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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 5/30/2006 3:46:09 AM | Hi Keepingstep. When you started dating your guy, did you ask if he was going to continue to date other people or was it understood that you 2 are exclusive? Sometimes with men you have to draw a map. If you dont ask, they wont tell, if you know what I mean. If he is still on the site and is active, then you need to move on. Tell the next guy you meet what you expect without too much detail, just that you are a one man woman and you are looking for a one woman man.  | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 5/30/2006 6:37:11 AM | | So, I am not the only one who finds this situation to be hard. It is hard to face the truth when you have feelings for someone, but the truth is, you can't change the way they feel. I have gone through the same situation, and confronted her about it, her answer was she likes the attention and the forums, doesnt know why, but it makes her feel better. Now, I leave it in her ball park If it continues knowing how it bothers me then I know she is waiting for a better slice of the pie to come around, and I move on as much as it may hurt. Isnt internet dating great!! lol Good luck | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 5/30/2006 11:26:38 AM | | been there done that, yes and it hurts us deeply, tho i might add sometimes on these date sites the dates can be wrong test resulted, but in most part, i would ask him, up front,and if he is still active, then maybe ask why, if your relationship is acting smooth, maybe he isnt really what he shows himself to be. Now gather, when you post a profile on these date sites, (from experiance) they brother you in with other date sites without you knowing, they share your profiles, i have to say alot of men, not all but most that profile them selves on date sites are addicted to them. their mostly not looking for that just one. as i say some men. from what i have experianced. so keepingstep i just advise you to do your homework, before you fail. | |
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quark
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 329 | |
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tarona
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Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 330 | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/3/2006 8:04:52 AM | Sometimes things aren't what they seem........
Some of the posts here say, "he's keeping his options open," "he's looking for something/someone else" etc.........
Sometimes it's not that at all! I know a couple of guys who kept their profile up because they found good chats or friends -- or are open to new friendships.....
The thing is: what scenero exactly that applies to your fella, I don't know.... but making the comment you did about just stopping communications is a mistake!
I've heard of some women making fake profiles (or using a friend's) and contacting them to see the response.....
Whatever and however you choose to go about it, don't just never talk to him again.....
If it bothers you, ask him - or find out for yourself........... | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/3/2006 8:16:29 AM | Did I answer this one? Sounds like he's shopping to me .If you have already picked out your china pattern I think you are making a terrible mistake. Back up and realize your purpose in this relationship. Do not settle for just one guy yourself until he says .."That's it I'm finished looking" .. because until he says it and acts on it ..It ain't going to happen.We woman have a bad tendency to let time be a guide to how well a relationship is going ....Example: Well we have been seeing each other for so and so months? Means nothing if in the course of the time frame ..you have not made progress in truly committing to each other and only each other .Some people like being in a comfortable rut .
Keep your options open gurl. See others or don't be so available to him | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/3/2006 8:24:47 AM | It appears he does not consider himself to be in a relationship if he is still very active on that site. It's one thing to keep your profile on there but inactive until you are sure you're in an exclusive relationship and it's another to be logging in every day. If he has hidden his profile because he does not want to appear available than he should not be receiving mail and/or have a reason to go in and check on a daily basis. If he has friends that he wants to keep in touch with he can use his personal email address for this purpose or the telephone. If he has some other valid reason for being on the site while he is in a relationship then he can change his profile to say that he is not looking, has a girlfriend etc...like those on POF who are really just here for the forums.
If you feel he deserves an explanation for why you want to stop communications then let him know how you feel and move on. He doesn't seem to be showing you the same courtesy by being open with you about why he is still active on the site, especially if he is aware that you cancelled your profile for him.
Best of luck to you,
TJ  | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/3/2006 10:53:11 AM | I had a similar experience...
I connected with someone who declared us exclusive on MSN before we even met!
Then we met, perfect gentleman all the way, and there was a chemistry between
us that surprised even me, because I'm the 'cautious' one... there was just this
kind of warmth I guess I'd been looking for all of my life... guess it was all just
part of the game that everyone incessantly declares they don't want...
This guy was everything I wanted, and more, and he seemed so into me that I was
temporarily blinded.... in any case, I hid my profile immediately, for about a month,
and turned down some other dates from previous contacts.
After all, I supposedly had a 'boyfriend' now!
He told me he works out of town most of the week, and was rarely available... when
we chatted online, yes, I still love you, but I could see he still logged in at least
three times a day.... at times, even after he had signed off with me saying he was
going to bed! Yet this same guy invited me to come stay with him for as long
as I could, but... was always too busy.
Don't get me wrong, I don't expect people to give up all their friends, I have some
I would still keep in touch with myself, but friends are friends.
So I asked him... I said, if you don't feel the same or if you've found someone else,
cool, I'm happy for you, just let me know and I'll move on... no, he's not seeing anyone... yes, he still feels the same...
Now HIS profile is hidden (obviously, not for me) yet he still logs in as regularly
as before... and without a word, he deleted me from his MSN list! So I sent him
one last email saying, what, we're not friends anymore, lol? Nothing.
Tossed back in the pond without a word... honesty? No head games? Please.
The point being, had I not done my own research, I'd still be sitting here waiting!
I'm glad I found out now before things went any further. I think I wasted enough
time giving him the benefit of the doubt.
What is really disappointing is that I have since realized that our daughters were neighbors and best friends in elementary school, so he no longer felt like a 'total'
stranger to me, and it raised my comfort level that much more. I used to be good
friends with his ex, whom I haven't had any contact with in over 10 years. I wonder
if he also realized and maybe that's the reason it ended.... hm, I should look her up
to remind me of why she left him... if memory serves correctly, it's pretty big...
Big huggs to all who go through this... sigh.  | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/3/2006 6:23:11 PM | What a great topic...
I do think it is cheating but only if you have either a) had the talk about exclusivity or b) you have become intimate (not talking one niter here) after a number of dates. I had a bad internet dating experience about 5 years ago - scenario - we were dating about 4 months - he was very much into telling me I was the only one - he said he was going away for New Years with his friends (it was apparently planned before he met me) so there I was shopping for him for xmas and bought him an outfit to wear NY's with his friends - anyway, as it turned out he was going away for the NY weekend to meet another online long distance friend. Anyway, I found out about it (if I told you how you would think I am the FBI) it was a fluke actually. So of course I told him to get lost. Anyway, I have been on POF for like 4 days and guess who is here - that GUY. And he has the nerve to introduce himself on his profile with "bear with me this is awkward" like in five years of internet dating he hasn't gotten comfortable with the idea of writing a deep sea fishing profile. Anyway, I am not bitter just wiser.
Hope y'all don't meet the fish I am referring to...he is a fish that likes to date the whole "school" if you know what I mean. lol | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/3/2006 6:31:21 PM | Just to play Devil's Advocate and nothing more - while I don't condone simply not talking to someone anymore (something I haven't done since early highschool), if I was accused of something like that by a girl I was dating, that would probably be it for us. Like life, accusation these days seems enough for a conviction.
It is possible he didn't like that you a) didn't believe his earlier explanation and/or b) your need to snoop on him.
Just a thought, not a judgment. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/3/2006 8:39:08 PM | Yeah that happens, But its not just one sided any more men and women both are
seeing someone and secretly searching for others, Better and all that Jazz..
I on the other hand would edit my profile to read taken I have found my love...
And would not look at the site again for any reason while I am with that person..
As far as what I would do is I would mention something like are you happy with me
And if the person makes his statement.. I would say then Y are you still looking
on the date sites.. | |
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| Player
Posted: 6/3/2006 10:33:40 PM | | Whether he pretends its friendship, conscious, or subconscious playing - he still is out there in the field, looking for something. I you guys are together, he should have NO interest in that - let alone an active one. Sorry. | |
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| Player
Posted: 6/3/2006 10:42:47 PM | I have never been active on the forums here before. To be truthful, I have found all of the men I have met on here to be the same. Sadly lacking in life and I'm not speaking of vocations because that doesn't mean anything. Most of the people I meet these days seem to value themselves through what they do at work and not who they are, and that seems to be the problem everywhere. I've totally lost interest in meeting anyone because of this...one thing I would like to ask others is if this is a geographical thing or if they feel the same in large cities and small?
Kris | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/6/2006 3:23:19 PM | I agree with the answers I have seen so far [only the first few]. I think that once you are in an intimate relationship with someone, you close the doors on other people. NO more dating, none of that 'Oh, I hook up with my friends on here' crap. I met a guy like that too, and I think it was trashy of him to suddenly appear on the site again after we had been dating for 4 months.
I mean, really, how can one really give something a go if they are not fully committed to doing their best?
I think too many people think that the grass might be greener elsewhere, but I also think that those who live like that are not willing to put in the effort to make something work. They are always looking for the perfect partner, but what they seem to want is someone who never disagrees with them, and who is and does everything that *they* want. I wonder if the one who is still looking does any of the things that he/she wants from others?
I suspect that there is no perfect match, and that we all *have to* do some work and compromise sometimes, and if the fella I am seeing is not into it, I would much rather have him tell me [it's called communication] than just take the cheater's way out.
It is kind of like work: if you don't do anything and expect someone else to do everything for you, you will either get fired, or become the boss, who is always alone.
At least, that is what I think :)
E. | |
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valjas
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Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 344 | |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/6/2006 5:15:28 PM | | Had it happen to me. I was dating a "too good to be true" guy and well my instincts were right. Everyone men and women alike have an instinct that something isn't right, if u keep that feeling for awhile I would seriously think of ending that relationship.(NOT SAYING PEOPLE SHOULD BREAK UP CAUSE THEY HAVE A FEELING THE OTHER IS CHEATING; only if that nagging feeling persists) Although not everyone has that instinct or are stupid like me and ignore it thinking they are being paranoid. I dated a guy for 5mths. Met him on another dating site (the only one I was on) but apparentely he was on others. My friend found him here and he said he was not dating anyone special and he was looking to date and possibly go long term. What a kick in the gut...lol. I am really not pissed at him I am more pissed at myself cause I fell for it. Not only did he have me as a girlfriend, he was dating and trying to get back with his ex. Just goes to show how blonde I am...lol. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/6/2006 5:26:51 PM | This is a really good topic.
I'm new to this site and I have met a few people that I think I might like to get to know better.
For me right now, I think I will keep my profile active. I just want to casually date and see where I end up for a while. I think this is something I will need to disclose to whoever she is should we get there.
In all honesty, it's probably something I would have forgotten about.  | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/6/2006 6:57:08 PM | | well if you take it as serious yes you should talk to him about it,,He is obviously not ready for anything serious,,probably doesnt realise how you feel .Dont just stop talking to him.Some people just dont want to be with just one person so you should talk to him be open about it,if he wants to play the field then you shouldnt be wasting your time and emotions on someone that doesnt really care, and find someone that wants just you,, | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/7/2006 2:30:39 PM | One other thing I thought of after my rant above ;) is that one should always ask for what they want.
So, if I decide that I want to date someone exclusively, I will ask them if they feel the same way and then, if he does, we could agree to take our profiles off the dating site. Or, at the least change them to reflect our no longer dating others status.
I think that if one is going to remain on the site, they should change the 'looking for' thing to 'friends' only, and specify in their profile that they are in a relationship and not looking for another one.
Sound good?
E. | |
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mshapp
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Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 349 | |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/8/2006 5:49:15 AM | | Thank you all for thoughts to ponder. This happened to me today/last night. Nice guy and I have been e-m each other, we met up yesterday. Long drive for both of us, I got lost and got home really late. Tried to call to thank him, he is on line, here! We are supposed to meet again, but right now I feel really uncomfortable about that. Advice? | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/8/2006 6:04:16 AM | I have for the passed few monthes been talking to a fellow from POF. He asked me "if after the first date and if there is something between us enough for a second, would you take your profile off". I thought about it, only for a sec...yes in a heartbeat.My 2 cents to the op...games, that no one needs to play. Throw him back remember there are pof in the sea.
Good luck | |
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