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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/8/2006 7:25:02 AM | That has happened to me quite a few times with men that told me that they want to be exclusive. I wonder if they think we are so dumb that we don't know how to tell if they have been on here or whatever dating site is applicable. If they made just "friends" on a site, they know they can always contact via personal emails. i personally agree with the others that they are keeping options open and feeding you a line of bull. What cracks me up arethe men that are so serious, come on so strong, want you to move in and marry them and because if you are not ready to get hitch in two weeks, (my latest as-hole, they abrubtly dump u and are here 5 mins. later.) What a bunch of pri-ks.
Dump the mf, hes f'ing with u. | |
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mshapp
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Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 353 | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/8/2006 1:53:41 PM | So yeah...I'll probably get jumped on for this...especially since I'm joining after 15 pages of comments, lol...but it can be a problem and yet it isn't necessarily a problem if a guy stays active on a dating site after you are dating him. Personally, I stayed active on POF, as did my gf, aftere we started dating each other. I love her and she loves me but we stay active because we know people on here now and we both like the forums. I realize that all guys aren't like me, though, lol. So I would just question what they are doing on it and be open to whatever answer you get. I don't think it should be two people up because someone stayed on a dating site and normally you can get some hint by their reaction to your question about why they are still on. If they don't have a good reason then that's a major red flag...but I think I just gave some really good reasons that people stay active for.
-Drew- | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/9/2006 3:37:03 PM | Ummm....this is a sore spot for me...My personal opinion is.......after you have been dating exclusive for awhile and people know you are a couple(on or off this site)...well you are a couple...and shouldn't be interested in meeting/chating with....new people on a dating site...at least change your profile to state you are unavailable/or/dating someone exclusively........but you shouldn't have to go off the site, these forums are entertainment!!!
I think it is only fair for your new partner....(there are enough things to worry about and so many insecurities.... in a new relationship!!!) Plus it is misleading to other people looking, with the intentions of dating.......sorta playing with fire!!!
Anyway...that's all I have to say...So there!!!! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/10/2006 6:46:28 AM | What are the terms of the relationship?
I spent time with folks that I was close to and it was clear that it was a mismatch, but we continued to see one another as close friends. I was very open about supporting their efforts to look elsewhere (coaching on the side can be great – but back away and respect their privacy if it gets serious). When it was time to move on (they need the space or found someone) it was fine by me.
Contact with people is not infidelity. If someone thinks that way, then it is likely that there are control issues.
There are folks that are not monogamous. If everyone is on the same page and agrees, then that is their choice and should be respected.
There are cheaters that tell lies and such... The door is never far for them...
If someone is "in a relationship" and still looking (oogling others or online), it is evidence of confusion. I'd be open about it and understand what the attraction is. Maybe you could fill that desire (change of clothes, style, whatever). Maybe you could share the fun (people watching can be unkind, but is a lot of fun ;^). Maybe you will discover that they are not quite what you believed them to be. Being open can defuse and demystify confusion. In any event, better information is generally preferable.
IMHO | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/10/2006 9:45:06 AM | I agree with you...ref. the bounderies of the relationship.....in my case my b/f has been in non-mongamous relationships (and other things) for several years. When we meet...we discussed this...hit a few bumps...but have agreed to be mongamous...not looking for others...he is wonderful...but his profile starts...I am a divorced man..looking for fun female...I have not been very direct about how upset it makes me feel.....I don't think he has to go off the site.....but at least state he is not looking....the funny thing is....I don't think it would upset him if I changed mine to divorced female looking.......ummmmmm....maybe he doesn't really care about me as much as I thought....ouch...relationships hurt. | |
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unbgal
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Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 360 | |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/12/2006 3:52:54 PM | | I'm in a similar situation. I've been seeing someone since January and I care about him so much. I have deleted my profile on here because i'm having to turn down guys who message me to tell them i'm seeing someone, it didn't make sense to stay on. I've asked him to do the same because it seems to be the reason behind any disagreements we have. He is still active on this site so I know he isn't on for the primary reason of checking on me. He has since changed his profile, picture, and he is looking for 'dating'. This really hurts me even though he says he cares about me and wants a relationship but wants to take it slow. This sounds pathetic just typing it, i'm not sure what else to do with the fear of being too pushy and ruining any good thing we may have. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/12/2006 5:22:52 PM | | I dated a guy from a dating site for a few months as well.I turned my profile off,but of course his was still on and active.I am a firm believer that if you can communicate with you other half,maybe you should talk to him about it.When I asked the question,he replied " He is a man,just looking at pictures" a part of me believed him and a part didnt.You will get all kinds of reasons to why he is doing this,but you need to ask the question.Good Luck | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/12/2006 6:21:37 PM | Keeping...
I have to say that moving on is you r only option...I read Angel's reply and she says there are people addicted to this. SHE IS ABSOLUTLEY CORRECT! THey get hooked on the constant attention and the fact that they can be anyone they want to on here. They can be successful and happy...they never have to face themselves.
Your call but chances are if it ever changes..it will only be for the short term. Sorry to say it! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/12/2006 9:18:19 PM | | I too wonder about these guys. They email you and email you and then you see them online within 24 hours! I have come to realize that yes, they are looking for something "better" - like they have the pick of the litter. Perhaps that is why they are still alone. Guess we can't talk since we are on here as well, however, if I came across someone I was truly interested in I would have no desire to seek further. I have found someone that I "think" could work but he is not committed and that is fine and he is upfront about it. I just don't like the ones that are looking for something better. It's like when someone calls with an invite to a party, barbecue or whatever and you say" will let you know" just in case something better comes up - left that in high school. Discouraging to say the least. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/12/2006 11:43:01 PM | | Are you dating or exclusively dating? There's a difference. If you two are serious about each other, you could have deleted both profiles at the same time, in front of each other. When you said you got curious and checked, that was a sign of no trust and insecurities on your part. You should have asked him first if he was still on it. He could have said yes then you two could have discussed whether to keep your profiles up or deleted. If he said no but your instincts told you something, then that was the proper time to check. Women know when something's up. Anyway, you gotta deal with your situation now. You have to know where you stand with this man. It sounds like he's still fishing meaning he doesn't take you seriously. I would just move on if I were you. Lotsa fish in the sea. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/13/2006 5:27:38 AM | exacly ,,talk to him first ,but i would say hes not feeling the same way as you,move on see other people,nothing wrong with talking with other people but if he still keeps his add as searching then drop him hun hes not for you,,and really not worth the heartache,,
good luck,,,,, | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/14/2006 10:52:57 AM | You really need to have a talk with him and find out why he's still on the site.1. If he's not serious about a commitment with you , it will hurt but it's best to cut your losses NOW. Move on to somebody who will care about you the same way you care about him 2. If he's on there just to chat or for the forums, he needs to tell that in his profile. He shouldnt appear to be avalable when he isnt.
My guess is that he is trying to keep you around while he keeps looking for sombody he would rather have.You deserve better then that. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/21/2006 3:56:54 PM | Well i guess it depends on the status of you relationship...did you ever talk about be exclusive with each other....had he given you the impression that he was OFF the market...women and me lets face it have completly different views about how life is supose to be and how they feel about it....talk to him about it....if you dont you will just doubt him anyway.....dont be acusitory just ask whats up...
As for men out there who do date women and the women are led to beleive that they are in a relationship and yet they still go out looking well thems the dogs.....i cant stand being messaged by men who are looking for a little something on the side or like on other sites who say taken but play i think its imoral and disgusting...just my opinion of course.....and each to thier own,,just not my thing and i have no respect for it.... | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/22/2006 1:54:21 AM | I think when someone meets someone on here they should remove their profile. It earns more trust and lets their mate know that they are what matters. I believe if they keep it on they are still looking. Whne you have a good thing at home why are you still looking? That is the part I do not understand. My man left his on and left it on long-term the same thing he was on when I met him. I still find him on this site and it hurts me every time I see him. I had taken mine off. But I figured if I couldn't beat him I might as well join him, put up a general profile and be on just like he is so he knows how it feels. I think it raises alot of trust issues and if you have them already the new ones will not go away. When someone tells you they love you it should mean whatthey say, don't lead someone on. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 6/22/2006 3:17:27 AM | The forums here are my favorite, and I read them quite a bit.
Here's my experience with finding out the man-o-my-dreams was active on a dating site.
I started seeing someone, it got serious, he wanted me to move in, and then part way into the move he did a 180. But we kept seeing eachother, and had loads of fun. And then I was alerted to his new profile on POF with the foto "I" had taken of him only weeks before. It was one hell of a kick in the gut, let me tell ya. I guess after the initial shock, I felt betrayed and made a fool of.
I don't know what I could say to anyone wanting answers in the same situation. Just know that your first broken heart sucks as bad as your last broken heart does. It never gets any easier to take. But if you did have a broken heart, you must have experienced joy previous to it - remember the fun, not the finale'. | |
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