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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/3/2006 1:22:38 PM | DO NOT push it yet.,if you guys are 'new' in a relationship, then let it go!
Re-activate your profile, and put 'looking for friends' but dont' mention it to
him..,I'm not saying play games, but trust me, if he's into you and doesn't want
you talking to any other men, he will ask you to delete & he'll do the same.
If you mention it to him, he'll think your 'checking up on him' and that your trying
to hound into his private space, which you know, is a NO GO with guys!
So really give this a try.,don't contact him, but make sure he see's your profile, rate
his pic or something.,
and don't have anything on your profile saying "OH i'm dating agreat guy" just say
"Looking for friends"
Trust ME! THis will WORK! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/3/2006 3:21:14 PM | I'm not saying play games, but trust me, if he's into you and doesn't want
you talking to any other men, he will ask you to delete & he'll do the same.
What exactly are you saying? Allow him to keep fishing (or whatever sites he's looking on), be cool about it and do the same and hope HE takes the initiative to stop.
It's not "checking up on him", or hound into his private space, when he's publicly looking at other profiles, while with her. It's not a NO GO with ALL guys.
So create the perfect opportunity to suspect each other of still fishing, while working on building the trust within the dating of each other. Seems kind of backwards to me!
This coming from a guy that would HOPE that my prospective date and future partner isn't looking for other fish in the sea, while spending time with me. I've become a forums junkie. I'd GLADLY share my postings in the forums with her. It would create some great discussions. Build that TRUST with each other, so neither of us have to worry that we're the ONE for the moment, but not quite THE ONE!
I see nothing wrong with adding to a profile...........I'm with someone now, but thanks for looking. Which to the right guys will indicate they are TAKEN and not fishing. I've found someone, and only here for the forums, that's another good one that tells me, she's with someone and not looking, move on. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/3/2006 3:35:57 PM | I would not say you are unjustified in your feelings but if it is bothering you that much then talk to him about it. Sit down face to face and just ask him whats up!!!
I think it hurts more to not know and worry then to just ask. I would rather ask someone something stright out and be ready for the worst then sit and let it bother me.
For all you know he could have a self confidence problem and needs the compliments from the girls on the site .... or has made friends he likes to chat to ...or maybe like on this site, he just goes on the forums ...or maybe he is still looking for something better
YOU WILL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON'T ASK!!!
Even if its not what you want to hear ... you know and you can adjust your life accordingly. | |
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rozyvd
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Joined: 10/5/2006
Msg: 655 | |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/5/2006 6:14:49 PM | well, i was reading this thread a few days ago--and came across a reply where someone said maybe post a fake profile. well i decided to do just that--and low and behold, my current bf from pof took the bait immediately. needless to say, i am no longer dating him. so thanks for the idea-whoever posted it, and :( that it happened but:) i know the truth. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:35:12 AM | People jump into getting into a relationship, when they should take their time. Obviously this man isn't ready to come off the market. If he's not coming off the market, he's not ready to be in a committed relationship.
Now there's really 2 options. Either you give him an a choice, either he deletes his profile, or you leave. WEll, most guys, especially in a 'new' relationship, will leave. It's JUST THAT SIMPLE.
Guys admit it, unless your 110% smitten with your new girl, your not deleting anything. And even then, you don't want to appear too 'needy'.
Guys like to take their time, that's all I'm saying. And if you did give him a choice, and he deleted his profile, he might make up a new one, or go on another site. Don't push him. If he wants to be exclusive, he will be! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/6/2006 6:23:47 PM | If the woman that I'm dating, lasts past a few dates, I have no time to be looking at other profiles on a dating site. The forums, now that's a different story. I'd be more than happy to share whatever I post in the forums with whoever I'm with. That just makes my interest in her more honest. I have nothing to hide about myself with anybody.
If I get a message from someone from the forums, hey I'd let the person I'm with read it, or know about it. Creates that honest feeling you get when you're an honest person and want to be honest with the person you're with.
I've deleted my profile from another dating site when there was the chance that I may have found my possible future girlfriend. Sometimes it ends up with coming back on here, and starting a new profile again, ONLY after the chance of a future together is gone. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/7/2006 7:43:05 AM | | He has removed his profile. But my instinct still said something was " UP" Well time has a way of showing the truth. While using his computer one day .. i typed a website in and up comes www.date.ca!! History and proof was right in front of my face. He was still on " another dating site" i confronted him and he claims it was an account from before we started dating but history showed he has been checking profiles. His defence was ...i only read profiles.. and i would never answer...I said .. remove or move on!! Trust has to be earned and if someone has to be on a dating site and still look .. there is NO COMMITMENT and they ARE looking. Whether they answer or not!! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/7/2006 8:26:10 AM | | Assumptions....the death of most relationships. You stated that you see each other a couple of times a week and "this is getting serious" Is this statement based on a heart to heart conversation in which the two of you mutually agree this is "getting serious" or is this an assumption on your part? Unless both of you have made a clear committment to see each other exclusively, I think you are taking alot of liberties in your judgements. Also....don't delete your profile and automatically expect him to delete his. I've known ppl that have deleted their profile from the site strictly in an effort to guilt the person they are dating to do the same. Very manipulative. Also...important to understand the very different definitions of "dating" and "exclusive" | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/7/2006 8:55:09 AM | | ive been in a situation like this once before with someone i was dating that i met off this site. he didnt delete his profile after sayin he would(we had agreed we would both delete ours), plus he kept on there that he was single nd seeking someone to date.it turned out he was still searching profiles and talking to other women(he even contacted my best friend on the site sayin he was looking for a serious relationship!) im very cautious now wen it comes to this, nd yes make assumptions tho i try not to....but unless talking to him about ur relationship nd wat u and him expect and want,nd make an agreement, u'll continue to wonder about it nd if hes bein committed to u and the relationship | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/7/2006 8:56:23 AM | | Being active on a the site to read forums is ONE thing... But why keep the profile availiable to be viewed? mine is not visable at the present time and maybe it being on invisible shows where I suspect things will go in the future... But I am not the one with my profile on other dating sites either. To me its point blank.. if a profile is being advertised as AVAILABLE and the person is dating someone ... either they are lying to the person they are dating or to the people who read it( as available ) Either way ... It is a dating site and a person doesn`t advertise as AVAILABLE if they aren`t trying to be or plan to be!! Also.. la mom .. we were " exclusive and this was after 3 months of a serious relationship.. need i say more? | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/7/2006 10:30:48 AM | I didn't mean to imply that the two of you weren't exclusive, sorry if that's how you interpreted what I was saying. I would like to add though, that relationships all have difficult times, but there should be an unwaivering foundation of trust. If you are investing this much time questioning his motives at this early stage I suspect 1 of 2 things:
1. You have issues trusting any man
OR
2. He's not worthy of your trust and you should move on
Many issues arise in a relationship that have to be worked through. I don't believe that fidelity issues should be one of them. Maybe I'm naive, but I think that faithfulness should be a "given".....if I have to worry about what my man is doing on the internet, I should also be worried about what he's doing at the grocery store, at work, the gym, etc. I'm not willing to involve myself in a situation that requires my being a private investigator. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/8/2006 2:12:13 PM | I agree.
early in a relationship you can't expect a man to stop having his profile on here if you aren't 'exclusive' or are unsure of your relationship status.
ANd if your asking him to remove his profile, and you already did, he's feeling like he's FORCED to do something and will resent you for it. No games, it's facts. Any man will feel that way unless he is deeply committed already, to this relationship.
"Do unto others as you would have done unto you"
Live right. Be faithful, be honest. You aren't responsible for his actions. But the way you deal with the relationship is what you'll live with the rest of your life. IF you gave it 100%, you didn't become Miss P.I. when he hasn't done anything to you, and you were honest about it all, you should feel good about yourself. Men are unpredictable creatures. And you only answer for your choices & actions, not his. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/8/2006 3:01:31 PM | | I think this is a guy thing...really...and wouldn't worry about it. Keep it in your back pocket to make sure you're not fooling yourself. Although, I dated a guy and the exact same thing was going on and we became "just friends"....knew he was dating someone else and he was still on there "every 24 hrs". Another guy I was seeing never deleted his account and seemed to spend a lot of time "trolling" ...so, even though I think most guys are just like that, they like the eye candy, etc...My experience has been with that the ones who stay on don't pan out, but I wouldn't totally walk away from a guy who did stay on unless we were really serious. It's kind of "looking" at a great-looking guy or girl when you're out and about, doesn't mean you're sleeping with them, we all just notice pretty things. | |
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1979JS
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Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 671 | |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/8/2006 4:20:15 PM | | I know a guy on here who is doing the same thing, lives with his girlfriend but says its over and wanted to know me better. Ya right. Cheater is a Cheater. You could try talking to him but what good excuse is there, I would say talk to him and have him open his profile up and let you see the mail and what he has sent, then you will know what to do. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/8/2006 4:47:30 PM | I've had some friends leave here and each one sent me their e-mail address. He's looking for something better. I think his dating ground rules are different than yours. I think his definition of what's "serious" might be different also. I've dated a couple of gals that thought my "serious" was two ships docking for awhile before passing in the night. I've done the same a time or two by stupidity, not meanness. Make a scene if it makes you feel better. I hope you learn. I can be had, but not as easily as in college days.
"NO TALKIE, NO KISSEY"
Best,
B.B. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/8/2006 8:12:23 PM | | i think a guy in a relationship thats still on a dating site aint the worse thing..i was taken and we both stayed on dating sites cos we met some good friends in the forums but we changed our profiles to taken....as long as its clear his statin his taken,its not a bad thing however if his profile makes it sound as if though his lookin i would worry and get all pissed about it.. | |
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