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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/6/2007 6:01:40 AM | Nightowl1956^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I have to say as a single mum there's no way I want to sponge off a man. I have always paid my way on dates and am just totally looking for someone to spend time with and who'll be there for me as much as I am for them. Yes, I always give my all to my relationships & just want someone who's willing to give equally. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/10/2007 8:36:41 PM | Many still date single parents..but some are scared off from bad past experiences.
To any single mom..what are your best qualities? When you are out on a date make sure you talk about them. Do not be too concerned with what a man can do for you..most men have other options who are not single mom's so make sure he knows what you can do for him. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/10/2007 8:45:45 PM | | I have to agree with you John. Also let them know you are not looking for someone to take care of your kids, but to be a good role model. Personally I would much rather date a single mom, I have children of my own and really want someone around them that understands children. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/10/2007 11:26:16 PM | | i can understand that.... but here's my problem. im not looking for a father for my son, he has one... his dad may be irresponsible and not ready for kids, but he has one. all i want is someone for me, but he needs to be a role model for my son. is that to hard to ask for? someone who is responsible, honest and treats a girl right??? | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/13/2007 8:34:27 PM | It is not too much to ask for a man to treat a lady right but a man asks for the same thing. You can have a role model for your child without marrying/dating a guy you know.
Too many single moms bring too much baggage and drama to relationships and that can be a turn off. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 11:50:42 AM | | If you can't make the reklationship work with the father of your child? What makes me think yo can make one work with me? | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 132 | |
| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:46:00 PM | "Too many single moms bring too much baggage and drama to relationships and that can be a turn off"
Too many single men and women with no children can bring much baggage and drama to relationships as well and that can be a turn off.
Some of these people with no kids have addictions
Some have obessive controlling parents
Some have reponsibility issues
Some are still too much into wild/party life
Some have health problems
Some have financial problems
and so on and so on.
Wouldnt that be baggage and drama as well?
You dont see us slamming men/women who have no children do you? | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:11:48 PM |
You dont see us slamming men/women who have no children do you?
What about "single moms have more maturity", "single moms have a lot more understanding", "single moms have a lot more to bring into a relationship".
To say that you're better than others only because you have children, is in itself childish. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:37:20 PM | | Many have baggage and drama and some do not want to eal with it be it addiction controlling parents ect. As an adult my parents do notcontrol me...I do ot do alocohol or drugs. Those who have children posess too many dating challenges for the liking of some. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 135 | |
| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:54:25 PM | rockhunter,
you bet more maturity, more understanding are benefits too.
I was only using some examples that i could think of off the top of my head.
There are many good qualities to single parents, as their are to single people with no kids. Pros and Cons too both.
"to say that you're better than others only because you have children, is int itself childish"
Where did i say this?
Post statement or quote message number.
I did not say such and if your suggesting i insinuated it, that re read my comment. It has nothing to do with either a parent with no kids or one with kids, being better.
I was simply stating that single people with no children have baggage too, not just single parents with children. This was in rebuttel to Johne's comment "what does dating a mom with kids offer" and his comment that single moms are baggage and drama. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 2:37:16 PM | As I’ve mentioned in several currently running, similar threads, I think whether to date a single parent man or woman is a matter of choice based on where an individual is in their life currently.
Or someone has had one or more experience’s that now affect their willingness to date a single parent.
(or there are screwed up laws being passed as there seem to be now days)
As a single dad over 40 I certainly have no problem considering and or dating single moms, but 20 years ago I had an experience that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak.
Now in my mid twenty’s I dated several single moms, none of them ever worked out, but I can’t blame that on the fact that these woman were single moms, hell a lot of relationships don’t work out and it’s got nothing to do with their being a single parent or not. However some did end because of the single mom VS single guy situation, and there was this one incident that had me swear off single Moms from that day forth.
I had been introduced to a young lady by mutual friends, we hit it off and started dating, for the first few months things seemed to go well, now we didn’t get to spend a lot of time together during the work week, as we lived in different cities and of course she had two kids, so we basically had every other weekend when the kids were with their dad, and of course she wanted to go slow about introducing the kids to whoever she dated, ok no problems.
So the day comes that she decides it’s time for us all to meet, so we plan to start with lunch for the actual meeting and then we would have a nice family like outing to the Zoo.
I got there and the kids were sitting on the couch watching cartoons, a 10 yr old boy and an 8 yr old girl.
The girl simply gave me a dirty look and then proceeded to act as if I didn’t even exist for the rest of the encounter, the boy, oh my God the boy. He looked me right in the eye and said “ You’re not my Dad so I don’t have to do anything you say” , I just kinda stood there for a moment then said OK, he then said “And if you ever touch me or my sister my dad will kick your ass” again I just said ok. Of course his mother was completely embarrassed and tried to say something to him, I can’t remember what exactly, but he looked at her and said ”I don’t F…ing care what you say, that’s what Dad said so there”. Well she was absolutely mortified but it became crystal clear at that moment she had no way to deal with this situation.
And so as the deafening silence descended upon us I tried to keep the ball rolling by suggesting we go ahead and eat so we could then go to Zoo. The boy looked at me and said “ I’m not going to any F…ing Zoo” At that point she once more made a feeble attempt at actually being a mom by telling him to go to his room, he simply looked at her and “No, I don’t want to and you can’t make me” ( I actually learned later, that the boy who was almost as big as she was had no problem becoming physical when confronted, funny what your friends don’t bother to mention when wanting you to meet someone )
Well by then I could see that things were not going to get any better, and would only deteriorate if we tried to force our little family outing, so I offered to go ahead and leave with the suggestion that we would try another day, I told her I would call her the next day after the kids had gone to bed and we could talk, even though I doubt I had fully made up my mind yet I could see in her eyes as I left that she knew what was probably going to happen.
Now from the time I entered the house till the time I left was less than 30 minutes but I probably learned more about this lady and her situation then I had in the previous 5 or 6 months of dating.
#1, Mom was not in control the kids and the Ex were.
#2, Both kids had issues that needed to be resolved before she was going to ever have a life of her own.
#3, The boy was going to make life as miserable as he could for his mom and anybody she tried to have a life with.
#4, Thru the kids the Ex was going to continue make his presence known.
Well I’m sure you all can see how this story ends, it’s too bad as she was a sweet lady, but at 26 yrs old I realized this was not a situation that I could deal with, it looked bad and looked as if it would only get worse.
So from that day on no more single mom’s for me. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:06:47 PM |
Where did i say this?
"YOU" didn't say this. But single moms keep saying it. Please read my post again.
you bet more maturity, more understanding are benefits too.
Of course they are. But single mommyhood is not a guarantee for having them. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 138 | |
| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:17:21 PM | "but single moms keep saying it"
some do. point taken.
"of course they are. But single mommyhood is not a guarnatee for having them"
i concur. but tell me, where is there any guarantee in a relationship? or any guarantee that a person is a certain way?
The only guarantee i know of is the love of my duaghters and mine back to them. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 5:23:47 PM | | well if you find a man that really loves you he will not have a problem with taking you and your kids and being happy. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 6:50:56 PM | Amen to what Pucks has been saying!
It is just like EVERYTHING in life -- pros and cons -- for dating single parents AND for dating single people. I know one gentleman I speak with who walks away from women who have reached into or past their thirties and have never been either married or had kids. In his point of view these women are often so used to being alone and free to do their own things that they are self-centred (his words NOT mine). He believes they have never learned to compromise or to have to put someone else first and, as such, will be inevitably more selfish and self-centred. I AM not saying I agree with that either.. I think that there are valid points in it all. JUST because you're a single parent doesn't make you selfless and caring... and JUST because you're a single adult doesn't mean you've never put others first.
Personally, I've been a single parent for 11 yrs and have had one "serious" relationship in that time about three years after I separated. He was a single father with three kids. Yes, children DO complicate things but that doesn't mean they don't also add a lot of positives to the mixture. Our relationship didn't work out for several reasons, one being that he was still too caught up with his ex-wife and the other being that he drank too much (well those are my reasons -- you'd have to talk to him to get HIS opinion :p). I personally chose not to bring someone else into my life UNLESS it was someone very special because I didn't want the children to see a revolving door pattern. Also, I was going to University and studying some heavy courses, so I couldn't GIVE to a relationship what it would need to survive. It was at that point that I decided I had to get back on my feet financially, emotionally, and physically BEFORE heading back into the dating world because:
a. while it is hard to be alone, it is havoc to rotate in and out of relationships -- besides I just don't function that way.. lol
b. I have high criteria for what characteristics I want in the next man I get involved with... and in order to have someone like that interested in me, I need to be on par with that level
It's not so much as "proving" what I can 'give' the guy as much as wanting to be able to be a fully participating part of the package... wanting us to be able to compliment each other, goals, etc. ALSO, my children needed time to adjust and heal. Getting involved with someone as quickly as I did (it was three years later almost BUT it moved fast) left them feeling somewhat insecure. It shouldn't have, but suddenly my limited time with them was being divied up betwen another man and his children. Sooooo, I set my priorities. They are now 15 and turning 18 yrs, healthy, intelligent and well grounded... and I am just finishing up my own touches ;).
As for the comment on sloppy seconds -- whomever I choose to bring into and share my life with will not be any sloppy seconds. Actually, he should feel very special and highly honored because I married young and quick. I was young, inexperienced, naive ... and well.. stupid. Now -- now I'm experienced, educated, and choosy. So, whomever I am next involved with will actually be "the chosen one".. ;).
Also, for the gentleman who said, if it didn't work out with the first why will it work out with "you". It might now, with you -- depends on how mature you are ;). In all seriousness though, again that depends on the person. I was in an... 'unhealthy'... relationship/marriage and should have walked away on our wedding night. HOWEVER, I was raised a Christian and it took me seven years to come to the conclusion that my God didn't want me to go through life with such cruelty and difficult times -- didn't want my children raised in that environment. I didn't just walk out, I didn't cheat -- I went to counseling, I attempted to have my ex go for counseling, I had him charged in an effort to get him into counseling (the charges were valid - but I had hoped the shock would make him realize how things had deteriorated). I'm NOT claiming I was perfect or that I didn't make mistakes -- but I TRIED. So, why will it work with the next person? BECAUSE, I have grown from that experience, will be much more selective in who I choose to be with and just through that, if the gentleman makes into a relationship with me, then it will have all the qualities for a successful relationship. And I know, there are no guarantees, but there are safeties and boundaries that can be set up to prevent what happened the first time around from happening again.
Everybody has a right to their opinion and we all have different tastes. So, choose to get involved with single parents, choose not to get involved with single parents... no problem - but at least make sure it is an informed, cognitive choice based on realistic claims, or else you might be closing the door to someone that could rock your world!! | |
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cj361
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Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 141 | |
| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 7:44:32 PM | Omg! SylviaCollier you nailed my sentiments on the head. My story only differs slightly from what you've been through, and that's where my daughter has never met her father and I don't have that "ex" situation to complicate my life.
Kudo's to you for your standards and the honesty to know that you have to be what you're looking for. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/16/2007 8:11:20 PM | Great topic!
I actually prefer to date a single mom for a number of reasons:
1. She "get's it", what it's like to be a parent.
2. I have 2 boys of my own and prefer to leave it at that, plus her child(ren). I'm not saying I'm closed to the idea of another child but that's where I'm leaning today. | |
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cj361
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Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 143 | |
| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/17/2007 9:49:31 AM | There is nothing wrong with being a single parent. It just means that something in their life didn't go as planned, or maybe it went just as planned. There are some (not me) who date a guy for the sole reason to have a child. People have different priorities in life and that's what makes the world interesting as well as a disaster.
Being a single parent doesn't always mean the parent as an individual psycho, needy, a drug user, wrapped up in exes, out to use someone else, or unable to maintain discipline with their children.
In my opinion, the ones who are so staunch in their position that single parents are the devil reincarnated, are too shallow to look outside of themselves to find truth. As a single mom, maybe I should just lump all single men into a category of being gay, alcoholics or abusive that is after all what a few here imply about single parents. Its ridiculously narrow minded and I'm happily not interested in those type of individuals. Male or female. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/17/2007 12:12:38 PM | Not all single parents are bad...however you must admit that there are some single parents that give others a bad name. I have dated a few keeping an open mind that everyone is differant but they always seemed to fit into some sort of stereotype of what a single mother is. How many times do yu go to he same well?
We all deserve to be happy, it may mean that you are not what I am looking for. Why should I settele for less than I want just because some might be insulted if I do not?
I want to raise and support my own family..not someone e;se's previous family.
I am dating a very nice lady without children..it works well for me..the single mother option does not.
With all due respect to many other posters...some (not all but some) post and give the impression that if you will not date a single mother or if youwant something different for yourself than what a ready made family brings you are flawed and should "suck it up" and date them or you are shallow or immatute. Nothing could be further from the truth. I will not have a child until after I am certain I am with the right lady and that means until after I am married.
While most single parents did not plan to be single parents some did choose that and some (not all but some) choose the wrong person to have children with. It does not mean I have to change my stanards so you can fit them. | |
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cj361
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Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 145 | |
| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:53:18 PM | | and I'll restate what was said earlier, everyone is different with different interests and needs. There is not a one size fits all. Im glad you're happy in your relationship and that your future holds alot of potential, just don't critisize others for wanting to have the same, though we might be a package deal. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/19/2007 1:00:54 PM | Many have baggage and drama and some do not want to eal with it be it addiction controlling parents ect. As an adult my parents do notcontrol me...I do ot do alocohol or drugs. Those who have children posess too many dating challenges for the liking of some.
This is just as true with single adults as it is with single parents... lol. It is very unfortunate, and potentially emotionally dangerous for you, if you are not aware of that mere fact. I know women who are single who refuse to have children because they cannot manage their own lives very successfully. Furthermore, being a single parent IS very stressful and demanding and at least if the woman is managing that in a healthy way and is raising her children with values, morals, love, and discipline, you already know that she can handle being selfless and giving as parenting and relationships involve. I'm NOT saying that this is a blanket truth -- it does NOT mean all single parents are to be considered in such manners, only that in choosing to have a blanket decision regarding not dating single parents you are limiting your choices and the potential of finding a gem. And that is fine, doesn't bother me, but at least be aware of it.
Not all single parents are bad...however you must admit that there are some single parents that give others a bad name. I have dated a few keeping an open mind that everyone is differant but they always seemed to fit into some sort of stereotype of what a single mother is. How many times do yu go to he same well?
LOL.. again, the same mechanics apply the other way -- there are some single people who fall into the "stereotype". They are permanent bachelors or bachelorettes, they are afraid of commitment, they are too self-centred to become a healthy participant in any serious relationship... and so on.
We all deserve to be happy, it may mean that you are not what I am looking for. Why should I settele for less than I want just because some might be insulted if I do not?
I could be wrong here but I don't think anyone suggested you should settle for less. Point of fact - DON'T SETTLE...
I want to raise and support my own family..not someone e;se's previous family.
That is perfectly understandable. Many feel that way and are entitled to do so. I don't want someone to "raise" my children and support me. However, I think that any man or woman who loves another would be able to love their children. Just because you sired the child doesn't make you a good and loving father... and just because you didn't doesn't mean you make a completely wonderful father/role model. Love is all encompassing and PERSONALLY I am attracted to men who have already or show the willingness to love someone else's child/children because it shows a depth of character and a large heart. I'm not saying its simple, or that you're "bad" if you can't. Kudos if you know your own potential because it saves a single mother and her kids from possibly getting hurt again, as well as yourself. However, I've known some men who have raised their partner's children as their own and even AFTER the relationship didn't work, participated and considered those children as theirs. And I can tell you something - those are very special men indeed with a HUGE capacity for compassion and love.
I am dating a very nice lady without children..it works well for me..the single mother option does not.
With all due respect to many other posters...some (not all but some) post and give the impression that if you will not date a single mother or if youwant something different for yourself than what a ready made family brings you are flawed and should "suck it up" and date them or you are shallow or immatute. Nothing could be further from the truth. I will not have a child until after I am certain I am with the right lady and that means until after I am married.
While most single parents did not plan to be single parents some did choose that and some (not all but some) choose the wrong person to have children with. It does not mean I have to change my stanards so you can fit them.
First of all, good for you that you're dating someone with real potential to meet your standards. It's not about being flawed or shallow or immature except if you are using blanket stereotypes as your belief and arguments. And, in spite of being BBW and a single mother, I would never want you or anyone else for that matter to "suck it up and date me". Hell, I respect myself and what I have to offer too much to belittle it by dating someone who feels that doing so is beneath them and they have to "suck it up". From what I see, you consider dating such women as though they are less than "whole" and yet when they then comment that you yourself aren't whole for feeling like that you have hurt feelings. The entitlement to have choices or preferences goes both ways and as much as you have the right to think they are lacking what you require, so too do they have the right to believe you're lacking what they require. In that case, I say suck it up.
Being a single parent comes in many different ways. The woman could have become impregnated accidentally; could have become impregnated purposefully with a long-term relationship or marriage; or could have become impregnated within a relationship and/or marriage and lost their partner through death. Accidents happen and bad choices happen. Doesn't "excuse" everything, doesn't mean mistakes weren't made, but there is no guarantee in life and the scariest person I could EVER get involved in is the one who believes that they have it all figured out but hasn't fallen off their horse yet - because we all do you know. At least for the others I know that they were able to pick themselves up -- but for Mr. Perfect.. mabye he's the next Humpty Dumpty.
And again, don't settle - nobody has asked you to and nobody wants you to - just be aware that other people are allowed to disagree with your perspective just as you disagree with theirs. And, of course, good luck with your single lady. I hope it all turns out to be all that you hope and expect it to be. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/19/2007 8:41:17 PM |
however you must admit that there are some single parents that give others a bad name
John, there are some PEOPLE who give other people a bad name! Single parents don't corner the market on using others! I suspect that you attract the needy user types by your personality! I do not know even one single parent who has brought their child(ren) on a date, or who expects gifts for the children from the person they date, period!
I have absolutely no problem with those who decide not to date single parents; I freely admit it complicates things. It is, however, so unfair to categorize them as separate from the other liars, cheaters & losers who abound in real life, as well as the net! Why do you attack them (us, as I am a single parent!) so? Have you never been in a failed relationship, of any kind? Ever dated someone who was not a parent? Why couldn't YOU make it work? What does that say about you? Honestly, I feel that you should date only women without children, see how well you fare in sustaining that relationship & if you avoid getting used. Getting "taken" or being a user is not synonymous with being a single parent, it's a part of humanity! Why can't you get that?! | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/19/2007 8:59:44 PM |
where is there any guarantee in a relationship? or any guarantee that a person is a certain way?
There are no guarantees. However, there are certain indicators that increase or decrease the chances of failure. For some people, single parenthood is one of them.
Again, I ask those "why men don't date single moms" crowd: Why bother in asking, if you're going to get mad at the answers? | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/19/2007 9:35:17 PM | With all due respect to single mothers. It can be a very frustrating situation dating someone with a child. You can not just go out of town at the last minute. You may have to deal with a child that looks at te new partner and says "You are not my father I do not have to listen to you."
I agree with Rock Hunter
In many cases we also have to deal with your ex which cxan also be a turn off. If he is trying to cause trouble.
Let's be honest, if you look at the stats a higher number of second or third marriages end in divorce..that is not good odds if you want to make the relationship work and not have to pay child support for someone else's children.
Yes single mother's deserve companionship and happiness the same as anyone else. What you need to understand is that most men will choose to date a single childless woman over a woman with kids. Less hassle, less drama and less financial risk if it leads to marriage.
So wghat do single nmother's bring to the table that a single woman with no kids does not that will make you more attractive? | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/20/2007 1:02:11 AM |
where is there any guarantee in a relationship? or any guarantee that a person is a certain way? There are no guarantees. However, there are certain indicators that increase or decrease the chances of failure. For some people, single parenthood is one of them. Again, I ask those "why men don't date single moms" crowd: Why bother in asking, if you're going to get mad at the answers?
Yes, there are definitely indicators, and yes single parenthood may be one for some. That has never been an argument, at least not with my posting and not with many who I've read posting out here. I think the trouble is trying to educate some about the misconceptions in their blanket statements or stereotypes. Not all priests are pedophiles, not all bbw are out of shape or lack exercise, not all single people are relationship healthy/ready, etc, etc, etc. As I've stated several times, I don't care if that is one of the parameters you use in your quest - that someone is a single parent - just don't lump us all categorically into a stereotype and then cry when we point out that your thinking is flawed in THAT TYPE of rationalization.
As for your "why men don't date single moms" crowd comment -- you again seem to have lumped us all into a category. I don't think many of us are out here "asking" why but rather commenting on incongruencies and irrational assumptions.
JohnE102 - you are repeating yourself some and to points that have already conceded. Being a single parent does complicate any type of relationship - that point has already been conceded.
Not being able to leave at the spur of the moment is also correct in most cases. Does that mean that you are also going to exclude single women with pets? Some, and note I'm saying SOME, would not be able to leave on the spur of a moment either, depending on the length of the trip, because they would have to make pet sitting arrangements.
Dealing with an ex-husband would be a turn off in many issues - again correct. -- are you going to now exclude anyone who has been in a prior relationship? Not all single parents have exes. As I stated, some are widows; some never did get married; some have ended their relationship on a good note. LOL.. my brother is godfather to his ex-wife and her new husband's son, his son's half -brother.
Statistics indicate a higher rate of divorced among second and consecutive marriages - again, absolutely correct. So now, does this mean you are not going to get involved with single women who were married but didn't have kids? What about single people who have lived common-law with their partner for a year or more -- because obviously they too now have an 'ex' AND obviously couldn't make "playing house" work.
I don't know how it works where you live, but in our area a man does not become obligated to pay child support for their step-children should the marriage/relationship not work. The only time that would occur is if he "adopted" the child and gave the child his own name. And if you think that getting involved with a single woman poses LESS financial risk that's a hoot. There is financial risk ANYTIME you get into a co-habitative relationship or marriage. Go ask my ex-husband.. lol. Apparently the only reason he is staying with the "single woman" he got involved in after our marriage ended is because he doesn't want to lose his house!!
And finally, yet again it seems, what does single mother bring to the table that a single woman doesn't??? That is an impossible answer to provide simply because it is all a matter of perspective and what the individual is looking for him/herself. Like I said, I have friends who are single and can barely function normally as is, never mind adding the stress of a child upon them in even a committed relationship. | |
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