/2013
Msg: 480
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 9:00:12 AM
Judging from his posts in this thread, and the format he put into place for PoF, it seems like BigFish views dating and relationships in an almost-empirical sense, as if you could reduce the potential for a relationship between any two people to a scientific formula.

Define every variable, make every intention fit into a regimented category...but only certain potential results are deemed socially appropriate or worthy of inclusion on the site.

I take a very different view of the personal ads. I believe that using the personals should be as much like meeting people in the offline world as possible. So often, we meet people at work, social gatherings, in line at the supermarket, or elsewhere and recognize an immediate chemistry of some kind. It might not be apparent upon that first meeting precisely what that chemistry might result in, and you simply go with the flow and see what happens.

I prefer to use personal ads in much the same way. I want to meet women whom I find interesting, spend time together, and see what happens. Meeting someone with whom I can walk life's path for a long time would be ideal, but I'm also open to more casual dating and platonic friendship. A positive human interaction can take place with someone around my own age, or someone who's much older or younger. Maybe romantic/sexual, maybe not.

To me, the most ridiculous aspect of PoF has always been the dual required declarations of "looking for" and "intent." Why not leave a little room for magic and serendipity, and simply letting life take its course? Not everything can be reduced to the perfect algorithm.
 cometsandstars
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 481
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 9:22:23 AM
Big fish seems to be a little full of himself. In all honesty, the suggesting floating around to force users to pick an age range when registering would be the easiest fix. The rule won't really effect me, over 14 years younger would be unlikely to have much in common. I don't usually look further than 10, and even then start feeling a little guilty. That said, if someone 15 years younger was my perfect match, it would be a shame that his unilateral decision prevented me from meeting her on his site. One of my good friends, his mom and dad had 18 years difference and have been married 40 some odd years. And get this, he's not even rich or close to wealthy lol. Markus, the heart wants what the heart wants. Even, make it that anyone who logs in has to answer the age range they are looking for. I bet most pick 18-99 just because no one wants to limit their chances, because in the end, you never know. I've met many a lady outside of this site in their early 20s who have a lot more maturity and their lives together than some of my age. You and your admin made a call, you're being given feedback how to enforce it without ruffling feathers. I suggest you listen, might save you legal action by someone with a lot more money than me. Happy fishing everyone. :)
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 482
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 1:04:55 PM

I would enjoy knowing why the voluntary age restriction filters weren't enough.


It was something about accommodating phone app users and easier programming.


I guess those 55,000 women didn't understand how the MAIL SETTINGS work


No, but amazingly they knew how to contact admin.


I double checked our hundreds of thousands of relationships we track.


You can “track” hundreds of thousands of “relationships,” but you can’t fix an app?

I would love to know how relationships are tracked.

Sigh. Some people need to wake up to how the world works….nobody cares about your relationships or whether or not you date, or who you date, or how old they are, or if you’ve just lost contact with good forum friends, like I have.

It’s sadly obvious to me that some of the women posters to this thread have not bothered to read the posts…they just see male pictures on posts and for some reason (ego?) assume they are all whiny, pervy old men from whom their virtue needs saving.

I don’t understand the point of women posting that the only reason men would complain about this is because they’re all old perverts. This unnecessary, unfair nastiness is coming from posters I’ve respected and appreciated in the past….incredible.
 cometsandstars
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 483
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 1:06:45 PM
Just another quick thought, maybe it was brought up before, if yes, sorry for repeating. Why not have an assumed age range when someone joins (+/- 14 years if you will) but have the option to change it if you so desire after you're registered. It's just nice to give the people the option. I can't say I've ever passed the 14 year range, but I've been close. Had a friend years and years ago who was 13 years older. Or friendship lasted a solid 2 years before we drifted apart... and there was no sexual encounter. In a lot of ways, that friendship really helped me grow up and mature. I think most people here are ticked because no one likes having their options limited by someone else idea of what is proper.
 ndn-chef
Joined: 3/7/2013
Msg: 484
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New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 1:25:39 PM
Yes it seems Markus has been rejected by those +/- 14 yrs than him so we must all suffer his heartache, lol. Either that or there is a wider dating conspiracy here and soon eugenic policies will be next, soon we will only be able to contact users in our own continents, then countries, state or provinces then ethnic background and religion.
 Commerce_Guy
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 485
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New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 5:10:00 PM
This is my first time posting on a forum, but I have to express that this is silly. I am a 26 year-old, well-educated gay man. Two of my best friends are in their late 40s, both of whom I met on dating sites, and are just good people with whom I can hang out.

On a personal note, I have very little in common with guys that are still in undergrad. As such, I rarely talk to guys that are 20-23, and never under 20.

If I want to chat with somebody who is 41 or 42, because I feel like I have something in common with them, then that is my perogative. I would be friendly at a pub with someone of this age, so there is no reason that I cannot date somebody that age.

The tone in which the notification was sent was also disrespectful. There is a vast difference between a 26 or 27 year old dating someone who is 41 or 42, as compared to an 18 year old with a 50 year old.

PoF is one of the less-sexual dating sites in the gay community, compared to the majority of other apps. And yes, it is a `free`site. However, I assume that the user base generates revenue through advertisements.

I find it offensive that this `rebranding` is forced upon all users--especially those of us over the age of 25. Moreover, it is hard to take seriously from a website with a button on the top menu labelled `hot girls.` (I still do not understand why on earth I as a gay man would have such an option).

I have known long term, married couples with 15 years difference in age. However, this is not the point. Most of us who are respectful users of internet dating sites will establish a friendship with the other user first. It is disrespectful for PoF to decide who I can and cannot become friends with, or chat with. I am able to control who I want to block and avoid.

I support removing the `intimate encounters` option. I support blocking 0vertly sexual messages. I support cracking down on fake profiles. However, I do not support this 14 year imposed restriction. I could not imagine going to a privately owned gay-bar, and the bartender saying,`well, you can't talk that guy over there anymore because he's 41. `

There is a difference.

Markus, your tone was rude.
 Commerce_Guy
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 486
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New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 5:35:18 PM
Also, on another note... if this site is all about "relationships", then please stop spamming my splash page with ads to meet "HOT WOMEN" of whatever ethnic variety of the week is, or ads like "Meet a Tranny now."

I'm gay, interested in men, and not a hookup.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. How about cutting down on the ad-content that objectifies women (and sometimes men), as sex objects.
 mx74bne
Joined: 5/18/2013
Msg: 487
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 7:44:34 PM

"In sticking with my vision that POF is all about Relationships, I'm going to make a bunch of changes to ensure it stays a relationship-focused site."


As sleazes appear to be the target audience for your sites' advertisements, I hope that the removal of these type of ads will be one of those changes that I can look forward to.
 Happy_gal2013
Joined: 12/30/2012
Msg: 488
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 11:26:45 PM

Well let's see we can no longer contact anyone +/- 14 years in age nor reply if they contact us. Yet we can freely click on ad banners for "big boys wanted" "transexual lovers" "adult friendfinders" "Just hookups" etc. etc. that pay Markus by the click or whatever terms they have agreed to. Which most likely include membership numbers? Am I the only one that sees this as hypocritical?


+1 Halcyon,


I ditto that. I'm getting ad banners for "Senior Dating" sites, yet at 54, I'm not allowed to contact men over 68. Plus, I'm looking at an ad for meeting "Sexy Doctors" depicting a man young enough to be my son. If Markus were really serious about cleaning up his site, he'd get rid of these tacky, insulting ads


This is sad, but true. I have a feeling it will be changed back to the way it was. Marcus you are welcome to do what you want with your site, but why not consider just fixing the software problem for cell phone users? As one looks around these forums most are gone for one reason or another. Being banned or just upset over the changes. You know they will just come back using fake profiles. We are aware that you want to clean up POF and we support that. Some of the changes are for the good, but the age restrictions is over the top. Please rethink this rule.
 alarch
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 489
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/25/2013 11:53:48 PM
....and in typical PoF inconsistent fashion, the site still shows me nice pictures of ladies who are currently (or recently) online, but who I can't contact because they're too young. Why?
 jimintoronto2
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 490
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/26/2013 10:10:41 AM
I don't usually look further than 10, and even then start feeling a little guilty.


LOL! I'm exactly the same, especially about the feeling guilty part. Having said that, I was recently contacted by a woman who's 16 years younger than me (before the stupid new age restriction came into play). We exchanged a few messages and I told her I wasn't comfortable with the age difference, although I do find her interesting. She persisted, however, and we met a week ago, doing a 12K walk along Lake Ontario. During this time, the age restriction thing was implemented and I can no longer send her a message on POF, but that's OK because we no longer need POF to keep in touch. We are meeting again soon and I'm more comfortable with the age difference, as we have a lot in common. So, go figure, you never know what can happen.

I also have lost the ability to contact a few younger people with whom I've been communicating socially regarding POF events. My age filter has nothing specified on the low side for that reason, but it's now useless.
 GizmosNGadgets
Joined: 5/29/2011
Msg: 491
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/26/2013 10:12:16 AM
Here's a problem: it won't initially tell you it can't send the message. I just tried to send a message to someone older than be(15 years), and it only told me I couldn't send the message after I put the effort of typing it in.

Why not just tell me beforehand that I've been deemed too young to message her? Also, she had zero messaging restrictions.
 GizmosNGadgets
Joined: 5/29/2011
Msg: 492
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/26/2013 10:15:15 AM
Addendum to that: The woman I tried to unsucessfully message showed up in "my matches". A bit misleading to show you people that it suggests(and vaguely emails youa bout) and you can't even talk to them.
 jimintoronto2
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 493
New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/26/2013 10:20:43 AM

Here's a problem: it won't initially tell you it can't send the message. I just tried to send a message to someone older than be(15 years), and it only told me I couldn't send the message after I put the effort of typing it in.

Why not just tell me beforehand that I've been deemed too young to message her? Also, she had zero messaging restrictions.


Completely agree. Unfortunately, POF never warns you about not being able to send a message for any reason until you've composed it and try to send it.
 ezmoebee
Joined: 3/9/2013
Msg: 494
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New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/26/2013 10:37:55 AM
Couldn't believe it when I saw that email from Marcus.

I think this whole business comes across as a very unpleasant episode in the sites development where the founder has decided to make moral judgements on everyones behaviour, decided that adults cannot think for themselves and has imposed wholly unnecessary measures which don't really serve any purpose other than antagonise genuine community members and make the owner of the site appear in a negative light.

I think many here are being very polite, but to people who believe in freedom of choice, then such restrictions are ethically abhorrent

You can't really have things all ways. The owner wants a site where the focus is on relationships rather than sexual hook-ups. I get that, I do. But you see the power of POF is its free (basic) model and the relative freedoms that brings to meet many more people than you would do on a paid/subscription-only site. That is the big strength of POF, however it unfortunately does bring with it the people who will behave in a way that you don't like. Thats just the way things are in real life. Trying to be a moral police in that situation would be as successful here as it would be in a bar or nightclub - ie. It would fail miserably and only serve to put people off that establishment. You either need to accept the bad with the good and try and work out ways to help people protect themselves or you need to accept that the site should be a heavily policed subscription-based closed shop, in which case it will be much smaller and probably struggle against some of the other sites. I think its as simple as that.

Personally, I don't see what is wrong with 'intimate encounters' being sought, if thats what both people want. But I can understand how unsolicited first contact with sexual words in could be banned. But this age limit thing is just plainly ridiculous.

As has been mentioned, put in the 14yr thing as a default that people can change and 'opt out' of, at the very least.
 WarriorNoMore
Joined: 12/21/2011
Msg: 495
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New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/26/2013 3:28:00 PM
First time posting....many have said thing as well or better than I regarding the rapid onset of age restrictions. I felt it a bit over-reaching, even though the website belongs to Marcus. Making members utilize the existing filters/parameters would have been in my opinion...a much better first go at resolving issues. I had a few conversations going outside the 14 year age range...nice women who likely at first felt I blew them off. But hey...I just got a message from a woman +20 of "Hey there :)" perhaps a flirt option?? Well on a whim....I wrote back a polite, "Thank you for the note"...expecting it to result in a "not accepting messages from your age/gender" response due to the auto-policy for age disparity. Nope...it went through. Now I am confused.....I can have a "cougar" per-se contact me 6 years beyond the policy??? Perhaps just a bug in the new code or is the policy reverting to allow all contacts?
 Bosscat109
Joined: 4/24/2012
Msg: 496
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New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/26/2013 5:56:02 PM
This site has become useless now, when it dictates who you can be attracted to. Before the stupid change I contacted somebody 15 years younger and luckily we exchanged e-mails, as otherwise we'd be SOL had we waited until the past few days.

We get along fine, and how can you judge who I or anyone can be friends or lovers with?

Hopefully this site tanks because of this, it would serve you right.
 Mathostx
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 497
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New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/26/2013 6:38:49 PM
I've been watching this site roll down hill for at least 4 years now. From randomly making features paid features. To sudden heavy handed restrictions on things like this. My point of view is, Marcus is trying to push people off the site. Or he has absolutely no idea how attraction and dating actually work.

I agree with the posted idea right on page one. The best option would of been to require people to set and age range when they set up their profiles, or the next time they logged in after the update. Those that don't want to have such a strict age limit, can chose to not set one. This would solve pretty much the entire mentioned problem.

The fact that you restricted the age isn't the problem for me, as I generally don't go out of my way to seek out younger women. A lot of times, they're a lot of trouble, or you end up training them for someone else. Though, if a younger woman messages me during a period when I'm looking for a relationship, I'm not going to turn them away if they're local, and there is a good mental connection. I've had 1 or 2, 18-19 year olds add me to their favorites of their own accord, and I'm 35, gonna be 36 this year. Now suddenly when I decide I'm looking again, I can't contact those women, and they can't contact me.

The part that actually offends me, is your justification for it. That people who contact with that age difference are just looking for a hook up. Obviously that must be too, but I guess someone forgot to tell my sister that. She's married to someone 16 years older than her, they married the year after she graduated highschool in 1987, and they've been married for 26 years. My first step father, was 17 years older than my mother, they were married for 12 years. My father, is married to a woman 15 years younger than him. I guess those were just short term hook ups though...

Now lets not mention the fact, that for hundreds of years before the internet and this site, women were marrying older men on a fairly regular basis. It's only in recent years with the rise of tv vanity, where everyone has to be perfect and you should only be with someone within a couple years of you, being forced on society that any of this has came to light.

Do I encourage old dudes to go and message teenagers, hell no, it's kinda creepy when a lot do it. Do I also realize some guys go for older women, or some young women go for older guys? Yes I do. And those are the people you're alienating with this.
 JustDukky
Joined: 7/8/2004
Msg: 498
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New Age Restrictions Set By Admin: Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/26/2013 11:03:33 PM
This development is almost the last straw for me. I've been on the site since 2004, using it primarily for social networking. I have made a some lifelong friends on here, and had considered private emails on the site to be private. some of my friends are much more than 14 years younger than me, and most are the same sex. It seems I won't be able to contact them directly anynore with the restrictions I heard about in effect.

I suppose I should have had the anticipatory wisdom to get their private emails so I could talk to them off-site, but fool that I was I never anticipated this draconian move by the site's founder. I wonder if he's considered that many of the people on here care less about dating and more about making platonic friends. Perhaps he doesn't want us on here anyway, because we aren't buying the "extra" services now offered that used to be free.

Whatever the case, I'm pretty disgusted and haven't yet decided whether or not to pull the plug. I don't like to because I've been on the site for 9 years and I'm kinda sentimental about it, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm left with the impression that he doesn't want the site to be anything but dating. If that's the case, and only guessing at his demographic, I'd say he's cutting off his nose to spite his face and is about to lose a whole lot of people like me. What percentage we are I don't know, but I suspect it is a significant one, and we provide the service to the site of at least providing a distraction from the dating with our forum posts on other topics.

When we are gone, that will be gone from the site too, and all that will remain will be lonely people trying to hook up. The forums will be NOTHING but dating crap, so there will be no on-site relief/distraction from it.

If that is the goal, he is very close to accomplishing his mission.
 ritournelle1234
Joined: 4/2/2013
Msg: 499
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/27/2013 6:45:33 AM
Hi all, first time poster here.
I just wanted to put in my two cents.

I'm 29, won't be 30 until the end of the year in the winter. It appears the changes are implemented poorly as I also can't seem to message/search for my chosen age area (20-31) and it defaulting to 22.

As with many, I have been having a nice chat with a 21 year old and am fearful that she's unable to message me/vice versa. Stranger still, I know she viewed my profile and she's now vanished off that as if she never looked at me. Like she's censored or never existed despite her profile still being live.

What is infuriating is that my ex was 20 and is now 21. We were together for a good amount of time and now it's unacceptable and frowned upon by POF's logic.

I'm not here to get laid, but I have an issue with being told who I can date and can't. I'd like to not be contacted by mothers as I'm not ready for kids, let alone other people's, but I don't see that ban coming into effect.

Thanks all for reading :)
 Bav4
Joined: 4/28/2013
Msg: 500
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Posted: 5/27/2013 7:07:21 AM
Another hypocrisy Ive found is that for a site about finding relationships, its funny that we are advised that men's top conversation topic is sex, but wait, we cant send messages about that subject. Not that I would, this is the first site Ive come across where I can at least communicate with other gay men without anything sexual being mentioned.

Oh and the second most popular tiipic for men is romantic fantasies??? Erm, no, that one wouldnt work for me. I would like to keep those things to myself until AFTER ive met and gotten to know someone.
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