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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/27/2006 11:49:34 PM | well hey if he was on the site when he met u most likely he will still be on. Im still on the site but so wat wat do that mean i enjoy the forum and u can enjoy the person who u can be dating if its getting serious he will eventually get off when hes ready not when u want him too jus because u got off dont mean he have to also u r getting serious but is he. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 12:38:26 AM | I have been in a relationship for 18 months now with a guy who is still active on dating sites. I have split with him on about 6/7 occasions regarding this issue and he has lied to me to say that it is friends that use his profile etc. Just before xmas I was bored at work so went for a stroll round a couple of dating sites that he has used in the past and found two inactive profiles and one active. He had hidden the profiles under different names and address areas but has a very distinctive way of writing so I knew it was him on all 3. He came to check my spy profile out from the active profile which has his pic, its quite amusing to see he describes his overweight body as "athletic" and that he exercises on a daily basis. The only exercise his body gets is the fingers walking all over the keyboard every night.
I am sort of in the process of splitting with him again but am held back because I really dont think he has met any women from these sites. In 18 months we have been together every weekend and speak 3/4 times a day or more. I really think its pathetic that he is addicted to these useless sites. I guessed all this year that he was probably still active but he makes me so happy when we are together that I sort of turn a blind eye to it. I tried to hook him onto plenty of fish at the beginning of the year in the hope that he would get interested in the forums and not bother with the dating sites but it really seems to be the thrill of the chase, the chat that has him on the dating sites. I know that he is raising hopes in the women he chats to as I have seen an MSN chat he had with a woman in march this year and it was not nice.
I activated my old profile on a free dating site just before xmas and am now chatting to various men and have told my "partner" that I will either stay with him until I meet a decent man or will continue to date him at the same time as seeing other men. I saw him last night and he had the cheek to ask me to take my pic off the dating site as he thinks the top i am wearing is too revealing lol and I dont need a pic on if i am just going on to spy on him. He sees no problem with this date site activity, says he is using the chat to improve his english (he's of mediterranean origin) and has started to tell me about the women he has chatted to.
I did meet another guy just before xmas that I have been hotmailing for over a year now but never got round to meeting in person and never intended to if this jerk hadnt proved to me what an idiot he is. And am in the process of arranging to meet another guy. I dont want to. I really want the jerk to be committed to me but I realise now it aint gonna happen and I have wasted too much of my time on him already. Trouble is when I am with him he seems so totally totally devoted to me that I sort of forgive this flirty chat. Oh we were in the process of setting up home together and talking of marriage and everything.
So far have read about 9 pages of this forum and will try to read through to the end to get a balanced opinion from both men and women on this issue. My date site profile was inactive from not long after I met him apart from the times when I split with him because of his activity.
My friends just tell me Im a saddo to bother with him.............................  | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 1:55:49 AM | | Did you both discuss that you should delete your profiles? Or did you just assume that he would because he led you to believe that the relationship was getting serious? don't give in so easily next time. The person that has established a relationship and are still on the dating site; obviously is not happy with who they are with and i honestly think they don't like themselves. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 3:49:58 AM | well in very early days we discussed on msn whether we would delete profiles if we found someone we liked. he said he would if he loved a woman as he felt it would be an insult to her to keep an active profile on line ha ha ha. He knew that I had deleted mine and was not active on singles site but also that i had started to come on here for forums only. From the time he became more serious about me (about 4 months or so into our relationship) I have tried to persuade him to take his pf off but all he has done is create bogus profiles in an attempt not to get found out.
I know what you're saying that he cannot like me/love me very much if he is still doing this yet i have to say when i am with him he is so totally loving (and more loving and affectionate than any man I have ever met) that I cannot believe it is all an act. He has been in tears on phone many times over xmas because of our split. I think I have been too accepting of his dating site position and he thinks he can have both. Have told him that as far as I am concerned he has finally made the choice in this matter and that although I am prepared to carry on seeing him for the moment it will not be the same. And yesterday we instant messaged on the site for first time in ages and it was fun to have contact in this way cuz we met on a dating site originally so it bought back memories of early days for me.
I try to justify to myself that if he is on sites he is not physically out looking for women in pubs and clubs and I really feel that he has no intention of meeting them - he has told so many lies about himself on his current profile that it might be difficult! And as others have said on this thread if a man is looking then he can meet women in supermarket, street or whatever and internet sites are not reality. So I don't know whether I should just accept this foible as his weakness, addiction whatever and put up with him for the many happy times we have had together or move on. I am loath to leave a relationship where I have shared more of myself than ever before with a man and achieved real happiness for such a long time but truly is it a relationship that is all based on lies? I don't know.
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 4:14:43 AM | Happy Holiday to everyone.....My boyfriend and myself are BOTH still on this site.With that said we know about each others profile and have NO problem whatsoever with either staying on this cool site. We are honest in our relationship about everything as you should be if your truly "together" We both have not looking/not single so no games. We love attending the various events put on by POF. We are looking for NEW people to meet in our area so depends on why your on this site??? There are a couple of friends that we talk with on here,,cant chat on Msn or Yahoo with them basically because where they work the firewalls wont allow it..so Its your call whether or not there is TRUST in your relationship..happy fishing | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 9:32:09 AM | I know how it feels to be with someone and we feel so connected and then the red flags are still going up. I have learned to roll those red flags up and put them in mind memory and stay far away from this person. A relationship based on lies only makes you a bitter person and makes it harder for the next person you are trying to have a relationship with.  | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 9:34:17 AM | My 2 cents...
The number one thing...TALK! If two people in a relationship can't do this, then I am affraid it is doomed anyway. Explain how you feel, if the person cares about you they will listen.
For me (if I ever manage to be in a relationship) I would change the main message body, state that I am currently seeing someone.
This site is a little diferent than most sites, the forums offer a place to hang out and chat; in a non relationship way. Would I come back to this site if I was involved? Sure. I would however tell me significant other that I am on here and have her participate as well. How much fun would that be to sit down and type out something together.
A relationship involves trust. Trust depends on communication. Communication requires talking. TALK. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 10:48:52 AM | | I guess I can only speak for myself and how I would feel If I met a man on here and still kept my profile going. To me, If i were serious about him and the feeling was mutual, I would gladly take my profile off this site because I would want the person I'm with to feel like he is the most important one in my life and that I would add no feelings of being deceitful or not trustworthy.For some who do have significant others, it may be innocent to be on dating sites and reply to forums or talk with old friends yes and thats ok if they feel its harmless...but for myself, If I found the man I wanted to hold for a lifetime...I'd be off here real fast! Happy New Years All! | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 11:01:20 AM | | WOW ! I would have thought I wrote your posting myself. We were in a relationship, and when I clued in I bailed out even though he said he was just talking. If you are just talking then you are still looking for something that you think we are missing. Hey, we were going to move in together in a matter of weeks. Thank goodness for women's intutuion. Move on with dignity, and never let him see you cry. If he does he won. You are woman don't let him break you. Sure my heart was broken, but not once did I let him see me cry, ask him why, or beg him to reconsider. He lost a good thing. There are no winners here though. Good Luck and move~on. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 11:04:27 AM | | Honey there are going to be many many people who look better, act sexier, have perfect everything, a lot of money, whatever that you may not have. You have to deal with yourself and your opinions of yourself. Keep the fire going the best you can but realize just because we love someone doesn't mean they love us back, it also doesn't mean that are on the same connection as you are to them. Lighten up, let him test the waters if that is what he is doing, if he loves you and is real then he will be back. We all have a fight in us if it's right. If he isn't with you this time next year, then obviously, it just wasn't for you. Be glad and rejoice as there are many relationships out there that are---but aren't! if you know what I mean. Would you really want to be the woman who sits at home waiting for her husband to come home to her after a night out with another woman? Enjoy yourself and your freedom and let whatever happens happen. Love yourself for who you are and let him go if he doesn't admire and respect that. You are the only one who can make you happy!! | |
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pensky
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Joined: 12/19/2006
Msg: 816 | |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 12:19:34 PM | | I think a person should be entitled to know who all her boyfriend's friends are, whether in person or on line. I also think that every human needs some network of friends and until that network is incomplete, the person will keep looking for friends. But, when you have a committed relationship, other kinds of things come into play, such as can a particular kind of friendship damage the committed relationship or how much time one should spend nurturing a new friendship, as opposed to the committed relationship. Propriety, honesty, openness, sharing are all at risk in the committed relationship if a person hides some relationship from his/her SO. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 7:49:16 PM | Well I've seen alot of people on this site merely for friends, and I myself find the forums interesting to say the least, so can understand the amusement with still wanting to keep your profile open if you get serious with someone. On the other hand, because I feel that men are ALWAYS looking for something better, I suppose I would be paranoid also. Im just the type to not say anything and wait and see how long it would take him to take his profile off, or either to at least ask me how I felt about it......that would give me some kind of indication just how dedicated or serious he actually is. I probably would also make up a fake profile with one of my hot friends pics and try to talk to him and see what he was really up to.....teehee. But I wouldnt even bother going thru the trouble unless it got really really serious. Good luck to ya....men are dogs.  | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 8:21:14 PM | I think that talking about things is the way to go, and then both of you can make the decision to take the AD off (whether it's a week, a month, or 3 months down the line). I was seeing someone for 2 months, and we hit it off BIG time, (I took my AD off) but he kept his AD on, and although he told me I was someone he saw himself being with - his AD didn't come down.
Put it this way..through my experience, if you meet someone and it clicks..REALLY clicks, you don't wonder what else is out there because your gut tells you this person is a good person. Anyways, the AD can go back up anytime if things don't work out, so what's the bigggie about taking it down ?? I say it's more respectful to talk about it first and come to a conclusion from there... but gals - if he doesn't take it down after that, then chuck him. He's not serious. And as for keeping friends on a dating site ?? COMON, my birthday wasn't yesterday! Friends from a dating site are potential dateeeees should your present date go sour... so try another line........... lol | |
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FOR U
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Joined: 9/16/2006
Msg: 819 | |
| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 8:50:45 PM | Hi....is this connection getting serious just in your heart and mind....and not his ? Have you asked him.....where and if it could go further? What ever happened to dating a few men and see who and what they are before getting serious. Either he gets off or you get back on!
You have some decisions to make.......good luck........listen to your gut...be honest with yourself. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 9:11:01 PM | | I have recently met a lady that I'm very interested in. She calls occasionally and says she's interested, but I,m not the type to sit around waiting for someone to find time to call. I'll leave my profile up until I know for sure this is the woman I want, and I'm the man she wants. Anything less would be presumptuous on my part and just plain old insecure on her part. ICE | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/28/2006 11:17:52 PM | When he is talking love, marriage and commitment when he is with me then I guess I am entitled to think that he is committed and commit myself to him too. I have said that I KNOW in at least 14/15 months he has not met any of these other women but I still cannot comprehend what the big deal is for him to still want to chat online to women on dating sites. His mobile isnt always receiving texts and phone calls when he is with me. But of course as he is active there is always the possibility that one day he will meet somebody from the sites and get on so well with them that he arranges a meet. He has paid for at least 3 profiles in the last year which I find inocuous. Ok we were only really meeting one night a week and at weekends so he is sitting at home bored a great deal of time but GET A LIFE or what.
Oh and I have tried to talk to him about this issue on occasions and he promises to come off the sites but then does a sneaky one behind my back. I had a lot of family problems to deal with this year so have not pursued the issue too much since last March but as we were going to move in together in January I did feel that it might be a good idea to just check around and see whether he was still active or not and I dont think this is an immature thing to do in the slightest. If your partner tells you he is off these sites and you feel he is still on them then what else can you do?
I suppose now I will never know whether he would have come off the sites once we lived together and were spending more time in each others company. But really I feel it would have been too risky to actually attempt that and then find out after that he was still active. | |
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| What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 12/29/2006 5:27:09 AM | | oh stuff it....... after days of soul search, reading whats on here and deliberating I guess 18 months in what you think is a committed relationship is long enough for the guy to come off his dating sites. Its not going to happen. And who am I kidding about going back on the singles site to find another guy? Its purely to check on him and see when he is on line. So am going to be strong, keep off dating sites because Im not ready for another relationship anyway and try to be good to myself and recognise that I do have something to offer somebody and if he isnt THE ONE then maybe someone else will come along in the future..... happy holidays! | |
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