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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/26/2005 3:40:12 AM | There is absolutely nothing you can do to help this person! Cut your losses and move on. Get out of the state/prov if you have too. Until this person finds another sucker to latch on to, you are stuck. Trust me, the other writers to this thread are correct. This person does not love you. You are nothing more than a obsessive possesion.
A few months ago, my husband of 13 years abondon me and our 12 yr old little angel. He found another woman and boy is she in for the rollercoaster ride of her life! My husband has been diagnosed with BiPolar and OCD and to boot, he is an alcoholic. He went from being a chronic alcoholic who frequently drank himself to the point of passing out, to polypharmacy to the point of passing out and now he drinks and takes an abundance of meds.
In 13 years he managed to isolate me from all my family and friends and then just took off, leaving me with no social support. I stuck by him through HIS choice to be admitted to Homewood (world leader in addiction treatment centres) for 3 mos. Then Hamilton General Psyc ward. Then McMaster Hospital Psyc ward, where I "Form 1'd" him (definately not his choice) for 3 mos. After discharge from McMaster, he was (and still is to my knowledge) attending monthly appointments with a psyciatrist at McMaster (has to if he wants to stay on all those drugs). I went to all the support groups as well as AlAnon. Only while he was hospitalized in those 3 institutions though, because when he was discharged, the support groups and AlAnon had to stop because he thought I was having an affair or might get into the position to have an affair.
So you see, it doesn't matter how much support you give and how much you put up with in terms of verbal and emotional abuse, it is a losing battle with no means to an end. The only thing I would implore you to do is get some help for that persons children. Call children's aid or something. Those/that children/child are in grave emotional and/or physical danger.
To all those other readers, I'm not trying to be mean, cold or insensitive but beware of those with a mental illness and how well that they can cover it up in the beginning. My husband has a very successful career, makes really good money and has an excellent pension. He is not one you would peg as having multiple chronic illnesses. You don't have to worry about meeting him on this website, or any other website though because he thinks the internet is EVIL!!!
Good luck Lonegun13, you are going to need it. You need to do all you can for that person's offsprings and then get the *ell away as far as you possilbly can. | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/26/2005 5:11:40 AM | Wow! can I ever identify with alot of you. My last relationship was with a bi polar addict, who couldnt stay clean n sober , and I relapsed with him and things got crazy. He had psychotic episodes when he ingested alcohol or any other substance. Scared the livin shit out of me. I had to get away and I did, thank God. Had to walk away with just the clothes on my back and never look back. Thankfully also my life has been good and Ive been able to mainatin my recovery and live a peaceful existence ever since. I have seen alot of people addicted through the years , but never have I witnessed something like this before. He was completely insane, refused to take his meds and couldnt grasp reovery. I will never ever put myself in that kind of danger again. I am lucky to be alive.
On good note people with bi polar who do take thier meds and get therapy and stay that way have a good chance of being ok. I know some in recovery who do take meds and work steps and even go to school. One of my best friends is bi polar takes meds and is in recovery on top of going to graduate school for psychology. So its possible. Just not gonna be involved with a man who has it again. I have to much to live for and I wont risk it... same for getting involved with an active addict.... if in recovery, sure if not acting out on addictive behaviors ...first sign of that im out.....My recovery comes first.. no matter what
Best wishes to all
God Bless
Kathy | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/26/2005 5:33:35 AM | | If you care a lot for this person, it might be worthwhile to see about counseling for him and support him as best you can. But these poor people have a lot of issues. It's a tough road. You can dump him, or support him, but it won't be easy. | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/27/2005 6:39:59 PM | | Hollywwodhack, Hard Rock Princess and red Clover. its stupid and ignorrant people like you who give mental illness a bad name. Most often most people with mental disorders including Bi-polar are not dangerous to others in fact they are more a danger to themselves. The poportion of mentally ill people who commit violent crimes is no greater than ordinarry people who commit violent crimes, and thats the fact, go read the statistics. Making fun or ridiculing people with mental illness is the same as making fun of someone with cancer. Just beacuse someone is mentally ill does that classify them as an axe weilding maniac? These people need to be medicated just like a diabetic takes insulin. The reason I am writing this is because I have a mentall illness and you have offended me after I saw your ignorrant and stupid comments I will also write back to anyone else on this forum who ridicules someone with mental illness or gives it a bad name, and set them strait. I have a metal illness but I am a law abiding citizen, hold a job , am well educated with two university degrees and have never broken the law or harmed anyone in my life thus their is no need "to run to the hills" as hollywwodhack and others have stated | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/28/2005 4:19:25 AM | I noticed outdoor guy that you didn't mention my name in your post and I thank you for that. I hope that you don't feel that I was ridiculing EVERYONE with a mental illness. That was not my intent. My intent was to post a reply to the original Email. It is blatenly obvious that this person is experiencing alot of problems with a person who is ill. The point that I was trying to make is that, in my experience, it didn't matter how much support I gave to my husband, or how much help he received in the many institutions he has been in, nothing helped. I would even say that he actually did want help, and still, he is back on the path to destruction. This only leads me to believe that there is no hope. That is why I suggested that our original writer get help for the child/children and then make a run for it, before he wastes anymore of his time. Time is precious and none of us are on this earth for very long. Everyone deserves to be happy.
My husband too is a well educated individual who has been in a government managerial position for more than 16 years. He has never broken the law nor has he harmed anyone, not physically anyway. However, remember this........broken bones, bumps and bruises heal; emotional wounds may never heal. | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/28/2005 6:41:40 AM | | The absolute key for someone suffering from bipolar disorder, and resulting in alcoholism often the result, is these people desperately need and must seek professional help. That is not something you can do. You can only point them in the right direction, but be firm and resolved not to get too involved until they show a consistent willingness to seek therapy for this problem. If they don't, and are in denial, you will never be able to help them. In such cases, if you have done your best to advise them to get help, and they won't, it's something you should get away from. No matter what these individuals may say, they will hurt you unless they get straightened out, and that usually requires counseling and definitely meds for the disorder which is not just a personality thing or being "crazy", but a real chemical imbalance that many people have to some extent that creates the reason for medical specialists in this area. Psychiatrists are essential for this, and whatever support can be found. If you feel a love for this person, seek what you can and keep encouraging them that pros know this is now something you can't work out alone, or with someone unfamiliar with bipolar disorder. If you can't handle the mood swings of such people, and they won't seek help, then you must think of yourself, and walk away. Don't let them carry on with their weakness, and denial only to hurt you in the long run. Either they seek help, or you have to leave them to their self-destruction. It's not something either you or I can always do anything about. It's up to the person who is informed of their disease, and then convinced to seek help for it. It may take a few doctor visits to find a very good counselor as many can't do a very good job, or don't care enough. This requires a professional with a heart, and dedication. So it's a tough job to treat these people, and a constant long-term battle. But they can get better. | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/28/2005 7:09:17 AM | Most of the posts here are very informative and insightful. I think every situation needs to be dealt with individually.
To be honest when I read the title my initial response was RUN!!! That was from my personal experience.
You can not help someone who isn't willing to help themselves. You can try, try and try, yet if you think you are going to "change" their ways, it most likely won't happen. The combo of the two is self-destruction. Self-medicating is not a solution.
If someone is seeking help that is another story. Otherwise why would you want to carry that type of load on your shoulders? | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/28/2005 8:40:21 AM | | I went out with Both, One was Manic Depressive/Bi-polar the other was a Crystal Meth user. The 1st one was a pretty good person. Her condition was regulated with Meds and 99% of the time she was fine. I never dealt with any serious episodes with her. She was a Single Mom who was recently left by her Common Law. When I met her she was unemployed. Not a big deal to me. I figure I'll give her a chance to get on her feet. Well I gave her a year and she had no drive and wasn't even making baby steps towards getting a Job. I finally had to Break up with her. Another Year passed and shes still not working. I don't know if its because she's just Lazy or its because of her Condition. Thats just one case I've dealt with. So you may find they don't have any "Get Up & Go". The Meth user was just a "Gong Show" She wasn't using when we met, It wasn't until we ended a 3 1/2 year relationship and just became Bed Buddies she started using. I saw her twice after she had been using and that was enough for me. She was snorting that crap off my Kitchen table we had fight that night and I haven't seen her since. I have no time or Patience for Addiction. | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/28/2005 10:03:11 AM | re:musicsweetmusic
Hopefully your friend will find recovery one day. There is hope. I found recovery and am so blessed today. Yet i agree with your decision to walk away. I had to walk away from a relationship or two and many friends and family members in the past and will not be involved with an active addict ever again. I love my life today and will never ever put my recovery at risk. Yet i will always be there for another addict seeking recovery.
God Bless u for being so patient
sometimes tough love is best tho....and all we can do is pray...
take care
kathy
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/28/2005 6:58:17 PM | | Back to the past Im sure you are not trying to ridicule people with mental illness. I just get angry when people say things "like run to the hills" in the mental health group I go to there is not one person there that is dangerous or I would run from. They appear perfectly normal unless they dont take their medication. Remember no two cases of mental illness are alike and not all metally ill people turn out like your husbands. There are many diagnosis of mental illness including manic-deppressive, schizophrenia, depression OCD,. All require differnt degrees of treatment and meds. There are alot of mentally ill people that have goten better. It is the persons responsibility to try to get better ,part of this includes taking their meds, I do this and I feel alot better, diet and exercise help as well. Then I do know a few people just like you descibed your husband who just dont care and give up and do nothing to help themselves and spiral downwards in their own personal hell | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/28/2005 9:47:49 PM | | I just found out she tried to take her own life last week(My Bi-Polar, Manic Depressive Ex GF) I was a little freaked out to say the least. I'm not sure what lead her to this. She's had past "episodes" just never to this extreme. Usually Hers Meds kept her in check. I've talked to her a few times since we broke up. But not for a number of months, She's an EX I could remain friends with, but she was a fairly Negative person. Still Unemployed. I don't think starting a friendship with her now is a good idea. Is that Heartless of me to say or just self preservation? | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/30/2005 9:11:00 AM | | I would not ever, ever get involved with an alcoholic again, even if their going to AA. I can't stand alcohol to begin with, & I can't stand drinkers even more. Bi Polar? Hmmm, I don't know, that's a toughy. I knew a gal who has Bi Polar, & she seems to have it under control. When she told me she was Bi Polar, I was stunned because I would have never guesses. She just seemed like she had her act together. As many have said in this thread, mental illness is chemical imbalance not a choice, alcoholism is a choice not a chemical imbalance. Although, there are those who are predisposed to addictive behaviour, so if an alcoholic is born into alcoholic lifestyle, more than likely that person will have problems with alcohol. Mind you, that's not always the case either. I've known people who's parents never drank but their children are raging boozers. Um, & to make fun of people who have mental issues is rather cruel. Having been there myself (not bi polar), I can't make light of those who have their problems with personality/mental disorders. | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/30/2005 12:57:42 PM | n kay this is about as nasty as i am ever going to get on here, Bi-polar (manic depression) is a trait that is/can be passed on from a parent to a child(hereditary) and is generally diagnosed between the ages 0f 16-30 yrs of age (respectively) what makes me laugh is that there is such a stereo type to mental illness, and that they are looked upon as "phsyco's". a lot of illnesses are / can be traced to a heriditary gene either from one parent or both parents, or it can skip a generation. Mental illness is nothing to be made fun of or be taken lightly and should not be treated as though they are killers, un-caring phsycos. or just dont give a shit about anyone else type of ppl. and who ever thinks that they are, are more of a threat to society than someone with a mental illness. Are you really so warped to think that THEY wanted to live with these diseases? Have YOU ever sat down and asked him/her what it feels like to be them? do you think they enjoy being thrown into a society that basically "runs away from them" b/c of bullshit stories? do you honestly think that they can Help having an illness that is life altering? Mental illness is serious, and anyone that has one should be respected b/c they are going through life with something that will never leave them, that there is no cure for, and can only be treated by medications, heavy ones at that, (also depending on type/level of illness) i am so sorry for some of the nasty assed comments made by those who feel they should run from ppl with a mental illness, you could be very well missing out on one of the best realationships you have ever known, why? because you are so self centered on your self and your perfections that you cannot look at the person on the inside, you look at the illness and feel that you do not want to get involved with them because they "could hurt YOU", well i am honestly glad that you dont get involved, b/c you just prooved that if the going tough, you would get up and f$ck off, and that is about as low as you can get, would you do that to a family member? a friend, a lover?
what if it wasnt a "mental" illness? what if it was terminal? cancer, alzheimer's, there are all types of illnesses out there, and illness is an illness, no one can help what life throws at them, and instead of helping them, lets "run from them " and make them feel that we really dont care about them and what they are going through, yeah, there is a smart solution to a problem  | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 8/30/2005 1:27:04 PM | OP PLEASE READ!!
some insight if i may........I worked in mental health for 11 yrs. in a psychiatric hospital we housed mostly paranoid schizophrenics and those with bipolar effective disorder.
as for the message on the last page blasting someone cuz they don't want to get involved. actually it is YOU who should be ashamed of yourself. now we know that it is NOT the fault of the person who is Ill, that they are ill, but it is also not the OP's fault. mental illness is a horrible thing that can't be taken lightly, and it IS that reason that the OP must seriously consider if they wish to get involved. you say the OP will take off IF the going gets rough. let me tell you, the going WILL get rough. I have seen a lot in the 11 yrs I worked in that place but will not share my stories because I too have a soft spot for these people and do not wish to add to the stigma that is attached to them.
I also don't think it is the OP's responsibility to get into a relationship merely out of a sense of duty and the guilt you have put upon them. I have seen many, upon, many of patients whos' families have all given up, and no longer wish to have any contact with them. parents, siblings, ex-spouses, and even their own children, all giving up because having someone in your life who has a mental illness is exhausting.
I know I've been there. these people were not in my family, but I worked with the same ones for 40 hrs per week for 11 YEARS!! that is more time than most family memebers spend together. when i got into the field i thought i could make a difference, I couldn't. I became mentally drained, exhausted, disheartened, and to this day I feel like the work i did had a negative impact on my own relationships with my own parents, girlfriends etc. because I would come home and isolate myself. I would not want to even talk to a soul after some of the things I was dealing with. I ended up quitting. burnt out and dissillusioned.
I am not saying abandon people in need. I'm saying exercise caution. yes it IS extremely sad that someone is ill, but if YOU have the choice, why would you want that kind of drama in your life. and believe me, there is NO drama in the dating world, that can equate to the kind you can get, on those worst days, of a mental illness. and it makes it even harder on yourself, if you have a deep caring bond with that person, because you are just not watching them suffer, you are suffering with them.
good luck and don't let anyone guilt you into anything you don't want in your life | |
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