|
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/11/2006 4:05:19 PM | Trust is such a loose term to some.
If a person declares their love for another than the profiles should come down.
Then again, love can be a loose term as well.
My own personal experiences have taught me that love has different meanings to
different people.
Trust is exactly what it is. No deviations.
Geniune love... the reason we are all here, in search of.
Finding such a love would be worthy of doing everything in your power to keep it,
including cutting your ties to the active profile. Keeping an active profile is simply just
fishing for a bigger and better one to come along. There goes the trust factor again.
If in fact one of you has made friends here on site, than it shouldn't be a problem inviting those site friends into your coupleship.
If you can't trust the one you are with, move on.
The right one for you is out there and you will know in your heart when it's the right one.
Perhaps you won't ever have to again question trust with the one that holds your heart.
Here's to trusting again Tigress ...
it truly takes two dedicated people to one another to find the path to genuine love, respect and trust. | |
|
| |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/12/2006 12:06:34 AM | | OH MY! This subject so hits home! How I see it is,.....is there a ring on your finger?!! And even if there is, you suddenly cant do what you want? I understand that people have their insecurities, but come on!!!!!!!!! For real! There's no need to stiffle a person...cause it'll do nothing but drive them away! It's either there or not, but let him/you be who you wanna be....isn't that what life is all about?!! Misery and always having to watch your back.....That is just plain..."send me to hell" type of thoughts.....Life is way too short for the B.S.!!!! | |
|
| |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/14/2006 5:47:28 AM | Jeez, there are all these dating rules, and all these sneaky ways to "bust" someone for doing things that aren't even wrong. It's no wonder there is such bitterness and unhappiness on this site. I'm sure there are people out there who have broken hearts and hurt many people -- but to throw the baby out with the bathwater? Most of these "sneak" tactics not only remove the dirt, but the dust pan and broom too!
Expectations are what kill relationships, not love. People with expectations, are what lead to divorce -- not usually "awful guys, or husbands, wives, girlfriends" Sure some people aren't very nice, but it's not the "majority" -- if it is, we humans are doomed. It's almost always about expectations.
Does no one speak face to face and just "sit and listen" when their partner speaks? Does anyone not just encourage that? Does anyone actually invest time in paying attention?
My ex constantly checked my online dating status and got into arguments with me [well she argued, I just listened]. She soon became my "ex" -- if you want to really run someone off, go ahead and make everything about you , -- we all have a right to be happy, and to take our time deciding what is best for us. I
If you want to be bitter and keep "your" profile up out of spite "Well if he can do it, so can I" -- then go ahead and act like a spoiled little child. Projecting your anger isn't going to solve a thing.
This is the immaturity of insecure people -- and expectations of people who think they "own" a relationship, rather than being the fortunate co-partner taking part in it.
If people spent less time trying to put their lovers in boxes and labeling them, and focusing on themselves -- we wouldn't have all the messes we have. It's this obsession with what "she's doing, or he's doing -- I'm the victim....he's the villain trying to cheat e!." Well Jesus, it's no wonder you get cheated on, or disrespected -- how else can someone respond what you've done the same to them implying or assuming they're already out to get you!
Love can't grow if you've determined to starve it from the get go. | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/14/2006 6:33:21 AM | When I got involved with the guy I am currently dating I deleted my profile too. Now I've reposted it because I just want to chat to people and read the forums.
The guy I am seeing kept his profile active but the heading is now almost there and his status is NOT single/Not looking. He also put looking for women for talk/email. He invariantly goes online but like most guys on here rarely gets messaged. Now is he messaging other people who knows. I trust him enough to know he isn't seeing anyone else.
Have confidence and faith he probably just like to chat to different people. | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/14/2006 6:54:20 AM | | I agree with changing the subject to Unavailable/ not looking. I " had" mine as something similiar and when I discovered my guy still had an active profile and no changes done what so ever .. I changed mine back to available ( even though as of NOW , I`m NOT) I just don`t answer the replies. I talked with him and he claimed he only read profiles . His words were .. "Just because you are on a diet .. theres no harm in reading the menu."I do NOT agree . I think he is still looking to see if someone else catches his eye. Lack of trust on my part about this could have been avoided if he had been willing to " edit" his profile . I don`t believe if a person truly cares and is in a committed relationship.. there should be any misleading of why the still have a profile listed. The only other reason I see for it to stay as it was prior to starting a relationship is the person is still looking or is concidering finding someone else .... and THEN leaving. Why else would they advertise as SINGLE AND LOOKING? | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/14/2006 7:08:01 AM | ^^^I applaud 100% having the ability to continue with your online friendships. I myself have made a few friends here on POF and value them as much as I do my "real time" friends.
I have posted on this subject a number of times with always the same response...
Once your relationship is defined as such..
Be Open!
Be Honest!
and most importantly communicate any issues you have! If it makes you uncomfortable talk to your partner!
 | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/14/2006 8:50:55 AM | My heart says: of all the women in all the world..........HE CHOSE TO BE WITH YOU.
If he isn't committed, there is nothing you can do about it. And trying to change his behaviour just serves to drive him further away. Give him all the freedom he needs. (If you love some one set them free and if they come back it was meant to be....yeah, yeah, I know you've heard it all before but It's True!)
What does 'Active on a Dating Site mean'?
That his profile is still up and he is claiming to be 'still looking', or
His profile is up but he claims to only be looking for friends/e-mail, chat, etc. even though he is actively flirting with other women?
Personally i would prefer neither but if i had to choose, then the latter would be preferable although not ideal.
If he is going to stray he will. If he is generally happy he won't. If he is just looking I don't I can't see the harm - a bit of innocent titillation never hurt anybody, but it is the interraction that is scary, that powerful sense that 'Wow! I've made a connection with this person and they are truly amazing' (that doesnt last five minutes usually but you forget about all that rational stuff at the time it is happening); this can be very damaging and put unnecessary strain on any relationship which is why the phrase 'playing with fire' springs to mind. I'm trying to be open minded, but i can see the possible harm to a woman's self esteem this behaviour might do. She may feel very threatened, inadequate and insecure by it: 'not enough for you?'.
Concentrate on your relationship with him, not what he is/ or appears to be doing with others. And breath life into it. Talk. Listen. Communicate. Be bright and positive and he won't want to risk losing you. Men have been fantasizing about other women for centuries, nothing you say or do is going to stop them, it has just taken on a different form now. We all know how transient most on-line 'encounters' can be, if what you have is worth holding on to, he will eventually recognise it and settle down. Give him some leeway.
As MB stated it's all about expectations. Expecting someone to change ingrained behaviour overnight just because you have appeared on the scene is totally unrealistic. People need a 'cooling off' period, time to readjust to their new situation.
If you are really the one for him, he will quickly lose interest in other people pretty fast. If he doesn't perhaps his needs may not be being fully met and you should talk to him about it.You cannot make him do anything he doesn't want to do, you can only make him start being more secretive about it and that is the worst scenario.....lies and deceit aswell as blatant lechery. Bah! Leave him in peace.
People want perfection overnight, and it ain't going to happen.
Cut them some slack and get on with your own business, dont' try to beat him at his own game because you are hurting. Try to be philosophical about it. We place ourselves too highly sometimes and that is why relationships don't last.
Online flirting isn't the end of the world, finding him in bed with someone else is a different matter.
It is so easy to rationalise when not in the situation I know if i found my man chatting to other women on line I would have a hissy fit, i would see a red mist, start to tremble, cry, scream and finally................. i would have to recourse to my trusty old bucket-of-water over-the-head routine in the vague hope that he will be electrocuted so that i can get on with all my on-line romances in PEACE!
Ho hum! | |
|
panpan
|
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 612 | |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/14/2006 11:36:48 PM | If he's in a relationship with you, what on earth is he still doing 'looking'? If he's just testing the waters with you, and you're good with that (doesn't sound like you are) then you need to be clear with your comfort on his remaining open to other possibilities in the dating scene.
The LAST thing you want to do is not communicate with him. If he didn't know it bothered you, then he's done nothing wrong really. If he knows it's an issue and that's not ok with him, then you have your answer. You won't know until you let him in on your feelings about it. Men do not have the ability to read our minds. | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/15/2006 1:09:16 AM | | Help, Please...My profile here has been hidden since the day I met the man I'm involved with. We met thru another site that he keeps an active profile on, which I also hide my profile on when we became exclusive. I directly asked him within the first month of the relationship why he maintained his profile and expressed to him how it made me feel...like he was looking for someone other than me. He insisted that this is not the case, that it's just a diversion to be there, that he's paid for the service, and it's merely entertaining. However, he moved recently, and I've noticed(yes, I do check to see how often he's logged on, which isn't that often, recently) that he updated his address on his profile...(township). I decide in the early stages of this relationship to go with his explanation even though I shared with him that I'd hidden my profiles on both sites and wished for him to do the same. He has not, obviously, and now with the profile modification I am seriously confused. We have been together for nealy four months, it is exclusive, physical, and in many ways solid. I supported him thru the death of a parent, a difficult seperation and imminent divorce. We have traveled, I have met all of his friends, family and former inlaws with whom he is very close...his ex cheated on him and dumped him...the inlaws still love him and they are a big part of his life. They have been wonderful to me and he is thrilled with the way everyone on both sides have accepted me. In all other ways he treates me like gold, calling daily, expressions of concern and that he misses me the moment we're apart. We live about 50 miles from one another and get to gether on weekends. Am I over-reacting to the online active profile, or is there cause for serious concern here? | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/15/2006 11:08:27 PM | In my opinion, I belive you have all rights of confronting him in a diplomatic way But , Before
you do, what was the agreement or understanding if any the both of you had when starting seing each other. If there was no agreements....... This is when it hurt, not making an understandable connection of what if's, can be disapointing when things don't feel or look right. Perhaps, he is just chatting with people he have met in that site however, he should have told you, It's the proper way in my opinion. Good luck, and Hey, if it didn't work, it was not met to be, use it as an experience, but don't loose who you are! I've been there.LOL | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/15/2006 11:26:56 PM | I would not think very much of him. If you cannot trust someone you cannot have a relationship with him. I know women do it too but the question is just in reference to men. I think if you have a genuine interest in someone and have a possibility of being with them or you are with them and you are still here playing that you are single, it it just wrong. There is nothing wrong with being here for the forums if you have someone but you should reflect that in your profile...Just my opinion...If that is not done and you are looking then you are not really interested or you are just playing with the person's heart and feelings which is just mean and cruel.
~Carrie B. | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/16/2006 2:45:55 AM |
My heart says: of all the women in all the world..........HE CHOSE TO BE WITH YOU. you are really the one for him, he will quickly lose interest in other people pretty fast.
totally agree with -floralpost-, pls roll up and see above, too long to quote it all here.
If that is not done and you are looking then you are not really interested or you are just playing with the person's heart and feelings which is just mean and cruel
it sounds scary, its not like i see you a few times and then i have to marry you, and i think its just perfectly normal to have 10 boyfriends/girlfriends so you see who you really want, its not mean or cruel in any way, its very much like if you want that top job everyone wants, you compete, its not cruel or mean if the personal ditch your cv in the bin if youre not the most suitable person, that goes on as even you had your 2nd/3rd interview, that cant be called playing with your time, your petrol and printer catridge!? | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/16/2006 3:28:01 AM | My profile was very carefully written...so people would get a pretty good idea of who l am.
l met an ausie man on here who,is also an artist,in his 50's.......He also took me for a run as well!...we chatted for a few weeks first before meeting...and l noticed when l asked wheres your ex wife now?(didnt get an answer)just skimmed over that one...then we met,had a lovely full day together...the next visit it was a sleep over!
His wife was phoning him on his mobile after 10.30 because he wasnt home yet!!!!!!HA!
What a stupid weak man?...honestly!(l was a test case for sure)to read his profile you'd think he was honest...and says seperated!(only by a large house and ignoring her)
lm so peeved about it,as lm honest...l talked about his life before l met him,he seemed single..
Yet it was just "The poor me,my wife doesnt understand me,and how hard his marriage was"...what a sucker l was!and he told me he felt l was his soulmate....how easy some people can take the good ones for a ride and drop her off at the next corner(so to speak)Am l feeling cheated??? you bet!(lts his LOSS)and lm too good for him l know that for certain now....
What a weak man!!!
You know who you are J.....lm betting NOW that she had good reason to be such a nasty woman to you....mustve done something to stay an extra 13 years without SEX!!!
Nobody in their right mind would!....(Dam!! and we so suited each other)What a silly silly man. | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/16/2006 10:08:02 AM | | I think it was serious to you, perhaps not to him. Men think differently just the way it is. Keep always your profile till both parties are wanting to commit to the other. I have done this myself many a times as I find it hard to get to know one when talking to so many, to me if he wants my attention and time, he can speak up about it otherwise it is pretty clear what they want you for. | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/16/2006 11:30:20 AM | | This too has happened to me. That's when you know it's time to move on as he's not willing to commit like you have. Maybe you're both indifferent as to where your "relationship" is at the moment. Start the conversation off by saying you deleted your profile some time ago and was curious if he's done the same.... If he says yes, pull the plug and go. If he says no, politely ask why and make sure you're both on the same page. If you can't communicate well now, you probably won't get much better in the future. | |
|
| |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/16/2006 11:47:12 AM | I was in a long term relationship with a guy I met online. He had asked me to marry him, had moved in and a year later forgot to log off his dating sites, where he was advertising himself as single and looking! Didn't take long to end that situation - the relationship I mean. I have no problem with continuing friendships, checking things out while dating, but once things become fairly serious, the checking what else is out there has got to stop. If he wants variety, more power to him! Just don't include me in it. | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/17/2006 1:14:21 PM | Honey, please read....he is not worth it! Don't sell yourself short!
This is a story of my experience online..
I believe in energy. How is it possible to grow as a couple if you are giving your energy elsewhere. If you are truly looking for a meaningful long term connection then this woun't be an issue. You will never receive in life what you take from others. For example, I want a long term relationship, but if I am on POF only to play games with innocent men, then the law of karma says that I will never find the relationship that I seek.
I have learned, through experience, that a man who has to be asked to give up his internet dating site, is not a man who is seeking long term. 16 months ago I met a man on lavalife. He was a teacher. We started dating, things got serious and I entered what I thought was a long term relationship. He lived in Toronto, I lived in Brantford. After agreeing to be mutually exclusive with one another, I noticed that his profile was still active on lavalife, and he was online daily. He didn't want to cancel. I gave him an ultimatum, and eventually he cancelled. We dated for 12 months, he bought a house in my hometown and I moved in to take care of it until he got a job here. I sent out his resumes, helped him find a job as a teacher and things were going really well. I was inlove.
One day he asked me to get a phone number out of his little black book. When I opened his book, I found the logins to 5 dating websites. Mate1, Date.ca, Date.com, lemontonic and friendfinder. I know gentleman, please forgive me, I snooped. When I logged on to these 5 websites, all of his accounts were active and he was talking to women from Toronto, to London, and to the US. He had covered the golden triangle. He was promising many women
that he would marry them and move them into his new home, which I was living in. One women had two children, and was selling her furniture, thinking she was moving to Canada. I left him within three weeks, left the house, and found my own place. He moved here, and thanks to me, is now employed as a full time teacher. To date, he is still on lavalife, lemontonic and was on POF, playing games with innocent women. He also continues to show up on my doorstep once a month to beg for me back, while asking other women out online. I am thoroughly convinced that this man is a sociopath and that he has no remorse for hurting innocent women. He cuts and pastes the same message in everyone's mailbox..."Wow, I think you are a beautiful women maybe we could do something casual like go out and play pool. Headline..I would love to take you latin dancing.
What I learned from this experience is that if a man needs to be given an ultimatum to leave a dating site, then he is not worth it. Unfortunately this experience was very hurtful. I still believe there are honest people out there, but I will not be intimate with a man until he proves he is worthy! Girls, beware! As for the ex, being a firm believer in karma, I have decided to feel sorry for him. He will never receive true love because he uses women and takes their love, with no remorse.
All the best Girls, I hope you never encounter this terrible person. Good men out there, continue to shine your greatness on us so that women like me can continue to believe!
Cheers
Stellagothergroveback...............I am single now, I really did get my grove back! | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/17/2006 1:16:35 PM | Honey, please read....he is not worth it! Don't sell yourself short!
This is a story of my experience online..
I believe in energy. How is it possible to grow as a couple if you are giving your energy elsewhere. If you are truly looking for a meaningful long term connection then this woun't be an issue. You will never receive in life what you take from others. For example, I want a long term relationship, but if I am on POF only to play games with innocent men, then the law of karma says that I will never find the relationship that I seek.
I have learned, through experience, that a man who has to be asked to give up his internet dating site, is not a man who is seeking long term. 16 months ago I met a man on lavalife. He was a teacher. We started dating, things got serious and I entered what I thought was a long term relationship. He lived in Toronto, I lived in Brantford. After agreeing to be mutually exclusive with one another, I noticed that his profile was still active on lavalife, and he was online daily. He didn't want to cancel. I gave him an ultimatum, and eventually he cancelled. We dated for 12 months, he bought a house in my hometown and I moved in to take care of it until he got a job here. I sent out his resumes, helped him find a job as a teacher and things were going really well. I was inlove.
One day he asked me to get a phone number out of his little black book. When I opened his book, I found the logins to 5 dating websites. Mate1, Date.ca, Date.com, lemontonic and friendfinder. I know gentleman, please forgive me, I snooped. When I logged on to these 5 websites, all of his accounts were active and he was talking to women from Toronto, to London, and to the US. He had covered the golden triangle. He was promising many women
that he would marry them and move them into his new home, which I was living in. One women had two children, and was selling her furniture, thinking she was moving to Canada. I left him within three weeks, left the house, and found my own place. He moved here, and thanks to me, is now employed as a full time teacher. To date, he is still on lavalife, lemontonic and was on POF, playing games with innocent women. He also continues to show up on my doorstep once a month to beg for me back, while asking other women out online. I am thoroughly convinced that this man is a sociopath and that he has no remorse for hurting innocent women. He cuts and pastes the same message in everyone's mailbox..."Wow, I think you are a beautiful women maybe we could do something casual like go out and play pool. Headline..I would love to take you latin dancing.
What I learned from this experience is that if a man needs to be given an ultimatum to leave a dating site, then he is not worth it. Unfortunately this experience was very hurtful. I still believe there are honest people out there, but I will not be intimate with a man until he proves he is worthy! Girls, beware! As for the ex, being a firm believer in karma, I have decided to feel sorry for him. He will never receive true love because he uses women and takes their love, with no remorse.
All the best Girls, I hope you never encounter this terrible person. Good men out there, continue to shine your greatness on us so that women like me can continue to believe!
Cheers
Stellagothergroveback...............I am single now, I really did get my grove back! | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/17/2006 6:29:07 PM | UPDATE: I talked to him after about how I felt later and asked IF he was unavailable and uncommited to me, and why he still had his profile up? I asked if he wanted to date others and that I didn`t want to stand in his way if that was what he wanted. He stated he was unavailable to others and didn`t want to date anyone else and promptly removed his profile. I didn`t force him or even ask him to remove it . I simply stated " I don`t like you advertising as single and available if you wish NOT to be. Message taken. So lesson learned . Don`t be passive about someone you are dating keeping their profile active ( or at least not conveying the message" NOT LOOKING") TY panpan. all`s well so far...Tiggy | |
|
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 10/17/2006 6:43:57 PM | Well me personally, I have been chatting with a sweet girl for a couple weeks, we are friends at the moment, once we start dating on a steady basis, I will be changing my profile, but by the same token I would also hope she would as well, it doesn't mean we have to get off site entirely, this is a great place to meet new friends, and the forums are cool, I just would not actively search, that's all, and the functions are awesome:)
THIS SITE RULES!!!!
Clint | |
|
|
| Page 25 of 43
|
3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43 |
|
Home
login 
