| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/5/2005 4:13:24 PM | Please consider the following truths.
1.Love is blind. It can keep you from seeing that your man is abusive.
2.Neglect is abuse.
I like keeping it simple.
As a counterpoint, I have been the almost perfect guy.
I have been dumped and come in second place to an ideal. It is not a great place to be.
I do not believe the situation you are in is like mine. I gave it my all, and this guy is hardly trying. Given another chance with another woman, I would give it my all again. One day a woman will fall in love with _me_, not some ideal she thinks I can become. I am not a perfect man. I do not aspire to be perfect. I am happy with me. Just need somebody else to be.
Hope you find your perfect man. I hope for your sake he is perfectly lovable, perfectly proportioned, perfectly educated and perfectly single. I hope you do not make the mistake of looking for Mr. Perfect for the rest of your life and end up alone.
I can tell you however that this guy you are talking about is not perfect for anyone who is interested in a commitment. He needs to grow up. If you can't wait for that, move on.
A bit harsh but there you have it. | |
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| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/5/2005 5:14:15 PM |
That’s all I’m saying, don’t tell her that it’s for her own good. It’s for your own good. She’s not what you want in that she wants a more committed relationship.
@xine
Darlin, I never said that's what I tell them. But it is the reason. I usually just say that she's moving way too fast for me or has a different set of expectations and I am no longer interested in seeing her, or I use some other stupid reason. But, hell no, I would never actually tell her "I'm dumping you for your own good." It may be the true motive but that's not the reason I give.
@Frrosty,
I know it's impossible to quantify happiness, but I know my life has never been better than it is now. I expect it to get even better as certain things continue to develop in my life. Adding someone else to the mix, IMO, only adds volatility and threatens to destroy my Shangri La. | |
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| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/5/2005 5:16:03 PM | I think the sad thing is he is losing you and dosent understand why.. in fact your pushing him away and he is pushing you away..
I can say in my own case.. i loved the woman to death but trying to please her day in and day out wore on me and in a sence drove me away.. also me not knowing what she wanted or how to please her (not sexual that was fine) but emotionaly hurt her..something i did not want to do.
i had at that time no understanding really of how a women thinks, or what their needs are, what was importaint to them i seen as not importiant, what was special to them i seen as drama.. she was talking to me and telling me but i was not getting the message i was despretly seeking. it was a sad loss and a bitter end.. but i am thankful for the learning process.. it made me a better man.. | |
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| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/5/2005 8:23:18 PM | You gotta love relationships where you have a prescribed number of days to spend together LOL!
Move on girl...let him find his part time love elsewhere...yours is out there for you and it'll be better than this.
I say women should spend 3/4 of the time with their female/male platonic friends and spend a 1/4 of it with their man. They whine otherwise. LOL! | |
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| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/5/2005 10:00:36 PM | I had a similar situation some time back.
If someone needs space and you don't give it to them they move on.
People who are clingy drive away independant types.
Based on what you wrote the dude blew you out.
Brett Sabre
I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/5/2005 8 33 AM
But he was only perfect in his potential. Sucks cause I know that if
he really wanted me, it would be SO GOOD. We are completely compatible
on all levels except for the level of commitment, he only wanted to see
me one or two times a week, whereas the more I saw him, the more I
wanted him. So he pushed me away, and I guess I got the hint. So time
to move on.
Time to move on.
But...it hurts, hurts because honestly I've never felt what I feel for
him before and I've been "in love" before. I've never felt the
electricity that I feel with him, and I've had some good sex before.
Hurts because I've never NOT had a guy want me. Ouch, so many issues
that make me wonder if the underlying hurt isn't just a bruised ego.
An interesting concept.
And...it's a relief, because now I'm no longer tied down to a guy who
doesn't fulfill my needs the way I want him to. Not sure there IS a
guy out there that can do that, but since I know for sure that he can't
I shouldn't waste any more time on him. But it still hurts.
It's a mixed bag. Any thoughts, feedback? | |
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| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/5/2005 10:28:33 PM |
Sorry, but one way is not love. It's infatuation perhaps...or maybe stalking.
Love is a two way street....
Love is not always a two way street.
I'll try to explain it so you might understand.
Love is a feeling that sometimes you are unable to express toward another because you are unable to, because you are attached or they are attached etc...
Yes I believe that you can Love more than one at a time but you shouldn't act on it...
Maybe they Love you but you can't see it because your blind or you them etc...
I know you have the capacity to understand this, I was wrong once but then I was mistaken..
Dude..... | |
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| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/6/2005 12:15:51 AM | 1/4 would still be part time you airhead.
Next time use a calculator.
If you spend 3/4 of your time with friends that is 75% vs 25%.
My next topic is going to be "Advise for Morons from Morons".
Then again I'm not perfect but I'm not stupid either.
LMAO
Brett Sabre
You gotta love relationships where you have a prescribed number of days to spend together LOL!
Move on girl...let him find his part time love elsewhere...yours is out there for you and it'll be better than this.
I say women should spend 3/4 of the time with their female/male platonic friends and spend a 1/4 of it with their man. They whine otherwise. LOL! | |
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| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/6/2005 12:30:46 AM |
Love is not always a two way street.
I'll try to explain it so you might understand.
Love is a feeling that sometimes you are unable to express toward another because you are unable to, because you are attached or they are attached etc...
Yes I believe that you can Love more than one at a time but you shouldn't act on it...
Maybe they Love you but you can't see it because your blind or you them etc...
I know you have the capacity to understand this, I was wrong once but then I was mistaken..
Dude.....
Again ( and not surprisingly) , I disagree
Love is an active process involving two people, in the context we are discussing here. It isn't the type of love a friendship is. I can have a very close female friend, and "love" her - and still be with the woman of my dreams. As I have mentioned before, I have quite a few close personal friends that are female.
The love I refer to is the type that also has sex involved. That, for me at least, is something that exists only between two people.
If I am in love with a woman, I can still find myself seeing another woman as sexually attractive. I can still see another woman as being a person who I can have emotional ties too. Neither one is a threat to any relationship I am in, if they exist separately.
If I have both the emotional ties, and a sexual attraction, that isn't a problem either. It only becomes a problem if I choose to act on it, or make it known to the other person. Up until the point where I have sex with the second woman, or start to communicate a sexual interest in her - I am not cheating.
You can have feelings either way for someone, and they may not have them for you.
If I act on those two feeling I am referring to, then my act removes any use of the word love towards the woman I am with initially. You cannot be unfaithful, and also be in love.
At least not in my world, and the way I see things, and by my definition of love. | |
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| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/7/2005 9:23:43 PM | Love is not always a two way street.
I'll try to explain it so you might understand.
Love is a feeling that sometimes you are unable to express toward another because you are unable to, because you are attached or they are attached etc...
Yes I believe that you can Love more than one at a time but you shouldn't act on it...
Maybe they Love you but you can't see it because your blind or you them etc...
I know you have the capacity to understand this, I was wrong once but then I was mistaken..
Dude.....
Again ( and not surprisingly) , I disagree
Love is an active process involving two people, in the context we are discussing here. It isn't the type of love a friendship is. I can have a very close female friend, and "love" her - and still be with the woman of my dreams. As I have mentioned before, I have quite a few close personal friends that are female.
The love I refer to is the type that also has sex involved. That, for me at least, is something that exists only between two people.
If I am in love with a woman, I can still find myself seeing another woman as sexually attractive. I can still see another woman as being a person who I can have emotional ties too. Neither one is a threat to any relationship I am in, if they exist separately.
If I have both the emotional ties, and a sexual attraction, that isn't a problem either. It only becomes a problem if I choose to act on it, or make it known to the other person. Up until the point where I have sex with the second woman, or start to communicate a sexual interest in her - I am not cheating.
You can have feelings either way for someone, and they may not have them for you.
If I act on those two feeling I am referring to, then my act removes any use of the word love towards the woman I am with initially. You cannot be unfaithful, and also be in love.
At least not in my world, and the way I see things, and by my definition of love.
I guess this is the point where the stories collide and the difference is seen. My experience and story is completely different in my view on this topic, however without bringing the spiritual aspects of Love into this which in my opinion is left for another thread, I concede to your point without having giving up mine.
Dude..... | |
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| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/7/2005 9:43:30 PM | You can be in love with someone else if you thought the other person loved you. With me it is hard for me to be in love with someone and really care about the other person if the other person does not feel the same way. The more the other person loves me the more I get to loving them.
Some people give up too easily (I have had many women do this)! They do not give it enough time and many times do not discuss the issues and believe what they want to believe instead of looking at both sides and how the other person would feel. Nobody is perfect and people should realize that. Instead of looking for all of the bad things they should look for the good things. That is what I told my ex since she wanted to nit pick. Some people are just plain hard to have a relationship with or concentrate on all the wrong things. I know that people act differently around different people. | |
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| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/7/2005 9:49:39 PM | | It seems like the more I get to liking a person the less that person likes me. Sometimes (probably most of the time) you dont know what the other person is thinking therefore you dont know if the other person thinks that you have a lack of interest in her so you try and show the other person how you feel or show interest and sometimes you do more harm than good in the relationshp by doing that but at least find out the truth and dont waste each other's time if things would never work out. | |
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| I Dumped an Almost Perfect Guy
Posted: 8/8/2005 12:14:59 AM | | xine, of course you were right to stop seeing him. You are in two different places in your life, and you both deserve to get your needs satisfied. In your relationship, that was only happening for him. It would only be a matter of time before you started noticing all of his flaws (believe me, they are there). Better to move on and be the wiser. | |
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