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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 6:30:02 AM | | I do agree with you, it's wrong. It would be the same thing as if he went to a party without you and rub rubbin up on some girl. Me and my BF have been together for 3 & 1/2 years. Last sumer I was out of a job and was going to go waitress at a strip club but he told me if I did we would no longer be together- so I told him fine, you donn't go to one, I don't work at one but the minute you step through that door, I'm gettin me a second job!!! If he truely loves you, why would he even want to look at naked women, it makes you feel like you're not good enough for him. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:03:01 AM | I may be crazy but I do not have a problem with it. A guy I dated used to go a bit, most of the time I would join him. We would have so much fun buyin each other lap dances and we would be so turned on afterwards that the sex would be incredibly hot!
I used to be bothered by it when I was younger, now it is no big deal. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:07:49 AM | "I had some time on my hands this morning and I read this whole thread with great interest. In my opinion INDIGO1 hit the nail on the head. Men respond to visiual stimulation and women respond to verbal stimulation. Going to a strip with my friends is a visual stimulation, just like it would be going to regular bar and staring at the women there."
Assuming this is true (that men respond to visual stimulation and women respond to verbal stimulation; although it isn't, necessarily,) what would you think about you and your partner lying in bed, just getting ready to get hot and heavy into it, then the phone rings...she excuses herself, saying, "This'll just take a few moments," then engages in phone sex with some male voice at the other end of the line?
She ends the call and says, "Well, I'm verbally stimulated now. You may proceed."
I don't know about women responding to verbal stimulation, but I'll say this much. Any man who is with me who I catch going to a strip club is going to GET some verbal stimulation, all right.
Whatever happened to being visually, verbally, emotionally and physically stimulated by EACH OTHER? There is nothing inherently WRONG with being attracted to the opposite sex...what's WRONG is when two people have made a commitment to be faithful to each other and don't do it, and that includes going to strip clubs. If she's agreeable to it (though I can't for the life of me fathom why she would be) then that's a totally separate issue...but if either partner is not agreeable to it, then you respect that person's feelings or you get out of the relationship. I'm not sure what the point is of marriage or having a commitment if it doesn't involve total monagamy. Might as well remain single, if you ask me. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:14:51 AM | Not only touching but viewing is a problem for me.....must people give in to every ounce of self-gratifying urge without any regard for their partner? I mean once in a blue moon for some stag or silly thing is one thing but that doesnt sound like the case here...
Great Post Biz... | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:32:50 AM | | Personally, if I go, am more than willing to bring my girlfriend with me! I jst go with my buds once in a while to get crazy and yell loudly. If she comes with me, she can see she has nothing to fear and she may even enjoy herself! | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:48:11 AM |
Personally, I'm getting really tired of the "men are visual" excuse to justify their cheating behaviors
 Oh that is a new one to me! Wow, you can honestly cheat by looking at someone?
cannot fathom why a woman would want to go to a strip club unless she is a lesbian
Get a clue! We all know that the human body is beautiful. Since when do you have to be lesbian to go to these things? No difference watching a woman in a porn video. ........or would that be considered cheating too? How stereotypical some people are! WOW
Any man who is with me views me and me only
That's even more hilarious! Something tells me your blind ambivalence means living in your own little world. Guys do check others out and i can't believe you could think otherwise.
Oh well, to each their own  | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:49:08 AM | fwiw- as someone who really wants to be a `first amendment' absolutist, i have a lot of mixed feelings about the marketing of women as sexual objects.
and that has far more to do with my lack of interest in men who patronize the clubs than insecurity does.
since it is the case that `obsenity' is a subjective concept, i can't advocate telling anyone else what to do.
that said, i am far more concerned about the men in the clubs than the women who work there.
again, it is sad that women can pay the bills far better by getting paid to be objectified than they can by using their talents and skills. the market place still is sending the message that `we' are worth more to this culture as `meat' than as individual human beings.
there is a lot of real economic pressure that can make stripping the `best' relative career option for some women. they seem (??) to be there mainly for the money.
the draw for the men seems to be getting a rise out of interacting with a woman in a sexual AND totally depersonalized manner. paying for the thrill of that is a sign that this guy and i are perhaps very different morally or ethically. this has nothing to do with my being disturbed by my guy seeing another woman naked. big deal.
when i bartended my way through college, round one, i worked a lot of bachelor parties etc. you can, in my admittedly limited experience, buy pretty much whatever you want sexually. the `mechanics' of the transaction will vary- imho this seems more related to local scrutiny and laws than some sort of `code' about not touching.
finally- i too am getting really suspicious of this claim that men are visual and women are not, blah blah.
i am VERY visual wrt sexual arousal, i hate it when men presume to `explain' to me what turns me on. this may well have some basis in fact, generally speaking, but it ain't the answer to everything. if visual stimulation is desired there are many ways of achieving that other than going to a strip club.
peace
R | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:49:25 AM | I don't know about strip clubs around your area but the ones I've been to (in several states) touching a dancer will get you tossed out on your butt. SHE can do the boobies in the face thing but if you were to actually lay one hand on her your out. Lap dances are the same way, your hands are behind you or your gone. Plus lap dances are a rip off anyway.
The main difference between a male and female strip club is that the women can touch the men but the men can't touch the ladies.
There's one in my area that I'll go to at times with my friends but I have never spent any money on the women. We shoot pool have drinks and watch nekkid women walk around. It's funny though that are almost as many women customers as there are men.
I will let you ladies in on a strip club secret that I'm sure many of you have heard if your man went to one. No it's not true that the ladies that strip are ugly even though thats what he told you. I've heard so many guys use that excuse. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:58:15 AM | "Oh that is a new one to me! Wow, you can honestly cheat by looking at someone?"
Yes, you can honestly cheat by looking at NAKED women who are there for the purpose of (well for the purpose of making you look like a fool by taking your money) but for the purpose of sexually enticing you. You bet it's cheating.
"Get a clue! We all know that the human body is beautiful. Since when do you have to be lesbian to go to these things? No difference watching a woman in a porn video. ........or would that be considered cheating too? How stereotypical some people are! WOW"
I don't understand why a woman would be visually turned on by another woman unless she was a lesbian or at least had those tendencies. What does it for you sweetie, isn't what does it for me, necessarily. On the rare occasions I've ever watched a porn video, you think it was the woman I was looking at? NOT!!! Stereotypical? No, I march to the beat of my own drummer. Don't like it? Too bad, so sad.
Any man who is with me views me and me only
"That's even more hilarious! Something tells me your blind ambivalence means living in your own little world. Guys do check others out and i can't believe you could think otherwise."
I believe you left out quite a bit from my original paragraph. What I said was, while it is normal for men AND women to view and appreciate beauty in the opposite sex, that if involved in a COMMITTED relationship, he'd best respect me and not make rude comments about some bimbo in my presence. I wouldn't do it to him and I don't expect him to do it to me. Plus, there's a HUGE difference between saying, "I think she is pretty," and "Boy, would I love to **** her," or "look at the tits on that girl." Etc. First of all, what is the point of a man making those kind of comments to a hetereosexual woman? It makes no sense to me. I don't see the woman as he does, so I cannot relate to his comments in the first place. In the second place, if you make a commitment to someone, particularly if you're married to someone, it means FORSAKING ALL OTHERS. If you don't want to be in a committed relationship with someone, if you think that it's all fun and games, then have at it. I am a person who takes commitment very seriously. If you're with me, you're with ME; you're not going to "have your cake and eat it, too."
"Oh well, to each their own..."
Yep, to each his own. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:02:48 AM | damn- forgot a very important point (to me anyway) that i haven't ever seen mentioned before-
my major frustration with sex is that i seem to have a hard time conveying the `women are crockpots, men are microwaves' concept to many of my partners.
ie.- i am very responsive, but need warm up time.
if a guy chooses to go get his foreplay from other women, and PAY for it, while i am home waiting on him, i am disinclined to `serve' him upon arrival. we are not starting at the same place and it is usually ass backwards for the MAN to have the headstart on foreplay. what a `rip-off'!
if he wants to have sex with ME i need to be involved before he is basically ready to just jack off in me.
a guy i am sleeping with who came home to me from a strip club he paid to `arouse' him, while i crave more foreplay- forget about it!!!!
i won't judge as right or wrong, just make it none of my damn business by showing him the door.
peace
R | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:05:12 AM | " will let you ladies in on a strip club secret that I'm sure many of you have heard if your man went to one. No it's not true that the ladies that strip are ugly even though thats what he told you. I've heard so many guys use that excuse."
Ever see any of them in the daylight? Many of them ARE ugly and ravished by the effects of too much drinking, smoking, drugs, you name it. A friend of my daughter's was a stripper and she looked horrible...I suppose, with enough makeup and under certain kinds of lights and the fact that many of the patrons were drunk, coupled with the fact that they weren't really paying attention to her face, she looked presentable enough. She was one of these idiot bimbos who was too lazy to get a college education and who claimed she was doing it to support her daughter. I'm also a single mother and I sure never saw the need to lower myself by resorting to such a demoralizing profession.
Also, in regard to it being okay to touch the males in a strip club, the few times I've gone you were absolutely NOT allowed to touch him, though some women did manage to touch the guy and one woman ran up and kissed a guy before he backed away. I'm sure the same kinds of things happen in the "male's" clubs too. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:05:53 AM | Wow, you seem a bit uptight. I would think you've had some bad relationships in the past, or are filled with insecurities. By the way, don't even try to tell me that you have never looked at another man when you are dating someone and thought... yummy! That would be a lie. They are called hormones and they make us look and wonder (both sexes) get over it.
Seeing someone naked other than your partner and admiring their looks is not cheating. Continually going to a place that showcases stuff like that despite your partner's dislike of it, is not a very decent thing to do, but until an overture is made on your partners part towards another person, they are not cheating!
By overture I mean, flirting beyond the casual point, where they have moved from simply being friendly, to advertising that they are available. Touching or anything beyond that.
Also, calling another woman sweetie in your posts seems to be VERY condescending and offensive. You are talking down to them as if their opinion is not worth as much as your own. Try to get off the high horse please. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:09:25 AM | again- local `sensitivities' vary. in minnesota and wisconsin this is currently in the news a lot, thus my familiarity with the range under discussion here.
seems to me that most if not all, formally forbid touching, etc. but that what happens is what ever local scrutiny will tolerate. and once you have a `private' club, at least in madison in the 80's anything can happen.
unless someone calls the cops and demands enforcement- it was not an issue of priority for the police. come to think of it- some of the wildest parties i worked wrt both drugs and sex were those thrown BY cops.
laws whatever they may be, are not always enforced.
my point is simply that it is hard to know second hand what could or could not happen.
peace
R | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:10:39 AM | jean- sorry after posting a response here i saw i had missed one of yours that made similar points.
OOPS!
R | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:11:01 AM | If a guy ran up and kissed a girl she will go directly to Mr. Bigassdoorman and you will be led out and usually by your neck. I've seen guy run a finger across a womans foot and get tossed. There is a zero tolerance when it comes to touching.
Don't know what kind of places you all got but the ones around here, and yes I've seen them in the daylight, the women are hot. You might see one skag once in awhile but those are the exception to the rule. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:13:48 AM | | Leave to the persons individual conscience.If no law is being broken or persons harmed then itzallgood. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:31:05 AM | "Wow, you seem a bit uptight. I would think you've had some bad relationships in the past, or are filled with insecurities. By the way, don't even try to tell me that you have never looked at another man when you are dating someone and thought... yummy! That would be a lie. They are called hormones and they make us look and wonder (both sexes) get over it."
Who hasn't had bad experiences? Insecure? Quite the contrary. I am very secure with who I am, what I want, where I am in life and what I will and will not put up with. And because I want a man to be faithful to me doesn't make me uptight. Again, did you READ what I said???? I SAID, while it is normal for a man or a woman to admire the opposite sex, that if involved in a relationship, (at least with me) he'd best be polite enough to keep his opinions to himself, as I would do the same for him. What is it with people's lack of comprehension?
"Seeing someone naked other than your partner and admiring their looks is not cheating. Continually going to a place that showcases stuff like that despite your partner's dislike of it, is not a very decent thing to do, but until an overture is made on your partners part towards another person, they are not cheating!"
I think that if both people are not agreeable to going to strip clubs and things of that nature, then it IS cheating. Cheating does not have to involve only the sex act. I do preface my opinions with "I think," or "I believe," however. If YOU don't think it's cheating, wonderful. But I happen to think it is.
"By overture I mean, flirting beyond the casual point, where they have moved from simply being friendly, to advertising that they are available. Touching or anything beyond that."
I'm well aware of what the word "overture" means. Again, those are the boundaries you set for yourself. Don't put yourself in a position to speak for me and set the same boundaries for me as you would for yourself, okay?
"Also, calling another woman sweetie in your posts seems to be VERY condescending and offensive. You are talking down to them as if their opinion is not worth as much as your own. Try to get off the high horse please."
She opened that gate by the rude and condesending remarks she made to me, particularly by saying what I had to say was "hilarious" and so forth. Can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:37:47 AM | | What he said about you looking younger - too true. 69? No way - you look younger than me and I am 39 - if you really are 69, what is your secret? You look soooo young. A good thing though, not a bad thing. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:01:26 AM | | Wow, quite the thread and varied points of view, couldn't help but throw in my two cents. Now ladies I am not taking any shots at any of you, nor at the men. In my experience with women friends, I have some who won't even let their man look at a hustler or playboy magazine, let along attend a strip club, why is that, hmmmm insecurity? I mean really who cares where you get your appetite it's where it's satisfied that counts. The entire thing seems to boil down to trust, if you don't trust someone really you have no business being with them. Is it worth it to fight with a loved one over what he should or shouldn't like, I mean when did the mate become the parent???? I have been to both male and female strip clubs, am not a lesbian nor a cheating kind of girl, but gotta tell you the men are much better behaved than the women, even the ladies getting married the next day are touching things they really shouldn't. Yes men are visually triggered, but surprise so are women. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the beauty that is in the human form, albeit a man or a woman, as long as you are respectful to your partner and true to your word there is no problem in my opinion. Those who have problems with stripclubs, porn ect.. really need to sit down and figure out WHY they have an issue with that, as the clubs and porn are not the real problem. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:04:55 AM | | Gawd i love porn.Is that on topic.I've seen some great stuff that can spice up any sex life.Those porn chix and dix rock. | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:24:48 AM | i don't see why i would waste too much time trying to figure out why i have an issue with porn or strip clubs. it's boring, over hyped nonsense.
that didn't take long for me to figure out | |
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| Relationships and Strip Clubs
Posted: 8/5/2005 9:25:47 AM |
Porn, strip clubs, live sex shows....Blah blah....serves no other purpose than to DULL the natural enjoyment of a wonderful act of initmacy between two people
Oh but on the contrary! Have you ever been to one with a man you were dating and then go home and have the best sex of your life? Yeah, it's very stimulating to a lot of people and i am not just talking about men. And if it were the lack of the sex drive that made people want to go, don't you think they would be turned off from going? | |
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