| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/20/2007 5:36:58 AM | | cool it can be hard findin a man to date as a single parent, as mi children r at school all day therefore i get mi days free but then evenings and weekends im busier and i guess some men who dont have there kids living with them find that difficult that u cant just drop things and meet up when they want, it has to be arranged in advance but im sure there are lots of men who dont mind dating single mums as nowadays there seems to be quite alot of single dads to | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/20/2007 6:52:30 AM | I think the reason many men don't want to date single mothers is that they do not want to be responsible for taking care of a ready made family. The OP even said she wanted to find a man to take care of her and her two kids. That totally confirmed it!
What single mothers need to do to prove to a guy that they don't "require" him to take care of her and her kids is to ensure that she is doing the job perfectly. Now by that I do not mean she has to be a perfect parent, but make sure you are financially able to do things on your own without anyone's help. That also means not surviving off of your kids child support and any other benefit that "belongs" to your child(ren).
The guy will then see that you don't need him there, but in fact YOU want HIM there, and that may set him at ease. Try to put yourself into the man's shoes and see how many vindictive, greedy single mothers are out there collecting child support from multiple men for the same child, living off of support money and how scary that must be for him to even want to consider dating a single mother.
Good luck!
BTW, I am a single parent of three kids, so this isn't coming from someone who can't empathize. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/20/2007 7:54:48 AM | A question a single mom should ask herself is: "Would he date me if I were childless?"
I've seen many scary mommies that blame their lack of dates on their children, when the truth is that they are simply not dating material. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/20/2007 9:02:58 AM | aevalise has a good handle on how I view things and I know many other men do as well.
Sylvia Collier:
Check your facts sweetheart section 5 of the divorce act clearly states that you can be forced by the courts to pay child support for step children if you acted as a parental figure.
I try to date women who are single no children and who have learned from their past but do not have baggage. Children are not baggage but I have spent many dates with women who complain about the ex and about child support issues and how rough life is as a single mother....wake up...life is not fair and a date should be about getting to know the other person not about a counselling session. I have had too many of those experiences and too many experiences of the woman asking to to buy things for her and/or her children. I have heard how much I could do for her and her child early in the dating process but tese women seemed not to care about my thoughts or feelings or what they could do for me in the relationship. It seems to one sided for me to want to try again...plus there is the issue of loco parentis if things get serious. I am looking for a long term lofe partner not a leach so I rule out single moms.
The OP says she wants someone to provide for her and her family. Do you see what that says to me and others?
It says the OP (and from my experience many others) simply want a man to provide for them and their family. I did not create the family or your sitution why should I take responsibility for it?
To me it is not worth the hassle. I have tried it many times and am fed up with all f the drama dating a single mother brings to relationships.
For those that are great women, why not try to prove it and show a man what you can do for them instead of what he can do for you and your children? | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/20/2007 11:16:49 AM | I'm sorry that you feel that way, JohnE102.
Not all of us bring hassles and drama to the table, it just sucks that a few bad apples have spoiled it for the rest of us normal single parents who are looking for a life companion for ourselves.
I also appreciate your comment on me having a good handle on how you, and many men, view dating single mothers. The only reason I have that view is because of very good male friends of mine getting screwed over by money hungry single moms. One women was collecting child support for one child from three separate men!! No wonder so many men are scared to date single mothers!
I hope you are able to find someone that makes you happy, regardless of her being a single mom or not. Good Luck! | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/20/2007 1:10:15 PM | aevalise:
You hit the nail on the head with your last 2 posts, it may not be fair to single mothers but the OP made a first post that screams gold digger. Either that or hopeless damsel in distress.
It is that attitude that can scare men away. You attidude thoug I find refreshing | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/20/2007 11:49:04 PM | WOW..
1. I have already agreed that there are complications AND that the idea of dating a single mother should be DEPENDENT upon her... upon the way she has raised her children, on the way she has handled herself financially, on many other factors.
2. I really DO NOT care if it is your preference to "not date single women"... and that isn't meant to be derogatory in anyway. Preference is preference. My point was that the "blanket statements" were in error.
3. aevalise, I can see where men are coming from. I have four brothers... two who are single themselves right now. But the 'money hungry' part doesn't just come from single mothers, and that IS my point. Not wanting a ready made family is fine... whatever reason is fine... The fact is, however, as you so nicely put it in your post, is that not 'everyone' brings hassles.
Personally I have 'remained' out of the dating scene until recently for many of the reasons listed: difficult ex-husband, complication with children and new relationships, wanting to be fully self-sufficient and at the place where I want my mate/partner, etc to be. As for the comment that the woman 'shouldn't' be living off the money for the child... the first thing I would say is that the child support AND any extra money is provided exactly for the purpose of helping to clothe and feed the child(ren). If/when possible it is also to help keep them in extra curricular activities. There are different circumstances for all women as they come from all differing backgrounds. Now, if they are 'solely' living of the incoming money, that could be another story.
4. John, you may be correct and I will have to go read up on the information again. It was my understanding that if the child is receiving support from the biological parent/father then the step-parent was not responsible. There are always different sections and subsections.. and always changing over time.
In any case, I tire of this debacle... lol. The bottom line is that there actually are a lot of single men who would date single moms and a single women who would date single dads. The opposite is likewise true. Dating, relationships, marriage, ... they ALL need to be undertaken with clarity and care.. no matter what preferences you have made.
LOL... just saw a thread out here last night about why single dad's don't want to date single mom's or something like that.. I am SOoooooooooo not going there! :p | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/21/2007 1:30:27 AM | Now I'm only 18 so i'm still "young" but I personally would be open to dating a single mother I have nothing against it. Infact within 5 years of now I would like to have a kid. The question of whether or not I would want a wife in the picture is still in the open i havent come accross enough females in my generation that I would deem worthy of parenting personally. (No offesnse to anyone...) It's just what my experiences have shown.......
I can relate to this topic because I have relatives who were single with a few kids and i've heard and seen how the whole dating with kids scene could get in the way.. I dont think it's a one way street. A relationship where theres a single parent both sides should find ways of working out the problems although that should qualify for all people....
I come at this whole topic with a different perspective. I'm part of the 2% of the male population that are good listeners and dont mind dating someone with baggage like their ex's. I personally dont care as long as i can feel a connection with that person with or without kids..
I have goals in life that i would like to accomplish including having a kid or two. Whatever life throws at me I will take but one things for sure try thinking the whole single parenting thing through WITH homeschooling  LOL | |
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Joy4us
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Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 159 | |
| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/21/2007 8:22:07 AM | Flagal sweety, you need to give yourself time to heal before you look for a man! Many single mom's (me included) hope to bounce right back into the dating scene, and this is especially true if your ex has found another. But from the raw pain in your note I can say with some experience, you are not ready. Slow down a minute, take a breath, and get your feet under you.
There are plenty of good men out there. You have read on this thread about all the men who are only too happy to date single mom's. I feel the same way about single dad's, they are great to date. But right now you are feeling desparate, and that isn't a good or healthy way to present yourself to a man.
Flagal, there is something so empowering about being able to take care of yourself and kids. Give yourself a chance to do that. Don't get involved with another person until you can look at yourself in the mirror and acknowledge you like the person looking back, and that you are proud of what she has accomplished.
Finally, when you are ready, develop a plan for dating. I have some hard fast dating rules when it comes to my child. First and most important, I say when he meets the man I am dating. This should not happen by accident, and never before I am ready. (Let's avoid the appearance of a revolving door) 2. My son has a father. 3. I am the parent. 4. If my date has children, I really want him to have the same rules. 5. Children are precious and I love them, but the person I am most interested is the dad. If something progresses, I will have tons of time to bond with his kids, and his with mine. Don't get involved with the kids prematurely.
There, just one mom's opinion. I am so sorry you are in such a painful place. Take time to heal. Best wishes. | |
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| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/21/2007 4:47:49 PM | LOL...
joy4us, absolutely great advice and well presented.
I only hope that by this date and time Flagal has worked some of that out for herself... Reason being....
Thread: Does anyone date single moms anymore? Track this thread flagal24 Joined: 7/20/2005 Msg: 1 view profile History Does anyone date single moms anymore? Posted: 8/7/2005 8  38 AM
I don't know who started this thread up again or when... lol.. or if it has just been a slow continuously running thread, but apparently flagal posted this back over 2 yrs ago!! 
Your rules are great.. wish you and all the other singles, whether they be mothers, fathers, or alone, luck with finding whatever THEY are looking for!! | |
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Joy4us
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Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 161 | |
| Does anyone date single moms anymore?
Posted: 11/21/2007 5:08:45 PM | Sylvia, great catch, I usually look at those things. Thanks for catching it. Geeze, wasted all that time putting my rules down in writing, oh well.... | |
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