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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/21/2006 9:52:09 AM | WEll like any thing else P O F is like an addiction. Men are addicted to the fact that there are lonely single women on here looking for love and companionship. And yes ladies lets face it we would not be on POF if we were in happy loving relationships. Men are like children they need constant attention and reassurance that they are # 1. And a lot of men are players i am not saying that all are but lets face the facts.
1- when we meet a man we put 100% into the relationship hoping he is the 1.
2- We are generally always on time and will go with the flow and do things that interest him.
3- We are good women and delete our profiles because we have met prince charming
4- We carry our cell phones at at times just in case he calls
5- We check our phone messages often just in case we missed his call while we were out
any of this sound familiar? It is all true i think that if you are even remotely interested in a relationship prospect you need to be fair and in order to be fair you need to become unavailable for all potetial single women. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/21/2006 11:46:56 AM | I beg to differ, there are more lonely single men on here than women. I feel different, at my age I dont like the games and as soon as I feel thats happening....then I move forward...especially at the start.
I was in something that felt good and right and yet when I asked him abou the POF Profile he just said the "I dotn consider a relationship one until it gets to 6 months. I felt that with that answer I just left it on to be indifferent, which was my game playing. I learned that for NOW on to use my word to speak my intent.
I leave my cell phone at home now....remember the days without one and I did that a lot when I was with him, just so it didnt become a game of calls etc... | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/21/2006 3:54:41 PM | | by all means,kick him to the curbe honey,i'm friends with above mentioned,i have not figured out how to get my own forum spot yet but when i do look out all you married,engaged or other wise attached wezzles,you date some one get them caring weather you live or die and then off come the blinders,and we find out that we where just another toy in your closet,most of you men and i realy use the word lightly,haven't figured out that we have a heart and fellings,all we ask is for some one in our life to be with,talk to care about,and yes love,and there is exceptions yes but few and far between,now if i where you sweety i would think of the consaquencis to seeing this person,and weigh that with how much you are worth,and i bet you will figure out that you are worth a decent and loving man,one that when he finds you it will not take him longer than a nano-secon,jump off and get to know you for who you are,and as far as that goes,by all means dump him,and move on,you do not need to be another member of his harom,good luck: | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/22/2006 7:18:45 AM | If he was really trying to be sneaky behind your back, dontcha think he'd hide his trail better?
He wouldn't let you know his password, or he'd cancel his account and create another one that you wouldn't know about. Why use one you have knowledge of and have access to? He's either stupid or not doing anything beyond talking to people online. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/24/2006 3:34:55 AM | | I think it sucks. Everyone I have met and thought we were going to build something beautiful together this has happened with, even had one guy print out a pic of the woman he was chatting with (while I was at his house) and bring it in to show it to me, well I told him what he could do with the pic. I think once 2 people have made the decision that they want to be together all online communication with others they met before you should stop. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/24/2006 4:47:06 AM | | I think that men and women have different opinions as to what relationships are. If you have just been dating a couple times a week or month he might not consider it a relationship...just casual dating. This is true even if you have been dating awhile or having sex. I ruined a chance at a relationship with a great guy for this reason recently. I have regrets but at least have learned a lot. A man will feel pressured if he feels you are trying to lasso him into settling down. You have to clearly let him him know what you expect from the dating, but do it in an unpressured way. if he doesn't want more than casual dating then it's up to you as to wether to stick around or not. The best thing to do is to not sleep with the man until you are bothg agreed that you are in an exclusive relationship. I know this sounds old fashioned but it will save a lot of heart ache. Women take it that they are in a relationship once they've slept with a man. A man will actually feel the opposite. He will feel that you are using sex to rush things, this makes hgim feel pressured and when the loust wears off so does the relationship. | |
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Kait06
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Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 586 | |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/26/2006 5:30:02 PM | | Try not to worry so much about it. Women see way too far into these sorts of things, and I know exactly what you are talking about when you say it makes you feel uneasy. It could be that he has good friends and whatnot that he talks to on the site. Really it comes down to if you trust him or not... if you don't then there's a problem, but if you do you will have to adjust to it. Talk to him, see what he says, because it may not be at all what you are thinking. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/27/2006 1:21:59 AM | I personally think that its ok to still have ad on dating site as long as you two havent agreed to just date each other.Maybe if hes still looking that should tell you he doesnt feel the same way.I think women bond quicker than men and give heart quicker to so all I can say is tell him how you feel and say I thought we were just seeing each other now.Dont freak out just talk share feelings and see what he does.
B | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/27/2006 4:13:51 AM | I guess it's no surprise that this thread has survived for so long (over two years!) -- after all, this is the internet, which does make it easier for people to lead a double life, as does other technology (e.g., cell phones, pagers, etc.) ... Sigh ...
his comment to the girl (the fake one) was, "sure i would like to contact you, me and my girlfriend are having problems anyways, so add me to msn" needless to say, we were NOT having problems, we were going as strong as ever, but he was still looking in my book. ^Msg. 556: Yep, he was keeping his options open, looking for a safety net, just in case.
i think you should sit him down, and say... hunnie, sweetie, baby... could you please delete ur account off POF... because we have each other now, what more do you want? if he refuses, you know theres something up... ^Msg. 556: Why the soft talk? Just tell him what you know and then promptly dump him. If he was serious about you, to begin with, and mature, he'd be a man and take care of it on his own initiative, without it having to become "an issue," necessitating nauseating discussion. As far as this site goes, it's true, as others have mentioned, that many stay for the Forums or friends (platonic) after getting involved with someone. It shows real integrity, depth of character and a commitment when someone makes it clear on their profile that one is not looking to date or meet anyone else. The OP's problem was in reference to a different site, which her boyfriend paid to be on, was active on a daily basis and one which has no Forums/chat. He was clearly on it to date other people. In their case, it seems they had an understanding that they were exclusive. (Uggh! Obviously, it's a common problem, hence this thread probably would not have survived for as long as it has ... I gave up reading after the first few and the last couple of pages.)
caught my boyfriend at the time chatting with chicks online and I was in bed sleeping. I personally think guys like that are pathetic losers who don't know when they have it good. I would of done anything for this man but now I came to the conclusion once a chatter always a chatter ^Msg. 566: Agreed ... And it's not just limited to the internet. If a person is going to cheat, they're going to use whatever means they can to hide it. I think the internet simply is one tool of many that is used to do so. (Uggh, again!)
"Affairs" come in many forms (e.g., emotional ones, which usually end up leading to physical intimacy).
I had that happen to me once too. Turned out the guy was still looking for something better. IN the same breath he tried to tell me he had friends there he still liked to say hello to. ^Msg. 2: Case in point. Some people have good boundaries, and, unfortunately, some do not.
About the whole online dating stuff, it seems that the best one can do is to proceed with caution, not "assume" an exclusive relationship until one has been consistently demonstrated over time. Even then, it's a risk, just as it is in "real life." It just seems too easy, with the internet, for some to "place their order" by clicking on the search button. Uggh, yet again! Internet or not, it all boils down to one's character and morals. Technology is simply a tool used to aid and abett whatever.
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/27/2006 4:17:06 AM | well coming from me who is very happy in her relationship but have been active on here oh look now lol i am here just to chat and yeah ok a bit of a flirt beacause flirting is only human and harmless as long as it dont go further and chatting is cool but if he was to actually be dating well i would kick him 2 the side and start again i mean what would be the point potherwise but i would talk to him first because you never know he may just be being innocent chatting or flirting we do exist the lyal ones lol | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 9/29/2006 5:15:19 PM | | Well I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and like 5 months, we had a baby earlier this year, and we live together. He spends a good portion of his day online and it does bother me, however he says he's online b/c he likes to talk to other people to get peoples' perspectives about certain issues. So am I overreacting by telling him I don't want him chatting with other women being that this is not a relationship that just started? Do you men see it as being insecure b/c he wants to meet other women online...and he doesn't limit his search to one type of woman, he searches for women all over and for different types of women. Oh yeah, I found this site by checking our computer online history. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/4/2006 12:22:24 AM | We are all relationship pioneers, aren't we? Grappling with these new internet dating things... The upside of it all is that we get to meet many people that wouldn't ordinarily cross our paths. The downside is that we lose some of the privacy that we would have if the search weren't conducted online - another drawback is that internet dating can become an addiction. The illusion that the "perfect" person is still out there among the thousands of profiles, can get in the way of appreciating someone we've already met and have begun to know. A new relationship needs a chance to grow, and it can't if we are always on the internet "make." Seeing that a guy I'm dating is still online frequently and is even revising his profile can really hurt. But women tend to get too involved too soon, so it's good practice to let some things roll off our backs in the beginning, not get too worried, and carry on enjoying our lives. If the relationship is going someplace it will, and if the guy is just not that into a particular woman, then it's better that he move on anyway, isn't it? After more time has passed, if the relationship continues and there is increasing intimacy, these are things that a couple should be able to talk about honestly, just like so many other things. Meanwhile, lets enjoy the adventure and just try not to leave scars on each other!  | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/4/2006 6:30:59 PM | ha, i just broke up with someone not even a month ago over this same scenerio. We met on POF.I wasn't to keen with his profile staying up. Granted, he did change it to "friends" etc. Maybe I'm insecure? My friend sends me his picture with another girl on his arm. She had posted it in her profile. Her profile name tends to make one think she's a loosey goose (nice way to put it). He says it's from 4 years ago. Fine. I believe that. Still it's over. Why? Because he says it's to meet friends. What? You are going to talk to a girl from POF, meet her at timmies and strike a friendship. Isn't this kinda just opening the door to temptation? There's a lot of messed up girls out there that find a guy with a girlfriend a challenge. Plus, my last boyfriend (before this one). Changed his name several times, while we were together scoping out new and better fish. Fine. Just be honest. The girl he's with now, he met on here. While we were still together. But he was just looking for friends. Hmm...hmmm...TO me? It's a basic consideration of the other feelings, that if you call eachother boyfriend and girlfriend. You delete the profile. Or make it very clear your looking only for messenger friends. Jaded I am? Maybe. But I'm not playing any sort of head games. It's not too much to ask I believe. Kelly-lynn...if you read this. Sorry I didn't know what an A-hole he really was. But at least, he's moved on to his next victim. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/5/2006 12:05:45 AM | | Well, as I see it, it seems that many men are doing that nowadays. Some girlfriends seem comfortable with it because they trust their partner, like I trust mine. But others, like you, may feel like your just the now and that your partner is looking for someone else to take your place. I've had the feeling millions of times. Yes, it does seem very hard to just go up and ask but..well you dont wanna be wondering the wholoe time, do you? | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/6/2006 4:12:26 PM | You are certainly not alone.
I maintained a relationship with a woman nearly three years, until she finally broke it off about nine months ago, citing many reasons why I was not good enough for her. Six months later she calls me in the middle of the night, pleading for me to take her back, citing that she was wrong to let me go, she was just as much to blame for the lack of communication, etc.,etc., etc. , and committing to making the relationship work.
The long and short of it was that we reconciled, and I deleted my online dating profiles, and we did indeed begin the process of talking out our issues about the past. A month into the new relationship I did the same thing as you, I searched here to check wether or not she was active, and she was indeed actively persuing men for dating purposes, not 'friends,' not 'activity partners,' not just meeting new people to chat with.
Ultimately she proved what she said and what she was doing were two different things. I have no idea why, but suffice it to say I cannot trust the woman's intentions anymore, and I wound up demanding that she stay out of my life. That was a couple months ago, and she hasn't bothered me yet, thank goodness.
IMHO, If they keep the online profiles up, you're being played. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/10/2006 3:37:09 PM | It is really hard to just trust anyone these days.. I understand. Well.. does he even know that you two are already exclusive? If he is not aware.. then he would not know if there is something more yet.
Sometimes it is better to be open about it and ask him other than assuming right away that you are both an item. If you have not yet talk it over with him.. now is the time. Anyway, if it is just two times a week.. then to me that is not really serious.. I think. Maybe at least 4 to 5 times a days is more serious to me.
Unless.. you two and weird schedules or eith one of you is working alot.. then maybe that is alright. Like for instance, my serious relationship at the time.. we saw eath other day in and day out.. almost like he was living with me because he did not have a job then because he was preparing to leave for the military.
All I can say is.. talk to him and see what he says. If he thinks that he does not want to be exclusive with you or at least for right now and wants to keep his options open, then move on from there. But, if he decides to become more serious.. then he should not be surfing those single's sites for now.
Good Luck!  | |
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