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| Letter sent to ex...What are your thoughts on this?
Posted: 8/23/2005 12:34:18 PM | If you don't mail it, he will never read your feelings. I have often believed that writing these letters and keeping them is a waste of time. Drop a stamp on it and the second you let it go down the mailbox, you'll feel a LOT better.
It's amazing how much better you feel after airing your feelings to the other party. | |
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| Letter sent to ex...What are your thoughts on this?
Posted: 8/23/2005 3:18:28 PM | fashionable33
I emailed it to him...but he hasn't responded because he probably feels guilty about. Good and he should. He wasn't always like that....always affectionate and caring before. Must have met someone forsure. | |
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| Letter sent to ex...What are your thoughts on this?
Posted: 9/8/2005 1:39:33 PM | This is what my ex said to me the day before he dumped me:
"I love you and I want to be with you forever."
The next day he said:
"I just don't see things working out between us."
We were together over 4 years but he never gave me any clue that he felt like ending things. I never really got a real reason for his actions, but I don't think I need one anymore. I prefer a clean break and I think it's important to move on - nothing can be gained by dragging things out and no matter how tempting it is to write or contact that person, it's better to take some time for yourself and reflect on how you can improve your life with what you have. | |
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| Letter sent to ex...What are your thoughts on this?
Posted: 9/8/2005 2:54:21 PM | I know your pain,because we have all been there at some point in are lives.I once wrote an letter to an ex but mine was alot more brutal then yours lol.
There no right or wrong way,to how you deal with a break up.You just do whatever feels best for you.Because when rage sets in ,regardless of what advice is given.Your still going to do what you want to do in the end anyway.
I think you done good by writting exactly how you felt.Caus i find personally, that writting down what you feel is the best way to express yourself. As i find when it's done verbally,you sometimes forget some of the things you wanna say, or it can come out entirely wrong.
But now that you have done it let it go.Caus the more you dwell on it, the longer its going to take you, to move on. Retail therapy my dear, usually does good, or a new haircut or something. Start going out on girls nights out,or speak to friends whenever your feeling down.
Heres something to think about:
While you cannot eat,his still stuffing his face.
While you cannot sleep,his sleeping good.(like a baby)
While your feeling down,his life is still going on/out with mates or whatever else.
While your their crying,his out there laughing and joking as normal.
Time is the best healer and i know that when its fresh in your mind.Your thinking your never going to get over it, but trust me you will.As each day passes it becomes that little more bearable.Also the fact that he wasn't man enough to tell you the real reason why his broken up with you.His truly not worth stressing over.. | |
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| Letter sent to ex...What are your thoughts on this?
Posted: 9/8/2005 3:21:04 PM | A few years ago, I wrote a heartfelt letter to an ex. When I read it to myself, sure it came across like an indictment, but it also sounded composed and sane. Still, I deliberated over whether or not I should send it to him. I don't know why I was hesitant, but I paid attention to my hesitation and never sent him the letter.
You've already sent him your letter, and I can relate to your motivation. But I agree with the comments saying that the end of the affair should not be dragged out and extended with an after-break up "good-bye."
It isn't necessary for an ex to "hear" those words. He's an "ex." Past tense.
There's no point in making him an active participant in your life, unless that's your intention. And if that is, on some level, your intention, that might be a problem.
Now, I'll read my after-break up letter and see very clearly that it wasn't just me trying to excise some scary emotions. It wasn’t just me trying to find closure. If I had sent the letter to him, it would have also been in an attempt to do several things:
1. To retaliate
2. To hurt
3. To vilify
4. To create guilt
5. To lure
6. To seduce
7. To win back
As manipulative as post-break up communication (especially in the form of a letter or e-mail) can be for the initiator, the messed up thing is that it's counterintuitive.
On the surface, we swear we're just "givin' it to 'em hard." But really? Pardon the Oprah moment, but all we're doing is placing our power back into the hands of the recipient.
You can scribble "I hate you" over and over again one thousand times. You can calmly thank him for the opportunity to suffer though his sh*t, thus enabling you to become a better, more enlightened human being. Either way, you're telling this person, "You still have a hold over me. You still matter so much that I'm trying to connect with you." That's all a post-break up letter is: a veiled attempt at reconnecting. It's validation for the recipient. And the recipient always knows that.
This will sound trite, but everyone's been telling you the same thing for good reason: In these situation, the best thing we can do is let it go, move on and perhaps revisit the relationship or the individual when both parties have no interest in pursuing each other. I don't think that we're meant to continue every single romantic relationship we have with every other human being like an eccentric old stamp collector. The purpose of some relationships is in their being had and let go. That's an easier idea to intellectualize than to practice.
When I left my ex, I don't think I was in a cool-enough emotional place where I could understand that. Too close to the fire, maybe. I'm glad that I wrote the after-break up letter, got the words out and articulated in a very no-holds-barred manner what I was feeling. And now? I'm thankful that I did it for ME. I chose not to give him what I'm worth.
Several years from now, you will read that letter. You will be eye-rolling at your "heartfelt" emotions. And you will wonder who sprinkled the silly dust into your orange juice when you thought it'd be a good idea to send him that little note. Several years later, though, you won't care. You'll clown yourself. You'll laugh. You'll ask your friends if they want to read what pathetic looks like and offer up the note for sh*ts and giggles. You'll be over it.
But why prolong your current state of ick?
So you've already sent the letter. That's done, and I can empathize with why you sent it to him. You've posted it here and you want to know what we think about it. I will just caution against continuing any communication with him ... if you genuinely want to end things.
I know that having sent him that letter might feel like an emotional victory -- if it does, I certainly won't take that away from you. Just be careful as you pull back. You’re a bit vulnerable now; he knows exactly where you are. | |
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| Letter sent to ex...What are your thoughts on this?
Posted: 9/8/2005 3:24:11 PM | brownsugarbabes
Thanks for advice and encouragement. I have started dating again..two are interested in me but more want to get to know me...going to be busy..haha. Thanks again...I'll keep that in mind... | |
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| Letter sent to ex...What are your thoughts on this?
Posted: 9/8/2005 3:59:53 PM | Your welcome girlfriend,caus honestly i know that pain.And a problem shared is a problem halved.
Just take your time with these guys,caus your still very vulnerable. Just enjoy dating them date all of them lol may the best one win ok.... 
Ps, while your out with these guys, dont go on about your ex, as thats a real turnoff....  | |
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