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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/19/2005 10:08:25 PM | I identify as Switch, as does my partner. Generally, he tends to be the Dom, and I tend to be the sub, but as per our titles, it does switch, occassionally.
Ahem.
BDSM is a buffet of moments, experiences, roles, words, labels, and sensations. You can take what you want, and leave the rest.
My honey and I are very vanilla in our BDSM.. we're not into ropes and whips and chains.. more into service and protection, building each other up. I anticipate and meet his needs and desires, and he looks out for me, cherishes me, and loves me.
It's a rather lovely setup for us both. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/19/2005 10:32:42 PM | So...society...............................do tell.
I like to feel like the man I am with is in complete control. I will do almost ANYTHING to complete or satisfy him. I am on the outside a pretty strong person (a challenge some may call it) but on the inside I want to be taken. I want to give in to all of the desires that I have - and have no consequences, I want to know that I had no choice....(okay I always have options but why????) I want to know that the man that I am with.........absolutely adores me and does things for me that no one else could ever imagine- and tells me what he wants me to do because he wants ME to do it (for him) not anyone but me...I want him to tell me what I am to do and of course how I am to do it. I prefer a gamer on the outside and a loyal partner on the inside....I want everyone that sees us to envy me because I am me ( I am a princess and nothing but) and he is also who he is ( a MAN) but as soon as we reach that special place I want to know that I have no control,,,,,i don't want control. Call it sexist.....call it sick...call it whatever you would like to call it....but let me be me and let him be him and most of all........let this be us!!!!!
I yearn for the feeling of uncontrol....suck it up women some of us do feel this way!!!! The great thing is that you will never spot us because in public I am me (the stronger side of me) and he is who he is (the more gentle side of him) in the end we will be who we choose to be. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2005 12:39:53 AM | Ww/ell Since I have meen in The BDSM community for over 17 yrs For Us that are part of "Old Leather" its hard to find someone of that mode or Class..
Seems like New Leather is the rage or the flavor of the yr..
Back in the Day it was ez for 'subs' to find their Dom/mme and they both will grow.. cause of Old Leather laws state.."there are subs and there are Dom/mmes" no in between and no Switch Class of all. But also In anytype of relationship or flavor of life there are the main things that make a rellationship grow thats understanding, communication, respect and so on.
But the main thing is what ever happends behind close doors stays there.. ...
Just My 2 cents..
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2005 2:45:36 AM | | No, sweetie, it's society and 1950's values that dictates that men lead and women follow, not human nature. Some women will let you lead out of insecurity or inexperience but a woman of quality demands equality. That means paying her share of the bills and a good deal of give and take in all areas within a relationship. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2005 9:28:51 PM | Shakes head.. ppl auto think that Men are always the Doms and women are the subs..
that is So not true.. WAKE UP PPL!!! In the Real BDSM Communities.. there are Men subs as well female subs and there are Men known as Dom's and Women Known as Domme's
Some food for thought...
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
In human sexual behavior, a dominant is one who enjoys performing any of a variety of BDSM practices upon a submissive; or one who holds a dominant position within a relationship based upon dominance and submission (DS). This enjoyment can spring from a simple desire for dominance or an enjoyment of the interplay of wills involved in such a scenario. A male dominant is often called a dom; a female, a domme or dominatrix.
The main difference between a dominant and a top is that the dominant ostensibly does not follow instructions, although he is limited by what the submissive is willing to do.
There are some indications that preference in DS activities follows a 'compensatory' pattern, with people who have much power and responsibility in real life often preferring a submissive role, no hard scientific data to either confirm or reject this hypothesis seem to exist, however.
There are also indications that submissives substantially outnumber dominants, in both males and females. Professional dominants provide stimulatory services (which may or may not include sex) for those unable to find a compatible partner for this activity. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2005 10:09:45 PM | Ahem.
Who says that a woman of quality can't be a sub?
My honey and I, we're equals. I simply submit to him. It is how I love him. I am not insecure, he is not abusive. It is how we are happy. With other people, I take a Dominant role. I have owned my own submissives, and my honey owns me. *shrug* It is simply how it is. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2005 10:30:16 PM | "No, sweetie, it's society and 1950's values that dictates that men lead and women follow, not human nature. ."
It appears that you are not familar with the bible that pre dates the 50's by a few thousand years. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2005 11:12:54 PM | The bible isn't a good example of human nature, in many ways. I understand that you're addressing her "1950's" point, but I just want to make clear that the bible doesn't accurately represent women. It represents how women SHOULD have behaved, from a man's point of view.
In many ways, it's very Gorean.
Which is.. well... inaccurate. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2005 11:41:44 PM | OMG To Compare Gorean and BDSM is lIke comparing Apples and Watermelons..... they are so diff.. ...
Has My own thoughts on Gor will keep to self LOL | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/20/2005 11:59:01 PM |
I like to feel like the man I am with is in complete control.
I am in polar opposition to this. Why should I be penalized for my biological father's stupid chromosome?
I have actually found a man online who will let me virtually dominate him, which, in real life, never happens. I've found that I enjoy it immensely, though I have to admit that to me, being "dominant" means being "bossy", and not in an S&M sort of way, since I don't have what it takes to inflict pain or humiliation.
I should not legally be allowed to be anywhere near a computer when I'm drinking. Tomorrow, when I'm sober, I am so going to regret this post. And, of course, my virtual sub be punished for it. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/21/2005 6:17:14 AM |
it's society and 1950's values that dictates that men lead and women follow, not human nature.
Within the society of BDSM it is more to do with the Nature of the Human, that 'dictates' who leads and who follows.
Certainly most of society still attempts to subscribe to the 50's thinking, as you put it, and all credit to the Ladies who are bucking the issue to change it, but it's going to take a massive mind shift in men to totally eradicate it.
Some women will let you lead out of insecurity or inexperience
SOME will..certainly...and they are usually the newbies that get taken up by self-styled 'Master and Mistresses' unfortunately..mainly the web types who have never attended a gathering, and have pre-conceived notions about what BDSM is all about, mostly fostered by the media.
Those sensible enough to do some research, join a club or group, or at least keep their options open before commiting to anyone, will more likely be taken under the wing of a respected member of the BDSM community, and be educated or Mentored in such a manner as to lead her (or him) gradually into the various areas offered, to allow them to decide which aspect most appeals, and suits their needs.
a woman of quality demands equality.
Depending how one reads that statement, it can either be taken to provoke a wrathful reply..or one that is in complete agreement...and I will admit on first reading the former was my instant thought
However, upon reflection, and some fond memory recalls..I have to say I now agree with you..although I doubt my reasons will coincide with yours.
A Quality submissive WILL demand equality from her/his Dom(me). They will be equal to the task of providing what is needed in their lifestyle, they will be equal to the responsibility of growing and expanding BOTH within the relationship, and within the community...but even more important..they will be equally aware and responsible enough to call a halt and part company if one isn't living up to the expactations of the other.
That Quality is required and expected of both, and that is a rare find in any relationship outside BDSM
and if you are wondering what the provoking response was..it was simply..women who DEMAND equality are the least likely to get it, as most men would see it as aggressiveness, and human nature being what it is...the more aggressive someone is..the more resistance they are likely to encounter.
That means paying her share of the bills and a good deal of give and take in all areas within a relationship.
And by that definition, I obviously know a great many Quality women in my life...and have done so in the past, and strange as it may seem to this poster, most of them were of a nature associated with BDSM..some Dommes, whom I can relate to on a mental level, but mostly those of a more submissive nature..and NO! I did not exploit this fact to get them to do the paying..some even insisted on picking up the complete tab for the evening.
Which must say something for the Quality of the Company they were keeping I suppose?
*grins,,as faint sound of trumpet is heard in the background* | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 87 | |
| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/21/2005 7:56:54 AM | Please ladies , chain me up to the wall and beat me to a bloody pulp , I would forever love you and cherish you , yeah baby , may the beating with the nail studded sticks begin...  | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/22/2005 12:28:20 PM | | Well I do enjoy D/s and BDSM, but i can do vanilla too. I can switch, give or take control. It seems like a few church goers in here have to make their usual comments about things they know nothing about. Stick to bible chat. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 11/22/2005 12:50:58 PM | I have been actively into the top side of BDSM since I was 22, but I had started thinking about it when I was 6. Many people who are into it have thought about it from an early age. You don't necessarily conciously choose if this is your path, you just discover it as you get to know yourself.
If a woman grows up fantasizing about being a sub, she often keeps those thoughts to herself because society tell her they are not right to have and represses them. Coming out and being active in submission, whether that is just in the bedroom or a bit more, is about her taking control of her life and living the life she wants to, busting through the barriers of society instead of submitting to them.
Most of the subs I have met are very strong, together women. Some have degrees and professional carreers, they are just not turned on by what the "average" woman is turned on by. Meek repressed women are rarely into the BDSM scene, top or bottom, because they are too scared to not conform to society.
And yes, as others have said, there are many submissive men in the BDSM scene. There are more male subs then female subs.
Being active in BDSM is about realizing who you are, what you like, and being comfortable with it (and it's about great sex in general!) | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 12/8/2008 11:59:39 AM | So your saying it goes like this?,
A,when I come home from work like an icecube and after taking a shower to thawout
I can get her to crawl into bed with me and be a human heater?
B, Even though I'd still open the door for her ,she can do all the driving?
C, If I ask her not to touch my laundry she'll actualy listen?
D, when I make a craft dinner and hambuger mix lunch for myself she can't give me the 1st degree on the four food groups?
DAMN WHERE DO I FIND ONE OF THESE WOMEN | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 1/18/2009 5:53:15 PM | For some, the roles are clear, for others, not so much. I think that's what can sometimes lead to what's actually abuse in supposed "BDSM" relationships, because the roles haven't been more clearly defined as far as set boundaries.
That's the thing about a BDSM relationship. There can be a lot of gray areas, which is why it's important to be very CLEAR about what you want in that type of relationship.
Personally, I consider myself a "switch". I don't practice this lifestyle 24/7. I just like kinkier sex every once in a while. But I like to switch back and forth between being dominant and submissive. Most people tend to lean one way or another. Men tend to lean towards dominant, women towards submissive. But again, everyone is different.
Setting clear boundaries, BEFORE, you try to entertain this type of relationship, is very important so that one person doesn't feel as if they are being taken advantage of, or have gotten in way over their heads. BDSM relationships can be wonderful but they can also be very intense which can be overwhelming for those not used to the type of power play involved in them sometimes. There are many "levels" of BDSM.
I'd recommend anyone, who wants to get into this lifestyle, to research it thoroughly beforehand. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 1/18/2009 6:28:26 PM | Wow there sure are some huge misconceptions here. BDSM relationship are as individual as people themselves. So many assumptions like women are naturally submissive, Male Doms are creeps, submissive women are ugly and undesirable, etc?
All a bunch of crap. Wouldn't the world be boring if everyone were "normal" and all got off the same way. A male Dom can be masochistic or a switch, and I have heard that FemDoms are bigger sadists than men many times. Some people in bdsm don't get into pain at all and just like giving up control. A Dom/Sub relationship is far deeper than any vanilla relationship. There has to be a lot of trust and you need to know a lot about the other person as yours or their life could depend upon your knowledge of each other. It is far more exciting than wham bam thankyou maam could ever be. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 1/31/2009 10:25:16 PM | I would like to put my two cents in here...
Firstly, I've been in "the lifestyle" for 6 years now. I've always been a very dominant person. Very commanding. When I speak people listen. I don't know what it is but thats the way its been since I was a child. Im the oldest of 6 so maybe its nurture/nature. So naturally I was curious about BDSM after it was introduced to me. Ive been "the Dom" in a few womens lives. I have never once heard anyone of them complain about "my style." I'm not abusive, I'm firm. I'm not demanding, I have high expectations for the ones I love. I push them to be more to grow, to expand that noodle in their heads.
Secondly, There are detractors out there that would call the things I have done "sexist" or "abusive"(I'm no sicko) but I say this, ask anyone of them, anyone on the recieving end of that "abuse" and they will tell you they were stronger, learned more, felt more, loved more, with me than anyone else they will ever meet. Yes it's intense, Yes it's painfull(sometimes), and Yes it's a lot of work, for both parties. Much more so than any other type of relationship, its no cakewalk. But in my most humble of opinions it enriches "our" lives more also.
For those of you who say you've never, and would never engage in a BDSM relationship. Look at your jobs... You "submit" to your boss, you do his will, and do so in order to keep that paycheck, your "reward" for doing so. If your own the company then you dominate your employees, rewarding them for services rendered unto you. Its all the same, every aspect of life has its levels of "Dominiate or submissive" you just don't see it... so my point after this long rant... its ALL about PERSPECTIVE. | |
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| BDSM: Dom/Sub Relationship
Posted: 4/13/2009 1:28:36 PM | I prefer to think of BDSM as a consensual relationship.
Many unfamiliar with it think of it as a bully flogging a helpless woman.
True some wannabes approach it in that way, but it seldom lasts as a relationship.
The true relationship will be based on agreed limits.
By the way, some have mentioned that there are subbies who are in control of their public lives but prefer submission in the bedroom.
It might surprise some to discover that many submissives are "in charge" people in business and elsewhere. It is totally relaxing for them to be submissive in the bedroom.
However, unapproved abuse has no place in BDSM, it all has to be within agreed limits. | |
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