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 Author Thread: What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
 1LadyTrucker

Joined: 5/1/2006
Msg: 551
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/7/2006 8:04:53 PM
Ok, I have a boyfriend, and things are very very serious, I am on this site for the forums, and I state that in my profile, I am a social butterfly and like to keep in touch with the ppl I have met here. If it caused a problem with him, I would definately remove my profile from here and not come back. So My advice to you would be to ask, before you jump to either conclusion right/ or wrong.
Good luck to you, keep me posted on how this turns out
 toriralph87

Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 552
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/7/2006 8:44:00 PM
omg i feel for you more so then ever. i had the same problem, and it literally killed me inside, i left a forum on here before, where a friend of mine made a fake account and prented to be a girl intrested in my bf to get out of him what i needed to know, without my boyfriend knowing, we were together 7 months, and every day i checked to see if he was on here, and he was, and he WAS still interested in people, his comment to the girl (the fake one) was, "sure i would like to contact you, me and my girlfriend are having problems anyways, so add me to msn" needless to say, we were NOT having problems, we were going as strong as ever, but he was still looking in my book. i think you should sit him down, and say... hunnie, sweetie, baby... could you please delete ur account off POF... because we have each other now, what more do you want? if he refuses, you know theres something up... honestly, me and my bf broke up 2 weeks ago, and hes still on this site, he told me he didnt like the distance, still for all someone told me hes going out with somoene long distance again now, tell me that makes sence!
 fyi_me

Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 553
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/7/2006 10:21:30 PM
He is keeping his options open!!! You need to talk to him about it.
 Sweeter Then Honey..!

Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 554
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/8/2006 11:22:43 AM
Excuse me....? But I don't consider having a True, Honest Partner in life SLAVERY...!
That's why most PPL get married, or wanna be 2gether is for the committment 2 want 2 be w/ someone FAITHFUL....!
Thier are to many risk out their anymore 2 sleep around.. but also I have alot of morals an beleive in Fidelity if I truly Love someone and we both make that committment 2gether!
It has 2 be a 2 way street here!
I also wouldn't want a PlayBoy kinda guy, their are enough PlayGirls 4 them ...!
But I also beleive to each their own..!
 Sweeter Then Honey..!

Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 555
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/8/2006 11:53:48 AM
I think 1st off u need to have trust in the person ur w/ rather it be u met him Online or,
Church, a Party ECT...!
I know ppl who have met an Married meeting Online and still going strong!
And I also know PPL who Met in Church an been unfaithful...!
As for me I met a Wonderful Man on an online Dating service, and we were so enlove and neither of us even gave a thought 2 continue w/ any dating sites...? We were 2gether for 3 great years....! Unfournatley he died ! But I wouldn't trade the 1st 2 great yrs. we had 2gether!
PPL still put a stigma on online dating, but Speaking 4 myself I would rather meet someone this way and hope 4 the best... then meet someone in a BAR....!
 southerngirl0719

Joined: 8/29/2006
Msg: 556
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/8/2006 2:01:04 PM
I would feel hurt by this too :( Hope that things have worked out for you
 miss_claudia

Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 557
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/8/2006 6:53:54 PM
Sweeter than honey, I agree with you, I would rather meet someone this way then at a bar!
 Time2Dine

Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 558
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/8/2006 7:05:10 PM
Time2SortThingsOut:
What we don't have here is, is there a high level of committment to each other? What is your understanding of your relationship?
Secondly, some of theres websites will show members active just to attract new or active members. . . . even though most of them are NOT active nor exist anymore.
Lastly, discuss it in a manner in which you understand where you are in your relationship and where you want to be.
 Bigger Guy

Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 559
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History
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/8/2006 7:13:47 PM
If you are in a relationship......that means beyond dating ...... a real relationship, then it is up to the two parties involved to keep communication flowing and the commitment secure. Overbearing indulgencies / meddling in affairs / prying / just tears things apart.....if not initially, then over time. If someone is dating.....there is no reason to take a profile off. If they just look occassionally, who cares. No-one owns anyone.....ever!
Any relationship is a lot of work and a lot of compromise and a lot of communication, or there is no commitment or intention beyond dating. Be certain of your position first....then be open and honest. It takes two to make a relationship and it always takes two to take it apart....always.
 lady_502

Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 560
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/8/2006 9:14:40 PM
i really dont care one way or the other.
 amazonqueenie

Joined: 4/30/2006
Msg: 561
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History
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/8/2006 9:40:29 PM
Even though this is an old post here, there is still something that can be said about this situation. I really think that you should call him on this instead of letting this slide. Letting it slide is giving him more power over you.

I think that instead of checking up on him, it would be best to say something and kick his butt to the curb and stop obsessing about what he is doing, as it is a complete waste of time.

You totally deserve a man that will treat you right and respect you. I hear that there are still nice and respectful men out there. So throw that worthless fish back and put out a new updated fishing line.
 loudmouth31

Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 562
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/9/2006 7:33:10 PM
Well as I said in another forum,I was in a relationship just recently and caught my boyfriend at the time chatting with chicks online and I was in bed sleeping.I personally think guys like that are pathetic losers who don't know when they have it good.I would of done anything for this man but now I came to the conclusion once a chatter always a chatter RIGHT LADIES!!!!! So with that being said,let him move on with his life.As good as I was to him,it was never enough and it obviously never will be......Time to move on.So to answer ur question,if you're not good enough to chat with,then how could you be good enough to be with!!!
 Melanie1476

Joined: 9/19/2004
Msg: 563
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/10/2006 10:22:05 PM
I've recently been seeing/dating a really great guy I met here. I'm enjoying the time we spend together but...it's only been a couple weeks. At this point, we're both still online and I'm okay with it. I enjoy the forums. I honestly have no idea to what extent he chats or messages people if at all. I hope that if/when we become exclusive that both our profiles would be deleted.

After reading all these posts with sooo many bad experiences, I have my fingers crossed. Hopefully this great guy doesn't turn into someone who is keeping options open, like so many of you have described.

All who've had bad experiences here.... & good luck!
 hellynuk

Joined: 7/11/2006
Msg: 564
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/11/2006 12:44:29 AM
i think this site becomes almost addictive to some people, and they enjoy the attention from the opposite sex, if however you are serious about this man and feel you have a future you have to let him know that you are hurt by his actions and would like him to stop "fishing", if he then keeps visiting this site it is time for you to let him go and get on with your life, you are an attractive woman and im sure you have a lot to offer some lucky man, the last thing you need is someone slowly destroying your self esteem
 dream mate

Joined: 12/22/2005
Msg: 565
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History
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/11/2006 9:52:55 AM
I would say....Can I read your mail...the IM thing is still closed to post review, but the mail should tell all.

I have been on here since Dec. 05. I have had women question all the women I must have lined up. I guess that in itself is a red flag to me and I should have run away.

It is hard enough meeting honest, real people that grab my attention....let alone having a string....sheeeeeesh. Give me a break.

Is that why we seem eager at times?......Does the eagerness to want a close personal relationship with one person get in the way???? Or do you women think that we just want sex (Yes we all do, that is what makes it tough)?

Most of the average guys in here hardly ever get mail from someone they don't know. I think it is differen't for many of the women. You are constantly getting mail and you need to do a lot of sifting, I do know there are married guys in here just looking for a roll in the hay. Don't look at all of us through those tinted glasses.
 artisticgemini

Joined: 9/5/2006
Msg: 566
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/11/2006 8:16:15 PM
I wouldnt think much of a guy who was nailing me at night, and hunting for new prey by day.
I would tell him that i know he is still on the site,
and explain that you took your profile off after you started dating as a sign that you were serious about being exclusive.
I would also tell him that if he continues to keep his profile active,
that you will be reposting yours,
fairs , fair.
I think you are justifyed by feeling hurt.
i would be.
nothing like having your cake and eating her too.
lol
listen to your gut on this one.
 CoolTXGirl

Joined: 8/23/2006
Msg: 567
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/11/2006 11:06:52 PM
Listen, if you are in a RELATIONSHIP I would think he'd be a good enough guy to take his profile down or at least put an update on there that he found someone he's intrested in and wants to see where it goes for now and then if it doesn't work out maybe put another one about how it didn't and he's back and wanting to make new friends?

Maybe I should just tell you a little about my experience with this exact problem. I met someone on here that I liked and he used to email me all of the time and we talked for awhile until he wanted to call me on the phone. I gave him my number, we talked, got to know each other and I did ask him about his profile on here-NEVER ASKING HIM TO TAKE IT OFF, JUST IF HE'D FOUND ANYONE ELSE HE LIKED OR TALKED TO AS MUCH AS HE TALKED TO ME.
I simply asked so I would know whether he was serious about me(or anyone else for that matter) or if he just wanted attention from women. Just from my inquiry, he went and deleted his profile off of this site! I really didn't want him to do that because we are still new into our getting to know each other and I honestly didn't want him to think I was being insecure or controlling because that wasn't my purpose at all. I just ask him to always be open, honest and sincere with me and I promised him the same in return. So, to answer your question, if its a RELATIONSHIP, then I feel like he needs to take it off. If you guys aren't to that point yet, what is the problem with him leaving it on here? Did you take yours down right away or did you leave it to see if you guys worked out?? Always try to look at it both ways before throwing yourself to the wolves and making a mountain out of a molehill so to speak.

Well I hope mine continues to be the wonderful man he's been thus far and I also hope you find one as awesome as I did. We still have a long way to go to be even a "relationship", but I feel like it was meant to be.
Good luck and I pray you come out very well with your prince hand in hand.
 Beaner49

Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 568
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:40:08 PM
I am in no way trying to defend him, but from personal experience I know some of these web sites are crazy! I haven't been a member of match.com since March of 2005, but I am still getting matches. How, I don't know since I have hid my Profile for the last 9 months.
 newfie_navy_gir

Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 569
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History
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/18/2006 7:36:41 PM
well I think he is a player! I dated a guy like that once.............led me on until I confronted him about it! Told him to choose what he wanted to do! Did not mind him talkin on there but not meeting up with other people while he was supposed to be with me..............hell with that! I would rather spend my life alone rather than tolerate that.................life is to short for that!
 debeze47

Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 570
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/18/2006 7:52:59 PM
I was on lava three years ago when I met what I thought was a decent man. He couldn't and wouldn't give up his dating sites. He snuck behind my back and then tried to lie. Oh please...needless to say I left him. He still chats away...but I learned and grew from the experience and have developed more as a woman. I don't think all men are like that, and will give this a try but not going to hang around for years either ...shoot me if I do!
I recently signed up here, and have found that most men are after sex, and find this a quicker, cheaper way, with less competition, than the bar scene. LOL!
I know some men who are on every date site they can think of!! Unreal ! Is it ego? Committment phobia? Sex addiction? Don't ask them !
I respect myself enough to not 'settle' for. I am not desperate and am independant. Anything else is bonus. In a nut shell, trust yourself!
 Sweeter Then Honey..!

Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 571
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/19/2006 7:06:21 AM
Hello their (debeze47) I'am a widow and seriously wanting my other half....! So 2 Answer ur question below...! I belonged to quite a few paid dating sites, and now this free site only because I felt it would give me a better chance of finding Mr Rite, and what I don't like about this site is I noticed they have SEX sites which I find appalling, and I really wonder if any guy on here is seriously looking, or if it's all bout SEX....? sounds like SOLICITING 2 me....?





I know some men who are on every date site they can think of!! Unreal ! Is it ego? Committment phobia? Sex addiction? Don't ask them !
 Sir Angelis

Joined: 9/3/2006
Msg: 572
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/19/2006 7:40:53 AM

Well, I met a guy from a dating site a while ago. We have been seeing each other a couple times a week ever since. This is getting serious.
I deleted my profile from that site. I don't want to appear to be available when I am not.

I got curious and went back to that site and did a search, and found his profile...listed as "active in the last 24 hours". I have checked back a couple of times over the last week, and each time his profile shows that he is 'active in the last 24 hours' on the site. I know that that site is good about keeping this information acurate.

Should I say something to him or just stop communications. I am hurt by this...I am unjustified?


Well in all honesty I dont' know either of you to even GUESS at who feels what so I have to tread very carefully on this issue.

It COULD mean he is not certain if he has met "the one" and wants to continue keeping dialogue open with other "potentials" just in case... (is this right? Not my call to make, but it's not how I'd do it)

It COULD mean he isn't as ready to settle down as he may have told you. (or maybe less than ready than he himself thought) (Right or wrong? Again, not my call, each individual must assess each situation individually, but, have you given him a ring? has he given you one? Then nothing is set. Here is what I would try......)

Just approach him straight up. Don't beat around the bush. tell him straight out that you went back to the site out of curiosity and saw he was still active. DO NOT show anger. do NOT show mistrust, DO NOT get emotional until you have something SOLID to be emotional ABOUT (And best not to even then, I'll cover WHY after)
Ask him straight up why this is happening and how he feels about what is happening between you. If he gets uncomfortable, angry, annoyed or evasive, he may be a gamer, btu whatever the case, he is not likely about to be honest. Don't get mad. Don't yell at him. Just say say calmly and graciously, "I am sorry it doesn't seem to be working. I wish you luck, but I really must move on."
Then be done, but dont' close dialogue with him. Even if he IS a pig toward women, he may still make a good friend if things are kept on that level. Remember to seperate romantic feelings/issues from discussions. You are NOT married yet...

Good luck!


- Scotty
 METALLlC BLUE

Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 573
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/19/2006 7:43:22 AM
It depends on the nature of the relationship. If in an exclusive relationship, it's inappropriate unless otherwise unique circumstances suggest otherwise. [Such as a partner who wants you looking for a 3'rd partner, or a couple etc.]
 july16ladybug

Joined: 9/15/2006
Msg: 574
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/19/2006 9:45:05 AM
I was in something with someone, that I decided to be commtted to.....he kept saying we had to reach the 6 month point to really call it a relationship. We all make our own choices as to how we feel about what we are doing...I stayed on the the dating site while dating him because when I asked him about coming off it, he just shrugged and continued remarking about the 6 month thing. I dont think its fair on either side to continue...

I made the choice not to see other men (no sex either) etc. I had respect for him and myself to want to make it work. I truly believe that if you are in something with someone then make the choice...either you stay on these sites or not..... BELIEVE ME IM SORRY I HAD TO COME BACK ON.....yeah, unfortunately it didnt work out..... so IM BACKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! lol
 Sinkist

Joined: 4/19/2006
Msg: 575
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History
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/19/2006 9:46:40 AM
And what do you think your site on here is going to say? You are also "active in the last 24 hours". think about it... what's good for the goose is good for the gander..
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