| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 8/23/2009 8:38:49 AM | Lavender, I am so very, very, very sorry for what happened with your kids. Are YOU ok? Having an ex who physically, well, does their own kids, having your kids that messed up and then losing your son altogether; hugs to you. I hope your son continues to understand it was not his fault and can get some peace, so he can get back home where it is now safe; where it wasn't before...
Sunseeker:
How have you found dating? I'm not having much luck. The girl's dad lives in New York and we live in Florida. Guys my age want to be free and travel and party without much responsibility. They have raised their children. I'm finding it hard to find anyone interested- especially after they find out about my daughter.
People who don't have experience with children with exceptionalities don't really understand.
I think there are two things that I keep seeing in this thread. It will be hard for people who don't have special needs children (even adult ones) to understand. Most people who have not lived through it don't. There are stereotypes, misassumptions and some incredibly big generalizaations that people have, who haven't seen the reality in a specific person's own situation. Whenever people hear the word autism they immediatley think rainman; and my son is NOTHING like that (exept his memory and some obsessive tendencies). So understanding is not something that will happen with most.
But I think what most of us want is for them to be accepted for who they are, not what they are feared to be. I tend to not be "in your face" so much about my son because most people don't even know he has issues anymore; if a person talks to him he's just a polite, respectful, very decent young man. But if they ask, I say what he has overcome because I've never seen so much courage in the face of fear as i did him, trying to beat ihs mental hurdles on sheer strength.
Most special needs kids are not only innocent, they are loving, they are loyal, and they are staggeringly brave and accepting.
If people understand that, they will understand they aren't simple. They are, truly special.
and all of us trying to interact with them; thoguh we do need patience, wisdom, understanding, and with some extra time; but we get someone who we are blessed and lucky to be allowed to parent.
I have found people I've dated have not cared. I don't stress his special needs; i just talk about who the kids are in personalities and where they're at in school; throw in the label but talk about what they're doing now; and don't ONLY talk about the kids; and it usually has not raised an eyebrow even. That has been my experience anyways, but mine is older (he was not even 17 when I divorced and I didn't date much the first couple years, so maybe that helped, I don't know?).
Very best of luck to you and all others in here who have that blessing/challenge. | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/21/2009 8:52:23 PM | I have a special need son who is soon to be 18. ,he has done everything the doctor says he wouldn't do My other boy is 16 and he is not special needs who helps with his brother at home and outings. I would like to find a woman out there who I can be with. My sons mother died in 2004. It is so hard to find a good woman who will accept my son the way I would accept her child. I am in Planty of fish under North Pike you can read more about me. | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/21/2009 9:16:42 PM | | Hello I know some what of were all you come from. I go to church and they have some singles gals ,but not one will look at me because of my special need child. I do not know why they can look down on a child like him as well as other. God has a blessing for them what we also will recieve for taking care of them. They will look up to them in heven God bless . "We are blessed" | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/22/2009 7:31:17 PM | My son Waylon has autism and he is turning 18 soo . I am going to court to be a pay conservitor for him. He is very smart but needs assistence the rest of his life. His mom had cancer when she was expecting and could not take treatments til the baby was born. Waylon was born with the birth cord wrap around his kneck. The nurse said he is one baby who beat all odds of living. My wife died and left me with some great boys ,or should I say young man. It is so hard I can't date anyone it seems because I can't find a gal near me to date who over look my boy needs. It fet lonely but I have to stay strong for my boys. Austin who is Waylon brother never had a chance to just be a boy. He took on the role of helping me take care of waylon. All I know God gave me this boy and I am so blessed. | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:53:56 PM | | I am a single parent of two boys one with moderate to severe autism other with adhd, they are six and nine, i love them to death and wouldnt change them for the world, but its rough takin care of them by myself and working to keep the household together. | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/22/2009 10:28:10 PM | | I've just got one daughter, she's 5 and just started kindergarten. She's got Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, Double Outlet Right Ventricle. Basically she was born with half a heart. She's had three open heart surgeries and now is doing just great with her half a heart doin the job a normal heart does almost better than the regular kids! :) She's my heart and soul, and i've finally gotten full custody from her deadbeat POS mom. Who told the judge at the last hearing that she wasnt going to show up and didn't want anything to do with us anymore. Come to find out it was becasue my lil girl misbehaved on a visit with her mom. Course I also just found out she's got pretty severe ADHD, Depression and ODD.. which could be why she was having troubles behaving in school and with her mom.. but hey.. she's perfect right? :D she is to me.... she sure is a lot of work though, feel kinda lost dealin with things by myself most of the time.. but she's totally worth it!. | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/25/2009 12:27:12 PM | Need advice from any one. I was dating a gal named...... anyway I did not tell her about my special need son Waylon. When I feel things were heating up ,I told her about him. She said I wasn't honest with her. I ask her would she have gone out with me if I told her of my son.She replied and said probley not. She said I should not expect no other woman to come in my life with him. I am having a hard time finding a gal to hold. What can I ?do? | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/25/2009 2:13:00 PM |
Need advice from any one. I was dating a gal named...... anyway I did not tell her about my special need son Waylon. When I feel things were heating up ,I told her about him. She said I wasn't honest with her. I ask her would she have gone out with me if I told her of my son.She replied and said probley not. She said I should not expect no other woman to come in my life with him. I am having a hard time finding a gal to hold. What can I ?do?
First of all, that gal you were dating doesn't speak for all women. I would just ignore her comments because she was just angry. There are single mothers who are in your exact same circumstances. How much assistance does your son need? If you could join a support group of single parents of disabled children, perhaps you could meet someone who would not be afraid of a relationship with you. | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/27/2009 11:05:57 AM | I'm a 36-year-old father of a 4-year-old autistic boy. I have 50% custody, and I run my own business. I've never had too much trouble "dating" because of him. I was in a serious relationship late last year with a woman who wanted to get too close too soon (talking about living together a month after we met), and she kind of used my son as an excuse to break up. He cried when he saw her one time, and that sort of set her off, but there were other problems going on.
Meeting women, making friends and hooking up - if that's what you're into - aren't hard. Building a relationship is, but I guess that's true for everyone our age. We tend to be more set in our ways and less open to change. We think that some wonderful man or woman is going to come in and make everything all better when a lot of the time, the opposite is the case.
I try to avoid women dead set on getting married within the next year, or who think that every relationship they're going to have is going to be "the one." If I meet a woman and we become friends, that's a good thing. If we go out a couple of times and it doesn't work, I usually try to remain friends with her. | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 9/28/2009 11:42:26 AM | | My toddler is special needs. She has Mastocytosis. Mastocytosis is a rare, uncurable disease. Some kids outgrow it, some have it as adults. It is an overabundance of mast cells in the body. We all have mast cells in our bodies. With Mastocytosis the cells release too much chemicals that interact with body tissues. This disease is so rare that I can not find a pediatrician that knows how to care for her. I even have to study and bring my findings to her specialists. We work together to come up with treatment plans, well mostly it's me telling them what I want to do. She has red spots all over her body and blisters on occaision. We have been in and out of the hospital many many times a year. I had to quit my job and I am trying to figure out a way to make money at home. It isn't hard to find a man who will accept her condition. However, it is hard to find someone that is willing to accept me now until I find a work from hom job. I was also lost my home due to no income and i lost my car in an accident. We get looks and comments every time we go out in public. That is the hardest part. | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:09:08 PM | "I had an older man tell me what that boy needs is a good spanking one time"
I have a 5 yr old son with ADHD. His father's answer to the problem was attempting to beat it out of him. Needless to say his father is gone now and i am left with a son who now has ADHD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and an Anxiety Disorder. I can't stress enough how much this perspective makes things even worse cuz my son is living proof. I have a really hard time dating now cuz i'm afraid other men will see things the same way his dad did. I've actually had one guy, when i started to explain the issues with my son but before getting to the details of what happened with my son's father, say "have you tried beating him?" He thought it was funny, i cringed and never spoke to him again. I can't take it when people jokingly say things like that. Maybe everything has made me way too sensitive and scared. But the only thing i know for sure is that i'd rather be single for the rest of my life than chancing something like that happening to my son ever again. | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 10/3/2009 9:34:57 PM | | dude...tough situation. i feel for ya. you're one hell of a man. take care of that little girl. Now i know how lucky i am that my kids are fairly healthy. all of a sudden just taking care of them doesn't seem that hard. good luck man. | |
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| Any single parents of disabled children??
Posted: 10/9/2009 7:21:21 PM | I have 2 boys. One (fostering to adopt) has ADHD and high functioning autism, the older one is ADHD. Ex-husband ADD and social problems. Life is beautiful but so busy and romanceless, sigh.  | |
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