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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 11/6/2006 7:16:03 AM | Hope all is well Cross!!!!!!!!!!
Simple warmth
The waves upon the shore
Kept the tempo of the beach
The sunset’s amber glow
Touched everything in it’s reach
The sand glistened like diamonds
The trees like burning fire
The water turned into lava
In the light’s ecclesiastical attire
The air filled with emotion
As sky and land became one
Everything was breathless
By the beauty of the sun……………
Sam | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 5/16/2007 1:17:13 AM | Its been forever. Sometime ghosts are really bad at dying and walking away.
So much dust. So much decay. So little reasoning, so little in the race of things to say.
If you dont mind, I may walk around. If you dont mind I may pull up a chair.
If it wouldnt change the balance, I wouldnt mind to sit here for a bit and stare.
So much dust.
So much decay.
I will pull on this and forgo the things I really want to say. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 5/16/2007 1:22:49 AM | I love you
Its been awhile since I have been with you. Its been awhile since I have wrapped my arms around you. Been some time since my lips were pressed against yours. Its been awhile.
Its been awhile since I felt your skin tell me I was okay. Its been even longer since I knew inside my world that you could make me safe. That everything about you and I could be real. Its been that long.
You … you are to me what I feel I can never have. I race towards you and I break my heart on purpose, just to save you the time. I blind myself in my illusions, just to ensure we complicate this emotional crime.
I will fall for you every single time, and I fear so much of the pain this is going to eventually cost. I love you so very much.
I have nothing left to rhyme.
I love you. Now you can hurt me. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 5/16/2007 1:29:06 AM | They always said to look both ways. They said that was the way to cross the street.
Looking both ways I failed. I looked all around but couldnt see my life bleeding at my feet.
You're here, in my life. We damn near created something new.
You're the one I constantly wonder about. The ghost in my dream, has always been you.
So many times I have thought about falling on this sword, cutting all ties save you and I.
So many years I have wondered how it would work. What if you heard me cry?
A blatant example of a heart losing control. A faint expression of a life seeking a kindered soul.
A time in this stitch isnt saving nine.
A moment in your arms isnt clearing my mind.
Yet day after enduring day, its you that I wonder about. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 5/16/2007 1:31:29 AM | Good to see you back, Cross. That was a sad one. Been there, do that.  | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 5/16/2007 1:50:35 AM | | Hey brawny... good to see an ole familiar face. Ty sir. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 5/16/2007 2:05:21 AM | Three Dollars
I've got three dollars in my hand.
I've got dreams inside my closed eyes.
I'm dirty, but I could make a stand.
I could be someone, aside from what you despise.
Three dollars and half a bottle in my hand.
My mind swims, as I begin to think of things to do
You once thought of me as your lover, once I was a man.
Now… now I am a complete stranger to someone like you.
Half a bottle. Half a dream. Half way home in my eyes.
Half a life. Half of a truth. Half of what you said.
Half the light. Half the timing. Half of your cries.
Half of you lying next to half of him in our bed.
So I tilt this one back. Three dollars left to fill what will soon be dead.
An empty bottle. So many empty dreams.
Half a hundred empty bottles ago, I can recall exactly what it was you said.
Twice as many to this day… I can hear my screams.
I've got three dollars in my hand
I've got dreams, but I close my eyes.
I'm dirty, I'm so covered in this sand.
I'm in the gutter, but I'm so much more than you ever realized.
"Three dollars on red please"
Blood flows quicker than the dice or the night. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 5/16/2007 5:30:56 AM | It's super good to see the Diary come back to life Cross...you've been missed.  | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 5/16/2007 5:40:08 AM | Crossfade...
Nice to see you back ,my friend.
And,wow!Those writes!
Very soulful. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 5/19/2007 2:26:02 AM | Stolen Promises
We can sit across the room, and on the off chance our eyes meet, we look away.
We can all be in the same conversation, but when it comes to them and us, there’s nothing to say. We laugh and joke, talking about the different things that arrive in this life. The group is flowing, all is well, yet no one knows the love I feel for that mans wife.
A cell phone rings an order is placed as he walks out of the bar. The conversation drags on, and the pacing and mindless chat leads him to her car. She is on the phone as well and the eye contact cannot be denied. Both conversations are thrown off track. They really wanted to make it simple they really tried.
Phones closed, and there is no one around. So much build up. So much frustration. So much desire. She looks around the parking lot as he shoves his phone in his pocket. She finds a way to cry in her smile, amide her special attire. There is a feeling around his neck, like a ten ton locket.
Two people that can never be. Two people just like you, and just like me. Falling for all the wrong reasons. Two star crossed lovers falling in love in all the wrong seasons.
Pain cant cut this skin, this time it’s the knife of frustration and remorse that bleeds this body dry. Tonight it’s the Ace of Hearts that everyone knows will pull the tears from the faithful eye.
In a perfect world….
The first kiss is answer to the pop quiz that’s been playing itself out for months now. That first kiss produces the key to the gate that they always talked about… the when and the how.
The kiss leads to the rush. The rush leads to the falling away of what meant so much a moment before. The rush pulls ahead and the dream is alive… until the opening of the bar room door… | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 6/18/2007 1:42:54 AM | What I want
What I want to do tonight is hold you. What I want to say tonight is so meaningful. What I want to be tonight is the one person that can do both. What I want to fix is the pain I have caused you over the years. What I want to change is the person I have been to you over the span of your life. What I want is to grow closer to you. What I want is for you to understand me more. What I want is to have you near me. What I want is to teach you what I have been taught. What I want is to do simple things with you. What I want is to have you teach me how to be a father. What I want is for this wound to stop bleeding. What I want is for this tear to stop falling. What I want is for this pain to end. What I want is for this father to see you. What I want is my son to be my friend.
What I want more than anything is you. What I want prior to life is to see you smile. What I want is that your first pain be put on me. What I want is that you remember the times we have had in the past and never judge me by my absense. What I want is to have you in my life while I try to graft a family into my broken world. What I want is to take the ice out of my veins and let you warm me. What I want is to always be the father you need. What I want is to let you be the son I know you are, and to fix the broken parts of me. What I want is to be me without the broken parts. What I want is to chase dragons and rainbows with you. What I want is the time back that I lost.
What I want is a Fathers Day with you next to me.
A rented gun and purchased bullet wont give me back or produce all that I want. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 7/8/2007 2:32:15 AM | One Week
My head is spinning, my mind is numb. my heart is racing.
The memories are real, the time was a blur. Now its this void im facing.
The stars that fell that night.
The feelings that opened you say werent right.
My head is still spinning. My life is still here. My world is changed.
I can never be yours, I know that. I have another way to make my heart deranged.
See... someone like you cant come along and then just be let go. It cant be done.
There are times when you can wake up and call it a loss, but not this time. Im not alone. Not in this. Remember the candle, recall the wish when we couldnt breathe? Tell me I am all alone. Tell me Im the only one that feels the need!
Forgive me. I mean not to push. The last thing I want to do is to rip apart your life. To tear into your soul, to make you bleed when you cant see. To render your breath vacant, to make it so that you cant walk or talk simply because you have no idea whats going on in the present.
I dont want to do that to you.
What I do want to do to you, is this.
I want to show you ever ounce of truth that you are asking for. I want you to see the absolute reality of being pulled away from. I want you to understand being left and pushed aside. I want you to feel the pressure of the knife against the dream! That part where you worry about the dream not coming true! I want you to think of that. And I want you to think of me and you! | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 7/17/2007 1:47:54 AM | It wasn’t supposed to go this far. We weren’t supposed to fall.
This wasn’t supposed to be our star. We weren’t supposed to head this call.
Yet we did.
We spin round and round and we wonder where this is going to stop.
We feel the fire and choke the flame, and our emotions remain on top.
And here we are.
I could find a thousand castles built in your name, in the eye of my heart.
I would build every one of them with my own hands, if we weren’t damned from the start.
And I suppose we are.
Years ago, in another lifetime, I can only think you were mine. Now we’re here. Now we feel the pain.
A lifetime past, I can only think I was yours. Now here we are. Something inside of me tells me its all the same.
The walking away song starts.
We stood in the doorway, saying it was the last time we could ever feel. The very last time we would ever let it be real.
Fire and hell broke through my chest, as I silently pushed my foot in the way of the door. So much I still feel.
I can’t walk away.
I sit here in the darkest of rooms. I feel you in the deepest of ways. I know you in area’s you never could dream.
I remember your touch. I remember your kiss. I long to hold you. I want to be that voice, the one inside your primal scream.
I won’t walk away. I can’t.
I’m sorry. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 7/18/2007 2:25:44 AM | Push Me Away
Push Me Away
The rush of the first kiss. That first kiss, the one that took my breath away. You remember, the one that looked me in the eye. The one that made me stay. I remember the first time I was able to wrap my arms around you. The first time I could close my eyes and pretend you were mine. The first time heaven sang out loud and fire burned inside of me, and all was well and felt fine.
I remember how the trigger grew larger. I remember your every single touch. I remember how we moved, and how it moved inside of you and I so much. I can still feel your skin on mine. I can feel your breath as you questioned our every move. I can still remember every single part of you.
I remember your hair in my face, I remember your eyes burning into mine. I remember your heart touching mine. I remember pushing back the gates of hell just to hold you for a few minutes longer. I remember facing you, knowing you weren’t mine. I remember burning alive, wanting you to be mine. I remember crying when you said it was the last. I remember burning with a very soft glow… when the time had past.
I remember pushing dreams out the window. I remember slowly trying to walk away. I recall falling to my knees when I only knew one thing to say. I remember trying so hard not to be sad and feel blue. I remember trying so hard not to tell you constantly that I love you.
I remember so many things. I remember dreams. I remember your kiss. I remember everything. It’s the things I remember so much, that I miss!
I can say that. And I remember a promise.
I wont mess with your world.
See the bad parts in me. See that I cant walk that fine line. See that he is so much better than me. See that he is so much happier with you. See that you are happier with him than you are with me. See that I’m a man with a past. See that I’m alone for this time for a reason. See that I’m not good enough for you. See that you don’t want a broken heart for a love of a lifetime. See that you don’t want to fix the pieces. See that you don’t want to cry when I don’t understand the how or the why. See that you’re better than I could ever be. See that you’re love is all the drug I need to put me in the grave. See that you’re the addiction I need to be your slave. See that I’m evil. See that I’m wrong. See that I’m not the melody, I’m the tainted song.
Every part of me wants you to love me, but I know cant. Pretend I’m evil. Tell yourself I’m not right for you. Tell yourself that I’m simply not right. Push me away. Break my heart in order to make yours whole again. Glass shatters much faster than gold. Do it.
Just push me away. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 7/18/2007 10:31:30 PM | | From the heart Cross.....nice.....sad....but such nice writes cross..... | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 7/21/2007 1:45:25 AM | The pistol kicked in your hand as you pulled softly on the trigger.
Your heart raced as the scene exploded, and my eyes grew bigger.
We were a fantasy pair. The couple that would eventualy take over the world.
We were most likely to create a life, that others could only dream of. Our world.
We wined, we dined and you even taught me how to dance.
We held each other each night, we found love, we learned romance.
Time grew on and we thought it was all headed straight for the moon.
The vision outside our view was setting up our eventual doom.
I found out who he was to you by mistake. You left your phone in my car.
He didnt say much, just asked for you. That question in my heart, made this scar.
When you would sleep, I would look. He called you a few times today.
I would stay up at night, trying to find the time, as well as the words to say.
The pain turned into rage, the voice became a vice, the emotion became a crutch.
I wanted my world back. I wanted it back to being nice, I fear I wanted it too much.
You kept taking the calls, I kept ripping apart my heart. I wanted so bad to end your thrill.
I fired my old secretary from the office. It was about time I found myself a payback, my own girl.
Your phone rang, my business boomed. You left to get groceries, I left to file reports.
I could never do anything, except tell her about you, and what was going on and how I failed.
I was never aware of your plot. I never knew about all the investigators, or the pictures they mailed.
I decided to call it quits. I couldnt do anything with anyone that wasnt purely you.
I walked through our front door, only to hear you tell me what you were going to do.
"Ive had enough of your lies, you have played me from the very start!"
I was lost for words, there was a severe burning in my heart.....
The pistol kicked in your hand as you pulled softly on the trigger.
Your heart raced as the scene exploded, and my eyes grew bigger. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 8/4/2007 2:58:21 AM | Spinning the bottle in my hand. Shaking my head in the mirror I hold deep inside.
Walking along the path I said I would never walk. Teaching my emotions how to hide.
I reach out to you while I look away. I burn the skin inside of me, just to pretend you are with me today.
I wake up alone and I reach towards that mirror. My knees ache as I pour my morning into a mug. This isnt getting any clearer.
Stumbling I find the room that starts today. Mumbling, I search for the lies Im going to learn to say.
Only to myself.
I twitch as I grow more accustomed to you drifting away. I close my eyes as I ignore the foolish words my heart has to say.
I kill that voice.
Tears roll in silence as I force that voice under the waters that fall from my eyes.
All I can hear in the back of my heart are the sincere "I love You's" and my lost cries.
A last choke, one final kick and gasp. The emotion is dead.
Finaly, I can take back every "I love You" I have ever said.
Looking at the dream laying dormant under the flow of my tears...
I cant remain here. I cant walk this world with my heart still feeling the knife.
With every part of every dream I have ever had... I bring you back into my life... | |
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| Diary of a "Madman
Posted: 8/4/2007 8:20:34 AM | Up front, You see,
Projections, mostly.
Like the part of me
that agreed, when read
happy mothers day
fred. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 8/4/2007 9:30:36 AM | Dear crossfade: Your poetry is beautiful. Hope you don't mind that it inspired me to write this.
A woman's shield is made of ice
automatically evoked
by the last failsafe
emergency mode
of her heart.
The ice only provides
for escape, after which
time, wounds
are still fresh.
A wise woman will
then only let people near
her who will help
her lick those wounds.
Where is a man
who loves his woman
that much?
It's not about rectification.
It's about sacrifice. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 8/5/2007 5:22:11 PM | | Thats very, very good. I deny any inspiration in that, as that sounded true and genuine and from the heart! Wonderful write Bicpen! | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 8/5/2007 5:24:03 PM | | Good to see you back and posting Crossfade..... | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 8/5/2007 5:41:47 PM | Closing our eyes
Cigarettes burn while the wine continues to flow.
Both ends of the candle burn, as we ignore what we know.
One call, one voice. One time, one choice. This is where reason dies.
One cry, one chance. One song, one dance. This is where we close our eyes.
Close my eyes, tell me that I am actually here for you.
Close your eyes and I will whisper all the things we should never do.
You cut the cord and I will untie the ones that bind.
Move a little closer to me as we continue to remain blind.
The pistol sets inside the drawer, as we cant let this demon die.
Black out the world one more time baby, as we offer up another blind eye.
Blindly I feel, in darkness I find all the love I have for you.
Darkness sureal. An empty drawer, the pistol is missing, where are you??
The fire in my chest, the loudest noise. Falling to my knees, I heard your cries.
"We cannot do this any more."
I suppose were past the point, of us closing our eyes... | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 8/5/2007 5:44:39 PM |
Good to see you back and posting Crossfade.....
Hey bro... thanks. Good to see some old friends still hanging around. Not old as in age, but rather as in years gone by. I should probably shut up about the old gig huh.... | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 8/5/2007 6:15:31 PM | Blood.
Crushed skulls 'n crossbones faded breath broken lips...
Moonshine 'n switchblades shotguns sawed off grips...
Smashed doors broken windows toothless grins midnight calls...
Leather jackets wearin symbols skeletons hell's own halls...
Shotguns 'n moonlight quench a primal thirst...
Anger holds a meaning when everything else seems as cursed...
Posi-track get-away sirens scream..
Hanging out windows click-click, never learn...
Back alley two step broken bottle dance...
Gather to me a hatred movement in trance...
Flesh torn oaths sworn I'm gonna bring ya some pain...
Survive this single moment and be never the same....
I got the side swagger 'n the arrogance shit I'll cut that throat...
Leave ya to die in your moat while I gloat...
Me and my bro's bud we rule the back streets...
Whiskey 'n gunshots, leather, dayton clad feet...
Come on back fuck remember your balls...
Mid-evil, just another corpse,
left to decorate my halls..................................
..T.. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 8/5/2007 9:07:07 PM | Ps.
Crossfade: what I said about a woman's heart, well, I guess I should have said the human heart, but then I would have been into the whole pronoun dilemma, ya know. Peace.
Glad ya liked the poem. | |
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