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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/30/2008 11:54:17 AM |
That is because you are parenting her, not partnering her. You are making my point for me here. Maybe you are defensive with women your own age because they make valid points you cannot so easily dismiss and with this younger woman, that you admit you relate to as you would your daughters, you can win any agrument because you have more life experience and can manipulate the conversation to meet your own ends. Or on the more generous side, you have advise and information to relay to her that you think will genuinely help her. Either way, it is an artificial situation where you are the "dad" and she is the "child".
I won't disagree with the substance, although I'd approach it with a positive perspective.
Were all people the same, with the same emotional needs, it would be one thing. On the other hand, some people are more naturally comfortable in a leadership/coaching/mentoring role, than they would be in a more traditional partnership. It's consistent with a lot of other things in my life, like coaching sports teams for 15 years, being a youth leader, being the Mayor of my small town, owner of my own business for a time, and in management roles in business. Other people, want and need to be in a role, where the course is easier to see, because it's pointed out to them.
As I said in an earlier post, there is a minority of younger women, who are drawn to much older men, and it is a different dynamic from a traditional relationship dynamic. It's interesting to note that marriages between people with 20 years difference have a higher "retention rate", or fewer divorces, than average.
So, sure, where a peer-peer relationship is "sex" + "friendship"= love, with older/younger relationship some of the "friendship" is more along the lines of mentoring. Younger women know, if a man's attitude is exploitive, or truly focused on her best interests in life. In the two earlier 20+ relaionships I had, I knew that a time would come for them to spread their wings and fly, and did all I could, to have them better positioned to take on life. And, for me, I didn't have the "difficulty" that comes with the strife, second guessing, and nagging that can accompany peer-peer. Sexual attraction and expression was also more intense.
Older/younger is, obviously, not the "norm". It works for some people, as a natural fulfillment of their respective needs. I don't choose to question that, because in my experience, the older/younger relationships have been good for both, and the younger women in my past, stayed in touch for a good long while, trusting my advice, so it doesn't seem that they felt that it had been anything "bad" in their lives either. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:05:03 PM | No, we do not have the same emotional needs when we are young as when we are older. Again, that is my point. I am a firm advocate of mentoring, having been a teacher for many years and now holding a leadership role in the military but, when you mix sex and romantic feelings up into what are probably the best of intentions you just muddy the waters even more for someone that is possibly already confused and fumbling their way toward some answers. Leaders do not sleep with their followers, it creates a dynamic that is anything but positive.
You seem like a very bright, charming, articulate and accomplished man. Why pray tell are you dating women that you cannot help but see as similiar in their needs as your daughters when you could be dating a witty, successful, intelligent, stable woman your own age? | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:17:30 PM |
Why pray tell are you dating women that you cannot help but see as similiar in their needs as your daughters when you could be dating a witty, successful, intelligent, stable woman your own age?
I have dated women close to my age. In fact, when I've been looking, I only make first contact with women 40+. However, there is an allure to younger women, that is both aesthetic and fun. It also seems "altruistic" initially. The relationships I've had with much younger women, have been with women who approached me. At that, in early contact, I assume that they're just looking for an "older guy's" perspective, until they make it clear that they are interested in "more". Inevitably, as I get to know them, I have found that they have no, or a dysfunctional relationship, with their fathers. So, yeah, I know where it comes from, but so what?
I don't look at relationships as "opportunities for self-improvement", or that one should look for "challenges". Relationships are either a good part of life for both, something each would choose to have, because life is better with the relationship, than it would be without it, or else they're a negative. I stayed in a marriage for 20 years, so as to raise my daughters, putting aside my own "wants", in accordance to fulfilling responsibility, and, of course, I enjoy being a dad.
Now, though, my "relationship goal" is to be with women who make life better. I've found that much younger women do, and when it ends, it always ends well, with both feeling better for having been with each other, than we felt at the beginning.
Sure, people can analyze that and find fault, but so what? If it's something that is between consenting adults, and both feel better for it, what's wrong with that? | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:26:45 PM | This is all dependent on the age difference you are talking about. I do not consider an eighteen year old to be an "adult" in any conventional sense. Society may say they are one and as such they have the right to make their own decisions but that does not mean they are fully cognizant of the consquences of their actions at that age, nor how said actions will impact them five or ten years down the road.
If however, the age difference exists between say anyone over twenty-five and whatever age the corresponding party might be then I say do as you please. I would not date anyone under thirty now and my reasons are my own but that does not mean I would be forming a lynch mob with burning torches and pitchforks to hunt down those who do.
I think you are intelligent enough to know that sleeping with a woman/child or man/child even if they initiate contact is probably not a good idea. Kids will eat candy until they vomit too, that does not mean that as adults we should encourage them to do so. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:44:53 PM | This is all dependent on the age difference you are talking about. I do not consider an eighteen year old to be an "adult" in any conventional sense. Society may say they are one and as such they have the right to make their own decisions but that does not mean they are fully cognizant of the consquences of their actions at that age, nor how said actions will impact them five or ten years down the road.
My live with girlfriend is 30, and I'm 58. When we met the first time around, she was 27, and I was 55. she is also divorced, after a 4 year marriage to someone who is her age.
The "teaching" isn't all one way, either. She's taught me the value of texting during the day, while apart, how to use an ipod and download music. She got me into using ebay, and a number of tv shows that she likes. She also taught me how to do "picture in a picture", when one of those shows is on at the same time as a Brewers game. :)
For whatever reason, I've always had a rule for myself, that I wouldn't date anyone, who wasn't older than my older daughter, who is now 25.
I'm not "judging" it, but I've never dated anyone who was a teenager, since I was a teen myself. It would bother me to be in a relationship with someone, who shoul still be in school. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 9/30/2008 2:14:08 PM | Good point. Sex = physical attraction. If you find someone attractive, and they find you attractive, you should have sex, by all (safe) means.
*Refer to your state/governing authorities' age of consent laws. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 10/2/2008 2:21:17 PM | | The age of consent is now 14. As a man in his thirties I am sure you are not condoning adult males have sex with fourteen year olds? | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:58:01 PM |
The age of consent is now 14. As a man in his thirties I am sure you are not condoning adult males have sex with fourteen year olds?
That's in Canada, not the U.S., and, as I understand it, it doesn't apply to situations where one is in an "authority" position, such as coach, teacher, employer, step parent, etc.. I understand it also excludes situations, where money is exchanged.
I think it "makes sense", so as to avoid the asinine situation we've had in the States, with an 18 year old high school senior, being prosecuted for statutory rape of his high school junior, 16 year old, girlfriend.
I'm trying to imagine what situation would have a 14 year old girl, meeting, dating, and having sex with a 30 year old, outside of the types of relationships that are excluded. It would have to be pretty rare, and special situation.
In any case, with all in mind, I don't think it's anyone's business, outside of friends and families, to sit in judgment of anyone else's legally permissable relationship.
People always use extreme examples, anyway. I think the OP is referring to relationship where the younger is in her 20's or older. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 10/5/2008 2:00:54 AM | | wadda know, i checked my phish mail this am & find a charming letter from a 33 year old coed wanting to meet me!! WTF. Yea i know i'm just an animal, or actually still a juvenile delinquent @ heart. It must be something in my POF verbiage. "to be continued" . one must be very careful here or one may find one's self banished to camel country & singing only the high notes. seriously i know from experience that when two click & spark, laughing & enjoying each others company this imaginary age barrier melts away. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:40:31 AM | I think the OP was referring to relationships of consenting adults of older age, 25-30 plus. I assumed naturally that the OP was not asking about a illegal relationship or morally wrong.
I like older men. I find in them a stability and special connection. Since my divorce from a man around my age, I have been in relationships with men older then me. I have been in relationships that differed in age from 8, 14, & 0ver 25 years plus. What I've found in my last two relationship of which the closet age difference was 14 years. I was attracted to the men more.
Now I'm still in my relationship that I'm younger by almost my age. Yes, he is older. But what I need I find in him I find in a way that I have never before.
Oh, just for those curious, I'm MUCH more happy sexually with my older partners. My current BF is like a young man when it comes to sex and the sex is wonderful as we both have an amazing connection that we have never had with another.
Romantic  | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/11/2008 7:58:55 AM | | Older guys; Look more distinguished, tend to be more financially secure, (hopefully) have matured out of the high school mentality, can be more experienced - sexually and more of a "pleaser", usually have more than just "a job", actually own something, can usually discuss things outside of their own little world, and may be able to actually share/teach something new and different (ie; have experienced life). | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/25/2008 2:31:35 PM | The Question
"I am looking for a younger woman but most women want to date someone around their own age. What can I do?" - Anonymous Today's question is from one of our readers who wishes to stay anonymous; we'll call him Bill. Read the question again. Notice how Bill is already convinced that the younger woman he seeks will not be interested in someone his age. This is a self fulfilling belief which is virtually guaranteed to come true. If you believe deep down that you're going to fail, then you will.
The real answer.
In short, yes, you can absolutely find a younger woman that's right for you. You just need to set your target, take action, and stay the course. How can you get started in the right direction?
First, take a look deep down inside and figure out exactly why you want to meet a younger woman. And then think about what this perfect woman would be like. Describe her in as much detail as you possible can. Then, write it down on a piece of paper. List her age, physical appearance, personality traits, hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc. Once your have described the perfect woman for you in great detail, fold up that piece of paper and carry it with you for 1 week.
Imagine that you are already with her. What will you do? What will you talk about? Where will you go? REALLY feel it and get into the emotion of it -- How will you feel when you are with her? All of this may sound silly, but do you know that by simply writing down what you want, you increase your chances of getting it by 80%!
Just think about that one for a minute..."The discipline of writing something down is the first step toward making it happen."
- Lee Iacocca
Social stigmas and why do you care?
You don't. Our society is full of social stigmas. We're so busy being concerned about "what others will think" that we we're afraid to pursue our own dreams. Yes, many people love to pass judgment on others, but that's their choice and their right. Why they do it is a larger topic for another day, but it's really not important here. No one else can possibly know what's right for you, so why listen to them?
A wise person once said, "What someone else thinks about you is none of your business". Is it true that most women want someone around their own age? This is completely untrue! Fact is, each of us has different and unique wants and needs. Your goal and single focus should be finding the perfect woman for you. Period.
5 easy tips for attracting and dating younger women.
Younger women are often attracted to traits like maturity (like their daddy), more money and higher social status, masculinity, leadership abilities, confidence, and composure, so it's important for you to focus on whichever of these traits you possess.
1) Be yourself. When older guys meet a younger woman they often get nervous and start to act really weird. Don't do this -- just be yourself.
2) Keep it light and fun. Be playful. Have fun. Tease her. She hasn't forgotten what it's like to play and goof around. It'll do you some good to remember not to take life so seriously. Be a little crazy and opt for things that younger guys generally can't afford to do. Go ahead. Enjoy yourself.
3) Be the leader. Be the man. Younger women are most likely looking for someone to take the lead. They have less experience in life and are most likely looking for someone to show them what's out there. Make your date and other plans ahead of time, but be sensitive and ask her opinion of the plans that you have already made. (She may be allergic to sushi). Be a man, yet respect her opinion. Opening doors, walking on the outside of the curb, and pulling out chairs is another way to make a big impression on younger women.
4) Don't act like a "perv". Most attractive young women have been hit on by some lame, perverted older guy. Don't try to move in too soon or she'll think you're just a "perv" looking to get into her pants. When your alone together, it's OK to flirt, but let her pursue you for anything further. Otherwise you may scare her away.
5) Give her some space. Younger women have probably just gotten out of their parent's house with very structured lives and zero freedom. If she's attracted to you, it's not because you're re-creating the suffocating environment that she just left... it's because you represent something different. Give her some space. Be the man that she's always dreamed about, and then don't chase her. Let her come to you. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/25/2008 3:55:39 PM | Half your age plus seven has been said to be a reasonable measure. You're 38, so:
(38/2) + 7 = 19 + 7 = 26.
So at your age, you can date a girl 12 years younger than you are but no more.
Sound fair? | |
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VF102
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Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 264 | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/26/2008 2:26:41 PM | | No, that is not wrong, many under 25 females love to date 34 plus males due to the fact that dating "boys" is painfull sometimes | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/26/2008 10:52:56 PM | I find that people who are against an older person dating someone much younger are mostly just jealous. Yeah, don't you wish it was YOU?
I've gotten over this so when I see a couple with a huge age gap, I say "good on ya"!   Live life, enjoy love! | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/27/2008 12:58:54 PM | | no i dont think its wrong it just depend on the 2 people dating for me i would only date someone 10 years younger mabe at the 2 years older than me thats just preference. but nothing wrong dude about that | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/27/2008 1:14:59 PM | | I can't believe we have to apply a mathematical formula to our dating preferences...lol. One should never care about what others think. It's your life and these supposedly hard-and-fast rules spat out by busybodies should never dictate where you find your happiness...or lack thereof. As long as it is legal and you're both happy with one another, then power to ya! | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/27/2008 3:49:14 PM |
Why pray tell are you dating women that you cannot help but see as similiar in their needs as your daughters when you could be dating a witty, successful, intelligent, stable woman your own age?
Well there's some basic flaws in your question:
1) Women who are witty and intelligent are going to have no trouble finding stable relationships by his age.
2) Stable women are a myth. Unless you mean women who work with horses. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/27/2008 5:29:53 PM | the above statement is funny, i dont agree, but it is funny.
ive dated women 14 years younger than me, ive dated women a several years older than me.
i had a great stable relationship with the younger one.
and the older one was REALLY immature.
i dont think age is the defining factor, and while im sure it helps i guess its just the person, thier outlook on life and thier ability to think outside themselves once in a while and understand that a relationship is a team effort. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/28/2008 7:14:36 AM | | i think you usually find that younger women find out your far too old, (a dirty old man even ) until they find out that youve got a very healthy bank balance, then everything is ok. funny that isnt it?? | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/28/2008 1:49:38 PM | | I don't really see anything wrong with it if they are of legal age, but I'm more open minded. I myself am 34, and dated a guy last year who was 52. I think women tend to mature faster emotionally anyway, so a 20 year old girl, is probably as mature as a 30 year old guy. Just depends on the situation. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/29/2008 11:05:25 AM | I'd say after 24 the age difference doesn't matter.
I know more than a few couples that have over 20 year age gaps.
Once you move in together and become a couple it's just the both of you and anyone that would have a negative opinion about an age issue usually are not around.
Most of my buds move away after marriage and never seen again.
If you are in love and taking care of each other that's all that matters. | |
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| older guys younger women
Posted: 11/29/2008 12:17:18 PM | I was 16 when I started out with my kids' Dad aged 32. We were together 15 years, so I've at least that experience to call upon.
I dont think either of us were in the right mind for a serious relationship, no matter how sure we thought we were.
I dont think an age gap is a problem, but I do think you need to be 'ready'. At that age I wasn't, at that time in his life he wasn't. | |
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