| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:47:59 PM | Even if the mother doesn't seem bothered by it, I'd be willing to bet that the child he singles out notices every time.
I see your bet and raise you 100! I am a stepchild and I would notice if my stepdad introduced me that way~
DITTO to both | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/5/2005 7:55:33 PM | How about..these are OUR CHILDREN...Brittany Angelina and Cameron or whatever
I'm going to agree with Doc on this one. [there's a first time for everything]
It sounds considerate enough. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 8/8/2005 12:43:58 PM | """"it depends. is her biological father in the picture? she is 7..old enough to know if she wants to be called his daughter. if he takes care of her, and is a father figure in her life, he should introduce her as his daughter. from experience....my stepdad used to call me his daughter, and I would cringe. But every family is different...he needs to discuss it w/his wife and the little girl in question. but...being the older of the two children, she should naturally be introduced first.""""
Actually the father is in the picture and the lil girl is fully aware of who is her real father.....
She loves her father and she completely understands that my friend is not her real father.... She was always told the truth.... I agree with some here, the lil girl might even be offended and even feel likes she betraying her dad if my friend introduces her like his own. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 9/9/2005 12:39:12 AM |
Should my friend introduce his step daughter as his "wife's daughter" or his daughter??? Strangers aren't going to know the thruth And should she be last in being introduced?? He should definately say "our children" then introduce them, or say my daughterS and introduce them both. My mother and stepfather did that to me, and it really upset me growing up, I felt somehow like i was different. My mom would say "your dad, errrr Matt" when seh would talk to me, and i'd tell her it was ok, but she'd do it anyway, so it really did bother me. Now i'm divorced and my 7yo, her father (my 1st ex) is remarried and then I was remarried as well, currently sepereated, a few years back, Austin and I (ex husband) had a conversation about this. I told him i would not be jealous or it wouldn't bother me if she called her stepmom her 'mom', because I know she knows who her mother is, and asked if it bothered him if she called her step dad her dad, he said it was ok. So we then gave her the CHOICE. Let her know, that if she wanted to, she could call ____ her mom, and my husband her dad, because seh knows who her REAL parents are, and that is something you can never take away by a name. We let her know none of us would be mad if she didn't, or hurt if she did, but we wanted to let her know that she wasn't differnet and that she was loved all the same. She did, and I am very lucky to share my daughter with that incredible woman (don't ask me how that ***hole got her) and even my estranged husband is a good father. I probably wont give that choice again, because she will be older now, and it's different, if i were to get married again, but the reason why we gave this choice was becasue seh was so young and impressionable, and both stepparents raised her for most her young little ilfe. However old they are, ASK THEM. "do you want me to call you my daughter or stepdaughter when i introduce you? It doesn't bother me, i'd like to call you my daughter becasue i love you both very much and don't want to make you feel like you are different, but if you don't like it, then that's okay too"
that would be best i think
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| StepChild
Posted: 9/9/2005 12:40:56 AM |
Even if the mother doesn't seem bothered by it, I'd be willing to bet that the child he singles out notices every time. I see your bet and raise you 100! I am a stepchild and I would notice if my stepdad introduced me that way~ DITTO to both exactly what im tryin to say. and it was already said. gah, i'm tired, need sleep...  | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 9/9/2005 4:03:07 AM | My husband says to people this is my wife, this is my son, and she has two more that I raised, and that makes them mine to. So we have three in all.
I find nothing wrong with it, shows a sence of order. As long as the kids know they are equaly loved there shouldn't be a problem with it. Maybe thats why they gave it no thought.
I wasn't there so i don't know the answer to that. As long as its not bothering the child, who cares. Maybe they are showing respect toward the childs father, not to hurt the child. who knows. If he done this to be mean and not make the child feel like a important part of the family, then he needs his head thumped. lol But if its bugging him, ask him to ask the child, how he likes being interduced. Does this child love its real father, if so it most likely don't bug them. If he isn't in there life, then they may wish that they were his, if so interduce them as such. Each to there own. Don't matter how people see it, just how the family sees it. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 9/9/2005 8:16:02 AM | | I guess I never really thought of it any other way than to introduce my stepson as my son since his father had abandon him and his mother at birth and never kept in contact. And since I do not really believe in labels I just naturally called him my son since I was the one that was doing most of the parenting in the relationship anyhow. I often wondered if his mother was just looking for a replacement dad which I became and did so willingly. Today we share a very strong bond and he actually lives about 4 doors down from me. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 9/9/2005 10:46:48 AM | I'm not exactly a "step" child, but I have 2 half-sisters and 2 half-brothers (both my parents were married before they met each other...I was the "afterthought"). My parents just referred to them as "your brothers and sisters", so I never really thought of it.
My live-in boyfriend has 3 kids, I have 2, and when we go out as a group, they're referred to as "the kids" or "our brats". They know they're not related, but they're just as important to our "family". | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 9/9/2005 10:49:28 AM | If it's such an issue for your friend then he should be talking to his significant other about this not you and the whole world.
See what she says about it!!!! | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 9/10/2005 11:12:45 PM | I CAN"T believe the man actually had to ask that question.
Unless he wants the step daughter to grow up with mental problems, just treat the children EQUALLY. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 9/11/2005 12:02:47 AM | I would say "our" kids.
If it's really important that the person know the how's and why's and the makeup of the family, they'll ask.
Personally if I was always referred to as the "step" it wouldn't do much for my self esteem. (but I can't say for sure, I'm not a step anything!! LOL)
A family unit is exactly that, who cares how they got that way?? | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 1/11/2006 11:33:39 AM | depends on the relationship between the two, as well.
My stepson and I don't get along. In fact he doesn't even acknowledge me unless he "has" to. And I don't particularly like him as a person. But when I have to, I'll refer to him as a step-son.
I have my own little boy that I can concentrate on.
I did try to get along with the kid for years, but he had no interest in me and after awhile I just threw my hands up and sadi "Hey I tried". It takes two willing parties and he was clear in his lack of interest to know or have much to do with me. Can't force the kid.
In contrast my biological son and I get along great. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 1/11/2006 12:11:57 PM | Yep...totally depends on the relationship that they have.
When I was younger and we went somewhere, my stepdad always introduced me as his stepdaughter. Cause that was what I was. Now, as I have gotten older...I have went from being his stepdaughter to his daughter. And he has went from being my stepdad to my dad. Nothing wrong with that.
I would suggest that he call her what she is....his stepdaughter. I would think that is more appropriate. And the girl probably won't end up feeling left out of the relationship because of it. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 1/13/2006 9:43:57 PM | | She is his daughter now and it is a slight to be introduced last when you are older. Something that must not be lost in the little girl. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 1/26/2006 6:53:01 AM | my half brother told my father to F* off once before he (my 1/2 brother) left home and my mother wonders why my dad doesn't like his step-son.
Seems kinda obvious to me.
My dad went out of his way and bent over backwards for both of us, and my half-brother never showed any appreciation, never even said thank you for anything, then before he leaves home tells him to F* off and that my Dad was only serving his own self interests.
I don't see what Mom doesn't understand, but in answer your question: My Dad doesn't even acknowledge a relationship. He's only my mom's son. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 2/11/2006 4:52:09 AM | | the roles of step relationships need to be discussed before a marriage union happens. There's many variables including the roles of other bio-parents, etc. No one wants to live with people where they just become a house guest or a third wheel in their own home with no say. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 4/22/2008 3:25:16 PM | It's understandable the the gentleman is explaining their bond, somewhat.
1) Does the daughter bear no resemblance to the step-father?
2) What would she like to be called?
3) Is it possible he shared TMI to deter the thought he was a bad lover and his wife found passion elsewhere? (ie. the daughter has blonde hair and he's a red head.)
Using the word "step" implies legal ties, rather than family affection. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 4/22/2008 3:34:18 PM | | P.S. Yes, I am a step-child via my mom's 2nd marriage. I would not call my step-father anything other than "Clarence." He hated me and was physically abusive. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 4/22/2008 4:43:53 PM | "It was until one night another friend of ours asked him if his wife wasn't bothered by the fact that he always introduced his step daughter last and as his "Wife's Daughter". Our friend asked him if it wasn't better to introduce her as his own daughter"
might just be time for the friend to mind his/her own business. sounds like a busy body to me... | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:12:55 PM | My step-mother would always say '.......and this is David's daughter, Courtney'. My step-dad (whom I am very close to) would introduce me as his step daughter until one day I introduced him to someone as my dad. Now he says I'm his daughter. ;)
I don't think the order of progression really matters as long as no one is offended. If he is worried about it, suggest always introducing them by order of their age...wife, step-daughter, biological daughter.
**IF that is the only father that she knows, then it is perfectly OK to call her his daughter**. Maybe he should ask HER about it. Just broach it like 'so, you like to call me ____________ (I used to call my step dad 'papa' for instance). So, I was just wondering what you would like me to call you when we are meeting new people'
Or he can even just say ".......and these are our daughters _______ and __________"
~Welder's Girl~ | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:34:10 PM | It seems that would single that child out to more of an outcast, unfortunately.
IMO, maybe suggest that he introduce his wife, and then the daughter by her name, and then the younger child by his/her name; If they are compelled to ask then of course at that time secify if necessary; but on the norm most people would'nt ask unless they are close to you and they would already know anyway. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:41:42 PM | | ^^Exactly! Why does he have to assign a role or title to any of the children anyway? I would think saying "This is X, my wife" and then saying "and these are Y and Z" would do it. If they are his friends, they will already know he has a step-child...if it's just on an acquaintance/business scenario, then who cares? | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:53:24 PM | | Yes your friend should introduced his step daughter as their daughter instead of his wife's daughter. There is no reason for the step daughter to be introduced the last all the time, changing orders would be better I think. Make her feel warm, she's still young and inculpable. | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 4/22/2008 7:59:12 PM | I'd like you to meet my wife (insert name) and our family (insert each child's name here) starting with the child standing closest to you.
Reminds me of the story of the father who was asked which one of his children were adopted and he replied "I forget." | |
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| StepChild
Posted: 4/23/2008 6:45:27 AM | My personal opinion is that he should introduce them as follows...
"This is my wife, (name), my step-daughter, (name) and my daughter, (name)."
I think it would be appropriate to introduce the children in order of age. | |
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