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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 8/23/2007 2:57:21 AM |
What the hell is wrong with being a virgin in your 20's? I'm 22 and I'm still a virgin. It doesn't mean that I'm gay, or that I'm a loser who no girl will ever like.
For some of us, it DOES mean that (being a loser, not gay). 
I dont know if I were still a virgin at 25 my hand would have fallen off!
Ah, you'd be surprised how much punishment hands can take.  | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 8/23/2007 4:48:14 AM | Never got why loosing you virginity was SUCH a bit deal- wait until you have loving feelings for someboy-dont let society rule your head and make you think you are abnormal for not following the crowd!
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 8/23/2007 5:32:44 AM | I lost my virginity quite late on and I didn't come clean at all. Must be a natural or something 
I must admit though, once passing 20 as a V I thought my time would never come and it does sort of burden you. Now i've been there and done that, its nothing to me anymore beyond a form of acceptance.
And for those that say "its just sex", obviously your getting too much. Most women that I meet want you to fight hard to get in their knickers. Well maybe thats just me.
Carry on - | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 8/23/2007 9:17:01 AM | As an admitted late starter myself (not 25, but not too many years shy of it) ... FWIW
I think if you haven't done it because you are saving yourself for someone special - due to your personal ethic and morals - more power to you.
On the other hand, if you are into your mid-20's (or older) and still a virgin only because you have trouble establishing relationships, then perhaps you have more serious issues that could be holding you back in other areas of life, too.
How do you handle it? You could go the prostitution route, it is legal and regulated in parts of Nevada and in many other countries in this world. That'll get you over being a beginner, and may help with the confidence issue. However, a lot of guys - I'm in this category - make a commitment to NOT go this route, especially for our first experience.
More likely, work on what it is that makes it difficult for you to establish the kind of relationships that can lead to intimacy. Get some counseling. Take some courses in social skills (even a Dale Carnegie course). Develop some confidence and assertiveness. Then work on establishing a meaningful relationship. | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/2/2007 4:11:43 PM | I only wish I had that problem – being a virgin at 25, that is… Alas, I am approaching 36 in a few months, and I’m still a total virgin – never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, let alone anything more involved. I hasten to add that I’m not gay or a weirdo; in fact, I’m a highly educated professional, smart, funny, kind-hearted, and fairly good-looking. At the same time, like several other older male virgins on this forum, I’m introverted, painfully shy around women, overly sensitive, and anxiety-prone. I find myself in this predicament NOT by choice or religious reasons, but rather due to a particular chain of life’s circumstances.
Let me explain. When I was 18, I immigrated to the U.S. from a country where boys did not routinely become men at 15 or 16 like here, but rather toward their early 20s, so I missed that boat. Then it was full-time job, evening college, and supporting my parents who had some serious medical problems (they still do and I still support them). Even though I quickly “americanized” in many aspects, I have not been able to fully connect with American girls on several levels (too many cultural differences); I was never into one-night stands just to “get laid,” and there were no girls who shared my background in the small town where I lived. By the time I moved closer to a major city, the best 10 years of my youth were gone (as far as forming relationships and sexual experimentation are concerned).
As I found myself approaching and eventually crossing the big “30” threshold, I began to realize that finding the girl who would both share my background and overlook my obvious lack of intimate experience would be next to impossible. Even if, by some miracle, I manage to find such a lady and things start to get physical, can you imagine the level of performance anxiety and stress I would be going through – there is absolutely no way I’d be able to “just go with the flow” and carry it off without embarrassing myself! Whew….
So, anyway, now that you know where I’m coming from, I’d like to address the main topic of this thread, i.e. how does one handle being an older male virgin.
1) Numerous suggestions to “just get laid” or “hire a hooker” may be funny in a juvenile way, but they totally miss the mark. First of all, I did try the “paid professional” route about 7 years ago (what can I say, I was getting desperate) – and boy, what a disappointment that was! Without getting into specifics, it was the most mechanical, cold, humiliating experience of my life, and one I would most certainly not repeat or recommend! Secondly, even if I did get one or two intercourses under my belt, that would not make me any less of a “relationship virgin” – even I know there is a lot more to being truly close and intimate with a woman than a quick bang. Even in my current situation, I still would not want purely mechanical sex without any emotional connection with my partner.
2) Traditional U.S.-style sex therapy also will not work, as it presumes you have a partner with whom you can practice, so a lonely virgin is again out of luck. What might work (and I’m currently considering) is the so called “surrogate therapy” where you develop your sensual and sexual skills with a trained surrogate partner under psychologist’s supervision. Unfortunately, it’s only available in California and NYC, and it’s very expensive (we’re talking several thousand dollars).
3) I found that the busier my life gets with other things, the less time and effort I spend fretting over my situation, so load up on work, hobbies, volunteering, etc., at least as a temporary help to take your mind off this subject.
4) Finally, I have something very important to share with others in the “older male virgin” boat. Research shows that as men approach late 20s and cross into the 30s without regular sexual activity, their hormonal balance may start getting messed up. In turn, this greatly increases the possibility of developing various psychological and physiological issues (e.g. depression, anxiety, erectile dysfunction, just to name a few). Moreover, if you think you’ll just take care of yourself and the problems will go away, think again. Masturbation does not provide the same level of hormonal relief as sex with a partner, and it conditions the brain to respond to the wrong stimulus (your hand vs the woman’s touch and body), so it gradually affects one’s ability to properly perform in a “real” setting.
So here is my "public service message" to all older male virgins “by choice” (religious or otherwise): It’s commendable to stick to your guns and be proud of your abstinence in your teens and twenties. Afterwards, being a male virgin simply becomes unhealthy, both emotionally and physically. So, make your choice as you see fit, but just be aware of potential consequences.
Thank you for reading this, and best of luck to all of us. | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/3/2008 9:35:04 AM | LOL. Gosh all i can do is laugh at all these posts.
I think it's very natural to still be a Virgin in your 20's.
At 45 and still a Virgin, i would probably go and hire a Hooker for the night, just to break the cherry (So to speak) lol.
Personally i lost mine when i was only 14. Yes it was very young and i regreat it to a certain extent. But it's no big issue.
Curious, there are so many different sites around these days. There must be a site just for Virgins. Where a Virgin guy can find a Virgin girl ie; www.Virgindateing.com.au lol
(I have no idea if that's a real site, type it in.. Might come up with something lol)
Because lets just face it, soon as your Cherry breaks most women/Men have a stage 5 clinger on there shoulders. So dateing another Virgin and having sex together, you can be stage 5 clingers together and there will be no drama's lol.
I'm sorry, i'm being incrediably unreasonable. But there must be a site for people who are Virgins in there 20's and upwards.
But i agree with one of the other posts said. "Maybe find a girl who will give you Sypathy sex". Just don't get attached lol.
I had sex with a guy once who was pretty much Virgin. I mean he only really played with a girl before once. And he turned out to be great in bed. Mind you i taught him lots of naughty tricks lol. But sometimes women find Virgins very apealing.
So i wouldn't worry about it one bit.
Don't be shy. We have all been there at one stage or another. Your a grown adult now, so would be the other lady. Be open, explain your situation and take a gample. Jump in the deep end. We have all had to do it. So what if you get a few knock backs. Sure you feel a bit low for a few seconds, like we all do when we get knock backs. But pick yourself up again and try, try again.
You will find someone...
Happy hunting lol!
Mel | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:07:28 AM | Holy smokes. My post at the top of the page has made me realize I've been posting on the forums a lot longer than I thought. 
And re: sympathy sex... Judging by the posts in another thread on here about the topic, it seems that 99.9% of people are against the idea of that.  | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/3/2008 2:36:24 PM | I'm fast approaching being a 25 year old virgin.
I remember it used to bother me , until I hit about 20 , then for some reason I started to stop caring. | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/3/2008 3:15:23 PM | Boy am I glad somebody brought this subject up. All these years I've been a VIRGIN and have been afraid to talk about it!!! Yeah,right  | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/3/2008 3:19:29 PM | I guess, you should just sublimate your desire or thought through physical activity you enjoy (i.e. rock climbing, sports, water sports, etc.) or perform hobbies I guess. Anyone who pokes fun at you for this demeanor are just idiots. At least you still have some integrity or whatnot to not just resort to hookers or like underage sex. Take care dude. | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/3/2008 3:33:40 PM | I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. I suspect it's a lot more common in men than anyone would believe. Some of us just aren't lucky with women. I would just treat it like a non-issue.
If you're shy and you feel that's holding you back then work on that. Try being more outgoing, try saying hello to people and see what happens. Baby steps. The virgin thing doesn't make any difference. Once you meet someone and you're ready then it's up to you to decide if you want to tell them. You shouldn't feel you have to.
I hope you ignore all the "You must get laid at any cost as soon as possible." replies here. *shakes head sadly* | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/3/2008 4:06:07 PM | Well....i'm not passed 25. Just turned 25 a couple of months ago. And I still have my v-card. Not by my choice either. I haven't even come close to sex.
I guess women don't take to some guys very well. | |
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-Ray-
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Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 265 | |
| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/4/2008 7:33:21 AM | I'm a virgin past 25,it was mostly for religious reasons,and I was really shy when I was younger. I'm not that religious anymore, I actually regret not taking all the chances I had to lose it. I messed around,but never had sex, I was actually engaged too.
I would like to lose it in a relationship,not some one time thing. Here's some advice to save you a lot of trouble. I find that women will want to put you in the friend zone when they find out your a virgin,they want to make you their 'lil buddy'. Developing self-esteem is very important. Get a little swagger goin,learn to flirt. I find most older virgins are to sensitive,I used to be.
Women are attracted to men with confidence. They can tell if your if your insecure by your body language. | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:44:51 PM | | Despite what many posters on this topic seem to believe, in my experience(or lack thereof haha), being a virgin gets easier as I get older. When I was in the 16-21 range, getting rid of the stigma attached to me through a societal standard on appropriate sexual mores was frequently on my thoughts. I wasn't very discriminating about my choices when they occurred, although I was (and still am) pretty shy, so there weren't many. These days, "getting laid" isn't at the top of my goals in life. I tend to think of it as Big Head gaining full veto power over Little Head. If sex happens, it will be because of a strong bond with a woman, not because of some ridiculous(in my mind, sad how I have to add a disclaimer like this to something that is clearly opinion to not get flamed) notion that I'm defective if I don't participate in the whole "get some" culture that permeates so much of American life. I'm sure sex is great with the right person(or people), but I'm not going to wet myself glorifying a biological function anymore just because it feels good. | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/5/2008 12:50:34 PM |
Women are attracted to men with confidence. They can tell if your if your insecure by your body language
Getting confidence is the hard part.
Getting something you don't have. Which usually comes from succes. And if you don't have success you probably don't have confidence.
Doesn't make alot of sense to some of us. | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:00:02 PM | | My boyfriend was a virgin until he was 26 (he's 29 now) and I'm 25 and still a virgin. There's nothing wrong with it at all. | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:14:06 PM | | Man, I am 24 turning 25 in November. I hate my life!!. Music is the only thing keeping me going. Being a virgin sucks ass. I have no balls to go and talk to random girls. I am close to just saying F@$K it. just get some is what I say. I am mediocre looking at best so, don't take it personally, I am just getting bitter in life. | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/5/2008 7:15:30 PM |
Getting confidence is the hard part.
Getting something you don't have. Which usually comes from succes. And if you don't have success you probably don't have confidence.
Doesn't make alot of sense to some of us.
Ah, but then we usually get the "fake it 'till you make it" advice.
People forget that it's extremely difficult to hit the right balance of "confidence" if you're putting on an act, and it's easy to accidentally stray into egotism or obnoxiousness. If you act confident but someone doesn't deem your confidence to be justified, they'll perceive you as obnoxious or just plain up-yourself.
And of course, this all goes against the "just be yourself" advice received from other sources. | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:39:21 AM |
Ah, but then we usually get the "fake it 'till you make it" advice.
People forget that it's extremely difficult to hit the right balance of "confidence" if you're putting on an act, and it's easy to accidentally stray into egotism or obnoxiousness. If you act confident but someone doesn't deem your confidence to be justified, they'll perceive you as obnoxious or just plain up-yourself.
And of course, this all goes against the "just be yourself" advice received from other sources.
When I try to think about acting really confident, it seems very jackass like. And since I am not at all good looking, it would probably get me slapped.
The only guys who can get away with that are good looking guys., | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/9/2008 1:33:40 PM |
When I try to think about acting really confident, it seems very jackass like. And since I am not at all good looking, it would probably get me slapped.
The only guys who can get away with that are good looking guys.,
Dwayne, you're of an age where the women you're meeting ought to be showing a level of maturity - so how appealing you are is going to come down to more than you looks...
The only thing you can be in this situation is yourself - anything else is a lie, and if you go into this from the standpoint of beginning with a lie then you're going at it all wrong. Find a woman who accepts you for the person you are, not someone you're constantly having to act for...
And, when you do get your woman lined up, then how you approach the topic of your virginity is completely up to you - but if you think that she can't handle the news with a level of compassion and discretion, well, maybe she's not the one?
Martin. | |
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| 47 year old virgin..........
Posted: 9/9/2008 1:59:22 PM | | I've known a few virgins over 25. I knew a lady in her 30's that was one, she was a Christian and I think it worked out well for her to remain strong in her faith and beliefs...... Another girl just kept saving herself and then when I tried to set her up with my friend, he didn't want to deal with someone in their late 20's who was a virgin which I can understand. Another girl who I sort of dated was in her late 20's and she was Jordanian and "death" on her wedding day might be waiting for her if she wasn't a virgin............so that helped her motivation even though we got pretty hot and heavy, I would have never wanted to have someone else's blood on my hands so to speak.........no pun intended! She said her aunt was 47 and still a virgin because she never got married. | |
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| how do u handle being a virgin past 25
Posted: 9/10/2008 11:35:59 AM | | I am too, yep, got close once. but not since, and I didn't do it because I didn't love her. The attraction was there but the pesonality wasn't. i am by choice, but i'm only 20, and i am sving it for the right person. and on top of it all, i don't feel that there is anything wrong with me. as a matter of fact, i'm happy without it. I don't NEED it to be happy like society does. If that means i NEVER have sex, get laid, etc... I could ****ing care less. | |
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