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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/9/2005 7:54:57 AM | I did 12 years with a BPD wife. 'Dangerous' does not only apply to being a physical issue. My wife was a mental and emotional wrecking ball. I'll add a qualifier. If they aren't getting professional help...run as far away as you can, as fast as you can.
lonegun, your bipolar alcoholic sounds like she could be a BPD. They can flip a switch (splitting) and consider people unimportant, like you said she is doing with her kids. I feel so sorry for the kids. People with BPD can be impulsive, with regards to sex, alcohol, drugs. BPDs often have alcohol and drug abuse issues, as well as the disorder. They have an irrational fear of abandonment which can lead to stalking. They play the push - pull, I hate you, don't leave me, game. They take no responsibility, blame others, and play the victim to try and gain sympathy. They are "persuasive blamers", which means you have to be very careful how you react, because they will ignore their actions, blame the reactions, and could try getting you into trouble. Plus all kinds of other issues, a number of them similar to bipolar. They also aren't comfortable with facing themselves. Can she stand being alone?
I'm presently winning a custody battle I wasn't even involved in. I tried setting the custody up so it would be equal. First my ex didn't want her share of the time with our youngest, who isn't in school full time, unless she was paid. Recently she's knocked it down to only wanting the kids every other weekend, instead of every weekend. She has also mentioned, to family members, about feeling like she wants to "disappear", totally abandoning her kids.
I'm sorry to say, as long as they aren't getting proffesional help, these people are total nut jobs. Save your sympathy, and urges to help, for those who actually admit to having a problem and are seeking help, or you could wind up stuck in the same place for over a decade. Sympathy, understanding, forgiveness, respect, patience, and love are all virtues, until you find yourself throwing them into a black hole. Then it just continues sucking the life out of you. From my experience, never trust them, if they say they are going to change, unless you see them walking into a therapist's door. Even then, see if you can have an appointment with the therapist to give your version of events, because these people have the ability to manipulate their way around even therapists that don't know exactly what they're dealing with. They can be threatening suicide, one day, and appear perfectly fine the next. They'll walk into a therapist's office with their convincing, I'm feeling much better now, happy face, and the therapist may have a hard time figuring out this person has a permanent problem. They are master manipulators.
Good luck, and be careful.
J | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/9/2005 8:06:16 AM | | I guess you can just discard me then...After finding the right combo of meds(3..the lucky number I may add) ;) Im a 4.0 university student, A Culinary Graduate, and a a certified Chef and a business owner that came from a broken home. Not to mention Ted Turner,Bob Marley, Patty Duke, Van dame or however you spell the guys name..oh..and don't forget Bobby Brown who doesn't need meds because he uses weed instead! :) Learn about something before you know what your talking about... | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/9/2005 4:30:21 PM | hi everyone my name is mary i'm 29 and i'm bipolar, i was also in a relationship with a guy for five years who was also bipolar and an alcoholic, during this relationship all he did was beat me, many times i tried leaving him but he would threaten to kill me if i didn't go back out with him. one day we we're at his house in his room and he asked me to have sex with him, i said no. he then got really angry and punched me in the face, as i fell back on the bed he got on top of me and held me down, tore my clothes off and began raping me. i tried pushing him off of me but he was too strong. when he was done all i could do was lay there and cry. he left the house to go to the store to buy some beer, that's when i got on the phone and called the cops and told them what had just happened to me, when he came back to the house the cops arrested him for rape and assault. he's now in prison for 10 years. since then i have met a wonderful man who is willing to help me through my bad times when i have them. yes i do take medication and it helps alot. to be in a relationship with a person who is bipolar you have to understand what the illness is about, don't put him or her down for it, it's not their fault. if you really love your partner you should work with him or her. i hope everyone has a great day. from mary | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/9/2005 5:18:28 PM | | I can't access the first post, seems to have been deleted. But in reading the thread through it appears that the OP has been shot at, etc, by this particular alcoholic/bipolar. So, in spite of my sympathies for the mentally ill, I have to vote - Run. In this particular instance you are not safe and must take steps to protect yourself. If there were not very clear signs of danger, maybe the people that vote stay have a point. But it has been my experience that one of the symptoms that comes with many mental disorders is a desire NOT to take the meds needed to control the disorder. The disorder does not go away and self medication does not work. People feel that it changes their personality, and to a certain extent, I think it does. It seems like we medicate some people just to bring their behaviour more in line with norm. But some people are dangerous, and when the danger is this clear, you have to protect yourself. | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/10/2005 1:23:21 PM | | geez I thought people in the world were becoming more enlightened and educated. I guess I was wrong. (Today we tolerate things like homosexuality so whats wrong with someone who is mentally ill?) To all the people who said "run" from a person who is Bipolar you are stupid and ignorant. I would advise you to go read the statistics on the mentally ill and violent crime. You may be supprised to learn the percentage is no greater than non menataly ill people. You people are no better than the people who Burnt mentally ill people and witches at the stake around 600 years ago. The mentally ill have a stigma that is attached to them and they suffer from it. It is one of the last walls of stigma in the world wich needs to be broken. | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/10/2005 1:59:43 PM | A good friend at work was diagnosed as Bipolar. She took meds but stopped when she became pregnant. Now it's been a year since she gave birth and wont go back on meds. And this is ruining her relationship with the guy she's with. Her manic phase isn't too bad. But her depressive stage brings her to the point of talking about committing suicide. This was the way she was before she was diagnosed. Only the thought of her child keeps her from actually going through with doing harm to herself.
Anyway, the trouble in her relationship is because her man can't take it anymore, He's been trying to get her to go back on her meds. Instead she enrolled the both of them into couples counseling. Even there she was told by the counselor to seek out the help of a psychiatrist. At that point she decided to end the couples counseling. She did tell me that she does not want to admit that she has a problem. And might have to take meds for the rest of her life. I told her that at least for the sake of her child she should be mentally healthy. Not that she's abusive to anyone else or her child. But only to herself. She's a sweet and wonderful person. And she has the option to make herself well. Now if only she can admit it to herself and again seek out help. | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/10/2005 2:21:58 PM | | I'm not saying you should necessarily run just because a person is mentally ill. I have dealt with mental illness in my own family. I have an uncle who is bipolar. But, if you have a choice in the matter, and someone has a history of shooting at you? Sticking by my guns - run! | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/10/2005 2:53:03 PM | I'd like to say run like the majority of people but sometimes you don't find out until you are in the middle of the relationship and then realize that you care. In my case it wasn't one alcoholic it was a family of them...after much naivtee on my part I finally realized if people don't know or won't admit they have a problem then things have to end...it only ends up in heartbreak to all parties involved.
I recently ended this relationship and I am hoping to have a better understanding if the situation should present itself again.
Cheers  | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/10/2005 3:21:49 PM | @outdoorguy, have you ever cohabitated with a person who was a true bi-polar who refused to take meds and or self medicated??
God Bless you if you haven't.
I don't see that people are not being sensitive. My take is that the people responding "run for the hills" are people whos lives have been negatively affected by this illness. I can identify with them since I have been through similar experiences. The fact of the matter is a person who is an "actual bi-polar" must take meds. Not everyone who has been told they are bi-polar is however, as I stated in a previous post bi-polar is the most highly misdiagnosed mental illness there is.... Fact.... look it up...
If you are bi-polar and you are sure of it then I do hope you take meds and continue to, because the one thing about this illness is that untreated it becomes worse as time goes on.
To anyone who has been diagnosed..get a second opinion... if they didnt put you on lithium then either you have a liver problem or you may want to get re-evaluated...
I am not a doctor , but I have done my homework....
Oh and by the way I've never been attacked,choked, tortured, threatened, stripped naked and searched forceably by a homosexual. They just like to shop with me :P
Have a good night | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/10/2005 4:13:05 PM | Oh wow.... Ive avoided the alcoholic question..sheesh...what was I thinkin....
an alcoholic is and addict....ALCOHOL IS A DRUG....addiction is a disease. spiritual, physical and mental. Best treatement for addiction is 12 steps. meetings, sponsor.
I know personally hundreds of people who are in recovery and many of those have substantial clean time. I would trust a person who is truly in recovery with my life.
An active user/drinker etc...who is not seeking recovery... Id run for the friggin hills...
I'm in recovery 2 years tomorrow( Yay my na birthday Time to celebrate:D)...The best 2 years of my life.........13 years of relapse and return,(I was a functioning addict ) meaning I always worked etc.) refusing to surrender completely, had gotten six mos. more times than i can count... and 18 mos was my longest until this time...struggling to find out what was wrong with me....refusing to want to attach any stigmas...also refused to admit alcohol was a drug...and that included some misdiagnoses, some meds from doctors...(which I dont require after all....damn quacks ...I started in AA when i was 26, now im 39 and in NA...whatever A works for ya , i say..... it works if you work it..... No more relapsin for me...NO MATTER WHAT!!!Im a memeber of the No Matter What Club :P No matter what happens I dont have to USE a drink a drug or a person to take me out of me....I'm happy and comfortable in my own skin today. I have no desire to ingest alcohol and other drugs into my body...and for that I'm so grateful....Recovery Rocks!!!!
Kathy(Grateful and blessed, recovering addict in Jersey )
And proud of it!!
cuz everything Ive been through as brought me closer to the God of my understanding and have brought me into a life worth living the moment I open my eyes everyday....problems arise, yes indeed...but nothing, and I mean nothing will cause me to go back where Ive been....and I say that because I know my God is bigger than the so called gods of this world..
wooohoo I worked ten hours today but im so enthused about this I just had to say a few hundred words lmao
peace
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:30:15 PM | What is bipolar??
Bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression) is a treatable illness marked by extreme changes in mood, thought, energy and behavior. It is not a character flaw or a sign of personal weakness. Bipolar disorder is also known as manic depression because a person’s mood can alternate between the "poles" mania (highs) and depression (lows). This change in mood or "mood swing" can last for hours, days weeks or months.
Bipolar disorder affects more than two million adult Americans. It usually begins in late adolescence (often appearing as depression during teen years) although it can start in early childhood or later in life. An equal number of men and women develop this illness (men tend to begin with a manic episode, women with a depressive episode) and it is found among all ages, races, ethnic groups and social classes. The illness tends to run in families and appears to have a genetic link. Like depression and other serious illnesses, bipolar disorder can also negatively affect spouses and partners, family members, friends and coworkers. (top)
Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder differs significantly from clinical depression, although the symptoms for the depressive phase of the illness are similar. Most people who have bipolar disorder talk about experiencing "highs" and "lows" – the highs are periods of mania, the lows periods of depression. These swings can be severe, ranging from extreme energy to deep despair. The severity of the mood swings and the way they disrupt normal life activities distinguish bipolar mood episodes from ordinary mood changes.
Symptoms of mania - the "highs" of bipolar disorder
Increased physical and mental activity and energy
Heightened mood, exaggerated optimism and self-confidence
Excessive irritability, aggressive behavior
Decreased need for sleep without experiencing fatigue
Grandiose delusions, inflated sense of self-importance
Racing speech, racing thoughts, flight of ideas
Impulsiveness, poor judgment, distractibility
Reckless behavior
In the most severe cases, delusions and hallucinations
Symptoms of depression - the "lows" of bipolar disorder
Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells
Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns
Irritability, anger, worry, agitation, anxiety
Pessimism, indifference
Loss of energy, persistent lethargy
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness
Inability to concentrate, indecisiveness
Inability to take pleasure in former interests, social withdrawal
Unexplained aches and pains
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide
I myslef am bipolar, when i was first told this as a teenager I was scared. I thought it meant i was crazy, but it totally doesnt, it just means you handle things differently. When im in a high im hyper, dont sleep for days, and extremly happy and active like no one or anything can bring me down. When im in a low, the thoughts of suicide can be there, and you just feel powerless and like you dont matter in this world. I dont know how this makes us 2 different from anyone else, considering everyone at one time or another has felt both these ways. Being bi polar i do find it harder to balance my moods though, and thats what the medication is for. My doctor put me on Zoloft, but i had a sever drug reaction and ended up in the hospital, and legally died for 2 min. So there for im too afraid to take the meds anymore. Also, with the alcohol and drug issues, yes i have gone there, and at an early age too. So my advice to people who meet people with my condition, i suggest, dont run screaming. Were not crazy, lol, just when were in a high take advantage of it, we can be daring and spontanious and alotta fun. When were in a low, help us through it, be understanding. If we cry about something really stupid, try ur best not to laugh, lol. But other than that i dont think theres much of a difference. | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:41:32 PM | | Angelsvoice. Ive lived with a Bipolar person and Know at least 10 people who are Bipolar. Sure they are cranky and are depressed somtimes and their manic phase can be a pain to. But living with someone with any illness can be a pain. Being Bipolar can also have its adavatages (I had a Bipolar person renovate my entire garage in a single night when he was in his manic phase!) This does not mean that all Bipolar people are dangerous axe weilding maniacs. You run from a particular person if they are dangerous sure, but you dont "Run" from all Bipolar patients because some uneducated idiot on a internet Forum told you all Bipolar patients are dangerous. One has to asses each bipolar person individually just like they would anybody else they whanted to start a relationship with, to see if they are dangerous. People who say "Run" from Bipolars or anybody else who is mentally ill are stupid because they add to the problem because #1 They add to the stigma of all Mentally ill people being dangerous, when the majority of them are not#2 and when there is the stigma (of the mentally ill being dangerous) people who are mentally ill will refuse to get help because they are afraid of what others will think of them (example is a person who is embarrased to see a psychiatrist) I would try to help a Bipolar person anyday, its not there fault, and people should do the same. | |
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| What if you meet someone on here thats bipolar and is an alcoholic?
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:47:30 PM | I tried helping someone, for 12 years. No, it's not their fault...until that moment when they decide that they are fine the way they are. Just like any addiction, it won't work, if the person with the problem has no urge to change. Just like love, it won't work, if only one person cares. They can truly only help themselves. You can support them if they do choose that option, but you can't help them if they don't want to be helped. It's absolutely impossible. If they don't want to fight the illness, then they are the illness, and will infect the lives of those around them. You don't need to asses them each individually. You just need to asses if they want to be better, or not. If not, leave.
For those who have already fallen for someone who you believe needs serious help, give them an ultimatum. Tell them they must seek professional help, or you're leaving. And, follow through. Optimisticly thinking that things might get better without professional help, is a fantasy. Trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped, is a waste of time.
I have total respect, and commend, mary (I'm so sorry to hear about the ordeal you endured, congratulations on finding someone who truly cares about you), 100%sweet, and anyone else who's admitted to having an illness, and is actively seeking help to work through it. It's very admirable to confront your illness and to try minimizing the effects on the lives of those you care about. Well done, you should be proud of yourselves. 
J | |
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