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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/9/2006 4:31:14 AM | I agree with what someone said earlier. If you are involved and claiming to be "exclusive" then at least hide your profile. I was involved with a guy who claimed to be only seeing me and I was fine with that but then seen that he was still "active" on the date site we met on. I understand keeping ties etc but actually updating your profile rubbed me the wrong way. I asked him about it and he claimed that "he liked meeting new people and making friends" the big word here to catch was "meeting". As a woman who is on date sites I know that if I contact a guy I think is interesting or one contacts me and I wish to pursue it a bit and meet them I'm looking to possibly "date". If the person was honest with me and told me they were seeing someone I wouldn't go meet them cause it would not be right. So oviously if he was "meeting" people then likely he was doing what others mentioned "looking for something better". Needless to say not long afterwards his profile is still there and he broke off the relationship with me, but hey no biggie cause the hole thing didn't sit well with me anyway. In my line of work and in life if something doesn't feel right then it probably isn't right. Live and learn I say. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/9/2006 6:38:53 PM | | Angelbrat.. lmaooooo sure hope it isn`t!! lol As for replies that wonder if I should or shouldn`t question the honesty or integrety in having a profile up and running on a dating site, I still stand my ground. If the guy ( or gal) isn`t willing to advertise as " taken" or removes or at least puts the profile on invisible it gives good reason as to why NOT to fully trust that person`s motives. Do I have a hard time trusting after the fact the profile is being used just to " look" YESSSSSSSSSSS . Each person to their own opinions.( read back previously my thought on this) I didn`t force him to remove it. I offered him the chance to be "available" without me in the picture.. and he removed from this site ONLY.( prior) I later learned he was on other sites . He has said he has the other account on Invisible now...only time will tell. As for trusting... NO way till i see he hasn`t been still checking ( which he HAS). Trust is EARNED and ask anyone who has trusted blindly if they had good luck with that? | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/9/2006 7:58:25 PM | Having profiles on multiple sites is no crime... you're just increasing your odds of meeting "ms/mr right".
Once in an exclusive relationship -- is still no reason to discontinue or delete profiles. You don't know if it's going to work out yet. The only thing you've concluded is that you want to have sex with only this one person. You want to date and see where this goes...it's not a marriage by any stretch of the imagination.
However, if you're dating for 'years' and there are "active" profiles out there on behalf of your significant other, then you need to approach them with caution I might add. It could be just interest in other sites, but if this interest is in other things and other women or men that you are not willing or able to participate in and a whole lot of variety, then I'd have a serious discussion with the significant other. Determine what the "need" to be there "actively" meaning currently is, and then give it some thought.
If they delete their profile, then possibly they don't want to lose you and feel the relationship is worth more than a few cyber rolls in the hay.
Let them prove to you that YOU are worth it!!
If they become aggressively angered or deny then those actions would suggest they were sorry they were "caught" and want to place the owness on your for them having to seek out such sites.
Whatever you decide... think it through and with your head, not your heart. Good luck!!
Linda aka Mystic_One1  | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/9/2006 8:43:32 PM | My first girlfriend that I had after I got my computer, I was like a proud PAPA the day his kid is born. I would be in the one health chat room I go into, and I was happy to announce I'm spending time with my girlfriend. I even showed her my friend's list and explained to her that most of them are regular chatters of the room I go into. Just like making regular friends within the forums.
I made the mistake of introducing her to the wonderful world of WWW DOT, and whenever I passed by while she was on the computer, she would be in a room or an IM, and I saw her saying she's on a FRIEND's computer. Not her boyfriend's computer or her sweetheart's computer but a friend. That smarted a little bit. I found out that she was meeting guys from the chat rooms, and while she went out and told me she was going out with her sister, she was actually going out and meeting guys.
Oh well, can't win them all! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/11/2006 6:39:13 PM | damn girl i would be ticked by that too to bad ppl have to be like that almost like hes looking for something better to come along ihad that happen to and yet i still stayed with him and it worked fro 2 years but then it was over i wish i would have seen the light then but hey everyone learns this stuff thats waht makes us smarter the next time around right have a good one and get rid of him there are lots more out there  | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/11/2006 9:48:07 PM | I really think if the person is hiding it in any way there is a problem. If they are open about being on a site such as POF where many like the forums and have met friends (both sexes) then it's a judgement call on the level of trust you have in your partner.
I personally think once in a relationship that is past the dating stage, neither should be on a dating site any longer. Friends can be kept in touch with in "real life" ways like the phone.... | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/13/2006 1:31:34 PM | | TY all who support my point. He has removed the other dating site profile because I threatened to end the relationship. Actually I asked if he would like me to put my profile back up on POF since it seemed he wanted to still look for better. He removed his profile THAT day and he had to pay for the other dating site. I don`t know if it really makes a difference NOW cause to me trust has been broken. I will likely always wonder if he is worth trusting and I know thats not a good way to have a relationship but who knows the future. TY again all!! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/13/2006 1:42:36 PM | Well I haven't had this happen to me, but can honestly say that even though I've been interested in someone, I have kept my profile active.
It's not because I want to find someone better or to be a player (haha I'm far from that); it's more because I don't know if this interest will develop into someone serious or not. If it were to, then I think I would delete my profile, but until some sort of mutual committment was made, I may continue to talk to other guys.
And as far as the excuse of being "I have friends on here...thats the only reason I'm still on the site"...common guys, you could always give those good friends of yours an alternate email addy to contact you at, right?! It may not be as convenient, but at least it would be putting that special someone in your life at ease, and isn't it worth it?!
Good luck to all!!  | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/13/2006 2:29:56 PM | | OH MY!! Okay, I'll share my experience....it wasn't on this site, but another. I met someone almost two years ago on that site...after a short while, he asked me to take down my profile. I did and thought he had, also. Well, after a year and a half (including the engagement period) we were married. It wasn't until after we married that I found out that he had women all over the place that he'd met on all kinds of different websites. He was seeing these women on the alternate weekends when he wasn't seeing me. And he always had plausible excuses as to why I couldn't reach him on those weekends. I hate to say that I was gullible, but when you are trustworthy yourself it is hard not to believe that others are trustworthy in return. In the end, how I found all this out was by contacting the other women and hitting him up with the information I"d garnered. The rat finally admitted to everything....yet tried to say, "oh, but HONEY, I haven't done anything since we got married." Uh, sorry. To me, the whole relationship was a lie as he hadn't ever told me the truth. He had always told me I was the only one he was dating, sleeping with, etc. Needless to say, I had the marriage annulled. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/13/2006 7:00:38 PM | This is where the whole Internet Dating loses its appitite with me. The exact same thing happened to me - in fact I found him on 6 other sites. I let it go at first but like you I was a bit upset. So I asked him why he was on - he said he enjoyed reading the profiles and found them to be great reading material.....yes well so is Play Girl but I wasn't reading it 24/7 as much as I would have loved to. A couple of weeks went by and I raised it a few more times and finally gave him the ultimatium the internet which was more or less a cold flat screen or me live, warm and cuddly.....the rest is history I'm here aren't I and so is he  on a further note he has since approached me to try once again, unfortunately I'm not into second chances....esp ones where I tried to make it work the first time.... | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/14/2006 1:56:05 PM | I have met someone in a differnet site and she goes on it every day,she told me that she has a friend there...the relationship is still very fresh so I'm not to concern and like one of my friends told me....dating is more like a game then anything else... sad but the more I meet people the more I realize how rite she is.
The good girls think that they are getting played with and the bad ones.....well they stay bad. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/14/2006 8:07:37 PM | Bottom line is this in my opinion....
If you are here or any other dating site for that matter with good honest intentions of meeting the right one.......when you meet someone that you feel you want to see how things go with....you discontinue........in a respectful way!
Your not on each and everyday checking out 5-10 different sites!!!!!!!
Because the person you interested in and not to mention your job, children or families keep you juggling things and you don't have time!!!!!
If you do continue...... you are putting your priorities in the wrong order!
If you meet someone that does it for you......nothing else matters except them for the time being.......your wrapped up in them and only them.......
If your on several dating sites on a daily basis......your one of many things.......addicted to the forums......bad habit.......or still looking.....
POF has very vivid and interesting forums, but as for all those other sites out there......if your still on I certainly would question your real intentions????? Still fishing here and there and everywhere?????
Guess what though......sometimes being afraid you might miss something might mean you really miss something......
When I met what I thought was the right guy (notice I said I thought) I gave it all up because I could of careless about anything or anyone else except getting to know him!
What ever happened to getting to truely know a person and giving the respect of time to see where it can go?
I thought the internet was suppose to be a new and interesting way of meeting people?
Seems to me it has caused more harm in relationships than good? Too big of a candy store maybe?
Notice I said true intentions of meeting the right one?????
I want a man with good teeth! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/14/2006 8:26:48 PM | I have heard this numerous times with males and females and lets not forget those that are married and on the internet dating scene...
It appears he's addicted or keeping his options opened. Also if he indicates he will delete his profile he can always use another name without your knowledge, a no win situation.
Confront him cordially about this matter, if you're not satisfied with his answer, end the relationship before you are attached emotionally. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/15/2006 10:25:00 PM | Hi everyone,
I have this same problem with a woman. She stayed "on line" after we agreed to go offline. Caught her a couple of times on line with f___ buddies. She insists they are just friends and has never met them. On one occation, we were standing in her room, she had left her computer on and her status was on line, when up pops a erotic IM from a man that was on her list of contacts. The man, as we both looked, asked "can I see you". I confronted her on this and she said he lives in FLA, in the Air Force, known him 2 years and never met him, that "can I see you " is a term asking to start the web cam. so I did but he refused. She stuck to her story which I believe is BS. Needless to say I and my feelings are drifting away, leaving her behind.
So do not take the BS of societies trash to heart, you are not alone and players come in both sexes. As a wise man said to me when I was a teenager, "If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, you better believe that it is a duck".
I also agree with the gal that uses her "gut feeling". I find it is not 100% right but is always "in the ball park".
So I say to all the people that are good of heart, Keep your chin up and do not let yourself become like the people you dislike, for many will say it is fair to play someone because someone else played them. This is not right and we all know 2 wrongs never made anything right. Leave the past behind and see the new with fresh eyes.
I for one am back sifting through the rubble of society, unrelenting in my search for my one to love for life. Dale | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/16/2006 7:26:27 AM | | Hmmmm....not sure how excited I would be over a man deleting his profile because I "threatened to end the relationship!" Would mean alot more to me being done voluntarily because he's decided he wants to pursue a serious relationship with me. If this is the way the relationship is developing this early........prepare to be doing ALOT of threatening from here on out. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/19/2006 10:35:34 PM | well the same situation happened to me and I was at his house when I saw a girl's number on his phone from the city that he told me he met this woman from this site as well...I confronted him and we got into a arguement over it. He told me I was too jealous, yet we had just gotten engaged and yeah he's supposed to be taken, etc!! To make a long story short we broke it off and that was it. I was hurt and saddened, but today I realize that when you meet someone from dating sites they are still gonna be on the site even after they do meet someone...I felt like a freak for being to jealous but hey I took my page off and its just decency to expect them to do the same...well here I am again on another site single and looking...but yeah I would ask him just because we both know when your on a site you meet alot off ppl and you know that there may be better options out there, thats why he's probably on still, not to burst your bubble or anything but some ppl are dogs... | |
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ya472
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 696 | |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/19/2006 10:46:48 PM | Same thing I think of a woman who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site.
geesh.
However, if someone truely is into a relationship, they don't have free time to play around.
I would not coerce anyone into dropping their profile, but if other actions support a breach of TRUST, then it is ADIOS AMIGO !
Been there, done that ! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/20/2006 9:40:25 AM | | Seems to me if a person DOESN`T stand his / or her ground by threatening to end a relationship when the other person isn`t being honest and up front...Well maybe la mom you have a BETTER option ?? it worked for ME!! Its my investment in this relationship.. NOT YOURS!! He DID volunteer to close the account and to me it showed he DOES value the relationship by choosing ( HIS CHOICE) to close the accounts. How many others would have done the same if THEIR guy/ gal did the same? his accounts were there BEFORE he started dating me. I don`t regret my actions . If you ever have to deal with a guy who has stayed on dating sites and wanted to STILL date others , how would YOU react? ( NOT THE CASE HERE) Would you just close your eyes to a possible cheater?? My guy showed he DOES care about my feelings by volunteering to remove the profiles or else lose me. It was HIS choice.. he had options!! I don`t need to agree with you either la mom .. but this was and is MY DECISION.. not YOURS!! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/20/2006 10:05:55 AM | Seems to me if a person DOESN`T stand his / or her ground by threatening to end a relationship when the other person isn`t being honest and up front...Well maybe la mom you have a BETTER option ?? it worked for ME!! Its my investment in this relationship.. NOT YOURS!!
Unfortunately tiggycat, I would have to agree with LA_Mom, and question in the first place *WHY* you would want to stay in a relationship "when the other person isn't being honest and up front"??? Am I missing something here?? Why would you "threaten" to end the relationship when you discover they aren't being honest, rather than just ending it?? Is "being in a relationship" (even a dishonest one) *that* important to you?
Does this play out as...?
1) He's not being honest with me about his online profiles.
2) Threaten him with ending the relationship, he removes them.
3) Find he's *still* got a few online profiles you didn't know about.
4) Threaten him with ending the relationship, he removes them.
5) He says he has to work late, but comes home smelling of beer and faintly of perfume...
6) Threaten him if he's cheating on you, you'll end the relationship.
7) Eventually he leaves you for another woman, at the very least tired of being manipulated, controlled, and accused...
...8) You rant and rave on POF about how he's a lying SOB and all men are jerks, and absolutely none of it was your fault, because even though you ignored the *multiple* warning signs of dishonesty and had to keep threatening him to get your way, its all his fault for leaving you, especially after all those many months you spent trying to *control and manipulate* him into being what you want!?!?!
I dunno, but if I find out that someone isn't being honest with me early on in a relationship, I dunno as I'd want to keep that relationship *at all*. I mean, being realistic, those who are dishonest in the first place are probably going to *continue* to be dishonest in the future.
I'm meeting a woman I met on here in a few weeks (long distance), if we meet and we have the chemistry in person that we have talking on the phone and IMing, and we can work out the distance thing... am I gonna be asking her to remove her profile? No, she's made a lot of friends on here, and we both enjoy the forums (she's even said if things don't work out with us, she has a couple friends on POF I might like - and them me - but she's holding out on her chances with me first :smile: ). We actually laugh about some of the email's we've gotten. But c'mon, what kind of relationship do you really have, if you don't have honesty and trust??? | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/20/2006 11:08:24 AM | | Never implied that the decision is mine.....just answering the question you posed. Actually, I do have a better option than "threatening" someone. Make decisions for yourself...maintain emotional boundaries. When someone crosses them, thank them and move on. You contradict yourself over and over...first saying you threatened and then saying he volunteered. You've obviously made the decision already and don't want imput. I totally respect that. I agree with the above post in that, internet sites are only the beginning. Keep your energy up, because you're signing on for a full time job attempting to control another person. Also, fooling yourself in the process. | |
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