| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 5:30:07 PM |
unless things have changed in here since i last read....... you just don't talk about 'people'. everything is a 'thing' with you, predominantly and foremost.
a 'lifestyle', a compartment, a label, an act............ anything else other than human.
can't you see that?
No, quite frankly.
I have used the terms that are commonly used, with an explaination where needed.....I have not used the word 'thing ' anywhere in the post.
the whole concept is not 'starting' from human. it's not about people. it's about things. it's called 'objectification'. shall i educate you now? lol
By all means do so..it may be of help to others..to enlighten one is to maybe light a candle in someone else's dark.?
well that's how this thread started off. has it humanised yet?
Good question....I wonder if civilizationis ready for such a concept?
I do know 'things' are not what they used to be....LOL! | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 6:14:43 PM | | bdsm stuff can be fun, but I worry about those folks who say it is their "lifestyle". I mean come on....what lifestyle....treating others with respect, working hard, thinking selflessly, doing good deeds, helping your neighbors, making your spouse happy, and raising healthy loving productive children? Thats the basic point in life, do you know some other? | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 6:16:09 PM | | what I've noticed about the lasting D?S relationships is that the guy is fugin weird, and the chick is usually ugly, and no one else wants them. BECAUSE they are so friking weird! | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 6:53:38 PM | @sorka spellbound
Thank you..for a very good post indicating knowledge of the subject | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 7:10:27 PM | @poshrat - and thank you for your posts.
There is a distinct difference between expressing knowledge and acting superior. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 7:53:30 PM | Dom this baby!
::flips the bird::
F*ck that...no one is playing little head trips with moi. He can go for therapy for the rest of his life to deal with it but I'll be busy living my life with a "normal" man.
A human being who wants power and control over another is a sick human being in my opinion. I won't veer from that position.
Turning it into some acceptable lifestyle is even sicker. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 8:38:31 PM | D/s is not about head trips.
Strangely it takes more communication and respect to engage in *any* level of BDSM than it does to have a vanilla relationship.
Rule number one... the SUB always has the control. They decide what happens, how far it will go and when it stops. Not all women are submissive.. men who assume women are (or should be) are not dominants.. they are control freaks.
A real Dom(me) will respect the limits of the submissive at ALL times.
It is NOT about whips and chains. Some couples like it... but not all..
It is also not for everyone .. some people enjoy it, some do not. But most people have engaged in it to some degree.
Scenario: You've been *bad* so your partner playfully tosses you over their lap for a spanking.. (that is light bdsm.. and most people have played like that at least once)
You trust your partner (who has now taken the role of Top or Dom(me) ) so you do not fight too hard to get away.
Your partner trusts you enough to know you will call a halt if you are truly uncomfortable with the activities (and so, your submissive role continues).
You partner then proceeds to spank you while you protest the action in a way that makes it clear to your partner that you are enjoying the game.
Perhaps you wiggle when you should waggle, and one blow lands harder than it should.. so you call a halt.. the trust is there.. you know your partner will stop.. and they do..
THAT is bdsm in a nutshell ... the rest is just taking it to a different extreme or level of formality ... | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 8:39:50 PM |
his mother is 'mother superior'
Not exactly..but she was known locally as the 'Dragon Lady'.. in political circles as the 'Lady that probably gave Maggie Thatcher lessons', and as she was also a Matron in a large hospital she considered herself superior to most I guess.
She had a very 'powerful personality'..along with a wicked right hook, and the ability to ricochet a wet dishcloth off three surfaces and wrap it around the neck...you would have loved to have met her.
you manage to impress mr superior ;-)
*Tip of the hat* Thanks for the acknowledgment..wonder what I did to deserve the title? | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 9:14:45 PM |
A human being who wants power and control over another is a sick human being in my opinion. I won't veer from that position.
Good for you..so no boss? no religion? no police or military? No government? No leaders?
Many are there because of the Power and Control over others...mind I will admit I've met some pretty 'sick' minds in my encounters with them!
Turning it into some acceptable lifestyle is even sicker.
One could say the same about the North American lifestyle of consumerism and greed...
which Islam does by the way, hence their opposition to it.
Different strokes for different folks..pun intended...you may enjoy having your lover stoke your hair with a brush..other ladies may prefer it be used on their butt. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 9:25:16 PM |
I did not ask about your mother
You made a direct reference to her in a disparaging manner..I merely introduced her to you, so you might have a better understanding of her.
Just as my original post was intended to introduce other aspects of BDSM,for the same reason.
...pms!
Ahh yes..that wonderful standby ladies call upon to explain unseemly behaviour, at times it most suits them...LOL! | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 10:12:51 PM | | I too have heard that the Little Bo Peep "lifestyle" is catching on. Not sure when it made it so big. FYI, it actually takes more love and communication to be either littlebopeep or her sheep, than in a vanilla relationship. Its not just about sex either, its a way of life. Its really good for those who couldnt handle "normal" relationships and like to wear costumes. However, I am heterosexual, and enjoy the "het" lifestyle. I cant wait till the 2005 Parade in September! Its gonna be a blast! | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 11:34:26 PM | Ohhhhhhh. Now I get what happened to me the other day. Thanks. Listen up everyone in case this happens to you! I'll keep this really, really, really short, (winks at the ladies) which is very rare for me to keep things short, if you know what I mean, baby
I had a girl come up to me at the slurpy stand the other day and said that I looked hot (happens a lot). My friends are just jealous and say she said that because it was 120 degrees out and I was dehydrated. Don't listen to them though. She then took off her leather cap and I notice a bald head, but I digress. She then asked me if I was into BDSM. She tried to pronounce it though. It sounded like beedeessmmhhmm. I thought she was talking about p-diddy's new name. But she said no, she hates him. Especially since he teamed up with Jimmy Page and did that Godzilla soundtrack. I shook my head and said, yes, poor Jimmy. Kashmir is such a great song. Why, Jimmy, Why!!!? But then she said beedeessmmhmm meant BDSM. And I thought to myself... What a B.rain D.ead M.mother F._____
Thanks for clearing that up. I still don't know what words some of the letters represent. Anyone? | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/11/2005 11:54:42 PM | B ondage
D omination
S adism
M asochism
S&M sadism and masochism
D/s Domination and submission | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/12/2005 5:14:29 AM | @Sparx1_1
Actually it's Bondage and Discipline for B&D, and D/s can indicate Dom(me)/slave as well
Dom = Male Dominant, Domme = Female Dominant
The Discipline is very important...makes sure you get things right LOL! | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/12/2005 5:37:45 AM | @fishbill
Actually, the club I attend from time to time, is mainly married couples, from various walks of life..many professionals by the way, who live a 'normal 'life on the surface and subscribe to the list of ideals you list
They have adopted the 'BDSM lifestyle' as it is called, in their private life, and between those of like minds in social gatherings. One is Dominant to the other..and is pretty even between the male and female taking that role.
There are numerous websites covering this way of living..some explain in detail, some merely present it in the manner most see it as, so you have to read several to gain a more complete picture.
Thats the basic point in life, do you know some other?
Certainly. Those who devote their lives to some calling, ie religion, politics, the military, medicine, science and even teaching, tend to shun some of the list you give, and either never marry..or if they do, rather leave the bulk of the burden upon the partner. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/12/2005 6:15:09 AM | @hilltop
I am a total male sub,call me wimp ,i could careless,I enjoy all aspects of a (FemDom-Male Sub) Lifesytyle.
No I wouldn't call you a 'wimp' for openly admitting this..I would keep that term for the males who put on the 'macho' image, and seek a 'mummy' replacement in marriage..to be waited on hand, foot and finger,and have things made easy by the little wifey running their lives for them, whilst still trying to convince me they wear the trousers in their house..LOL!
It's morbid i guess to ppl who don't understand it or take the time to even want to,but it's who i am.
Precisely the tone, and attitude of many posts here. Confronted by something they don't know anything about , understand, nor have taken any trouble to research, because it doesn't fit into their little envelope. it is wrong, to be ridiculed, or condemned.
And this attitude isn't only applied where BDSM is concerned
But i like a woman who is as strong as me,if not stronger.I know other male subs in this thread would agree,Hopefully
Well I am not a male sub, obviously I prefer the Dominant role with a female sub, but I agree with you.
I enjoy a woman who can match me... a 'sub with spirit', who willing gives over control, which you will understand, but is far to complex a situation for anyone outside our circles to fully comprehend | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/12/2005 6:22:41 AM | @Toad4U
Likewise..I had a VERY domineering Mother! That plus the legalized brutality called Public School education, along with a stint of conscripted military service in UK, all trying to contol a rebelious (and kinky) nature *grins*
The result is what I am today.. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/12/2005 8:09:17 AM | @blastkist
It's important for me to be able to relate to my significant other as an equal, too.
Our society is really hierarchical in nature, and I think that is very sad. We implicitily judge everyone against certain standards it would seem, whether it be looks, money, the kind of job they have. The "hierarchies" are everywhere.
You would be surprised how many women don't want an equal relationship though, despite the sexual revolution. They want a guy to take charge. Then there are the girls that have sort of a chip on their shoulder, presummably from an inferiority complex that has been passed down through the ages. They are ready to just anihilate a guy and "kick his ass" basically.
I think the BDSM thing is just sex play though. I could be wrong. Does the "role playing" extend to all aspects of the relationship ?
I have no problem with it at all... I simply just don't have the energy for it I guess, and I can't help but sort of giggle. Also, too many rules for me.
:) | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/12/2005 8:39:31 AM | Sami Nick 86:"And what if she paid? Then would she get to make the rules?"
She most certainly would.
I was quoting a rule and not the exception. I notice alot of girls talking about how they rather have a guy take care of them while he protects and provides for them. But there are exceptions, and there called real woman with ambitions, but such women are harder to make happy as a rule then youre giggly, happy, and sweet girl who looks up to me as her hero.
I have access to cutting-edge, state-of-the-art theories of dating and attraction, and alot of them talk abou how to be a confident, funny, secure, and assertive guy to get the girl attracted to you. I dont believe we are the superior or inferior sex, just that men as a rule have to put in work and investment to make a relationship work (Paying for dates,finding out what she likes so as to bring her to a surprize location ideal for her happiness, saying the right compliment at the right time, etc). Creative misinterpretation also works well
(IE: At the bank: Bruce: " Hi there, so do you get to keep a percentage of the money that comes in?
girl (laughs): "No, it would be nice though!"
Bruce: "But on the other hand if money was withdrawn then you'll get a paycut."
girl (laughs): " Thats true too"
Bruce: "say, would you like to go out sometime (Note: Bruce and the bank cashier know eachother regularly)?
girl: "I'd love too! And heres youre money!"
Bruce: "See you later, oh lovely godess of the bank!" girl: "You too!" | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/12/2005 9:02:41 AM |
I think the BDSM thing is just sex play though. I could be wrong. Does the "role playing" extend to all aspects of the relationship ?
Some relationships of this nature are largely sexual. Others don't involve sex at all. Still others go far deeper than sex and pain. They delve into the more mental and emotional aspects. The Dom has great care and concern for the sub because as one put it "A happy sub is a good sub". Think of it as a circle. The sub pleases the Dom, the Dom is happy, therefore wants to reward the sub which in turn makes the sub happy and willing to do more to please the Dom. In many ways, it is a very simple concept. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/12/2005 10:23:15 AM | | It is just sex play. Seeing a girl tied up and submissive is a turn-on I think. But I would never have her be uncomfortable or in pain. A girl giving up her power is a turn-on. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/12/2005 10:35:45 AM |
In many ways, it is a very simple concept.
And if you substitue 'husband and wife' for Dom/sub you have ,in essence, the traditional family values of the Victorian era...one with rules to be observed, and punishments for not doing so.
The only difference between this and the current 'vanilla relationships' as BDSM terms anything outside their circle, is the fact that one member is in charge, the other there to serve.
Instead of the 'all out, rant and shout' arguments common in 'normal' marriages,(shudders) the one in charge will explain why he/she is displeased, and the server will submit to some period of discomfort,(ie bondage) be given a demeaning task he/she does not like doing ie (cleaning the toilet or the oven), or a period of intense pain ( ie six of the best on a bare butt..which was common place when I was at school, kiddies!)
Obviously..such things attempted within a 'normal' marriage would be grounds for divorce, cause for arrest etc.not to mention endless hours of discussion around the water cooler, and the coffee club..and POF forums.LOL!
As for the more bizarre extremes one encounters in the media and on the net...refered to as 'edge play'..yes..it is hard to take and understand even for some in the fetish/BDSM circles ( as calling it a lifestyle seems to upset some here)
The concept of enduring pain, as pleasure is beyond most..so let me try and explain some of the psychology behind it
If you are out hiking, get a piece of stone in the boot, it irritates..you stop and remove the boot, and get rid of it. No-one appreciates discomfort for the sake of it.
If you are marching in the military, however, things are different. You have a sergeant yelling in your ear to keep marching..keep in step, and there is no falling out of line to remove it. You are forced to endure it.
At some point it passes from irritation to agony, and you are forced to deal with it on a mental level..trying to continue operating as per instructed by that blasted sergeant, whilst delving into your mind for something 'pleasant' to rid you of the pain
At some point, eventually, the mind co-operates..blanks out the agony..and releases endorphines to flood the system to make it feel good and relax.
One can liken it to a 'mental orgasm' ..and in BDSM it's refered to as 'sub space', something all subs want to achieve, which is why they endure the pain aspects..for the ultimate pleasure they can achieve.
Most people would rather take a pill or an injection to release pain, rather than break through the barrier..
and before someone on pain medication accuses me of not knowing what it is to endure REAL pain..forget it!
I have mashed myself up pretty good over the years, and since a teen I haven't woken up any morning without some part of me announcing its painful presence. In fact if I do..I'll be checking my pulse to see if I am still here..LOL!
ANd yes..I do have pain killers on standby for any day I cannot work around or though it | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/12/2005 12:10:30 PM | wow sorka spellbound, I think you have just posted the basis of NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS!
And no nipple clamps are required, but they do seem to be a turn on! | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 8/12/2005 12:12:05 PM | | Poshrat you were doing ok until that last post....I am all for endorphins, they are part of normal life. Hey what lifestyle am I anyway? I didn't know I needed one! | |
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