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 Author Thread: What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
 123carrie

Joined: 7/25/2007
Msg: 951
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 9:25:26 AM
I think that if two people are in a "relationship", and both or either of them are still on a dating site...there is a high probability that the relationship is not going to work. This not only applies to men but women as well. I have seen more relationships end because of this...unless each of you post in your profile that you are in a relationship and are just here for the forum topics...

I had that happen to me once and it will never happen again. If that person feels the need to continue to remain in dating site(s), as I later found out that the person I was dating was on more than one, it's not worth my time or effort to continue with him. The one thing I will not do in a relationship, is play games...
 fores41

Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 952
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 9:58:04 AM
Keeping step
It sounds lik eyou may have exited the relationship already. But for if you do not talk to him about it then you will never know. I am in the same bout and have changed my prof to not looking but I have come to the forums to read and occasionally post a response. People do not want to let go of options until they are committed to a relationship and think the other person is to. He may have had doubts about your relationship or was nervousand not feeling as secure in as you were.
hope this helps
 not2hot4every1

Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 953
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 10:59:35 AM
You seem like a smart person; is this question a joke? You seriously need our opinion on what we think of a guy who is still active on a dating site even though he's in a relationship with you? Well, you were obviously smart enough to check the website to see if he was still on there or not, so you get points for that. Never assume anything, which you didn't, so that is good! Anyway, OF COURSE you should be hurt that he's still on a dating site. The last relationship I had was formed from a dating website. HE told me he had deleted his profile to prove to me he wasn't interested in anyone else before I ever even brought up the topic. I then deleted mine about three days later and in the 2 years I knew him, he never cheated on me and never re-posted any profile anywhere. It is a BIG red flag if you agree to commit to someone and they agree in return but do not delete their profile for you. It means any one or any combination or maybe ALL of the following 6 things: 1) they think they can find somebody better than you if they just keep looking, 2) they like having quantity vs. quality, 3) they are liars, 4) they are cheaters, 5) they are selfish because they want to have the option of still playing the field while they know you aren't doing the same to them, and 6) they are a "the grass is always greener on the other side" type of person. If I were in your situation, I would not even ask questions about seeing the profile still posted, much LESS ask for an opinion on whether or not I am justified!! Come on. OF course you're justified. Run now as fast as you can, don't ask questions, don't give reasons, and don't look back. Go find somebody honest and worthy of your loyalty. Granted they are FEW and far between, but nothing worth having ever comes easy!
 _McLovin_

Joined: 12/4/2005
Msg: 954
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 12:50:56 PM
Maybe he's just there for the forums? lol Either way, you don't trust him, or you wouldn't be snooping to see when he was online last. If you guys aren't even exclusive and you're having trust issues, you're probably not ready for a new relationship anyway. I'd end it, but that's just my $0.02.
 iWishOnStars

Joined: 10/23/2006
Msg: 955
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 1:04:54 PM
Maybe he's just met some people on there that he considers friends...
You meet a lot of people on dating sites, and sometimes, you gain a lot of new friends from it...
But you should definately ask him about it...
 MrVitamix

Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 956
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 1:12:09 PM
some ladies think if you meet them you have a relationship with them, so you would have to define the relationship in great detail and if it is something mutually agreed upon. I sometimes date certain ladies sometimes but would not consider them and I to be in a relationship. is dating is not meeting and getting to know several people and choosing one after you find someone you want to be with all the time, then what is it? maybe the men enjoy dating and all it involves far more than women. men like the chase... and dating is a chase.
 cutiepiems

Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 957
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 1:15:26 PM
I think someone told once "don't hate the player, hate the game" yea it sucks, he is still trolling the sites, don't think he is just talking to friends, why would he needs his online friends if he has you??
 ladybug4u50

Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 958
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 1:16:52 PM
OP...does he know your on POF....what difference does it make which site your on...you are still on a dating site...so ,you dont have a right to say anything......maybe someone needs to let him know your on here...so he can checkup on you......ladybug
 GirlRooster

Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 959
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 1:52:14 PM
I dated a guy for several years who had profiles on every dating site on the net. He was looking for out-of-town hookups, apparently (he travelled). He wouldn't delete them (claimed he didn't know how) and contined posting new ones throughout the "relationship" with me. I don't know why people have to be so dishonest, but if I were you, I'd move on down the road as quickly as possible.
Wouldn't it be nice if everyone was straight-up and didn't play games?
 rowdysheis

Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 960
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 2:11:43 PM
OP - You ask whether you should say something to him or just stop communications. How can you stop something you obviously don't have? You two are not communicating. Have you discussed whether your relationship is exclusive or not? You need to find out what he thinks. Ask him. If he agrees you have an exclusive relationship, ask him why he still has his profile up on the other site. Depending on his answer, you can decide what you next step will be.
 .Selena.

Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 961
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 2:20:21 PM
I'm very amused that this topic was posted three yrs ago and still people are posting advice. I'm sure the problem has been resolved one way or the other by now lol.


OP...does he know your on POF....what difference does it make which site your on...you are still on a dating site...so ,you dont have a right to say anything......maybe someone needs to let him know your on here...so he can checkup on you......ladybug


There's a HUGE difference between POF and other sites; POF has forums and the option of listing Talk/Email, Hang Out and Friends as what people are looking for. Granted, there are men who lie about the "hang out" because they're trying to get some a$$, but there still are some people who are genuinely using this site for the forums only and are honest about their relationship status.
 sexyeyes65

Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 962
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 2:21:17 PM
Most men do that.Sometimes they are curious or bored.Sometimes they really are looking.You also got curious cuz you went back to the site.My ex husband was on here looking while I was sleeping.If your curious as what type of a man he is,there are websites that are directed toward that.If you would like to know email me and I will tell you.I just found out about the site.And behold,a man I was chatting with is blastered all over it.Looks like he was a bad boy too.Anyway, if you really do care for him,ride it out and see what happens.Communcation is good if he will talk about it.
 inertiacoupling

Joined: 10/31/2007
Msg: 963
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 3:16:07 PM
Say something to him.
Certainly your relationship the way you make it sound has enough substance to at least discuss it with him, and ask him why his profile is still visible.
Maybe he's just reading the forums.
In my case for example, I'm just on here reading the forums, my profile is not searchable, I'm only communicating with one woman, and she knows all about it.
 valleyjavastop

Joined: 6/4/2007
Msg: 964
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 3:28:21 PM
and what person isnt going to go back and check on there date ..??when things get close to permanent i bet it will be gone or forgotten about ..but it goes both ways ,,why are you still on the site?
 ladybug4u50

Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 965
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 3:59:08 PM
selenanj..........yep ......this maybe an ole post.....this happens alot on here...but it is still fun......BTW.....If you are in a relationship...shouldnt you be spending ALL your time with that special someone.....Hun...when there is someone exclusive in my life...I dont have time for POF or forums on these date sites.....My time and energy is put into the one that I am interested in.....So when you see me gone...then you will know...I have caught my fish......see ya.......ladybug.....
 Sweetangel777

Joined: 11/7/2007
Msg: 966
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 4:44:02 PM
You are justified in feeling the way you feel about this. I went through the same thing. I gave too many chances and finally quit taking him back. Since y'all have been seeing each other for a while and you are under the impression that it is serious, I would definetly ask him about it. Just ask him if he wants to be exclusive or not. If he says yes, then tell him that you deleted your profile but noticed that he did not delete his. Then see what he says and decide from there what you want to do next. Of course if he says he does not want to be exclusive, then at least you know that he is being honest, so then you can redo your profile so that you don't end up with a broken heart.
 sweetheart4ever66

Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 967
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 5:54:34 PM
I believe he is wrong to be still on dating site.I know you are hurt and you should be but stop wasting your time,emotions, and on someone who apparently is still searching.You can find someone better and who will give you the devotion you deserve.
 eyezofblue64

Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 968
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 7:33:24 PM
Yes its a old thread but as i can see its still going on ,, and yes its happened to me also .. i met a guy here we got on well so we both thought it best we stop using the site so i deleted pics and profile stuff , only to find that he was still using the site ,, along with letting his mates use his profile also. i did try talking to him about it , but all i ever got was that i was going off on one ,, just his way of keeping me under controle perhaps.. well its now over i just pity the next woman who meets him.. now im faced with do i stay here hoping there are genuine guys out there !! but even that is difficult as he has his mates send me messages on other names so who do you trust?? so maybe dating sites arent such a good idea after all .. also if the guy is very secretive on his address home phone no , i have learnt my mistake i was foolish now i have to live with it ..
 misplacedyankette

Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 969
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 7:36:49 PM
Holy crap!! I have to start looking at dates, I didnt realize this started three years ago! LOL I just got here two months ago....didnt everyone start when I did??
 racquetballkathy

Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 970
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 8:40:06 PM
I think you should re-activate your account and do the same thing he is doing. You aren't married to him so keep looking to upgrade. If you think you are in an exclusive relationship or you want to be then you need to have that talk. I don't think i would give up this site if i met a guy i liked. I enjoy the forums and the attention. If you don't trust this man then you should dump him. Since you are upset by it you need to tell him.
 SweetSweetSherry

Joined: 10/12/2007
Msg: 971
What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 8:46:04 PM
msg 1...
No offense... but this is a dating site.... Hummmmm
what are you still doing on here?
You may have deleted your profile from that one... but again, hello
you are here,
and was this something that you and he agreed on? Did you tell him you were deleting your profile? and if so what was his reaction?
It seems to me there is some major mis communication here..
Does your friend know that you are on here?

I recently had taken my profile off for a man that took his off of here.
We were giving things a "trial basis" and concentrating on him and I.
But see, it was a mutual agreement.. we talked...
sounds like you need to be asking him where he stands with you and him and then tell him what you know...
and let him know, that you also, are still on a sight... no the same one but this one.
Good luck
 .Selena.

Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 972
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 9:31:04 PM

BTW.....If you are in a relationship...shouldnt you be spending ALL your time with that special someone.....Hun...when there is someone exclusive in my life...I dont have time for POF or forums on these date sites.....My time and energy is put into the one that I am interested in.....


Well then you may want to warn any potential significant others that you're going to suffocate them so they can run far away from you. When I have a boyfriend, I also have my own free time, my own friends, I still chat with friends on IM and I still go to forums I'm active on. When you're in a relationship that doesn't mean you see the person every single day, 24/7, and you can't talk to anyone else, ever. That's ridiculous. Are you going to cancel your accounts on every other website you're on?
 Just about me

Joined: 11/4/2007
Msg: 973
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/28/2007 9:44:20 PM
It has happen to me, i let him know that i saw his profile, and he turned it off just to set up a new one, and then again i was informed about it, check to make sure it was true, and again approached him about it.

Then just to make it even worse, he was on a different dating site, with a photo, stating he was single.... interesting because amm, states the date they joined!

Over 2 years he had 3 profiles on amm, 2 on rsvp, 1 on Elenas Models, and thats what i know about!!!!! There are so many dating sites, i was doing my head in trying to find him that i just told him to go!!



Just about me
 Carole789

Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 974
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/29/2007 11:12:55 AM
I dated a man for 6+ months when he too, updated his profile on that website. The relationship didn't last long after this, although he denied everything but we had "good things ahead". It's a bad sign if they are still looking when you start spending that much time together, like they are putting "Plan B" in place. I find it insulting at some point, although I usually exchange emails for months before meeting anyone, so to me, it's just creating problems that don't need to be there.

I got in the habit of checking how often he was active on this site, it became a game, and I didn't believe a lot of what he said after that. I also started looking for lies, and nothing good can come of this. I think that when you and someone are "involved" then either making profile unsearchable or putting things like "I'm taking a break" is necessary, if you don't want to go to that "too much- too little- too late" place.

If you are "involved" with someone, seeing each other several times a week, going out every weekend, and doing family things with both families, do yourself a favor and get rid of your profile on the site you two met.
 Carole789

Joined: 10/6/2007
Msg: 975
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What do you think of a guy who is in a relationship and is still active on a dating site?
Posted: 11/29/2007 11:17:04 AM
There could be another reason they are keeping their profile active- maybe their poor little ego was damaged by their last relationship and they need to prove to themselves that they can still attract a lot of women???

I can't really think of any GOOD reasons to create insecurites in a relationship that is "good". There's always the option to put nothing interesting in the description area if you are signed in a contract for an extended length of time, the bottom line is there are always options.
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