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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 12/28/2007 12:49:08 AM | A Dream in my Hand
*********************
Dear lover, I need to open up
Dear lover, I need to confide
Dear lover, I need to wake up
Dear lover, you say this must subside
I found you as you fell deep inside my world, and Im no longer the same.
We walked down this road laughing and sharing, and now I hear we have to part.
Im not sure how to do this. All this time, Ive spent teaching my heart your name.
In this time I have found a dream, as it fell in the palm of my hands, and burried it in my heart.
Dear lover, spend just one night here with me.
Just one night with all my fears and one night with all my dreams.
Dear lover, spend just one night, just so you can see.
All that has landed in our hands, is exactly as we lie about, about what it seams.
Dear lover... | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 12/28/2007 1:39:45 AM | Five Minutes
*************
I once heard a man speak about the last five minutes I was awake. He told me that it was in that time, I really allowed myself to know who I was. If I thought of fighting fires... I should be a fireman. If I thought of fixing cars, I should be a mechanic.
Years have gone by, and I've never forgot what he said. I have comprised my thoughts, withing those last five minutes before I drift off to sleep. Heres what I am...
Im a shadow that dreams of her. Im the rage inside the sword and begs for the madning CLANK against the armor. Im the kiss that meant only to betray. Im the kiss that should last forever, yet rips apart my skin as it walks away with tears flowing down. Im the father that watches someone else teaching him how to catch or throw a curve ball. Im the guy sitting at a desk with envelopes full of bills surrounding him and blocking out the light. Im the son that doesnt quite show up and doesnt quite live up to what they all said he should. Im the college basketball star that blew his knee out and walked away from a game he loved. Im a husband that wouldnt deal with what was going on and lost his kids. Im a fire that wants to burn it all to the ground. Im a life that closes its eyes and shakes its head and just wants to walk away. Im the other one, that wants to be the only one. Im ... Im the last 5 minutes before I sleep.
Im the liquid in the syringe... When they tell me its not the fact that I dont deal with shit, but rather some kind of social issue...
Seven minutes into this... I realize Im still me. Im not all that happy about it, but Im me. | |
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| Diary of a Madman
Posted: 1/5/2008 3:36:02 AM | What do you want?
What do you feel?
What do you need?
Do you want what's real?
What is it you are after?
What is it you are willing to do?
When do you feel content in the final chapter?
When is it you feel like you can be happy with being, you?
Im screaming at you.
I need you to hear these words!
You tell me what it is I need to do!!!
I need you to tell me that this is all absurd,
Yet, Im screaming at you!
The candles are being taken from another's cake
You blow out the dreams yet? You realize what is at stake?
Smashing and pushing, I scream right back at my own face in the mirror.
I am chasing that ring, and this world be damned, I can at least say I tried!!
But this world be damned, they will never see me fall, or see when it was I cried.
Candles dont mean as much as they used to, when they are easily given to another.
I no longer close my eyes, or my heart, as I pull myself closer to my dream, my lover.
Scream at me all you want. I have never felt love so clearer.
Besides, with all your screams and rants, your still just the face inside my mirror. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 1/5/2008 4:05:33 AM | She sat in a chair, rocking back and forth, always looking out the window.
"Im sorry, but its time for me to leave. I just dont see any other way." He spoke the words as his heart raced and his hands shook. He didnt know how else to put it. He was taking a step he hated, walking away from a life he wanted.
"You could... uhh.. you ... I could... uhhh... " She stumbled with the words as the silence increased. She wanted so much, but was affraid to take that step, and this became the hardest choice. His hands in hers... and she let his fall away...
"When this is all over, I will call in and check and see how you are." He tried to say the words with a smile, as small, medium and large parts of his heart broke away.
Another word was never spoken, at least not verbally.
He showed up, and answered his call.
A soldier in war no one ever knew about. In a small town in a country no one ever heard about, he took a single round to his chest, an inch above his heart.
Gasping for breath, the last words the medics ever heard him say were, "Im sorry, but its time for me to leave. I just dont see any other way."
She heard about his fate, several months later.
Some say she went blind. Some say she lost her hearing. Others say she had a stroke. Yet there are a few that say...
"When this is all over, he will call in and check and see how she is." Those few...
When they get her to talk anymore, they merely shake their head. She doesnt make any sense to them. "You could... uhh.. you ... I could... uhhh... "
But there was one day. One day when she stood up, and she spoke up.
"Yes, I will! I am so sorry! I am on my way, I have missed you so!"
It was a painful victory. As soon as the words left her lips, she left this world.
They will always remember her as she sat in a chair, rocking back and forth, always looking out the window. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 1/6/2008 12:44:34 AM | Only G0d Bleeds
*****************
Look sharp, make it well.
The sound of good bye, hurts like hell.
Push against the stone, let the tears fall on another day.
Grind against what you once felt, but never let them say...
Only God bleeds.
Rush out into the rain so they cant see the tears as they bleed quickly from your eyes. Brush away every aspect of this life, so that tomorrow makes just a little more sense.
The rush is over, thats what she said. The feelings are alive, and are so confused
Maybe you were wrong all along, a phase that lets you wake up and see your need...
Only God bleeds.
They wont leave a world that takes them for granted, and constantly plays them off as a tool.
They say its time for you to move on, as they have made their choice, their vow, their broken rule.
If only God could bleed like this... | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 1/14/2008 2:34:23 AM | It was a dock.
Whitesnake playing on the stereo. Tears falling faster then they every should. Her and I were just playing. My heart was breaking and her face was smiling. She needed a good time and I needed a reason to crack.
Life shows up so we can grow. It dances around our life and allows us to reap what it is that we sow. Sabrina may have wanted more, and I may have had more to give, but I walked away. Your teenage love leaves me with the blankest of stares. I killed that part of me so long ago.
And then you walk inside. You bring me back to that day. You take my hand and you show me the way. The kiss is no longer just a kiss, its a memory burned and branded in my life. Its a moment I can never have back, and yet one I will never forget. A time forever burned into the sand.
A part of me.
So long ago. Yet today... You are walking me out to that same dock, a million miles away. Just when I think Ive lost it all, I hear your whisper, as you silently say....
I love you. I want you to walk away from the dreams and find a way to walk away with me.. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 2/5/2008 4:07:25 AM | The music is so lound. I love it when I feel its sound. I close my eyes as this life, starts closing all around. I wont shake it. Just make the music louder, just turn me away. Just turn up the volume, so I cant breathe.
God, can you feel the hammer of the bass in your chest? Are you like me? Can you close your eyes and forget all the rest? I can make the music louder! We can walk away fr0m what it is that we actually want! I can make this volume sooo loud! We do all we can to dround out our feelings. Yet we still dance in this same circle. The fire burns around us, and we keep trying to find ways to escape.
The music is getting sooo loud. I cant hear you and and I think... Were falling apart, were losing ground. I just lost your hand... dammit...
The music is sooo damn loud, I cant find my way to see. Where are you? Where did you go? I twist and I spin... and you are no where around. You are so far away... the music is poundin at my chest and my life.... where are you....
Im reaching out for you... | |
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longte
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Joined: 10/18/2004
Msg: 1184 | |
| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 2/8/2008 5:03:07 PM | Hi Cross
Still playing in here
Good to see
Must visit more often
How sweet it is
that subtle touch
of madness in the morning
Created there
through hope and fear
illuminates the dawning
Shattered things
and empty dreams
as music leads the mourning
"WHERE ARE YOU"
screamed
expression gives redemption
"I NEED YOU NOW"
whimpered
pure madness brings exception
Dark subtlety to set you free
in mindless adaptation
..
.
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 2/11/2008 9:59:05 PM | | Longte... My friend. Its so good to see/hear from ya. Just when I consider removing the pen from the paper, you show up with an amazing inspiration. Thank you my ole friend. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 2/21/2008 3:00:15 AM | She turned her head and the words started to flow,
I cant take this pain any more. I can no longer give you the key to my door.
I cant do this any more.
I cant always wonder why. I cant be the only one in the dark that understands how to cry.
I cant.
I looked at her and I understood.
Tell me about those nights. Tell me about the ones that you hated me. Tell me about the ones that you wished I was there. Tell me about the days you walked away. Tell me about the things you pretended to say... just tell me.
Tell me about the days that we should have been. Tell me about the days the bottle was my best friend. Tell me.
Tell me I threw it all away, tell me about the dreams that you chase....
Tell me...
Because I bleed on this end too.
I hate the nights I couldnt see. I hate the parts I know about me. I hate the things I did that broke up you and me.
I hate the life I chose to defend. I desise the man I was in the end... yet it was me.. it was always me.
Tell me about how you would rather be alone, then be stuck here with me.
Tell me about how you would rather walk away, than stop... and look at me..
Tell me..
Maybe you have given up. Maybe you have named me the ghost that will never live.
Maybe...
Yet... Maybe I no longer fall down. Maybe I dont think of you that way. Maybe we pull it out, and maybe I find the words to say....
And maybe this next knife wont hurt so much...
Maybe its just the pain I feel, inside of your... | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 3/14/2008 4:42:31 AM | Im watching the sun come up, and I still have you on my mind.
I havent been able to drink enough to fix this.
I've tried ever form and every chance... but I cant wash this away.
I bleed in my own hands every night you are away from me. What can I say?
I remember your hair, the way you smile, and hearing you laugh. You are me.
We are a billion miles apart, but even across the miles, in our hearts we can see...
Its going to be you and me.
The razors may cut my skin as I smile at you, but that kind of pain, means nothing to me.
Its the pain of you being so far away that cuts. Its the pain in my closed eyes that no one can see.
Its the pain inside of me.
I want you to alway know it will always be me! I dont care what you have been told....
Its always me. When you are happy, or when you break down... Im here for you to hold.
Because Im me to your You. My heart breaks every single day for you. Every single day, but I cant show you that part. Its deeper than what you think this is all about...
I lost you. I couldnt keep you. Know how deep this is... know it runs into the very red of me. When I twist and I try and deny...
Its you and I.. holding hands and learning all over again, how to cry.
Your my son.
My life just hit check-mate. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:19:23 AM | Push
Push the trigger
Dont pull the pin!
Lock
Lock to door
Keep me within!
Building mountains and changing lives, this is what we do... in order to survive. We call it growing stronger.
Building walls and tainting lives, this is what we have done... in order to hide the lies. We call it making the right so much wronger.
I do not dare deny, the role I played in this life. The blood is dripping from the fingers that are pointing at you.
I do not dare to care, for the role they say I chose. The blood is part of the rope around the noose.
Somethings getting in the way of me being me. And Im uncomfortable with that. Im no longer sure how to feel.
I want every part of you to be every part of me, yet when I look in the mirror and see... my dreams are no longer real. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 3/17/2008 3:32:17 AM | I posted this in another thread a day or
two ago. Leaving it here as it feels this
is where it goes. Tears this morning
reading your heart write.
It's like a belly crawl over broken glass
It's pain, unsurpassed by madness or birth
Our life-song singing it's death
The death-song singing in our lives
The mutilations we worked upon each other
The destruction we did ourselves.
~ | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:36:05 AM | That was amazing! Ive reread it several times, and its with each read it gets deaper/clearer.
It's pain, unsurpassed by madness or birth
Tragically beautiful. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:43:47 AM | I cover my eyes, because you know nothing of my kind.
You waltz in closer, never knowing what you are about to find.
I take the breath right out of you.
You close your eyes and you wonder why this all feels so blind.
There are parts of this life, this encounter, you simply should rewind.
We both understand, this is what we do.
A razor in the mirror isnt the life it once used to be.
At the end of that long line, is a dying you, and a dead me.
We took the breath right out of us.
The deals to keep the world alive, were getting too far away to see.
We looked around in this life, and it was complicated to be you, and impossible to be me.
We took the logic right out of the trust. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 3/19/2008 12:48:18 AM | Theres a part of you that burns. I know it does! I feel it in the palm of my hands.
Theres a very cold part of you. Its the fear you feel. I know it. I feel it in the depth of my heart.
Theres a part of you that runs. Its the worry that you hold so close. I feel it in my closed eyes.
Theres a part of you that jumps. Its the dream inside of you. I know it in the fullest part of every aspect of who I have become, since you. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 3/27/2008 11:31:16 PM | Tourniquet
************
Wrap me up. Make me become a part of you.
Lets make a new world where you dont have to worry about the life you live in now.
I will wrap you up, and we will find out what to do.
The stars say that we have to walk away, but as I bleed at your feet, I have no idea how.
I will wait for you, as I bleed completely out.
This life is just what it is, but this love has carried me.
I will scream as best I can. I will rip open my chest, and let you hear me shout
This life is just what it is, and maybe this love has burried me.
The cold kiss of death cant ever phase, or take away the redeeming qualities of the slow twist of the knife of love.
You alone slow the drain. You alone ease the pain.
You alone. Thats when I should have met you. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 3/29/2008 2:25:36 AM | Screams I cant Whisper
************************
I push my fingers into my arms, as I close my eyes.
The screams inside somehow come out as a smile.
Im a dream to you as you are to me, and the blood flows.
We close our eyes and fall asleep, and the dreams are our own picture shows.
I wake up and the first thing I think about is how I need to cut the diamond chain.
Then a heartbeat later I think about how much I need to hear your voice again.
I need your kiss, your touch, your love. I bleed for what will eventually bleed me dry
Yet in this life, I will be complete. I was able to love you, and say as much, eye to eye.
Im bleeding out. I want no one but you. Yet I know my pot of gold will never arrive.
The love of my world, the dream I have always sought, is the one thing that helps me survive...
... as I bleed out | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 3/29/2008 5:49:24 AM | I cannot remember committing these acts,
But I know i've done them for sure.
I cannot remember all of the facts,
Or wether i'll do it some more.
Distorted visions & parts that are black,
The bloodstained aftermath,
The memories come back.
All these things, they arent really real,
These dark twisted visions I don't really feel.
For they are my dreams that haunt me so...
Maybe...
From many lives lived centuries ago. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:06:59 AM | Cold World
************
Did the temperature just drop a bit, or was it just my dream?
Was I awake, or did my smile finaly come out as this long last scream?
Chasing rainbows and patching up the holes on the inside
They are so elusive. Such a fantasy. Always a new place to hide.
You keep telling me that I need to find a new dream, that this one isnt going to work.
You cry, I bleed and we still stand here face to face. Im so damn cold.
We said this would be a feeling that would last forever. At times it feels like its just another good-bye I get to say.
We said this feeling couldnt help but get a little stronger. Yet we keep having the dream like the one today.
Pardon me if I step out in this rain. Forgive me if I remain silent, while I feel this pain.
Im so damn cold. | |
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| CROSSED MADMEN.... MY TRIBUTE TO....
Posted: 4/3/2008 2:45:07 AM | You tell me that I need to walk forward
Im grasping to retain the breath I have from my past.
Im doing all I can. This evolution is catching up to me.
The blindness that I feed is slowly changing inside of me.
You have no idea how the view is when I start to deny.
The things that show up, the animal that arrives
The one I held, locked up inside.
It shows up and it wants to feed on my fear
Its the one that eats away at everything thats near.
It feeds, I die. Are you starting to see it now?
You smile, I bleed. Yeah... Its been awhile.
Ive been looking at you through this life
No one ever knows how that feels.
They pose easy answers and laugh, but only when you cry.
They look at you. Its forever that burns inside
You want to reach back into that time and change what you always hide.
You cant.
Its a different scene. Its a far too elusive dream. Its the very last star in the sky
Its a step you will never deam, worth the dream. So we bleed silently awake as we die.
Its that one star you turn away from, and the one I chase that will be our demise
Its me being me and you being you and us failing to be us that ...
I wish I was the tombstone that you actually needed.
The one that was here, but minus the painful bleeding.
I wish was the one that you felt comfortable bleeding.
I wish I was that dead to reason, be that one that was so needing.
Your kiss, burns inside my mouth. Its a fire I cannot resist.
Your love, burns inside my life. Its a dream, that I chase, and I insist!!!
You just stop! Look.
I will drop and roll. I will fight. I will be the one to lose control.
Look at me! Its what I do! I bleed for life.
Ive pushed all the walls just a bit further away.
Ive managed to let my heart open up, and have a few words to say.
I lost. It still isnt me. It still isnt my pot of gold.
I should of killed my heart, and listened to what I was told.
Forclosure of a dream. Kissing the lips of a dying love.
Pushing away everything that works, donning the innocent glove.
Breaking every mirror so that it all makes sense and looks clear
Turning out the lights and backing into the corner, wishing she was nearer. | |
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