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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/10/2005 12:09:36 PM | hey UNVRKNO.. I can't find anyone who can put up with me on an old couch | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/10/2005 12:11:55 PM | | For the very same reason , who needs all that lying and cheating , a women can get alone alone a man can,t, I took it for 32 years and that was enought. Thank the lord he,s gone. | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/10/2005 12:19:51 PM | I'm somewhat of a mathmatician.... so I thought this would be the best way to explain why I will never have a girlfriend. I have three criteria that a girl must meet to be my girlfriend which are: First, the potential girlfriend must be approximately my age — let's say 21 plus or minus three or four years. Second, the girl must be beautiful (and I use that term all-encompassingly to refer to both inner and outer beauty). Third, she must also be reasonably intelligent — she doesn't have to be Mensa material, but the ability to carry on a witty, insightful argument would be nice. So there they are — three simple demands, which I'm sure everyone will agree are anything but unreasonable.
That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible — in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend. I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data permits. And I should note, too, that there will be no statistical trickery involved here; I have cited all my sources and provided all relevant calculations3 in case anyone wishes to conduct their own independent review. Let's now take a look at the figures.
Number of people on Earth (in 1998): 5 592 830 000
We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested — namely, the population of this planet. That is not to say I'm against the idea of interstellar romance, of course; I just don't assess the prospect of finding myself a nice Altairian girl as statistically significant. Now anyway, the latest halfway-reliable figures we have for Earth's population come from the United States Census Bureau's 1999 World Population Profile [WP98]. Due presumably to the time involved in compiling and processing census statistics, said report's data is valid only as of 1998, so later on we'll be making some impromptu adjustments to bring the numbers up to date.
…who are female: 2 941 118 000
I'd've thought that, given the title of this essay, this criterion goes without saying. In case anyone missed it, though, I am looking for exclusively female companionship. Accordingly, roughly half of the Earth's population must be discounted. Sorry, guys.
…in "developed" countries: 605 601 000
We now further restrict the geographical area of interest to so-called "first-world countries". My reasons for doing so are not motivated out of contempt for those who are economically disadvantaged, but rather by simple probability. My chances of meeting a babe from Bhutan or a goddess from Ghana, either in person or on the Internet, are understandably low. In fact, I will most likely spend nearly my entire life living and working in North America, Europe, and Australia, so it is to these types of regions that the numbers have been narrowed.
…currently aged 18 to 25: 65 399 083
Being neither a pedophile nor a geriatrophile, I would like to restrict my search for love to those whose age is approximately equal to my own. This is where things get a bit tricky, for two reasons: first, the census data is nearly two years old, and second, the "population by age" tables in [WP98] are not separated into individual ages but are instead quantized into "15–19" (of whom there are 39 560 000) and "20–44" (population 215 073 000). Women aged 15 to 19 in 1998 will be aged 17 to 21 in 2000; in this group, I'm interested in dating those 18 or older, so, assuming the "15–19" girls' ages are uniformly distributed, we have
39 560 000 × ((|21 - 18| + 1) / (|19 - 15| + 1)) = 31 648 000.
Similarly, of 1998's "20–44" category, there are now
215 073 000 × ((|25 - 22| + 1) / (|44 - 20| + 1)) = 34 411 680
females within my chosen age limit. The sum, 66 059 680, represents the total number of females aged 18 to 25 in developed countries in 2000. Unfortunately, roughly 1% of these girls will have died since the census was taken;4 thus, the true number of so-far eligible bachelorettes is 65 399 083.
…who are beautiful: 1 487 838
Personal attraction, both physically and personality-wise, is an important instigator of any relationship. Of course, beauty is a purely subjective trait whose interpretation may vary from person to person. Luckily it is not necessary for me to define beauty in this essay except to state that for any given beholder, it will probably be normally distributed amongst the population.5 Without going into the specifics of precisely which traits I admire, I will say that for a girl to be considered really beautiful to me, she should fall at least two standard deviations above the norm. From basic statistics theory, the area to the left of the normal curve at z = 2 is
one-half minus the product of the square root of two p and the definite integral from 0 to 2 of e to the negative one-half x squared, which equals approximately 0.02275
and so it is this number with which we multiply our current population pool.
…and intelligent: 236 053
Again, intelligence can mean different things to different people, yet I am once more relieved of making any explanation by noting that it, like most other characteristics, has a notionally normal distribution across the population. Let's assume that I will settle for someone a mere one standard deviation above the normal; in that case, a further
one-half plus the product of the square root of two p and the definite integral from 0 to 1 of e to the negative one-half x squared, which equals approximately 84.1345%
of the population must be discounted.
…and not already committed: 118 027
I could find no hard statistics on the number of above-noted girls who are already married, engaged, or otherwise committed to a significant other, but informal observation and anecdotal evidence leads me to believe that the proportion is somewhere around 50%. (Fellow unattached males will no doubt have also noticed a preponderance of girls legitimately offering, "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend" as an excuse not to go on a date.) For reasons of morality (and perhaps too self-preservation), I'm not about to start hitting on girls who have husbands and boyfriends. Accordingly, that portion of the female population must also be considered off-limits.
…and also might like me: 18 726
Naturally, finding a suitable girl who I really like is no guarantee that she'll like me back. Assuming, as previously mentioned, that personal attractiveness is normally distributed, there is a mere 50% chance that any given female will consider me even marginally attractive. In practice, however, people are unlikely to consider pursuing a relationship with someone whose looks and personality just barely suffice. Let's make the rather conservative assumption, then, that a girl would go out with someone if and only if they were at least one standard deviation above her idea of average. In that case, referring to our previous calculation, only 15.8655% of females would consider someone with my physical characteristics and personality acceptable as a potential romantic partner.
Conclusion
It is here, at a pool of 18 726 acceptable females, that we end our statistical analysis. At first glance, a datable population of 18 726 may not seem like such a low number, but consider this: assuming I were to go on a blind date with a new girl about my age every week, I would have to date for 3493 weeks before I found one of the 18 726. That's very nearly 67 years. As a North American male born in the early 1980s, my life expectancy is probably little more than 70 years, so we can safely say that I will be quite dead before I find the proverbial girl of my dreams. Come to think of it, she'll probably be dead too. | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/10/2005 12:20:09 PM | | Good for you no women should take that kind of talk from a man , there,s not to many good ones out there , I find a lot on here but their only lookibng for one thing, I,m looking fror a friendship first then maybe other things , I don,t jump in the sack on the first date, maybe I,m old fashioned but that how its going to be. | |
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HOTFEM
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Joined: 8/7/2005
Msg: 105 | |
| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/12/2005 2:55:13 PM | I enjoy being single, but dont get me wrong, I would like to be in a great relationship..
Nice to be involved with someone but for all the right reasons... Cant afford to settle any more. | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/12/2005 3:26:21 PM | The first one turned me down, I turned the second one down. Then along came an opportunity for career development. And now here I am again.
All in all I enjoy being single--many many perks. Still I will admit that I find the thrall of the "valorization of romantic love" hard to resist and so I am here . . . . | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 9:10:30 AM | | I guess I'd say by choice. I turned a great girl at work down for a date because I was too afraid of getting involved w/coming so near to finishing school and the chance of having to move. Though a huge part of me is looking for that 'special someone' I guess I just want to be settled first. | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 9:20:58 AM | | I just haven't found the right guy to be my boyfriend. I'm very picky when it comes to who I'm going to get in a relationship with. | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 9:25:38 AM | | Because dating is just too much fun right now. I had chances to be attatched but where I'm still going through university, I don't want any commitments to worry about. Besides, you can't get in trouble with the girlfriend for flirting with other girls if your don't have a girlfriend to begin with. | |
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| I am single because...
Posted: 8/16/2005 9:31:50 AM | | Hard to find a man who likes a little extra padding who also works and is genuinely kind. | |
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LdyDee
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Joined: 8/10/2005
Msg: 111 | |
| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 9:35:06 AM | Because I was in a loving relationship to a man that was everything to me. He loved me for who I was, cooked, cleaned, did laundry, was ambitious, loved yard work and gardening, he was all I ever wanted in a man......unfortunatly, I could not give him what he needed in the bedroom.......I found out after a year of deep, almost satisfying, deep seeded love that he desperatly needed the love of a man.
I took 8 months trying to figure all this out, as from the very first time we chatted, he was deceiving me, strung me along simply because he longed to lead a "normal life". He was unable to overcome his need to be loved by both sexes, and I am not into sharing my man or myself with another.
I tried, we sought therapy, and I worked hard to be as open as possible, but I just couldn't get past the thought of him making love to me when I knew he was having thoughts of being with a man. | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 9:41:35 AM | I made several mistakes. I get to lie in the bed I made  | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 9:51:38 AM | | Because I am only one person ... unless I have a clone that I have no knowledge of. | |
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| I am single because...
Posted: 8/16/2005 10:55:59 AM | When people ask why are you single, it's like you have some control over the outcome.
Simple translation: it takes two my friends... you're only one half of the equation | |
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| I am single because...
Posted: 8/16/2005 12:35:27 PM | Because I haven't met the right guy
and I am old and jaded :P | |
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| I am single because...
Posted: 8/16/2005 12:39:25 PM | | I would rather be single and happy than in a bad relationship. When Mr. Right comes along, I won't be single, or on POF anymore. ;) | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 1:17:10 PM | I'M TRYIN'! I'M TRYIN'! QUIT PUSHIN' ME!
When I was younger I had the mindset to never be hitched, too many ladies, too little time. Think I picked up that idea from my peers from school days.
Today, I get to wonder if I've let the "right one" go.
But here I am with hope in my heart, and the desire for just one good lady. | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 1:41:41 PM | When I was single....I made a choice to be, and to remain, that way.
When I wanted to have a relationship...I went out and found a good man and am now "relating"....
If WE don't have control over whether or not we are single....Then who DOES, pray tell?????
Bah!! There are plenty of attractive, decent people in the world ,both male and female to choose from...guess it depends on whether you're looking for a fantasy or a REAL human being!!! Or if you're just busy repeating old patterns cause you're too scared to try something new!
Careful...or I'm sure to see many of you on the "why doesn't anyone want a nice guy/nice girl?" threads....!!!!
Dee | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 1:45:57 PM | | More than a touch of arrogance there. For some of us, it isn't just a matter of "deciding" to find someone! Thanks for the attitude. | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 1:56:30 PM | | Hey maybe that's the problem!!! As I said, it really depends on what it is you EXPECT from a partner....Sorry if you feel it's arrogant, I know it to be true...Last time I checked we are responsible for our own happiness or lack thereof...Dee | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 1:58:20 PM | | We weren't talking about "happiness" or lack thereof, we were talking about being SINGLE. There is a big difference! | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 2:20:22 PM | Well as I understand it, we are responsible for finding that which makes us happy...If a relationship will contribute to your happiness, then get out there and find one!!!
Yes I understand that it's difficult to find someone that you are compatible with, sharing interests, etc...Don't get me wrong...But the bottom line is that many people give up after a bad experience, or two or three, or they become discouraged with the results of their search, etc.
One thing I've seen and experienced is that doesn't help in any way in finding a partner...As a matter of fact many people use those things as an excuse to stop looking, or become "ultra cautious" instead of examining and learning from their past experiences and doing things differently in the future...along with making more appropriate choices.
Why is it that it's okay to state "personal responsibility" as a causative factor in virtually ANY other area of Life for unhappiness or the lack of goal attainment, but when it comes to relationships, everybody is "up in arms"?!?!!?
I'm sorry if you disagree who...but I've seen not only myself, but many other people I know who have made the decision to have a relationship, or to "settle down" who seem to do so in very short order.
They aren't waiting for "Mr. or Ms. Right" who "completes them", they aren't looking for someone who will be the human equivalent of herion and blow their mind on demand, they are simply looking for a decent human being, who is attractive to them, to share their lives with...
Now, of course if you live in a small Arctic community or other isolated region, it's more a game of numbers and I feel for those folks...But even to that degree...this person has CHOSEN to live in a community with limited "resources" for single people, is that not correct?
Whether or not that's a choice they made to put their livelihood above their desire for companionship as should be IMO, they still made that choice!!!
If we choose to be "crispy" because of bad past experiences...and our social circle diminishes as a result, and we aren't meeting people, then it's up to us to understand that's a choice that we are making...
When I look around just HERE on POF, I see so MANY quality, decent men and women, intelligent, articulate, attractive...So if we're all sitting here complaining about the absolute dearth of "singles" in the world, who are we saying THAT about?!?!!?
Dee | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 2:22:46 PM | So what do you suggest? I should go out and knock someone over the head with my club and drag them kicking and screaming into a relationship? Last time I checked, it took TWO willing participants.
This may not be an isolated arctic community geographically, but it might as well be one for women my age.
I didn't give up after a bad experience or 2 or 3. I finally quit after 4 years of trying. | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 2:39:01 PM | @who...okay now...You are one of those attractive, articulate, obviously intelligent women...
Do you ever just talk to people when you're out and about doing groceries, walking in the park, etc? Get a dog!! I never met so many guys as whwen I got my dog...and they all liked many of the same things that I did, dogs, nature, exercise, etc...
What about taking a cooking course? I hear that's where single guys go to find WOMEN!!! I REFUSE to believe that you are SOOOO deficient as a human being that nobody wants you!!!
And 4 years IS a long time...Just DON'T give up!!! Or maybe giving up is the BEST idea for you...A friend of mine had hit a place of similar frustration, and about 4 months after, met her (now) husband!!!
Just GET out there!!! I KNOW you worked all day and you're tired and one MORE disappointment may very well feel like it will be the END of you...But keep looking, keep trying...at least that way you have a CHANCE!!! Once you give up, there is none....And btw, I didn't walk out MY front door and meet my now partner....I had a few rough starts, and it's NOT much easier at my age either, lots of eating dust from the guys racing past towards the 20 year olds!!!!
And who knows if this one will stick?!?!?!?And if it doesn't, I will go and "lick my wounds" for a bit, evaluate my actions and the situation so that I can learn what I can, do some crying and some raging at the powers that be...and then jump back into the fray!!!
All I know is that I'm trying something different than I've done before, because if nothing changes, nothing changes...Good luck!!!
Dee | |
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| Why are you single?
Posted: 8/16/2005 2:41:30 PM | | Because i gave up the friend game that most women play.I gave up on it when i hit 30.Also when i was in my 20s the logic came out that if you are nice that means your weak.According to most women | |
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