| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/11/2006 1:30:58 AM | | Evidently he is looking for something that he is not finding. Also, there is the one that doesnt want you to be talking to others but he is and denies it as well. Also, beware of the one who will only give out his email address or some other name but is shy about giving out his real name even tho you are dating and yet he doesnt want you to know his true identity. What is he hiding? Also, he says he isnt ready for a female to invade his space, yet he has females in his space as you can hear them when you are on the phone but he always says it is the tv. Right. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/11/2006 3:14:01 AM | I think that most people on this site are at least 21 years old, by that I mean old enough to understand certain implicit rules of dating and of communication.
This medium does not/nor should it excuse anyone from treating another human being with dignity and respect. Nor should anyone who is being treated without dignity or respect waiver in asking for it.
We all need to learn some skills.
Leaving a profile open is perhaps excusable if one is just dating, however if there has been an agreement between two people to not date other people then at least write a note in your profile that you are dating exclusively for the time being. Those people /friends can always contact you through alternate e-mail...why would anyone be so desperate to connect with new friends when one is in a relationship.....this is something one needs to define with their partner.
Dishonesty is never good. It is something that is definitely a dealbreaker for me. I could never trust that person again.
It is always best to speak directly to the person...both people need to be on the same page.
J | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/12/2006 10:25:33 AM | Definitely say something to him before you jump into conclusions. He could still be on this site for forums or friends. It is also possible that you are taking your relationship to the next level and he hasn't. Tell him what you feel. You don't know how he would react and what he would say.
The big mistake people make is not communicating very well or not communicating, period. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/14/2006 8:39:50 PM | I am having this same issue off a dating-only site. Two months, all kinds of good signs and he's online now (10:30 pm on a Saturday night!) and was just online this morning.
I'm going to bring it up tomorrow when we go out on the town, a couple martini's should get me in the conversational mood.
Just for anyone who may be wondering how this makes someone feel... well, you've read the thread, this behaviour makes the other person feel like dog pooh. Or maybe that's just me.
I don't understand how this type of dating ever became popular. It seems it ups the ante in regards to better prospects, but then it seems like they're always looking for greener pastures.
Grrr, blegh and ick. That's all I have to say right now.
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/15/2006 5:14:11 AM | Hello Chigirl,
I went through the same thing your going through last year. The boy (can't call him a man) told me he pulled his profile off of Yahoo and he really did and I removed mine as well. I kept hearing about how I was "the one." After living with him (after 6 months of dating) I began checking out other dating sites and he was on at least 6 others. I asked him about it and he played dumb like he didn't know he was still on the other sites. Don't get mad at him and I'll tell you why. The boy was lonely and never had any true friends in his life. I saw first-hand how shamefully he treated his mother and sister... and figured out that the dating sites were the only way he knew how to communicate with another human being, because most people couldn't stand him. His erratic, arrogant behavior spoke for itself and after I living with him it became obvious that he was treating me the same way... so I left him.
When I first met him, he was on his best bahavior for the first 6 months. Then, one of his different personalties surfaced (the one I'm referring to above). Then, another personalty surfaced and he wanted "commited relationship with me". Another personality was telling lies.. that he even believed himself and he still lies. These kind of boys are looking for their "best friend" so they can manipulate, mistreat, mentally and verbally abuse them and they wonder why they have no friends? I chat with him every once in a while because I know how lonely and miserable his is. It's a pathetic pity I have for him and nothing more. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/16/2006 1:23:55 PM | Hi there
I too dated someone from POF and after dating almost 4 months, I became insecure because he stopped msging me and I honestly think he blocked me on MSN as well....Like it was stated earlier, it shows when someone logs on POF and when they log off, I really cared for this guy alot and thought their could be a future for us, I too think he is playing the field until someone better comes along.....I really felt insecure on friday, so I called him to lay the cards on the table and confront him. I asked him if he was happy with me and he paused and said but?? I have had a miserable weekend since, I tried to open myself up to him....he is totally ignoring me now and has been on POF since. Now I believe that their could possibly be someone else, I don't really know, it's a feeling I have inside.... | |
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Cherrr
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Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 463 | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/16/2006 5:35:44 PM | | I believe meeting on a dating site is almost a disaster waiting to happen. I look at some girls profiles and they have hundreds of men who list them as a favorite. When I date them, are men just gonna stop msging them on the site if she still has a profile, I dont think so. What happens if she finds someone that is better looking, who she finds more compatible from conversations ... is she not gonna give it a chance. The apple is definitely there for her to bite. If I meet someone off this site, I would want her to delete her profile ... thats a sign of committing. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/16/2006 8:08:42 PM | So... yay!
A conclusion to my post (for now)- I asked him about it after dinner last night and he confirmed that he definitely isn't seeing anyone else and isn't looking. AND he changed his profile to "looking for friends only" cause his subscription runs out soon. He put on there that he is seeing someone (me) but still up for new friends.
 I know it doesn't always turn out this way, but it's nice to see a man stand up to his actions and value something that's soooo worth it. Even if it had gone another way, I'm so glad I got it off my mind.
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/18/2006 2:59:29 PM | This is just my opinion, when a man or woman are actively on a dating site and online most of the time, and refuses to show the person their dating who is on their friends list or their emails, Trust your gutt instinct and bail...chances are that way there you save urself alot of heartache. Life is too short, and you shouldn't to wonder what ur partner is up too...I think they are just keeping their options open to see if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence!
I experienced it | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/19/2006 7:50:46 PM | Lets just reverse the scenerio for a second: say the women keeps her profile on.
Why do I do it?
Its not that I am waiting for something better around the corner, but since we are only at the dating phase(where we want to be with just each other and not looking for other people) but not yet at the stage where we are serious enough to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend, I think its normal to still show the world that there you are. And that you are dateable, only trying to prove something to your own mind(for women an ego booster I think, so relate that to males...).
I think the guy is doing it to give himself the confidence(confidence in turn increases phermones, which increase happiness) and this may directly reflect his attitude towards the girl he is with, with increased happiness and confidence and also, in turn, show the woman more interest. He just feels like he can go somewhere else and still be wanted by someone else. I really believe this is a good thing since dull, uninteresting people do fade out of relationships fast. Its a complex way of looking and overanalysizing the simple scenerio.
We actually had this conversation about why we kept our profiles up. We both agreed that we werent looking around the corner and that it was harmless since we arent making moves on other people. I believe until we get to the serious point, this is harmless. But when you do settle down with the person, both profiles should come down, under normal circumstances.
But of course, theres the other side, "Yes he is looking for something better around the corner". | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/19/2006 8:41:11 PM | You are totally justified I think, by being a little hurt... just don't dwell on it.
It could be your more serious about the relationship than he is... but ultimlately you should talk to him about this. Find out his thoughts, and his feelings on where you two are headed.
Don't be afraid to ask 'would you mind maybe deleting your profile? it makes me a little uncomfortable'
To me, it suggests he's 'window shopping' or keeping his options open if you two DO break up... but to take it as far as messaging other women on a dating site to me says he's insecure about long term... which most guys are.
This insecurity, can be worked around though, with trust and good comminication.
Good luck! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/20/2006 9:39:18 AM | You could just relax. Making yourself appear unavailable can come in different forms. To you, it's deleting yourself off a dating site. However, people can be here for more then just dating, they can be here for friendship, or use this as an avenue of sexual exploration.
If his profile says "Single", then worry. Otherwise, if he is proud to be with you and isn't hiding anything, his status should be taken or hitched and he can keep in contact with the friends he made while he was venturing here.
Don't allow yourself to be insecure about this situation.
Chris
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/22/2006 9:18:51 AM | You didn't say how long ago you met him. I think women do this type of stuff (immediately give up too much), commit too fast, and then get mad if the guy isn't on the same page. I don't think that's fair. Taking your profile down was what YOU decided to do. Unless you had a discussion and he said that is what he wanted to do as well, he is free to keep it up until he wants to take it down. Just cause you go out on your own and pick out china patterns doesn't mean he's obligated to say "I do".
You and your guy are not at the same point in the relationship. IMO, you need to take a couple steps back and let things grow OR make the decision to move on. | |
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a37064
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Joined: 11/22/2005
Msg: 473 | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 7/22/2006 12:56:53 PM | I think if it has gone past the stage of not just dating anymore, then there is a problem definately.
In the real world of meeting or dating, people don't have so many people to choose from. Are there really that many successful relationships that come from meeting someone on a date site! From some of the comments written in profiles, it doesn't sound like it.
How many have noticed that someone messages you lots, you begin to think there is a connection and then "nothing".
Could it be that there are too many people to choose from and the, "the next one must be better". This happens even if you haven't met and you truly don't get a feel for someone unless you meet them in person. There are so many unsatisfied and scared people out there, not really know what they want.
This is my thought anyway on why they stay on. Also that it could be just an ego boost. | |
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