jimi77
| | Joined: 7/13/2004
Msg: 26 | |
| | sex connectionPage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | fox i feel that same way.. to your OP... i am not a jump around kind of guy.. i want love involved with sex not just sex.. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 12:27:07 PM | | the best idea for the turntables tattoo is to get something customized so it suits your style a little more | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 12:33:30 PM | | like I said before I've had lots of bad sex, not for lack of trying but I met a girl once and after we had talked for many months with a connection that involved every aspect that a relationship should by the time we had sex, it felt like it had completed our connection. We unable to continue the relationship, because of circumstances I won't get into, but I would rekindle it in a second. Sometime life doesn't work out that way. But I have a memory of something great that keeps my hope alive that there might be something like that again one day. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 12:49:58 PM | | besides and this is for rat, you never know what the future holds, the procedure is not always reversable. Sh*t happens and you don't want it to affect the decisions you might want to make in the future. But as you have noted you need to get things sorted out for you before you can make that decision for an as yet potentially unborn child. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 12:57:59 PM | thats correct, i think there is a 35-40% chance of a successfull reversal. That being said, I would rather adopt a child than sire a child outside of marriage ... in that respect i have strong family values ... i'm the product of a single parent and i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. I vowed that if i were to have children that it wouldn't happen untill i was married to a woman for at least 2 years ... not fool proof i know but definatly decreases the chance of divorce due to lack of interest or incompatability ...
*Note: no offence to any single parents out there ... as i mentioned i was the one who was raised by a single parent, my father ... i love him to death and he did his best to raise both myself and my brother as best he could, however there are many aspects of our lives that could have potentially been better if our mother was an active part of our family. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 1:03:31 PM | | And I say to you rat that is an honourable thing to do. I hope for my son's sake I can teach him the same values your father taught you. It isn't easy when something happens in a relationship, and believe me stuff happens. But the most important thing is to be there for your child, they are a symbol of the love that once was and no matter what happens they will always be a part of you. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 1:16:53 PM | I agree wholeheartedly with foxtat2 on this one, but sometimes it can be a long time between emotional connections, then I kind of agree with nuttyrat. The best sex in the world is with someone you know, care deeply about, and feel comfortable giving and taking. Unfortunately, I find that to be rare, so it kind of leaves me agreeing with nuttyrat.
My question is after you have behaved impetitiously with a guy/girl and just jumped into sex with them to release some pent up energy, can you go back and slow it down afterward?
AND, is there any way to kindly let someone know that they have been the recipient of "pent up energy" and that you don't really want to get into a deeper relationship with them? I have been on the receiving end of guys who are just looking for the sex and truthfully if the timing is right (and protection is there) I'm not completely opposed, I just wish they would tell me that up front and not leave me wondering if they are going to call. Any ideas on how to broach the subject without sounding like I'm asking for a commitment up front? | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 1:25:59 PM |
My question is after you have behaved impetitiously with a guy/girl and just jumped into sex with them to release some pent up energy, can you go back and slow it down afterward?
I'm of the belief that you should do whatever you feel is right for you. If your partner doesn't agree, then that person obviously wasn't for you. In this case, if you really needed to get laid, met some guy who you connected with but screwed him anyways ... great! As long as you are honest with him afterwards and explain the situation, and give him a chance to make a decison instead of assuming you want it everytime you see him. This way, if he is not prepared to "slow it down" then he has the chance to respect both you AND himself by making an informed decision. If i was the guy in this scenario then I would stop dating you because sex is important to me, and because i respect your need to slow things down. Granted that isn't the slowdown you had in mind, but wouldn't you rather that happen than having some guy try to have sex with you all the time and get denied, only to gain sexual release with somebody else ? | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 1:29:24 PM | | well before you go to have sex with someone ask them, say something like... " I just want to know are we going to be just having fun here or is this going somewhere? I'm not opposed to either but some clarity would be nice." As far as it going a little slower afterwards of course that's possible, providing both parties involved feel that way. Sometimes when you have what is intended to be a fling you find yourself feeling that emotional connection. Love is found in the strangest places just be careful sometimes love found in lust is not always a love you can trust. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 1:30:27 PM |
AND, is there any way to kindly let someone know that they have been the recipient of "pent up energy" and that you don't really want to get into a deeper relationship with them? I have been on the receiving end of guys who are just looking for the sex and truthfully if the timing is right (and protection is there) I'm not completely opposed, I just wish they would tell me that up front and not leave me wondering if they are going to call. Any ideas on how to broach the subject without sounding like I'm asking for a commitment up front?
well the only way to approach this is to be straight forward with him. The best time to tell him this would be after that great sex (cmon, releasing that kind of pent up energy can make for some awsome sex) and your both laying their sweating afterwards ... you can explain to him that you are attracted to him, that you needed it and that you wanted to give it to him good ... but now that you've gotten that out of the way you want to slow it down and really get a chance to know him. Don't even broach the word commitment in this conversation ... if commitment is required for you to have sex with him further, bring it up another day ... instead take the time to enjoy the pillow talk and the cool feeling of a fan blowing over sweat covered bodies. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 1:30:31 PM | | valid points as always rat. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 1:31:23 PM | ty :)
you too foxtat .. u rawk!!
Cheers!  | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 1:40:22 PM | | Okay, let's see if I've got this straight; I'm with a guy, I like him, I've got some frustration to release. We have a good time and some good sex (I still say "awesome" sex is reserved for someone you know and have learned what eachother likes), we're lying there afterward and I say to him, "that was great, I really enjoyed it, I'd like to get to know you better, do you want this to go anywhere or was this just sex for you?" I could say that, but I am highly skeptical that a guy would have the guts to tell me the truth and say, "it was just sex" if that's what it was. It's my experience that guys would rather cut off a nut than say, "yeah, it was just sex, thanks" and risk getting a hurt or angry reaction. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 1:42:57 PM | | well look at it this way, if your with a guy who prides himself on his honesty, consider it a way for you to test that honesty with a subject that is very important to you. As i mentioned, if it were me i would be honest with you ... i would tell you even before we met that i am interested in a sexual relationship, that at this stage in my life i am not ready for commitment because i need to get my life in order first (the emotional rollercoaster that plagues todays youth which unfortunatly cause a lot of breakups and divorces) | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 1:44:15 PM | If he doesn't have the guts to say it was just sex, and I think you'd be able to tell if he was sincere or not. then that's not the kind of guy you want to slow it down with anyways, right?
ty rat | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 1:47:35 PM | | Your honesty is commendable. The problem is NOT the honest guys, the problem is the guys who just want sex but AREN'T honest enough to just say it. THEY are the ones that leave a girl dangling. THEY are the ones I want to learn how to spot. I don't think they are bad guys, I just wish I could figure out how to spot 'em so I can avoid them. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 2:17:19 PM | | they hesitate too much before they answer or are way too quick to respond. An honest man who wants more will touch you when he's talking | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 2:24:09 PM | wanna know a good way to sepperate the sexually charged men from the men you want? Simple:
When you talk to them about going on a date, tell them up front that you are not interested in sex right now. Then, when they meet you if they still try to get in your pants, you've learned two things about him .. 1) that he may not be the kinda guy your looking for ... 2) he disregarded your request, a sure sign of a winner! (scarcasm incase you didn't get it). That way there isn't as much pressure to have to put out to this guy. If he turns into an absolutly amazing guy, you can always change your mind ... a good guy always carry's protection on him even when not expecting sex (because you never know what may happen) and since you set the limiter anyways, if you want to open yourself up to sleep with him, that is totally something that you can do.
Remember:
(Please note: These are generalized statements, there are exceptions to this however this is how the majority works)
When men go on a date with women, they want to get laid
When women go on a date with men, they assume that the men want to get laid
If you are operating contrary to these guidelines, say something. Don't assume that the guy may read your 'non-horny' or 'disinterested' signals because most men don't understand them anyways.
I hope that answered your question. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 2:25:33 PM | | also consider that men who are just after sex would be less likley to go on a date with you after you tell them that you are not interested in having sex with them. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 3:38:48 PM | | so the sad thing is is that I think all of the romantics are gone and the bachelor(ette)s out there that want to be single for the rest of their lives have all gone quiet or is there still some people out there who believe in being old fashioned and having an emotional attachment during sex. It increases feeling? or is it just sex the same as any other kind of sex? | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 3:54:32 PM | | well this is where your methodology makes more sense in the long run. Women in general are emotional creatures, when it comes to sex they generally require an emotional attachment in order to have sex. Women love romantics, however the dating world has changed drastically from our parents time and even our grandparents time. Expectations in the dating world from both sides has changed as well as standards, limitations, future expectations ... all of that. Men in general want sex without having to put forth a lot of money. Women want all the benefits of old fashioned relationships along with all of the benefits of female equality, which creates some level of difficulty. In the sex game, women decide within the first 30 seconds if she is going to sleep with you, and no ammount of money will change that ... and if spending money DOES change that, well then you know what she is after in the first place (your money, which is definatly not cool). So to answer your question briefly, Yes there are definatly people who believe in the old fashioned ideal about love and sex. Is the feeling different? Hell yes it most definatly is. I won't say that one is better over the other, because your comparing apples to oranges ... however i will say that the feeling is different enough to most definatly warrant persuing that over emotionless sex ... as i said before sex with emotion right now is beyond my reach because I have work to do on myself, however i'm still going to seek out as much pleasure as humanly possible. | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 5:44:33 PM | I like to think of myself as a "pragmantic", I'm too realistic (pragmatic) to be a pure romantic, but I do have a streak of "romantic" too, so I'm "pragmantic"
I appreciate your honesty and help on this topic. I agree with nuttyrat and his statement that women generally want the emotional connection, we are basically wired that way. I have never been able to figure out why men usually can't figure that out and give us that so that they can get what THEY want, which is sex. It generally does work that if you give us what we want, we give you what you want. The trick is finding someone to whom you are attracted, knows WHAT they want and can figure out what YOU want. (That sentence reads more confusing than it is).
I also completely agree that all the rules that used to exist, don't anymore. At 40 I'm just getting my second wind. I've got a hell of a lot more life to live, but I may or may not find someone I want to share it with. Essentially that gives me a lot more options to choose from when it comes to relationships. In a way I feel like I'm just beginning to date again, but at 40 I also know a hell of a lot more about myself and the type of man I want to be with, so it is completely different from when I was 18. It makes all the rules fuzzy. I can sleep with a man and not be a "slut", but that doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with all the men I date.
I'm sorry to ramble a bit here, but I'm also trying to reply to the issue of "do romantics exist". Yes, they do. I just think they are harder to find, and when you find them it may take more than "3 licks to get to the chewy center". | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 6:49:58 PM | | so I guess that's the end of this thread? I had hoped for more people to put in their say. But hey, c'est la vie! | |
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Posted: 8/13/2005 6:55:31 PM | | heh, i'm beyond tired at this point, i'll add some more input after i've had a nap | |
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