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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/26/2008 6:50:42 PM |
It is the young men , not the young women who don't like older men with younger woman.
You've got that right, Harry. My live with girlfriend is 30, and I'm 58. The dirty looks we get are from men her age, and women over 45. It's kind of funny. In fact, we play with it at times, with ever increasing PDAs when we see someone giving us a dirty look.
I don't get it, but sort of like people on POF who are angry at any filter that excludes them, as if the world is about to run out of women or men.  | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/27/2008 5:46:41 AM | NO WAY, NOT WRONG & Never to old. The younger woman must be of legal age or there could be trouble. "Ticketoride" message #4 has a good answer. "Red Devil" message #208 is most correct.
Here's my take of this because it applies to me today. Yours truly having just crossed the magic threshold of 60 has been there & done that recently with a 13, & 17 year younger women and It's all in the communicating & degree of maturity of the 2 persons. We had fun & it was all good & I'm gonna keep dating them soon. Right after I get released from the intensive coronary care ward. All the laughing, dancing & making out depleted my pacemaker batteries. Yes my e_mail inbox is full.. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:16:39 AM | A few thoughts on this topic. First, I think everyone should date who they want, really who cares. As long as they have good intentions and aren't dating someone who is younger just because they are younger who cares.
Second, at 45, I am most attracted to men 3-10 older than myself, men at my own age of 45 seem to want much younger women, which is fine with me because in all honesty most men at my age of 45 seem to be digressing into their "jock" years and lack maturity, sorry guys but it is true. However, when they hit about 48, that very sexy maturity seems to kick in again.
Lastly, for the last 5 years or so, the men who have shown the most interest in me are much, much younger or older, 20 years in either direction. While I am not normally interested in much younger men, I am also not normally interested in men who are more than 10 years older than me, however, there are exceptions to this. Take for example Renaissance Man, I can totally understand why any woman of any age would be attracted to him regardless of their age. I know a lot of women on this site who are my age would be angry at his situation of dating a 30 year old, but you know I say good for him and good for his girlfriend because they both seem to understand that it is not about the number, it is about the person. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/27/2008 8:22:37 AM |
I think everyone should date who they want, really who cares. As long as they have good intentions and aren't dating someone who is younger just because they are younger who cares.
GPSweetheart, before my current girlfriend, I was involved with a woman, your age, 45, who I met on POF in June, 2007. We ended up living together, and that's the part that "didn't work", although we remain friends.
The specific desire to date "much younger" that you mentioned as common among men your age, is often a combination of mid-life crisis and "ego repair" as men, or women, come out of failed, long term marriages. My first "much younger woman" relationship was like that, but having experienced it once, I think most guys realize that women, of any age, are real people, not "fantasy fulfillment".
In my experience, the dynamic is different, depending on the age difference. For example, a woman at 45, while 13 years younger, is often in much the same point in life as I am. I still have a daughter in college, and no plans to retire anytime soon, if ever. Maybe it's that I'm still "immature", because I look at the best years of my life are the ones that are yet to come, and really enjoy new experiences and adventures.
When I've dated women, who are now in their early 30s, that's a different dynamic, that brings out a different dynamic, my "softer" side, and aspects of me that I like, that I dare not allow with women closer to me in age. However, women closer to me in age, allow parts of me to come out, that I dare not allow with a much younger woman.
So long as someone isn't dating women who are below the age of consent, I don't care who dates whom, and I often wonder where the anger and resentment come from, with the men and women who disapprove of "inter-generational" couples. I know, for me, I'm perfectly fine with a 50 year old woman, who has a 20something lover. It's kind of cool,really. :) | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/27/2008 4:16:13 PM | | I wonder what two people with such a wide age gap could have in common? S-E-X or M-O-N-E-Y. ...is all that comes to mind. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:31:10 AM | Let me start with that I am 40 and have been divorced 15 years, I have dated older women and those relations always ended by the older woman trying to be a mother figure which drove me nuts. I have dated women half my age, I was 36 and she was 18, she miscarried triplets which made me really think about what I wanted in life. At 36, I fealt that I was too old to start another family, I already have two who are now 18 & 15.
But with that said, I find women closer to my age come with lots of extra baggage... ex's who beat them, cheated on them, drank in excess, or kids from their last boyfriend who are so much younger than their siblings, they are as an only child and spoiled beyond reason...
Yet in my daily life at work, I find it very easy to talk with an flirt with 18 to 20 somethings. Younger woman are so fresh and excited with life. They seldom have the baggage of a 30 to 40 something. The younger woman still have hope in life while older most general have seemed to be in survival mode only. (sorry if this offends some) Older women in some case have let themselves go and when they finally get freedom they head completely in the opposite direction and that is not attractive at all.
Yes there are the realities in life and maybe as an older man I have seen and encountered those realities. But I still have dreams and those dreams give me hope, older women do not identify with dreams and hope while a younger gal may...
So it really comes down to this, do I want to start another family? Do I continue in pursuit of my dreams? or Do I need to get real and give up on my dreams and settle into life and take life as it comes? | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:40:07 AM |
wonder what two people with such a wide age gap could have in common? S-E-X or M-O-N-E-Y. ...is all that comes to mind.
That's the old chestnut that people always pull out. Yes, in early dating, you don't have a comon experience of history. That's just one small part of attraction. The "commonality" can come from two people with strong chemistry, both wanting each other. Having sexual desire for one another,in common, is a lot more meaningful than having listened to the same music in high school.
Once a relationship is formed, what you have common, are the things that any other couple would have "in common". Shared experience together, and dealing with life as it happens. "What would you like for dinner?" doesn't really depend on your respective ages, nor does making dinner together. Talking about things that happened during the day, while apart, is about sharing one's feelings, triumphs, defeats, hopes, disappointments, and feelings, isn't different between people the same age, as it is for people 20 years apart in age. That the older may have perspectives based on life experience can be a positive. That the younger has enthusiasm about life, can energize the older.
As any two people become more "us" than "you" and "I", they develop plans and hopes together, which they then have "in common". If they have a child together, they have their child "in common". They have the challenges of life, as it happens, "in common", just as any other couple would have. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:53:44 AM | (sorry if this offends some) Older women in some case have let themselves go and when they finally get freedom they head completely in the opposite direction and that is not attractive at all.
Sorry if this offends you, but have you looked in the mirror?
I will be the first to admit that yes, a lot of women do let themselves go, however there are A LOT that don't, me included. So when I see a post like this from a man who has clearly let himself go I have to wonder how deluded some men are. You have got to be kidding me. Do some men truly believe just because they have a penis, they should not be held to the same standards that they hold women to. Frickin unbelievable.
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:10:15 AM |
Believe me I look into the mirror daily...
So tell me why you feel justified in making comments about women "who let themselves go." I would really like to know your thought process on this one. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:55:12 AM |
(sorry if this offends some) Older women in some case have let themselves go and when they finally get freedom they head completely in the opposite direction and that is not attractive at all.
I think we all have to be careful to frame things in a way, when trying to discuss older/younger relationships, to not have it come across as "what's wrong with older women". Yes, some people let themselves go, but it's also true that a lot of the younger ones "never had it" to begin with. So, for me, when looking for a relationship, I have never had a preconception that age alone is meaningful. I have found women 45+ who are attractive, interesing, and sensual, and I've found women in their late 20's and 30s, who are attractive. Who I've ended up dating has been based on wth whom thee was mutual attraction, initial compatibility, and reasonable proximity.
I think it's just a foolish, though, to demonize older/younger relationships, based just on age, and for those discussing the issue to make it "what' swrong with younger women".
On POF, who I find attractive is very selective. There are some beautiful women, like GPS Sweetheart, for one, who are 45 or older, and there are some truly unattractive women in their 20s and 30s.
It has so happened, for whatever reason, that I have more often found 2 way attraction with younger women, and more often have had a "comfortable" dynamic, but I have had relationships with some women who are closer to me in age. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/28/2008 2:40:08 PM | | no. 15 years is about max or the gap eventually kills things. Gee, nice you and your Dad go to luch so often. That was great one :( | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/28/2008 6:45:49 PM | There are a ton of things I like about younger men.
For one, they're in way better shape. I don't mean that to sound shallow, but it's just a fact. And younger men today are more interested in STAYING in shape than their older generation counterparts.
For two, and this goes along with the above physical point I guess, is that they are more energetic and enthusiastic not just about romance but about the world in general. There's an openess of mind that guys over 40 seem to abandon. The older guys get bitter, cynical, self-protective to the point of being paranoid. Whereas the younger guys generally have a more positive attitude. Older guys are snarkier and often blame their negative disposition on some woman in their past than taking personal responsibility for how they feel about themselves, the world around them, and the people in it. So, the lack of cynical, negative attitude is HUGE plus in favor of younger men.
I'm generalizing of course, but my experience is that it is way, way easier to just have an easy-going, pleasant conversation with younger men and they're not as over-bearingly opinionated and argumentative as older men.
That said, I don't go out specifically looking for men younger than myself. Instead, I just try to meet an individual and give them the benefit of the doubt first. I have met some younger men who have a natural, internal maturity and sense of self than some older guys I have met. More and more, younger men are just way more appealing.
That's not to say I wouldn't date Sam Elliot if he were single   | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:49:40 PM | Continuation from my above post “BGSU”.
I might mention, when I was a 22 years-old airman stationed in the Philippians, while other guys my age were getting drunk and screwing every young “Bar Girl” they could, I was seeing a 50 year old Colonel’s widow. We got along great. Loved the home cooking. She liked to travel around the country visiting her friends and family, so I went with her and enjoyed meeting new people and learning about her culture. Her sister went to school with Imelda Marcos (President Ferdinand Marco’s wife) and was one of the heads of the Commerce Department, so it was interesting to hear about the real government politics. She was energetic and had class.
Hay, wait a second. Since I’ve dated and known many women in my life, I’ve been trying to figure out what characteristics I like in a women by looking at those women that I have dated in the past that I was attracted to and clicked with. I just compared the 50 year-old with the 22 year-old and the love of my life who was my age.
I think I’ve just realized the similarities,
Petite, Energetic, Educated, Worldly with Class and a Big Heart.
OMG! Looking back, that summarizes every woman that I ever was attracted to (except the two who were obese and that was the only reason why I never got serious with them).
That also explains why I was never attracted to other women in the past, they didn’t have all these characteristics. That also explains one reason why I lost interest in my ex, she lost her energy, class and became a ****.
Oh yah, I have to add to these characteristics: “Must like oral sex” (but I won’t mention that in my requirements in my profile).
So, I guess it’s not about age for me. It’s about having those 6+1 characteristics that I mention above and not having those four characteristics that I mentioned in my previous Post.
Thanks for listening. While thinking about writing this, I learned something about myself. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/29/2008 1:30:35 AM | I think attraction is very subjective and I am not judging anyone's right to date whomever they please but lets be realistic here. Life is a progression, it goes in phases and if you still have lots in common with someone twenty years old when you are nearly forty years old, maybe you are not progressing through life the way you should. I am a former educator and I thoroughly enjoy the company of young people. They are full of optimism, passion and energy but I do not have much in common with them from a social, physchological, financial perspective and this is as it should be as far as I am concerned. I have to laugh when I hear of a man dating a woman half his age who goes on and on about how immature she is. Well, go figure. You are blaming a young person for being a young person. The problem does not lie with them.
I get hit on by younger men all the time and I find it flattering but I would never consider a twenty year old man to be a contender for a serious relationship. I know that I am not the same person at forty I was at twenty and I would be foolish to think that a man that I got involved with at twenty would still be the same man at forty so the chances of us lasting are slim to none. People who initially have a lot in common grow apart over time if they do not take the time to reform the bonds that drew them together in the first place so what chance do you have of making it work with someone you do not have anything in common with to start out with.
Please do not get upset with me for voicing this statement. It is just my own take on things and not meant to be a blanket statement about other people's relationships but when I read a profile of a man in his forties on here who should be in my dating category and he puts down that he is looking for a woman aged eighteen to forty-five (just and examply by the way) I pass him by. My reasoning is that if he has things in common with someone young enough to be his daughter he probably does not have much in common with me. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/29/2008 2:03:22 AM | | I was about to respond to that post with something very similiar to what you wrote . I know that I am not perfect but I take good care of myself and have lived a full and exciting life with both ups and downs. If this is what a man determines to be baggage well what can I say? Everyone has it after a certain point in life unless you have lived in a bubble. Eighteen to twenty year olds have less baggage because they have barely had a chance to live yet. As I stated in my previous post, life has a natural progression and while I have no problem with adults dating whomever they wish I personally think the more common ground you have to build on, the stronger a foundation you will have. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/29/2008 7:04:14 PM | ^ I understand what you're saying above and agree with much of it, however, your answer is based on an assumption that women who date younger men do so looking for a long term relationship. Not all women have a long term goal for every relationship. My friends that like dating younger men aren't making any assumptions about the future. They aren't interested in any uncessary drama, nor are particularly interested in marriage at this point. The common complaint is that guys their own age or MORE immature and complicated than younger men and tolerating them has far fewer rewards.
BTW, I know two couples where the guy is much younger than the woman and they've been together for years. Any social issues were dealt with honestly and openly between them from the start to avoid potential resentment or misunderstanding down the road. Are they the norm? Probably not and I'm not saying they should be. But they are happy. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/29/2008 9:26:21 PM | When you over-analyze nonsense.........what do you come up with? Logic?
Hardly!
If it's about love? Love knows no logic! That's what makes it love!
It has the ability to transcend all forms of logic, rationality, and sense!
I understand that this is not acceptable to everyone. Some people feel that they must be able to make sense of everything.
Personally, I think that we, as humans, are too finite to fully grasp the true meaning of EVERYTHING!
So, if I were to ask someone, "why do you love me?"
And they were to respond by saying, "I love you because I love you!"
Then I would take that at face value and just roll with it.
It means, I do because I do............and there's no explanation! | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/29/2008 9:57:05 PM | My girlfriend is 18 and she's fantastic. She's cute, funny, intelligent, sexy and she says (as do I) that age is just a number. The more she's with me the more she realizes how dysfunctional the people around her are. She loves me for who I am, not what she thinks she can turn me into or my earning potential. She lives in the moment. She is excited by all the things we'll end up doing together and all the things we can share. I'm going to teach her to snowboard and she's going to teach me to skateboard. She's going to teach me how to be mature and I'm going to teach her how to be young. So it's all good.
I think we make a pretty good team. :) | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:34:24 AM | well , i have allways liked older guy's. i have dated older,younger,and the same age, and i found out one thing , the baggage that some of the older men complain of is simple life,age has nothing to do with it, it called enexperiance. i have had my heart broken many a times, but i don't drag that into another relationships, if the guy asks about it i'll tell him other than that i usely don't talk about them , sometime i will tell a guy one time is all it takes you mistreat me i am gone, and thats the end of it, i don't dwel on the past i just learn from it, and some of ya'll need to do the same. and yes i do
have a limit on how old a guy i date is , as long as he ain't older than my dad he is fine .
i don't need another father figure. oh and guy's if you don't want anymore kids go with a woman close to your own age, is my advice. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/30/2008 8:14:02 AM | There are exceptions to every rule and I said as much initially along with stating that all adults have the right to date whomever they please. I am stating my personal opinion here, not trying to write rules for society that everyone has to obey. I dated younger men right after my divorce and had some good times. I also dated older men in my twenties because they had a perspective on life that I had yet to achieve and I found them interesting and charming.
Through all of this I have found that the best, most lasting bonds are formed with those I can relate well to. I am still friends with the men my age that I have been out with even though it did not develop into a romance. The younger ones are no longer in the picture. Their choice, not mine by the way and the older gentlemen I went out with seem resentful of the fact that at twenty three I did not want to settle down and be a housewife and give up on doing things a twenty three year old typically likes to do and put my life into fast forward and magically age twenty years so my lifestyle would fit in with theirs.
For the individual who posted on here that love is not practical you are right. The heart wants what the heart wants but I think everyone can agree that thinking that because you want someone it will make things run smoothly is a colossal mistake. Pretending that a large age gap does not present unique issues in a relationship is overlooking some pretty obvious potential pitfalls. For instance the issue of children. If one partner, whether male or female, is significantly older then the other they might not want to start a family or start a second family if they have already raised one, which is likely after a certain point in life. This can be a problem for the younger partner down the road even though in the moment when things are all sunshine and lollipops it seems to be unimportant. What happens when the older partner wants to retire and the younger one still has twenty years left to work before the pension rolls in? These are just two in a long list of issues that younger/older relationships face.
I am not saying such relationships cannot work I am just saying that when you are leading with your heart you might want to take a listen to your head too because when the rough times hit, and they will because that is life, you better have a partner that wants to walk beside you through it. This is a perspective that applies to all couples by the way, not just ones where there is an age difference. We would all be better served if we addressed potential common areas of dissent in a relationship before we rushed into them instead of thinking love will fix it all. Love does not decide who will do the dishes, and the laundry and the vacuuming and run the errands and cook the meals when you both work sixty hours a week, love will not decide who gets the responsibility of taking your children to their extra curricular events, love will not decide for you how to spend your money and who will pay what bills. If you think you can float through life on a cloud of joy and happiness without ever having to confront a problem you have apparently not been married LOL. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:56:33 AM | The only reason men don't date 12 year old girls is because it is illegal and they could get arrested for inappropriate/sexual behavior with them. If the government or state, had no age restrictions, most 'men' (what nowadays are called 'professionals') would be hanging out in their cars during recess at public schools throughout the nation.
A man who goes after a kid (under 18) or a man who goes after a very young, inexperienced girl does so for one reason:
1) He's insecure about his manhood. The less men a girl has slept with the less she can compare an 'older man's' performance in bed to that of other men. That's why men want virgins (especially young ones).....zero inexperience on the girl's part so she has no idea if the man is a good lover or a bad one. (Us 'older' women know every time if you're lousy in bed). Also, a young girl (or virgin) won't know if your manhood is average size, itty bitty or a rocket missle launcher. (Us 'older' women know). Also, a young girl is gullible to be more impressed and believe anything you say or do. (Us 'older' women won't want to see you again if you're lousy in bed or have 'performance problems.'). Emotionally and sexually secure men will date a woman closer to his own age. Men who date young chicks are emotionally just as young (or younger) than the little girl he wants to date.
When a man asks a woman, "how old are you?" that's really rude. Back in the day, a woman would slap a man's face if he asked. Now men ask a woman who is a complete stranger "how much do you weigh? what bra size do you wear?" etc. And as far as I'm concerned, the child molesters (oops, I meant emotionally infantile men) can go after the 21 year old girls (who are at a stage where they screw anything that isn't bolted into a wall). I'll stick with the men who prefer me: not because of my age but because of my personality, values, and sex appeal that will appeal to him (but not to most men).
And the original poster sounds like he's bragging getting young'uns. Big deal. I get hit on high school kids and college kids a great deal. They are like little puppies. Not men. And I'm secure enough to date men, not children. And there are lots of 58 year-old children walking around nowadays. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:58:08 AM |
I am not saying such relationships cannot work I am just saying that when you are leading with your heart you might want to take a listen to your head too because when the rough times hit, and they will because that is life, you better have a partner that wants to walk beside you through it. This is a perspective that applies to all couples by the way, not just ones where there is an age difference.
How does this differ in an older/younger relationship, than from a relationship between peers?
If anything, I think, strife between you is easier to handle. The woman in my life will periodically be emotionally overwrought about something or other. Sometimes, she'll feel overwhelmed, and lash out verbally. Inevitably, my repsonses will be met with "You're being patronzing". Yeah, I am. I go into the same mode that I would with my daughters, understanding that her feelings are "not about me", and maintaining a focus on understanding her feelings.
Later, she has often contrasted that with her ex-husband, who would go ballistic, if she "criticized" him, become verbally abusive in response, and physically intimidate her. With women, closer to my age, the "instinct" is for me to be defensive. With a younger woman, the instinct is to maintain detachment from self, and to be concerned for what she's feeling. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/30/2008 11:40:44 AM | With women, closer to my age, the "instinct" is for me to be defensive. With a younger woman, the instinct is to maintain detachment from self, and to be concerned for what she's feeling.
That is because you are parenting her, not partnering her. You are making my point for me here. Maybe you are defensive with women your own age because they make valid points you cannot so easily dismiss and with this younger woman, that you admit you relate to as you would your daughters, you can win any agrument because you have more life experience and can manipulate the conversation to meet your own ends. Or on the more generous side, you have advise and information to relay to her that you think will genuinely help her. Either way, it is an artificial situation where you are the "dad" and she is the "child". It is a very patronizing attitude. Youth is all about making mistakes and learning from them and as long as they are not life threatening mistakes we adults should not condescend to think we know better.
What I am trying to get across is this. It is hard to have a relationship of equality when the partners are not equal. When one has all the money, the home, the career, the stablility, the experience of successes and failures that have taught them valuable lessons in life to fall back on, how can the other party ever get a leg to stand on in asserting themselves?
As I stated before, I am not trying to insult young people here. I was smart when I was twenty, by which I mean I had innate intelligence that helped me to gain an education and eventually make sense of the world around me but, I was not as savvy and informed, as well rounded and aware at twenty as I am now at forty. In a relationship with a twenty year old, I know who would be in charge. Consciously, or subconsciously, I would eventually be steering the relationship the way I wanted it to go and that is unfair because the direction I want to go in life at my age and the direction someone half my age wants, and maybe should be going, are two completely different things.
I am not going to attribute evil motives to those who are attracted to youth. Sometimes there are ulterior motives that revolve around insecurities and contol factors but lets face it, young people are fun and energetic and full of optimism. These are very attractive qualities. It is wonderful to talk to them and share in their enthusiasm for life but that does not mean they would make a good partner for me. I think I will just appreciate them for what they contribute to the world and encourage them in their endeavors and refrain from contributing to their premature development by dragging them into my world so I can feel like a kid again for a while. I had my turn, and boy did I have fun. Now it is their turn, let them have theirs. | |
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