daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 76 | |
| Would you do this for your man???
Posted: 8/12/2005 1:04:10 AM | I had a roommate many years ago who got drunk and was driving her little sports car (drunk) with her boyfriend in the passenger seat. Naturally, she hit 2 pedestrians that night and she and her boyfriend had been drinking. In the excitement, panic, confusion of the accident my friend and her boyfriend switched seats before the cops arrived. He agreed to take the heat for her accident (I don't know why). Anyway...the 2 pedestrians died. Her boyfriend was in jail for killing them. After a week or so the GUILT got to her. She could not live with herself and could not live knowing she killed 2 people, and was willing to let him pay for her crimes. SHe wote a note explaining what really happened. Then she took an overdose, slit her wrists and hung herself. DEAD. She was just in her very early 20s, I'll always remember her...Karla from Hawaii, following her dad's footsteps and joined the Air Force, her little blue MG MIdget convertible sports car. Such a nice, friendly girl. But stupid as all get out! At 20 years old you/she should know better than to drink and drive for god's sake! And...if you do something like that, anything...just don't make it worse. Just be honest about it. Learn from it and grow from it. Don't make a small thing turn into the biggest, worst, mistake you can ever imagine.
I guess that might be slightly off topic, but if ANYONE can gain something from Karla's story it would honor her memory and the memory of the mother and child she killed and the memory of her poor boyfriend...still alive somewhere and living with all this. And of her parents, living without their cute little girl...forever. | |
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| Would you do this for your man???
Posted: 8/12/2005 5:01:00 AM | I would not lie.
The truth, as hard as it is, is the best alternative.
You do something wrong, you take the responsibility for it. | |
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| Would you do this for your lover?? Men and women please respond
Posted: 8/12/2005 8:38:09 AM | | Why would you want to continue to be an enabler for this person? There is no good turn to any of this. You both lie. You pay for it. You take responsiblity for something you didn't do and he doesn't take the responsibility that he should. Is this a trend for him? If he has a rep for being irresponsible, then he more than likely is. It's understandable that you care for this person, but you're 40 years old, you should know better by this age. Too many people refuse to take responsiblity for their actions as it is. You screw up, you should stand up and be accountable for it. | |
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| Would you do this for your lover?? Men and women please respond
Posted: 8/12/2005 3:46:29 PM | | Personally I would not take the responsibility for the crash. A very fine line separates helping and enabling. I would ask myself what am I protecting him from? In this case, financial pain and flak from family/friends, as I understand it. He is an adult--he does not need my protection from those actions. Additionally, I would want my child to know that actions come with consequences, even for adults. Saving the father could lead to the child expecting to always be bailed out, which just is not true in this world. | |
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| Would you do this for your lover?? Men and women please respond
Posted: 8/13/2005 1:10:47 AM | Sounds to me like the poster thought she was going to get kudos, and then got blasted!
Give me a "brake" (wink wink nod nod). The dude knew the brakes were bad, and used her car even though he has his own cars (what great shape they must be in...).
Truth is funnier than fiction. | |
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| Would you do this for your man???
Posted: 8/13/2005 5:52:59 AM | | No don't do it. It was a single car accident so it was his fault. If he didn't have premission to drive the truck the truck then that means that HE STOLE IT and WRECKED IT in a SINGLE CAR ACCIDENT which was HIS FAULT. If you take the blame for this you will always have to live it down to his mom and it might not even be possible to do so. Plus, you will be enabling this child you are with to be bailed out of a situation that he created and not have to own up to his own responsibility. You might be setting yourself up for a long, hard haul of trying to help someone who won't ever be able or willing to help himself, and that won't do you or him any favors. | |
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| Would you do this for your man???
Posted: 8/13/2005 2:38:10 PM | Ladylil: You said a key statement "Don't you remember being a kid" --We'll neither of you are. It doesn't matter if mom will take the news "easier" if you did it. Responsibility is the key to adulthood and lying and covering up, regardless of the purpose, moves you away from adulthood and responsibility.
My gut tells me he has had trouble before and has had others "cover" for him under the disguise you offer that it's easier on the other person if he avoids responsibility. I'm sad to tell you that reputations are often earned (yes, there are exceptions, but that doesn't appear to be the case here). In addition, people who have problems accepting responsibility often seek out those who are easy to manipulate. I've studied psychology, and in that world you are labeled an enabler (one who covers up for one who won't take appropriate responsibility for one's own actions).
If you aren't careful, you could spend the rest of your life playing that role of enabler. Be sensible, if he would "take a bullet" for you as you suggested, then this should be easy. Isn't he worried what mom will think of you? How this will affect you? Would a real stand up guy even allow you to do this. Search your heart. You know the answer.
In the nutshell, you have everything to lose in this and he has everything to gain by both of you lying. Not a good practice in any relationship. | |
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| Would you do this for your lover?? Men and women please respond
Posted: 8/13/2005 3:04:42 PM | | I don't think that you should take the blame for his accident,it was not your fault,so you should not have to take the heat for it....besides,what if you have to tell the police what happened?maybe a wreckless driving or driving with undo care and attention charge? possibly,are you willing to take that risk? And the breaks,being in the condition that they were in,the insurance company might tell you that they are unwilling to pay for the damages,cause he was driving an unroad worthy vehicle....which i believe is also illegal...all in all, i think you better think twice about you taking the blame,it could end you up in a heap of trouble | |
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| Would you do this for your lover?? Men and women please respond
Posted: 8/13/2005 3:15:05 PM | | A bunch of good postings on the legal trouble ahead should this young lady lie for her boyfriend. I focused on the relationship stuff. Boy, she getting an earful of very practical advice here. Hopes she's reading knowing that people posting here (and other POF threads) are generally really cool decent people who are only offering her some sound advice. It may seem harsh and/or judgmental, but that doesn't mean it isn't good or practical either. | |
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| Would you do this for your lover?? Men and women please respond
Posted: 8/13/2005 3:32:24 PM | | Well the scary part is that the brakes on the truck he borrowed lock up all the time and that that truck is so much nicer than his. I live surrounded by a community of rednecks whose cars are on blocks and their houses are on wheels. I recognize the trucks you speak of on a daily basis. Right out of the gate dear you should aim your sights just a little higher. The fact that he'd even consider allowing you to take the blame is unconscienable. As of now this wreck seems like a big deal, money being what it is. Do I read this correctly that you all live with his mom? Honey get the hell out of there, run, run fast run far, change your name, move, stay away from prisons, moms with pickup trucks, train stations, Jack Daniels, anyone that mentions bullets and taking one in the same sentence, guys that live with their mommies and if it's raining and all you have to drive is a pickup with bad brakes..... go hungry. Good Luck | |
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| Would you do this for your lover?? Men and women please respond
Posted: 8/13/2005 3:40:04 PM | wow...that was a long thread to read...
OP said it was an "accident", "b/f and his mother are best friends", well stuff happens, what is the BIG deal on fessin' up? Plain and simple...our actions have consequences, this is the first thing babies/children learn...
Now..if your both adults and if either of you don't get this...you guys got bigger things to worry about.
can you imagine these guys in a court room and tryin to tell the judge all their excuses?!? The Judge would have a field day with them! | |
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| Would you do this for your lover?? Men and women please respond
Posted: 12/21/2005 8:53:46 AM | Gawd no....
He's a man. Let him tell the truth...
Only a coward would make his woman take the fall for his mistake. It will ruin your reputation.
If you want to do something good, persuade him to tell the truth and grow up.
You should have more respect for yourself than to even consider this and HE should have had more respect for you than to even ask. | |
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| Would you do this for your lover?? Men and women please respond
Posted: 12/21/2005 9:28:43 AM | First of all Joy, Am not positive , but pretty sure it cannot be turned in to Insurance without a police report, if there was a report made it will list him as the driver and the time of accident and so forth , therefore his or his mothers insurance will be responsible for the claim made. therefore your Ins. company would not accept it. Then, if he left the scene , then my personal advice would be to let the mother make a decision, if he reports it after the fact , there could be a fine/ticket for leaving the scene of an accident.
Maybe you are mistaken, and you were hit by a hit and run driver and you cant really give a good description because it was raining so hard?? 
Your best bet is really for you to grit your teeth , and tell the boyfriend to grit his and be straight with his mom , if they are really that close , this will blow over and not change their relationship, which does not mean she is not going to be one very unhappy camper when she is told , but do keep in mind , if you do decide on a lie, she will be even more upset than she will already be after seeing her truck, not to mention not trusting or believing either of you for a very long time! Good Luck | |
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| Would you do this for your lover?? Men and women please respond
Posted: 12/21/2005 9:35:04 AM | | You know what unless he was driving like a complete idiot this never would have happened so personally he should suck it up and take the heat for it so he can learn that driving like a moron hurts the pocket book and maybe just maybe he'll smarten the hell up | |
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| Would you do this for your man???
Posted: 12/21/2005 9:36:33 AM | | NO!! I would do almost anything for the people I love. When they mess up they have to take responsibility for it. If he let's you do this for him, he's no man..and how the heck old are you guys? | |
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| Would you do this for your man???
Posted: 12/21/2005 10:01:11 AM | | Takes someones vehicle without permission, when he has his own, has an accident now your considering lying about it? Don't you see how your compounding the problem already because of the lies? | |
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| Would you do this for your lover?? Men and women please respond
Posted: 12/21/2005 10:09:07 AM | To encourage this poor guy to lie to his mother,is beyond me. I hope he tells her the truth,if he has any respect for his mother at all.You say he and his mother are like the best of friends .Sure wouldn't want my best friend not telling me the truth,if he smashed up my truck.  | |
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| Would you do this for your man???
Posted: 12/21/2005 10:11:12 AM | | Hmm. I wouldn't do it, but that's because I can't be bothered to lie. Also, there's that little matter about insurance. Add to that the fact that you'll eventually grow to resent his callous apathy in allowing you to take the blame for his deeds and you have a mess. Best of luck! | |
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